All characters are the property of Stephenie Meyer. Some canon quotes are used in this story, out of context. No disrespect or copyright infringement is intended.

A/N: Please check out my profile for more information and updates on my status

I wanted to let folks know that I'm going to be making one last ditch attempt to woo the wife back from wherever she's wandered off to with her nose stuck to a story of Edward's glittering schlong.

My last story will also be a selfish effort to help the island people of Haiti who are...

...pretty much living my current lifestyle
...also against their wishes
...wearing the same clothes as me
...smelling just as lovely
...without the help of a decent Jameson to ease their suffering

I say this is selfish because I'm going to move there. I figure if I move there, I won't stand out so badly and my neighbors there won't look at me funny. I'll be just like everybody else. So the sooner the Haitians get back on their feet, the better. I'll consider it my future home improvement. The wife always wanted to live on an island, so we'll see what happens.

So look for my last story which will be for the Haiti Relief Twi FanFic Authors Compilation. For all you folks who offered me food and clothing, you can still help me if the offer is still good. Just help the Haitians. You can learn more about it here:

http (stacked periods) (whack whack) mskathyff (dot) blogspot (dot)

Once I get to Haiti, I probably won't have internet access any more, so this will be my last story. So long and thanks for all the fish.

Seriously.

Whoever left the basket of rotting fish on my porch? Thanks. It's improved the smell in the house dramatically. I have a question though. Are there other fragrances? I was thinking "Backed up toilet" or maybe "Stinking corpse" might be a good change.