Part of the Beauty Chapter 5: Beauty, a d.gray-man fanfic

The last part :( I really liked working with this story. Thank you for all the reviews and faves and those, makes me a happy little person! I was supposed to say something about this chapter... But then I thought I'd spoil it. Oh well, did anyone figure out the connection between the names of all five chapters? x)

Note: The italic parts are Kanda's thoughts with no particular time dependency, but it would be "now". A cut through his mind.

SidenoteEdit: In the final part, it abruptly changes to who Kanda is dedicating his words. That is indeed on purpose.

"Stupid git… Why are you failing…"

Kanda muttered bitterly as he stumbled forwards. He tried to lift Allen into a better position on his shoulder but his leg disagreed with the movement and demanded him on his knee. Kanda cursed under his breath and struggled to get up once more. He only managed to move on a few more meters before his leg already gave up again. He closed his eyes and tried to relax his body, so he'd be able to continue the travel. Despite his efforts, he had to groan out loud to cover the pain that came with moving. This apparently woke up Allen, who jerked abruptly. Quite smoothly, and very much intentionally, he slid down from and under Kanda's arm, pushing himself down on the ground and as far away from the other as he got. He remained unmoving on his back and closed his eyes. Kanda glanced at him over his shoulder and frowned. He came to the conclusion that Allen was playing dead. This notion didn't stop him from asking.

"What the hell do you think you're doing, Beansprout?"

Allen muttered something incoherent, but if Kanda knew Allen at all, he would have guessed that it had something to do with his supposed name. But the little Brit wasn't focusing on the important part in that sentence. Kanda climbed on top of him on his knees to make sure the other hadn't dropped dead the second he had stopped making weird noises. Allen's eyes tensed for a moment before he began stirring. Even after his eyes had returned to their regular size, they just kept on widening. He seemed to choke for the second and the following ones he just spent on gaping. His eyelids began drooping after a while, as if he was on the verge of sleep. He sighed contently, albeit shakily, and slowly lifted his hand up. It seemed like he wanted to say something, and Kanda was too interested in hearing what it was to care, when the cold palm of the other boy pressed against his own hot cheek.

"This is just like in my dream. Or… I don't think it was a dream… at the beginning", Allen smiled half sadly, half happily, "From my first mission. You were there. Your hair was hanging loose like that and you were oh so beautiful and you were protecting me, the stupid newcomer, cursed fool", Allen closed his eyes and his smile faded with the action, "It still gives me the chills every time you protect me. Or like in every bloody battle you end up losing your hair tie…. I mean, that's just ridiculous… But every time it takes my breath away and makes my legs melt…"

Kanda's eyebrows were raised high, but otherwise he had a pretty blank expression on his face. Only after Allen had mentioned it, he wondrously paid heed to the long pitch black locks falling before his vision.

Flowers

It disturbs me greatly that someday the flowers might cover all above ground too, including people. They've been pretty cunning my whole life. First there was just one flower. Then one day I noticed that there was actually another smaller flower under it. Which grew. And then somewhere popped up a third one without me noticing it. Nowadays there are countless lotuses everywhere. They've already started climbing up the walls and the trees and I'm only eighteen. I don't know if they'll ever stop increasing. If they do cover everything up, I'll be blind to details. I will recognize things and people by their sound, smell, movement and shape. My other senses will probably sharpen, but really, sight is pretty irreplaceable.

And why does Beansprout remind me of the flowers? The flowers are everywhere so everything should remind me of them. And if everything reminds me of them, nothing should. If something is there all the time, you will stop paying attention to it altogether. So Beansprout. Beansprout is someone who makes me pay attention to the flowers. He's not the only person, he's just the only person who has no sensible connection to the flowers and still reminds me of the flowers. If you can call it a connection, then he has one very much not sensible. For some reason, Beansprout fits together with the flowers.

I have no clue of why that is. Maybe it's his skin color or his hair or his eyes, but at any rate, it's undeniable that he does. I think it's an evil plan to delude me, by God or someone like that. Because let's face it, straddling someone to a ground becomes that tad more romantic if you do it on a field of pink lotuses. I've been doing stuff on that field for my whole life and I've learned to ignore the tint. The flowers aren't true, the romance isn't true. But how can I ignore it if Beansprout keeps reminding me of the flowers? See, someone is obviously on Beansprout's side. Not that I care, the flowers can marry Beansprout themselves if they think he's so compatible.

It then suddenly occurred to him that he was not sure if the little idiot was still even breathing. Kanda called his name, the one he himself had given the boy, not the one given on his birth, and shook him by his left shoulder, to no effect. He sighed expressively and lightheartedly sat on top of the boy. Allen didn't response to this either, but it hadn't been the plan to fish for reactions anyway. Kanda slowly pressed their stomachs together, then their chests and when his mouth stopped only an inch apart from Allen's, he finally discovered the other's breath. He smirked victoriously as he realized that it was now rather hard, as if the boy had gone through an exercise of some kind and was now actually trying to swallow it up.

Surprisingly, Allen was also getting warmer by the second, but since Kanda hadn't caught any push-ups in his direction lately, he had to guess there was another reason for it. He also had an idea as to what this reason might've been. His grin widened. Allen licked his lips and Kanda pressed their mouths together. Rather forcefully. Not that Allen had any complaints, quite the contrary. Allen's back arched upwards and he grabbed onto Kanda's shoulders very tightly, quite lively considering his dead act before. Kanda tried to retreat from the kiss, but Allen followed him. Kanda would have probably laughed at the movement, had he been the laughing type and had his mouth not been pretty occupied. Instead he just pushed Allen roughly back to the ground, using only one hand. Allen whined in order to collect sympathy and Kanda distinctively heard the word "more". He tried to rise once more, but Kanda just repeated the previous, his hand pressing Allen's chest, and Allen with it, down. Allen pouted. Kanda smirked.

"Idiot Beansprout, we're in the middle of a fight."

Kanda berated and Allen looked thoughtful. Obviously caught completely into his own world, he stared over Kanda's shoulder. Kanda followed his line of gaze, but found nothing interesting, so he just turned back and snorted. Convinced that the boy was alive now, he pulled himself off of the other. He quickly swept the sleeves of his uniform, in a manner that said more "job well done" than that he felt dirty, even though he was indeed dusty from the battle. He off-handedly wondered how he was supposed to get up on his legs again. He heard movement behind his back and saw a shadow fall over him, both of which he immediately recognized as productions of Allen, so he figured the little Brit was now even more lively than he had dared to expect. This observation was confirmed when Allen walked into his view. Kanda calmly looked past the boy and at the battle scenery, which he figured Allen was also watching.

"If I take care of all that, will you kiss me again?"

Allen pointed a finger toward the huge pack of akumas and casted a very much serious look back at his black haired companion. Kanda had hardly managed to grant him an incredulous expression with a "if you take care of all that, I will give you two", before he was already gone. Kanda watched him go and jump around like mad and his eyes widened slightly at the realization that the idiot indeed had been serious. He quickly decided that if Allen was to die then, he would drag his ass back from heaven and send him back there by himself, only in much smaller pieces. At some point, Lavi had found his side and was helping him get up. Kanda didn't protest, but he paid more attention to Allen anyway. Though when he glanced at Lavi, he noticed that the bookman was as startled by Allen's sudden energy burst as he had been. Lavi's eyes hung open and he scratched the back of his head. He turned to Kanda and wondered out loud what on earth the Japanese had said to the Brit to make him go on a salvation spree.

Love

Not because I love him to death, but because he loves everyone. To death. Beansprout is one of those people that will most likely die before their time, but then anyone who hangs onto him is highly less likely to suffer a preliminary death. He is the kind of person that tries to save others, friends or foes, even if the operation would almost certainly just take away both the victim's and his own lives. He is stupid like that. He apparently does not want to get anything done, he does not want to save the God damn world, the only thing he cares about is the current moment. "Live in the moment". The genius who came up with that apparently never had to save the world. Beansprout has trouble seeing the whole picture.

Because he loves everyone, the first thing that came to mind, when Lenalee decided that she needed to confess for Beansprout, was that "Of course he does, he loves everyone, I shouldn't be an exception". A normal thought considering it's Beansprout who we're talking about. But at the same time, somewhere in the background, my mind is also quick to comprehend the real meaning behind the declaration: "Beansprout is in love with you." I never thought that loving everyone would step in his way of falling in love. I just never thought that he would. I thought he'd be busy doing other things, like I was. I thought that he agreed that for an important weapon in a war, it would be impossible.

That's why human isn't the best weapon. No one can quite control a human, not even the human itself. I know he thinks that I'm doing this because it makes him stronger. And that is partly true. If it didn't make him stronger, I wouldn't be doing it. But if we both make through this, I'll tell him that's not why I let myself love him back. I figured I had no other choice. Before I had decided I would not love anyone. And then, for a reason unknown and despite my decision, I noticed that him it was possible for me to love back, if I just let myself. Humans hardly ever actually listen to themselves, do they?

"I promised him a kiss… No, two kisses."

Lavi stared at him expressionlessly for a minute or two before bursting out laughing. Kanda decided that he wouldn't care about it, since, ultimately, it was Allen who he was laughing at and that he didn't mind. The next second Allen was already standing expectantly in front of him. His eyes were wide open as if he was waiting for something amazing to happen and Kanda didn't know how else to answer him expect by kissing him. So he did and the effort he put into it was by no means lessened by the cheering he vaguely heard from Lavi or the orders to "shut it" from Lenalee, who had suddenly appeared and had apparently begun on the long mission of dragging Lavi away. When the need for oxygen became too great, only then did the two agree to part lips. Allen's eyes were more relaxed now, not the insane size of plates like they had been before, meanwhile Kanda just stared at him confusedly.

"Love really did make you stronger. I would have expected you to die because of that… Little British dumbass…"

Kanda shook his head and couldn't help but smack Allen on the back of his head. Allen yelped and raised his chin to glare at him accusatively, all the while rubbing his head and correcting the of course accidental misspelling of his name. Somewhere between their little quarrel they had managed to separate from each other, but Allen saw no problem in fixing that problem, forgetting the cause to this separation immediately. He carefully snaked his arms around Kanda's neck, trying not to create too much pressure on Kanda's leg. Once he was certain that his position was comfortable for them both, he sighed happily and laid his head on Kanda's shoulder. Kanda on the other hand just rubbed his back in a soothing rhythm and caressed his hair exceptionally gently. Without really thinking about it, Allen blurted out an answer to Kanda's words. He realized the true meaning of the words only after they had left his mouth, but he didn't correct himself. He wanted to see the response. It wasn't a statement that anyone could say "yes" to.

"Part of the beauty of falling in love with you is the fear you will be gone."

But it was a statement that had the power to push two people apart. Kanda frowned in thought.

"It's definitely not a beauty…"

Allen relaxed visibly. With the smile he set up, he basically glowed and hugged Kanda tighter.

"Yeah, you're right."

Beauty

Lavi has this annoying habit of playfully hitting on me. He once said something that only now caught my attention. "Part of the beauty of falling in love with you is the fear you won't fall". Those were your words before him, weren't they? I knew it the exact moment the revised edition of the sentence parted with your lips. Though an extraordinary person like Lavi might find it a beauty, you don't, do you? I've known that since the beginning. "He is in love with you and it's hurting him". The complete version of what my mind processed when Lenalee confessed your feelings to me. "And it's hurting him because he doesn't know whether you'll love him back".

Because you didn't even try to deny falling in love with me. You just waited for my answer, waited for me to take away your pain. It was what hurt you the most. I never even considered letting myself love you before it became obvious you loved me, so that was never a problem for me. The thing that hurts me the most is a thing you cannot cure. It's the fact that, someday near, I will most certainly lose you. You don't have this problem, because we both know that I'm not going to die anytime soon. I'm just not the kind of person. But like I previously said, you're the kind. And to add to that, there's the Noah. One of those two will get you killed before time and we just have to see which one gets there first. Either one, you will die.

I don't know what happens then. I don't think I'll stop fighting. I think I'll only stop when the war has ended. It's whether you live or die that defines whether I have any life left after the war. I myself don't care and you probably didn't know I could get attached to you. You probably didn't know that, when I let myself fall in love with you, it was the last time I could with someone. If you knew, you'd probably stop me from sacrificing my after-war-life for you, stop me from loving you. You, idiot, would rather sacrifice yourself and your own love, like you do every time. But don't you know? Great sacrifices are bound to be made to achieve something greater. In health and sickness, isn't it all part of the beauty of falling in love?