Title: Goodbye
Rating: T (might be higher because of language, but I don't think so)
Couple: Neji and Tenten (the best couple ever)
Background: Well, this story is kind of dedicated to my ex. I've been dealing with a lot of complicated, nasty, angsty emotions since I broke up with him a week ago and I wrote this to kind of get it all out. It still sucks though. So a lot of this is actually true, just changed around a bit. If you're going to bash me, keep in mind that I'd prefer CONSTRUCTIVE criticism only, please.
Just to say: The idea is mine, the writing is mine, but the characters and associated content is not. (though it would totally rock if I was the writer of Naruto. Just sayin'....)
.
.
.
Tenten knew she should have worn extra layers, but she couldn't bring herself to do so when the pain of the stinging wind and the cold air felt so good biting into her skin. The fall's unnaturally nasty weather left her rosy-cheeked and wincing with every icy breath of fresh air that she inhaled. In spite of the pain, her legs pounded the pavement on automatic, doing what came naturally to her: running.
If her outer turmoil was evident, her internal struggle was not-so-apparent to the average observer.
"You did what you had to do." A voice piped up from next to her. Tenten turned and cracked a crooked smile at her running partner – Sakura. "If you were having doubts then you didn't need to stay with him."
Wearily, Tenten shook her head in response, "I know. I know. You think I haven't been telling all this shit to myself these past few days?" She hesitated, her feet fumbling out of their quick pace for a second before she corrected and continued, "I… I loved him. I still love him, I think. But I don't know why! I was so certain…"
The pink-haired bombshell frowned. She wasn't used to Tenten sounding so cliché female. Normally, the woman was extremely private and discreet when it came to matters of the heart. To hear her admit that she loved him was a shock, nevermind to hear her admit that she was having doubts about her decision to break up with him.
"Ten… you can't base this off of love anymore. Yes, you do love him. You loved him for two years! But it's not about how much you love him anymore. It's about where you're going with your life compared to where he's going with his. It's about how right for each other you are. He wasn't the type of person that suited you and everyone could see that immediately."
Tenten wiped her nose on the sleeve of her shirt as it began to run. Shit. I probably have a cold now from being out here in this fucking awful weather. She winced at the thought of passing her next couple days sitting in bed with a sore throat and runny nose, but then realized that a break from the drama of being a ninja could be exactly what she needed right now. Scratch that – what she really needed was a break from the drama that was her life right now.
As the two females reached their destination they sped up, breaking into a sprint as they raced, not really competing aloud, but inwardly hoping they could each finish before the other. Sakura tired first and slowed, but Tenten stayed sprinting until she reached the house.
Gasping for breath with her hands on her knees, Tenten rasped, "It's just that… when I remember him I don't remember the bad things like you do when you look back at your childhood. I don't remember the fighting, how monotonous our relationship was near the end, the lack of love shown, the weird feeling of our union being not-quite-right, all I can remember are the good times. I remember every beautiful moment we spent together. I remember our firsts and I remember all the times he made me laugh and all the times we passed together that took my breath away. Whenever I close my eyes I see another past moment that I'd forgotten had happened and I regret…. I regret loosing the one thing that made me so incandescently happy. I don't even know if my reasons for breaking up with him are even valid in comparison to all the reasons I had to stay. You know?"
No. Sakura thought, but out loud she settled for saying, "I understand what you're saying, but like I said before, it's not about the love you had for him. It's about all those bad things you mentioned: the fighting, the weirdness, the monotony, and everything else. He was relying too heavily on you to be his everything, Tenten, and you can't be expected to be his everything. Not when you're too busy to even get enough sleep at night! You're so… fucking insane! You take on too much shit and you do so much stuff. We're trying to get into Anbu right now and that should be your main priority right now. Stop beating yourself up over this!"
Tenten stretched her arms and shook the cramps out of her legs as she listened, but her facial expression remained stoic throughout her friend's speech. The only indication that she was mulling over the pinkette's words was the way she repetitively caught her bottom lip with her teeth and bit down – a sure sign that she was thinking hard about something. "Yeah. I suppose you're right."
"Of course I am." Sakura snapped and that was the end of that. Tenten resolved herself to continuing uncertainty and the two women journeyed into the warmth of Weapon Mistress's home.
.
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
.
I've got to stop being so pathetic! Tenten thought as she wiped her nose on her sleeve and caught the tears that poured fervently from her eyes with her calloused hands. This is the fifth time I've broken down in two fucking days. That's five times too many. It's too late to regret the past now. Move on, Tenten, you've gotta move on.
Instead of pacifying herself, her pathetic attempt at encouragement only made her shake harder and sob louder. "Why oh why am I such a pathetic loser!" She cried out in exasperation before flinging herself upon her bed and burying her red and splotchy face into her pillows.
She stayed like that for the next thirty minutes, her face glued to the fluffy adornments on her bed. Every time it seemed as if the sobs subsided, she would take a deep breath of fresh air and they would start again. Images assaulted her, each one a tragic blow to her heart:
Neji begrudgingly interrupting her training only to shove a lumpy object into her arms. He mumbled something along the lines of, "For you," and then stoically slumped over and avoided her gaze as she examined his gift. It was a stuffed panda, its nose a bit lopsided and its smile sewn on all wrong. She blinked. Once. Twice. Three times. And then a smile lit up her face as she leapt at him, enveloping him in a surprise hug. "Thank you thank you thank you Neji!"
.
Neji as he sauntered up to her as she nervously bounced up and down at the Jounin trials. She hadn't seen him at first, but she remained unaffected as he attempted to surprise her by sneaking up behind her and whispering "Did I miss anything important?" She was a ninja (and an excellent one at that) so she wasn't surprised, but she nevertheless felt her heart rate pick up when he did this. Only Neji could have this effect on her.
"No, you didn't. I'm next though." She answered as she smiled welcomingly at him.
"Good. I'd hate to miss it." He responded, taking her hand and squeezing it.
She'd shivered pleasantly and then had answered, "Thanks for coming, Neji. It means a lot that you'd come for me. No one…" She'd trailed off and staved off the weak tears that threatened to fall, "… no one else would do that for me. Not my parents. Not my friends. Not Gai-sensei or my other teachers. Sometimes I feel like you're all I really have in life."
She hugged him warmly before racing into the arena, her confidence skyrocketing now that she had Neji there to support her. She flew away so fast that she missed his parting words, "Anything for you, my love."
.
Neji as he reluctantly had followed her on yet another shopping trip, his everlasting patience somehow surviving even the most girly and atrocious of stores. On this particular shopping spree, she had dragged him into a girls-only clothing store, her eyes almost bugging out of her head as she'd seen the "Everything on SALE" sign at her favorite place. Forty-eight minutes and five dressing room trips later, they'd begun to leave the store, with Tenten completely exhausted and deliriously happy with her purchases. Just as she was going out the door, she'd spotted the "cutest top ever!" and just had to try it on. Instead of forcibly removing her from the store, Neji had waited another 15 minutes while she debated over which item she would have to return so she could buy the top. She was so intently focused on this conundrum that she didn't even realize that he, rolling his eyes, had produced a credit card from his pocket and was currently purchasing the shirt for her. When she had complained that she didn't want him paying for stuff for her, he had simply shrugged and said, "It looked good on you."
.
Neji, his lean, strong arms around her as they rested on top of a mountain after a hike to the top.
"Hey Neji?" Tenten had murmured as she buried her face into the crook of his neck for warmth.
"Hn?"
"Life is funny, isn't it?"
He snorted, a quick smile tearing across his features and tightened his arms around her as he answered, "Yeah. It is."
"I love you." She'd whispered, gripping him tightly in place as if she could somehow anchor him to her with her arms.
"I love you too." He answered and then he kissed her just tenderly enough to make her melt on the inside.
.
.
"No." Tenten choked out into her pillow, "NO NO NO NO NO! It's not fair! It's not. Oh God what have I done?"
Images of his face flitted across her brain, haunting her. It seemed like he was everything and everywhere and everyone she had ever met. And he had been, for a time. But then she'd let him go. She'd wanted him to get a good future, the kind of future that the heir to the Hyuuga fortune and leadership deserved. She'd wanted him to get the perfect girl for him – someone kind, breathtakingly beautiful, who would hero-worship his every move and proudly bear his children. Someone she could never be.
Her tears had become only a pathetic trickle now as she reminded herself of why she had done the horrible deed to begin with. It helped, she supposed, to not think about the good things, but about the problems that they had encountered.
Problems were rife in every relationship. She knew all too well about how hard couples had to work to stay together. One night not so long ago she had woken up to the screaming of her mother. Barefooted and terrified, the Weapon's Mistress had flown into the hall only to witness her father retaliate by yelling that he would leave. All thoughts of being a Weapon's Mistress had fled and Tenten was no longer the rough-and-tumble ninja, but a little girl caught in the middle of something too big for her to handle. As the two began raising their voices even louder, mindless of their daughter being right there or their young son being in the next room, Tenten had finally interjected, bellowing, "Stop it!"
A brief silence. Both her parents stopped fighting and looked at her, only just now realizing she was in the room.
"Stop it." She'd said again, her voice much quieter, "Taichu is asleep." (Taichu being her young brother).
She'd been ordered back to bed and treated icily the next couple days as her parents steadfastly ignored each other. For a terse week she had prepared herself for the worst; surely they would announce to her that they were getting a divorce. However, they didn't, and things went back to the way they were before. Her father pampered her mother and her mother gently teased him when he did such things, but that was how their love manifested itself and Tenten knew that they would be okay.
Her and Neji, on the other hand, didn't argue like her parents did. Perhaps it was Tenten's fault (Okay, so she knew it was her fault) but they had fought often over the most ridiculous and mundane things.
"You ride your bike funny." Or "You are way too picky at restaurants. Stop sending your food back and just be happy with what you have!" and even "You don't study enough." Were just a couple of examples of silly fights she had instigated. She always felt like such a nag with him and it had bugged her to no end that she came across as the bad guy.
And then she really became the bad guy when he'd announced that he was thinking about following in his father's footsteps and not accepting his (rightful) place as the Hyuuga heir. He was even thinking about stopping his career as a ninja for a while simply to work under Hiashi in the main house!
Tenten had been floored. Never had she been so disappointed by him as she had that day. He was talented, had excellent lineage, was skilled in practically everything, he was massively intelligent, and could do just about anything he wanted to do with his life. And then he had just decided to drop all of that for no reason other than he thought it was getting a bit too tough for him and that he didn't know if he was ready for it.
The Weapon's Mistress snorted in derision, punching her bed angrily with balled up hands. She had worked her ass off every day to get where she was. Whereas Neji had taken the easy way out by relying on his natural talent, she had pushed herself every fucking day in practice. She would run further, climb higher, work longer and harder, and study long into the night simply so she could catch up with him. And now that she felt like she may be on the same level as him, he just decides to quit! What. The. Fuck. The nerve of him!
Her depression forgotten, Tenten took out her newfound anger on the helpless bedspread, attacking it with her fists.
"Motherfucker! Just give up why don't you! You bastard!" She punched and punched until she came to her senses. Realizing how foolish she looked, she had laughed a watery laugh and had silently apologized to her poor bed for abusing it with her disgusting snot and tears and her unwarranted attack.
I need to get a life… and fast. She thought, her anger and tears exhausted and a peaceful aura replacing them. I need to move on. I need to stop beating myself up over this. I gave him two years. We tried and it failed. It's time to move on.
.
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
.
The last time she saw him, he had come by to drop off some stuff. Most of it was just her mom's schoolbooks that she'd lent him for studying purposes, but he had also attempted to give her back some of her gifts for him.
One look at the CD she'd made him for their anniversary, the keychain with her name on it that she'd instructed he keep on his person at all time (to ward off all those girls in his fanclub she had laughingly explained), and the book she'd given him just because were enough to send her blood boiling.
"No."
Neji had been staring at her as she perused the shopping bag full of stuff, his pearlescent eyes unreadable. Upon her declaration they had narrowed into slits, "No?"
She was crying now as she looked back at him, her frail frame making him for a second wish he could pull her into his arms, but he held himself back. "I forbid you to give these back to me. I don't fucking want them. They're yours. Keep them."
She had shoved the CDs and the keychain back at him, her stubborn look stopping him from objecting. "You can smash them or throw them away later. I don't care. But you aren't giving them back to me."
That's my Tenten, he had fondly thought, before catching himself and realizing that she was his no longer. A sharp pain in his chest accompanied that thought, but he refrained from wincing in front of her.
"Well if that's all…" His face was inscrutable as he turned around to go, steeling himself to leave her forever.
"Wait…"
He wasn't sure if her voice was just a manifestation of his imagination or real, but he turned back to her just the same, quirking his eyebrow questioningly, "Hn?"
She was still crying but she didn't pay it the least mind, ignoring her puffy eyes and the moisture that leaked from the edges. Instead she drank in his muscled form one last time. The way his white tshirt clung to his wiry frame, how nicely his black training shorts hung on his hips, and the way his eyes looked into her own as if he could see what she was thinking and interpret exactly what she was going to say before she even said it.
"Do you regret it at all? Do you regret us?" She whispered, yearning to reach out and touch his cheek for just one last time. Yearning to comfort him because she wasn't blind and she could see he was hurting. She had spent two years getting to know him as well as she knew herself, if not better than she knew herself. To her, he was an open book. Every tiny movement gave away his distress, his carefully disguised hurt.
He blinked at her in surprise, but that was the only sign of emotion he showed. Twenty tense seconds passed before he mustered an answer, "Some of it."
Her smile was half-assed, but she tried all the same, "Yeah. I thought as much." She hesitated, "I'm… I'm sorry Neji. I didn't get into this relationship only to hurt you. I just… it wasn't right anymore. I hope you find someone who will make all of this pain go away."
Her chocolate brown eyes locked with his perfectly white ones.
"I thought I had, Tenten." She blushed at his words, feeling ashamed at herself for breaking him into pieces. He wasn't trying to make her feel bad, but she wanted nothing more than to hang herself right then. She was such an awful person for doing this to him! If only she could've faked being happy longer. If only she hadn't decided she didn't want to keep trying! Maybe they could have made this whole thing work. Maybe…
"Here." With lightning speed, he handed her a small box. She knew what was in there. He had told her a month ago that he was planning on giving her something special. "I want you to have it. I made it for you. It's only right…"
"But I…" She grasped the edge of the lid, curiosity winning out over shame as she opened it. "Oh God Neji, it's beautiful!"
"It's not finished. I was going to have it polished and it still needs a string, but I figure now we'll never know what it'll look like finished. It's yours. Do with it as you wish." He carefully examined her as she clasped a hand over her mouth to stop a sob from escaping. She was about to fall apart with him standing right there. She was better than this!
She gathered herself together and blinked away the water, which had taken up what seemed to be a permanent residence at the edges of her vision, from her eyes. Once she could see again, she looked closer at the purple, egg-like stone he had presented her with. It was resting in a cocoon of silver and a hole just big enough to fit a necklace string through was at the top. She knew he had spent a ton of money on this rock, he having explained earlier this month that he wanted to get her a very special and very expensive birthday gift. It was so gorgeous and so very like her that she could only stand and marvel at it for the next minute before coming back down to Earth and realizing that she should say something in response.
"Thank you." Her words were barely above a whisper, "But you should keep it. Give it to someone else. Someone who deserves you. Someone who deserves such a precious thing." Her mouth said one thing, but the way she cradeled the present suggested she didn't mean a word of what she was saying.
"Keep it. I had it made especially for you." He smiled crookedly at her petite form before turning away for a final time.
"Goodbye Neji."
He stopped, realizing that if he kept going it would really be over. He didn't think he could convince her to take him back. Something in the way she had said "goodbye" let him know she was set in her decision, but after two years of being with her he just wouldn't feel right if he let it end where it was. He was broken inside. She had been his light. She had made him smile when no one else could. She had been there for him even though he had been a failure to his father and to the Hyuuga clan. She had egged him on through the worst and best moments of his life. And this was how it all ended. In one word. All it took was one word.
"Goodbye."