He he'd been the devil. She was always his angel. The angel that saved him. (after she realized she didn't hate him)
She knew him better than anyone. He realized he felt something for her when they were young. What it was he didn't know at the time. What he did know was that everything was falling apart. Their dreams faded. Their hope was being crushed.
His wife, the woman he loved, Kyoko, was in the hospital. He was leaving. She was screaming. The baby was dead but she didn't know. Kyoko just kept pushing. Shotaro felt like it was his fault and didn't want to bring her more pain. So he wrote her a note and put it on the nightstand, kissed her head and walked out.
In the morning when it was all over, Kyoko looked over. "Where is my husband?" She asked a nurse who shook her head. Kyoko caught sight of a note on the nightstand. One not unlike the one he'd left his parents when they'd run away to Tokyo. The note that said not to look for him. Kyoko took it in her hand afraid of the words inside.
They were lyrics:
And
I'd give up forever to touch you
'Cause I know that you feel
me somehow
You're the closest to heaven that I'll ever be
And I don't want to go home right now
And all I can
taste is this moment
And all I can breathe is your life
'Cause
sooner or later it's
just don't want to miss you
tonight
And I don't want the world to see me
Cause I
don't think that they'd understand
When everything's made
to be broken
I just want you to know who I am
And you
can't fight the tears that ain't coming
Or the moment of
truth in your lies
When everything feels like the movies
Yeah
you bleed just to know you're alive
And I don't want the
world to see me
Cause I don't think that they'd
understand
When everything's made to be broken
I just want
you to know who I am
And I don't want the world to see me
Cause I don't think that they'd understand
When
everything's made to be broken
I just want you to know who I
am
And I don't want the world to see me
Cause I don't
think that they'd understand
When everythïng's made to be
broken
I just want you to know who I am
I just want you to know
who I am
I just want you to know who I am
I just want you to
know who I am
She broke down and cried. In the past twenty-four hours her life had changed so much. She lost her husband. She gave birth to twins. The boy died. The girl was hooked up to breathing machines because she was premature. Her heart beat increased. Her shoulders shook. "God, help me." She prayed over and over. Her fist was pressed against her mouth.
4 years later.
"Sho Fuwa, the legendary vocalist," The gossip-reporter announced standing outside of an orphanage. It was a sunny Monday morning. The tall, skinny, blonde-haired man stepped out of his black limo. "He has decided to adopt a child. Fuwa has been traveling throughout Tokyo looking for a special girl or boy to adopt." The reporter considered shoving the mike in his face and asking a million questions like normal, but thought better of it.
The man had been on edge the past few weeks and looked even more determined than usual. The look on his face was like that of a fireman going to save a baby from a burning house. Worried but certain. Contorted in an awkward contradiction.
It looks just like the day I left. The young man thought staring up at the sky on his way to the doors of the orphanage. The director was looking slightly worried, after all a twenty-three year old wanted to adopt a child. It made her slightly nervous. It was even more unnerving to the director that this twenty-three year old was single and not too long ago, said to be a notorious womanizer.
Sho walked in though the double doors of the orphanage that was probably a business office at one time. He pulled a few wrinkled pieces of paper out of his pocket and looked at them. One was a note; the other—a newspaper clipping. He shut his eyes tightly then re-opened them quickly trying to escape the face that loomed in his subconscious mind. The face of the angel that he attempted to save, but ended up hurting more instead.
Sho was moving again until he heard the beginning of one of his songs coming from his pocket. He pulled out his cell phone and looked at the text. It was Shouko. Are you sure you don't want me to come with you. Sho, careful not to loose his temper, glared at the text and then Shouko through the doors. He exhaled and proceeded to open a door farther down the hall.
There were children running all around. Some were sitting in front of a television watching the box set of DARK MOON. Shoutaro internally cringed— Tsugara Ren was in that movie… along with the black angel Kyoko. However, Sho was strong. He wouldn't let on how crazy and emotional things that involved or reminded him of Kyoko made him.
The child Shoutaro was looking for was a girl he'd never seen. Aside from her first name Shoutaro didn't have any leads on the little girl. She was his daughter. That much he knew. Kyoko was probably too mad at him to put his name on the birth certificate.
xxx
Out of the five little girls in front of the television screen, Kiyoko was probably the most anti-social. She didn't know what the word meant, but she always heard people say she was anti-social. When she asked what it meant people always changed the subject. She leaned over to a blonde who sat next to her and said, "Look. Look that's my mommy, right there."
"Nuh-uh." The girl said back in a louder voice. "You don't have a mommy. You're just like the rest of us. Nobody has parents. Don't try to be better than us!"
Kiyoko's face scrunched up and she said nothing. She wasn't quite certain of what it meant to "be better than others," but she knew for sure she had a mommy. That her mommy was in this movie. A long time ago she lived with her mommy. One day she woke up and she was here. Her mommy was gone.
She used to ask, "Where is mommy?" But no one ever told her. She stopped asking. Kiyoko cried and stood up. "I do, too, have a mommy! That's mommy!" She shrieked pointing a chubby finger at the television.
The blonde stood up wide-eyed. She was a little older than the hysterical child and understood what it meant to live here. It meant that either you weren't wanted or you have no parents. It irritated her that every time this actress was on television Kiyoko would sit next to her and talk about how Kyoko was her mommy.
The six year old raised her arm, prepared to smack the four-year-old. Kiyoko didn't move. She stared with tears coming down her face and an indianite look in her eye. Some of the other children were watching the two girls, waiting to see how far they would get. Unfortunately for them there wasn't much of a show. The director seized the blonde child's hand.
The rage on her face melted and gave way to fear. The director released her hand and gave the child a warning look. She stepped around the pair of children and cast a tired glance at the tall twenty-three year-old man slouching in a wooden chair against the wall. She didn't know much about Sho, but between the rumors and his being a singer and his way of dressing and the fact he hadn't tried to interfere with the battle between the girls… Ms. Hotori had decided she didn't like him.
"Come along, sir." Ms. Director Hotori said in as nice a voice a she could muster. Sho rose and followed her. Many of the children were noticing Sho for the first time. Many were star-struck. Most were excited.
Kiyoko was unsure what to make of the long legged man with the white hoodie. For a while she just stared at him skeptically. He kept his eyes on her, too. Suddenly, she glared at him and looked back at the television screen, pouting. Sho chuckled slightly. Then he smirked. Yes, this was definitely Kyoko's daughter. "I found you… Kiyoko," Sho said in soft voice.
Director Hotori whirled around, wide-eyed. How did he know that child's name. She didn't talk much. Kiyoko couldn't have told him. And none of the other children would tell a potential parent another child's name. "I found you…"??? Does he know her? The director wondered.
"You were looking for … Kiyoko?" She stared up at the man. Her voice was full of her uncertainty. "Are you sure?"
He smiled. "Yeah."
Director Hotori opened the door quickly. They needed to sit down and discuss this.
"She's your… niece?" The director guessed.
"No."
"Cousin?"
"No." Sho said growing irritated rapidly.
"Sister?"
"Of course not!" He breathed in and out repeatedly in an attempt to calm himself. "Would you like to keep guessing or are you going to let me tell you?"
"Who are you to her?"
"I'm her father."
The director was taken aback. "Do you know how old she is? How do you know you've got the right kid? Our Kiyoko's always talking about how that actress who killed herself—you know… Kyoko—is her mother. Are you sure you can handle that?"
"My daughter's four. Yeah, that's her. She looks and acts like her mom. I can handle my own kid." Sho responded.
The woman sighed. "The truth is: I just don't think you're ready to be a father. Besides, Sho, there are certain requirements that you don't meet on taking Kiyoko out of our care."
Sho froze. What the heck?! That's my kid in there! What do you mean I can't have my own kid? The voice inside Sho's mind was screaming.
"What do you mean? Do I have to be older?" there was a slight edge in Sho's voice. He didn't notice.
No, the director couldn't say that. Last week a twenty-two year old couple had adopted a baby.
"Do I have to be married?"
No, that was a lie, too. There was a note with the child when they'd found her sitting outside in a big fur coat. It had requirements. There were only two people who could adopt this little girl. One was—
"Was it a different name?!" Sho asked, desperately. He could finally hear the emotion in his voice. His internal voice laughed at how crazy Kyoko made him. Even from the grave Kyoko still had Sho wrapped around her little finger.
"How did he guess?" Ms. Hotori wondered, panicking. She really didn't like him. Although Kiyoko irritated Ms. Hotori with her long silent periods and ability to be so un-childlike, she didn't want Sho to have her. However, if he did have the right name…
"Yes."
"Yes? I need a different name?"
"That's what I said," reminded the irritated director.
Sho snorted. "I should've known she'd do something like this," he mumbled to himself. "Shoutaro. My name is Fuwa Shoutaro." He said, looking the director in the eye.
The director stared at him for a moment. Then she started laughing, much to Sho's annoyance. He glared at her. The director, still laughing, passed Sho the papers which he signed with his stage name.
Sho walked back to the room where the kids were (muttering curses all the way he stopped when he got to the door, though). When he opened the door it was like walking into a classroom. Every eye was on him. Some kids were hoping that it would be them that was going to be adopted. Some guys thought it would be really cool to have a guardian who's more like a cool big brother. Some girls were praying it wouldn't be them—they wanted to marry Sho.
A group of little kids crowded around Sho, asking who he was going to adopt.
"I'm not going to tell yet," Sho answered. Apparently Sho was in a very good mood because normally this would annoy him.
Kiyoko looked curiously at Sho. She sat in a chair across the room from him. Staring. He stared back, smiling. She breathed in sharply and looked away from him. She looked at the television screen. Sho looked away from the little girl and breathed in deeply as his angel's face graced the screen. Memories of her flashed through his mind. He was drowning in the memories.
His face was contorted in a way that only Kyoko could cause it to. (a/n: Remember how Sho looked in chapter 44 when Kyoko was crying while killing him)
A little finger poked Sho's face. "Hey, hey." Sho looked over and saw Kiyoko. It was amazing. She looked exactly like Kyoko as a child. The only difference was she was taller than Kyoko had been at four-years-old. She also seemed more strong-willed.
Sho blinked. "Look." Kiyoko pointed at the television. "That's my mommy."
He sighed and smiled. "Yeah, Kiyoko-chan. That's mommy." The kids nearby gave Sho funny looks. Kiyoko beamed. Finally someone believed her. This person knows that's mommy.
"Who are you?" Kiyoko asked.
He leaned over and whispered in her ear. "Fuwa Shoutaro."
She opened her mouth in a wide exaggerated way. And covered it with her hand. "No way!" She laughed. "That's daddy's name!" Kiyoko tilted her head and asked, "Are you daddy?"
Everyone in the room stared at the two, but neither of them noticed. They were in their own world. One that, over next few years would become more and more familiar to them.
"Yeah. I'm your daddy."
"Really?" Kiyoko's voice came out small and full of distrust and uncertainty. It was the normal voice that everyone had learned to expect from Kiyoko. It was a voice that caught Sho off guard and made him feel weak and useless, in a way similar to Kyoko's tears. But, now Sho was older. He was a man and somebody's father. He wanted to be useful. He wanted his daughter to trust him.
"Really," he reassured in a calm but firm voice. He stared her dead in the eye. There was something so pure and angelic about her. It was like she could see through a person. She could understand both the good and the bad in a person, without a full understanding of the depth of their words.
She smiled at him and grabbed his shoulders in a hug. Sho hugged back. He thought about Kyoko. Wishing she'd had a father when she was little. Wondering if she would have hugged him like this. Wishing she could be with them now.
"You'll never be alone again, Kiyoko-chan." He whispered into her black hair.
"I missed you, Daddy."
He smiled, but on the inside he was smiling and crying. He was glad Kiyoko was with him now. But he had regrets. He regretted being so important to Kyoko. He knew it was his fault she killed herself. She sent him a note the night she killed herself. He was her last contact. She didn't say what she going to do or why but he knew it was because he hurt her. Kyoko had always been emotional and half thinking. She killed herself to hurt him. And it worked.
She hurt him. Nearly killed him, to be honest.
"Where's Mommy?" She asked.
Sho stiffened. "Tomorrow… I'll explain tomorrow."
She sighed. "Okay."
The little girl released her father and sat next to him. Her posture was perfect. If Sho hadn't known better he'd think Kiyoko had been taught by his own mother rather than his wife. The two sat in silence wait for the director to allow them to leave or someone to bring his daughter's things.
The children had readjusted to Sho's presence.
It was nearly five o'clock and Kiyoko was asleep. Her head was on her father's shoulder. The director brought Kiyoko's few things in a bag. There was one thing that she had to hold separately. It was something expensive and she had gone back and forth in an internal battle to decide whether or not to give Sho the fur coat.
Kiyoko couldn't possibly remember it…
But what if it had some special sentimental value, or what if Kiyoko did remember it.
She couldn't fit it.
Maybe it was her mother's…
In the end she decided to return the jacket to the family.
Ms. Hotori stood in front of the young man and his daughter. "Were you married to her mother?"
"Yeah… We were married." Sho replied.
"Who was she?"
"It was Kyoko. Just like Kiyoko says. We got married a month before her nineteenth birthday. Nine months after our wedding she had twins. They were five weeks premature. The boy died. I was scared. I hurt Kyoko so many times, but she still loved me. When I hurt her the first time I fell in love with her. So I left. I figured if I was far enough away I couldn't hurt her anymore. So I wrote her a note and ran away. I have no clue why I'm telling you this." Sho said soberly. He continued anyway. It felt good to get it off his chest. The other kids were eating dinner. The only person in the room besides Kiyoko and himself was someone who didn't really like him, but allowed him to have his child.
"Three weeks ago it was in the news." Then he choked. "That—that Kyoko… That she d… died." He breathed in sharply in a vain attempt not to cry. But as I said, it was a vain attempt. He bowed his head and cried. "Man… I swore I wouldn't cry. She did this on purpose you know. She killed herself 'cause I ran away. Kyoko did that because of me. It was the only to push me that far. Nearly destroyed me, ya know? But Kyoko's not that kind of girl. No matter how mad someone makes her she wouldn't let something that bad happen to them. She wrote me a note. I got it two weeks ago. I found out that Kiyoko had made it. I wasn't there when she was born and Kyoko kept her out of the news.
She said that she'd left Kiyoko at an orphanage. She didn't say which one. So I haven't slept in two weeks. I've been looking for Kiyoko and now that I've found her I'll never let her go. Nothing and no one will hurt my daughter." He said, looking far away and determined. "I swear. Nothing will touch her."
Ms. Hotori nodded her head.
Sho coming, back to real time saw the bag and the coat. "Thanks."
Ms. Hotori gave a weak smile.
Sho picked up Kiyoko with one hand and got her stuff from Ms. Hotori with the other. He didn't have any expression anymore. He wasn't crying. He wouldn't cry like that again.
Sho walked out of the room. Out of the building. Out into the world. He was as ready as he would ever be to face the world as a man. As a father.
He wouldn't shrug his responsibilities off on Shouko or anyone else from now on. Fuwa Shoutaro was grown now and ready to act like it.