AN/ I wrote this a while back, and found it again today while sorting out my drawers. So here it is, I hope you like it.

Sunset

I wonder how many people have sat, as I am, watching the sun set, knowing that they will never walk off arm in arm with their lover. Knowing that they will never have their happy ever after.

Often I ask myself what I have done wrong, why, when we knew what we could have had, we had it taken away so suddenly. Maybe it was the realms telling me forever is too long to ask. Maybe the realms didn't want my devotion shared. Maybe it knew, as I am coming to realise, that it would never have worked; in my world you were too different to be accepted, and I in yours.

I have tried to access the realms too many times to count since then, but it seems that in America I have no pathway to you but memory. I want to see you again. I want to feel your warmth holding me. I want to smell you, taste you. And most of all I want to hear you, your voice, your laugh. I miss you. I don't know how long I can hold against the need to return to Spence, open the door of light, and run, run to that garden where in the middle there is a tree. And then to touch it, to have you back, even for a brief moment.

But deep down I am scared, what if you are no longer my dear, dear Kartik, all warmth and laughter, but the tree's, a creature of the Winterlands. Each time I stand, ready to buy that ticket home, that thought stops me, makes me turn around, go back to my room and cry until I have no tears left, even for you.

I know that in six months I must return and face my fear, but not yet. I have six months to bask in bitter sweetly hopeful memory until I must either commit it, us, to history, or return memory to golden reality.

I love you Kartik, and I wish with all the shattered remains of my heart that you could be next to me, with your arm around me, sharing this sunset. Maybe we could have walked along the road, into the sun, just so I can revel in my cliché happy ending while you laugh.

AN/ thank you for reading this. Please review (: it makes my day.