Disclaimer for this and all subsequent chapters: Final Fantasy it the property of Square Enix/ Square Soft. I do not own Final Fantasy VII or any material related to it. This is for entertainment only and I make no profit from it.

Okay, okay. I'll share. I've had this on my computer for months and when I get tired or sad, I read it and giggle. This is based on a story idea of mine that I want to look into about the concept of cloning. I fully intend to do a rather serious drama about it, but here is the off-shoot that I jotted down. If some of the themes carry into the other story, you have been warned.

I make no claims of keeping anyone in character, for the simple reason that the two main out-of-character people in an odd way never make it into the real FFVII story line, even if they look like they are there. Since they keep throwing unexpected situations at the other characters, everyone gets pulled ooc trying to handle the situation.

The Clone Wars

By Tamlin

On the outside, it looked like a normal enough house. The garden was nice with shady trees, pretty flowers, and a few small rebellious weeds peeking around the edges of bushes like scruffy children. The walk ways were all swept, but not meticulously clean. The house was cozy looking with a cheery welcome sign hanging from the center of the door. All in all, just an ordinary house on an ordinary street, with ordinary neighbors doing ordinary things.

It was the basement that had all of Avalanche, a squad of WRO security personnel, and Shinra's four surviving Turks clustered together in a knot of unease and worry. The basement was anything but ordinary. It was full of glittering machinery that was still whizzing and grumbling softly to itself; human size mako tanks that were filled and waiting for the next specimens to be lowered into them; lab tables with beakers, burners, computers, high-tech scanners and splicers, and other unnamable items; and shelves and shelves of lab notes.

"Sir, we have ascertained that there is no other person on the premises." One spiffy clean, but highly anxious, WRO captain saluted Reeve and glanced to where his men were sneaking off into a WRO transport to vacate the area. "We will set up a parameter guard to maintain a security zone for the clean up procedure."

Yuffie staring down the stairs from where they all stood in the pleasant looking living room, complete with doilies and flowered curtains whispered, "What do you think those spinning ring things are?"

"Don't know. Should probably blow 'em up." Barret grumbled from his spot by the quaint picture of a bowl of flowers.

Reeve gave his captain a strained smile, "Thank you."

Before he got any farther, the captain bolted out the door and raced to where his men were already backing the truck out of the drive. "Yes, sir. I will instantly set up that parameter line. I'm right on it!"

Vincent watched him go. "Twelve minutes."

"Damn." Cid pulled his cigarette from between his lips, dropped it onto the pretty light blue carpet, and stamped on it. "I was sure he'd last for fifteen. Ya gotta get better people, Reeve."

"You shouldn't bet with Turks," Reno laughed. "We only bet on sure things."

"Fuckin' hell." Cid grumbled and stomped down to the basement. "One fuckin' week."

"It's good for you, Cid." Tifa skipped cheerfully down after him. "Think how much better you'll feel once all that tar gets out of your lungs."

"I like the tar. We've been together a long time." Cid growled. "It's a relationship."

Tseng ghosted down the stairs after shoving Reno into going before him. Rude waited politely as Nanaki and Cloud stepped past him before heading down himself with Elena at his heels. Barret and a whining Yuffie came down after Vincent huffed a little at a picture of a cute little girl with a puppy standing on her dress.

"This place is just wrong." Vincent shook his head and pulling Reeve along decended into the basement.

"Mad scientists have to have a home too." Reeve grimaced at the smell of Morning Dew air freshener that chose that moment to spray its delicate aroma into the stairwell.

As they reached the bottom, Tseng went over to the bookcases and picked up a text. "It's definitely Hojo's." He turned the book so everyone could see the writing scrawled across the page in messy loops and swirls. "It looks like a lab record in his handwriting."

"Just as long as he isn't here, all's good. Right?" Yuffie looked around giving the still spinning rings a leery inspection. "Just what are those supposed to be?"

"Don't know. Just don't play with them." Reno slouched over to look at a table of sparkly equipment. "Someone's funding him. This stuff's expensive."

"We'll have to look into that." Reeve slidled behind Cloud, who looked unhappily at the mako tanks.

Barret strode over to a computer, "There's gotta be somethin' on that."

"I'll look." Elena volunteered and pulled a chair over to start poking at the terminal.

"At least there isn't any bodies." Cid rapped his knuckles against one of the tanks. "Probably interrupted before he could get any volunteers."

"Good for us." Yuffie backed away from the rings and bumped into Elena who yeeped.

"No. Oh, no." Elena frantically started typing. "It started something."

The rings started spinning faster and an ominous clunk sounded from above. A high pitched whine filled the room.

"Make it stop!" Yuffie yelled.

Reno bounded up the stairs and pulled at the now closed door. "The door's locked!"

"It's in some kind of sequence!" Elena kept typing. "It's not letting me in."

"Everyone, get together." Cloud swept the contents off a long stone topped table and pulled it into the far corner, tipping it to act as a barrier. "Get behind the table!"

Avalanche and the Turks leapt, bounded, skidded, and thudded until they all were huddled together. The rings spun faster and an electric current crackled through the air. The whine increased in pitch until it became a deafening shriek. The lights overhead flickered, browning out then snapping back to an almost unbearable intensity before blowing out in small pops.

"Oh my gawd!" Yuffie screamed as a wind rushed over the top of the table and complete darkness covered the room.

Then there was silence.

They all huddled behind their shelter a few more minutes then cautiously, Cloud poked his head over the top, "Looks clear."

"Can you actually see anything?" Cid muttered.

"A little." Cloud looked about. "Uh…something's a bit off."

"What?" Yuffie popped her head over the top of the table too, to look around.

"We're in a supply closet." Cloud pointed to a dim corner. "There's a broom over there, and a mop over there."

Tseng stood up, accidentally…sort of…stepping on Barrets human hand. "There wasn't one there…"

He trailed off as someone flung a door open that had not been there a few moments before, reached in and fumbled for a light switch. "Damn switch…Oh, fuck it. I'm not wiping that mess up. It'll evaporate on its own."

The door closed.

Vincent stood up, frowning. "I… I remember that voice…"

He gracefully leapt over the table and walked to the door, glancing around him as he went. "Impossible… completely impossible."

"Hey, Vinnie, what is it?" Yuffie tried to imitate his jump, but only managed an undignified scramble.

"Impossible." He breathed again.

"Vincent. What is going on?" Cloud came over as Vincent opened the door, looked out into the hall, then slammed it shut and leaned on it.

"Impossible."

"Vince, you might want to expand your vocabulary there a bit." Cid and the others crowded around. "What's so fucking impossible?"

Vincent didn't answer. He flung the door open and stepped outside into the hall that shouldn't have been there. He looked around, his eyes a bit too wide then raced away, his cape flickering after him as he disappeared down the long, gloomy hallway.

"Hey, wait up!" Tifa ran after Vincent with the rest of the group at her side.

"What the hell's gotten into Vinnie?" Yuffie panted as they rounded a corner and came to a staircase winding up the side of a long winding shaft.

"This place…" Tseng glanced around. "It's…familiar…"

"Figure it out later, Vince's getting away." Cid started up the stairs, puffing and a bit out of breath.

They ran to the top and scrambled out into a small anti-chamber. Vincent's cape was just swishing around the door jam so they tumbled over themselves catching up.

"Vincent, while I understand your dislike of being in a basement…" Nanaki looked around the opulent interior of what appeared to be a mansion. "…an explaination would be appreciated."

"We're in Nibelheim." Vincent looked wildly around. "It looks just like it did."

Cloud nodded, "It's Nibelheim." He walked across the landing heading towards the sunroom. "It looks nice."

"It's a hell pit." Vincent hissed looking warily around. "We need to find our way back."

"Vincent! There you are!" A happy voice called from behind them. "I thought that was you streaking past."

Vincent whipped around reflexively pushing his friends, and not friends, behind him protectively. If this was some Hojo inspired trick he wanted…

Lucrecia.

She stood smiling at him. "I just have one question…well, okay two." She put her hands on her hips and looked Vincent up and down. "Why are you dressed like a depressed vampire?"

Vincent, his gaze riveted by the sight of his beloved, opened his mouth and started stuttering an answer.

"No. No." Lucrecia waved her hand, brushing her own question away. "Never mind. I have a more important question to ask you."

"Lucrecia…I…"

"Now it will just take one minute." Lucrecia frowned, biting her lip and glancing down towards the basement labs. ""Vincent, hypothetically. If you found out that your…coworker say…was cloning you in the basement because he's too much of a gnome to get a woman any other way, what would you do?"

Vincent looked nervously around. Someplace in his head warning bells were ringing loudly and an air raid siren was going off. "What do you mean?"

Lucrecia huffed an annoyed sigh. ""Just answer the question…No, I take that back. Pick. Would you A) Report him to the nearest mental health professional for immediate commitment to the local sanitarium."

Vincent frowned. His mind was trying to warn him about something. Something important. Something that he should heed and probably run away from quickly. "Uhm… uh…"

Lucrecia, counting things out on her fingers innocently, continued "…B) Inform Shinra that one of their scientists is using company money to get laid."

"Lucreica…"

"No. No. Don't interrupt." She waved her finger under Vincent's nose. "C) borrow a weapon from your gun obsessed lover, shoot the gnome, drag his carcass out to the gorge in the mountains and throw it in, then if anyone asks say you haven't seen him, but he was looking depressed about budget cuts."

Cid, looking over Vincent's shoulder, whispered, "You actually dated her?"

"Or D) Go back downstairs and reprogram the mental download so that your clone will eventually turn to him and call him a miserable, subterranean, science geek?" Lucrecia grinned up at Vincent.

Vincent rubbed his forehead. The alarms and sirens were now being joined by a public service announcement about imminent disaster. "You already did that didn't you?"

"It's only a hypothetical question." She looked up at him guilty.

"You should stay away from Hojo." Vincent tok a deep breath. He was on solid ground with that piece of advice, but he couldn't understand why Lucrecia, he sweet darling Lucrecia, was making him want to run up the mountain and hide in one of the caves.

"I never said it was Hojo! It was just a hypothetical question! I could have been talking about…Franklin!" She looked more guilty.

"I thought Franklin was a moron who couldn't tell a test tube from a Bunsen burner." Vincent, remembering who the man down in the basement was, tried glaring, but with Cid leaning against his shoulder snickering, it was difficult.

"Just answer the question Vincent!" Lucrecia stamped her foot looking like an angel throwing a tantrum about a missing halo.

"What did you do?!" Hojo whipped around the corner and glared menacingly at Lucrecia. He looked younger than Vincent remembered him, but still mostly the same.

"I was talking to Vincent." Her nose went up into the air as if something foul had come close to her.

"I heard that! You were playing with my clone!" Hojo waved his finger at her looking furious.

"Well, you certainly won't be able to." She looked down at Hojo's crotch pointedly. "Besides, you bungled the whole thing."

"Did not!" He looked down his nose at her. "She's perfect…not that you have the brains to tell the difference."

"Ha! I could make a better one!" Lucrecia snapped and turned on Hojo.

"Could not!"

"Could to!"

"Valentine, maybe we should…" Tseng stepped forward trying to get Vincent back to the quest to get them out of that place.

"A Turk." Lucrecia breathed reverently as she spotted the Wutaian.

"Yes, a Turk." Hojo looked like Christmas has come early.

Tseng, feeling a cold chill run up his spin, stepped back. The rest of Avalanche and his fellow Turks stirred uneasily as the two scientists crept closer.

Lucrecia peered around Vincent, "Wow, four of them."

Hojo peered around Vincent's other side. "New Turks."

Vincent, in an attempt to shield his teammates, spread his arms. "Now wait…"

"We just have a few questions!" Lucrecia's eyes were wide and excited.

"Only a questionnaire!" Hojo bit his lip quivering in joy. "It was so nice of you to bring them here, Vincent! How did you know we needed more subjects to…"

Lucrecia elbowed Hojo and whispered, "Volunteers."

"Oh, yes…volunteers to participate in our job quality survey!" Hojo started rummaging in his pockets.

In desperation and some long buried instinct to protect fellow Turks from danger, destruction, and becoming experiments in any type of lab related activity, Vincent wildly blurted out. "I thought you were going to go clone each other."

They both stopped, blinked, then turned to look at each other.

Hojo laughed, "She can't. She needs a DNA samp…"

Lucrecia lunged, yanked a few strands of hair out of Hojo's head, and ran down towards the labs. "HA! Take that, Clone boy!"

"You evil wench!" Hojo stormed after her. "You'll regret that!"

Yes, yes. I will now get back to my other stories. I think I need to have Tokio start doing nasty things to her dear husband… Other chapters will appear. I already have chapter two done, but after that, it's going to be glacially slow.