I Guess I'll Settle for Second Best

(or Wuthering Heights: The Next Generation)

(F/R/P/Q, F/R, R/P, P/Q, F/Q) (PG-13)

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CHAPTER I: Inner Monologues – Set I:

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Rachel Berry – Inner Monologue, number I; Swooning:

Oh. My. GOD! Swoon much! Ha! That's laughable. Me, Rachel Berry, swooning. It's one thing to swoon over Finn Hudson, a completely different thing for me to be swooning over… eeh gahds! … Noah Puckermen! Puck! The guy that has a Mohawk, and used to throw Kurt in the dumpster every morning! Left tackle, jersey number 20, for the McKinley High Varsity Football team…. Okay so I've been to a lot of the games… er… all of the games, but that was just for Finn, not… Puck! **Gag!** Uhg! Sorry, I think I just threw up in my mouth a little bit. Or… maybe it was stomach acid being pushed up through my esophagus to make room for the butterflies that are fluttering around in my stomach because he just walked into the room! Oh my god! How's my hair? **Fix my hair** He's seen me. Okay, Berry. Act natural. God, I've never been this nervous around a boy before, except for Finn… but Finn and Puck are different. On the one hand, Finn is sweet and kind. He's more than a companion of the romantic kind, he's a friend. He cares about people. While Puck, on the other side, is… what's a good word for him? Dolomite! I heard that word from Mr. Schue. He didn't exactly say it to me, but he was mumbling something about some woman thinking that he wasn't tough. That his wife needed "dolomite". I don't exactly know what it means, but I'm guessing that it means tough, since that's the context he used it in. Plus, Finn is tied down… his heart, I mean! Pervy much! He has a girlfriend, and a pregnant girlfriend, no less. A pregnant girlfriend that would gladly claw out my eye balls if I got to close to her man. However, Noah is ropeless when it comes to his heart. He doesn't have any romantic obligations, none present and out in the open anyways.

Hmm… I've always thought of myself as Catherine from Wuthering Heights. Strong, independent minded. Just like me. But after I fell for Finn, I've been feeling much like Heathclif. Looking in on Edgar and the love of my life, Catherine, and their apparently blissful lives. Wondering and knowing that he, or in this case, she, cannot give as much affection to her, or in this case, him, as I can. So I guess I'll settle for second best, and hopefully get a little bit of jealousy out of Catherine by consorting about with her sister-in-law, Isabel. And maybe get a good jaunt out of it. Not that I'm planning on sleeping with Puck…. Well… maybe a little. I should probably refill my prescription for The Pill….

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Noah "Puck" Puckermen – Inner Monologue, number I; Bluntness:

I cannot believe what I have accomplished! I have begun the seduction of Rachel Berry! Rachel Berry! Maybe I shouldn't have been so blunt when it came time for me to unveil my egg in which the seduction began to hatch. I don't even know what that means. But still, I did it. Two months ago, I was throwing slushies in her face, now all I want to do is kiss her soft supple lips, stained naturally pink from her nervously chewing on them before a test or something. Did you see the way her face lit up when I oh-so-subtly called her a "musical Jewish icon"? And I was afraid her face would crack open when I walked into history class. The way she began franticly fixing her hair, and when she saw me looking at her, just starting twiddling her thumbs nervously as she gave me a silent "hello" as I walked to my seat across the room from her. God, Mr. Heisenbach is boring, even Rachel looks bored, and she's on her way to being a Rhodes Scholar! Well, Julliard Scholar. I remember listening to my classmates in English ramble on about Romeo and Juliet. How Romeo said that he wished to be a glove on her hand so that he could touch her cheek. I so understand how he's feeling. Finn would kill me if he knew whyI was doing this. I really want to be with Quinn, but, the last time that she let me have her was when I got her eggo preggo, and I think that's a justifiable reason to hate me, but that offer has a limited time only clause, plus an expiration date on it, and that date is comin' up quick!

In this book that I'm supposed to be reading for English class. Withering Heights, Wuthering Heights? Whatever. The point is, I feel a lot like that guy Heathclif. I haven't read any, just heard. Okay, I read the back cover. Fine the Sparknotes™. Listen, when you're me, it's not cool to be reading the assignments, I get by on the quizzes when I read at least the Sparknotes™, so as long as no one knows, I'm safe. Anyway, from what I have read, Heathclif is in love with Catherine (Quinn), and she loves him. But Heathclif leaves so she marries this douche Edgar Linton (Finn). As payback, Heathclif proceeds to screw with both their lives; one of the means is messing around with Edgar's sister and Catherine's sister-in-law, Isabel (Rachel). It may seem messed up, and it is, especially for Rachel, being through what she has with Finn. Him always messing with her heart. Maybe along the way, Isabel will turn into my very own Catherine.

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Finn Hudson – Inner Monologue, number I; Jealousy:

Why the hell am I, Finn Hudson, jealous of Noah Puckermen!? He's always come in second place in everything! We both wanted to be Quarterback, so we both tried out, I won, he lost, simple as that. When we joined Glee Club, we were always trying to be better than each other, but I still always get to sing the solos. And part of singing the solos, is singing with Rachel. Getting to hold her in a way that I'm not allowed to off stage when the music isn't blaring from the band next to us. The blend of coconut shampoo, vanilla-honey perfume, and cinnamon-raisin lip gloss that I get to let waft into my nostrils and intoxicate me. I let her take me over and complete me when we sing, I let her do it when we don't sing. I can't kiss Quinn without hoping and praying to God that Rachel isn't watching, because I don't want to break her heart. But she always is watching. She has a locker just five away from mine. Whenever I walk up to mine, she's there, and so is Quinn. Whenever she walks up to hers, I'm always there, and so is Quinn. At Glee rehearsal, football practice, classes, lockers. We are all there at the same time. I want to leave Quinn, but she's carrying my baby. I want to forget Rachel, but she's haunting me, every time I close my eyes she's all I see. And it kills me. So why am I jealous of Puck? Because he can have something that I can't and so desperately want. Should I have played with Rachel's heart? Should I have kissed her, multiple times, then leave her? Hell no! It was very ungentlemanly! But should I cheat on my pregnant girlfriend that I have a moral and soon-to-be biological obligation to? I don't know. Rachel seems worth it. Like she deserves better than Puck. But also better than me. But I think I may be the best there is for her in this town. I know her better than anyone in school, anyone in Glee. But she'll be one of the ones to get out, I know she will. She's strong. But still, I am in love with Rachel Berry…. Or am I? Is it just teenage hormones and stress and jealousy. There's that word again. Jealousy.

I know why I'm jealous. Because I don't want to be Heathclif. I don't want to watch my Catherine (Rachel) be happy with Edgar (Puck), while I play nice with Isabel (Quinn)! You're probably wondering how I know all of that. Because of Rachel. How else? She got me on this homework-and-study kick. Yeah! I do my homework! You know my grades have gone up since I met her. In just two months! An entire letter grade, and in some classes, two! Mostly those are the classes we have together. We go over to each other's houses and listen to music, fight over which music to listen to, study, do homework, and when we're done, talk about Glee and show tunes, and once I kissed her. We were eating ice cream and some got on her bottom lip and I couldn't stop myself from kissing it away, then next thing I knew, I was kissing her. We were lying on her bed, making out, and then I feel her cheeks get wet. She's crying. So I kiss away her tears and tell her everything is going to be alright and she tells me to get out. Get out of her house and, disdainfully, she adds, "I'll see you at school tomorrow." So yeah, I'm jealous. I'm jealous that Puck can give her what I can't. A true relationship. Not sneaking around behind everyone's back. Publicly kissing, and holding hands in the mall as we shop for shoes for her, and eat Coldstone™ ice cream out of the same cup with the same spoon, laughing when we get it on each other's noses. So yes, I am jealous that Puck can make Rachel make moon-eyes at someone other than me. And that that "someone other" is, regretfully, Puck. So much for not being the jealous Heathclif.

Quinn Fabray – Inner Monologue, number I; Lust:

Oh yes, I am lusting after Puck. I shouldn't, I know, I have a boyfriend who thinks that he's the one who knocked me up, so I need to be lusting after him. Not Puck! Yes, Puck was the one to knock me up, And even with the wine coolers fogging my memory, I can still remember it. I remember every kiss, every touch, every whisper and whimper and moan. But the thing that won't leave me alone is that he was so gentle. And that I liked it when he was gentle. And that made me guilty that it wasn't Finn kissing me and touching me. And thank god Finn failed Bio! Otherwise that piece of crap story about the hot tub would have fallen through. Although… thanks to one Rachel Berry, Finn might actually learn something this time and my entire life will be blown to HELL!!! Bitch!

It pisses me off. That we all are the deceitful Catherine, the pompous Edgar, the disdainful Isabel, and the jealous Heathclif. Each and every one of us is each and every one of them combined. I fell jealous that Rachel gets Puck and Finn. I feel upset that I don't have them. I feel good that I get to steal them away from Rachel because I still have a hold on Finn because of my unborn child that he thinks is his, and I know that Puck still has feelings for me and is waiting for me to tell Finn that the baby is his own not Finn's. I am evil, loving, jealous, and pompous. I am… what the rest of us are. A teenage hormone bomb waiting to go off at any moment just so that we can throw a tantrum and scream and cry that we have problems and we don't care about anyone else because we get to be self absorbed even for just five minutes, and I feel bad now because I'm taking all of this out on you guys and I'm sorry. But it's the truth, and if it's anything, honesty is one of my virtues. It may not be a nice one, but it is a virtue. And people may call me a heartless bitch because I care about myself a lot more than is acceptable today, but you're just as much of a heartless bitch when you deny your feelings as when you deny others'.

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