Lady Knight Mary Sue



Dedicated to Lady Terayn


What is a "Mary Sue," you ask? Let me explain: a "Mary Sue" is a self-insertion character (and if you make up characters in your stories like this, it's the same thing) who is, by other authors' definition, the love interest/relative of a main character and who is perfect (example: smart, beautiful, a runaway royal from another faraway land, a GREAT fighter, etc.).

I don't like them.

And yes, I'm glad to say that there aren't TOO many Mary Sues in this section, but I have seen them. You can identify them too!

I think that most of us can say that we dislike Mary Sues. It is human nature to want to be perfect, and to want a character that's perfect, but people just ARE NOT perfect!


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One day, all of the squires and pages of Tortall were relaxing in the stables and talking about life and what they wanted to do, when Lord Wyldon came into the room to introduce Mary Sue. She was really a princess from a faraway land, but she never told anyone. Mary Sue, according to Lord Wyldon, (who never liked any girls except this one because she is just so COOL), has decided to become a knight. But since this is MARY SUE we're talking about, and since she is already such a great fighter because she trained in her "village" (really her kingdom-she's a princess), she is going to start off as a squire. Oh, and she's also a Shang warrior.

Kel, Neal, Cleon, and every other main character all really, REALLY want to be Mary Sue's friend. Since she is so shy, and modest, she allows these people to be her friends right away, a truly great honor.

Mary Sue has long, shining black/sparkling, golden blonde hair that falls down to her waist, and big, beautiful purple/blue/green eyes that change according to what SUPER AWESOME fashionable outfit she's wearing. She is really thin although she eats normally.

Right away, everyone JUST LOVES Mary Sue. She helps all of the characters with fighting and knight preparation stuff. She is the BEST fighter and rider and archer and she just HATES to wear dresses, although she looks totally great in one. Mary Sue can even beat Lord Wyldon, just because she's so, so SPECIAL.

Anyway, Cleon, Neal, and Roald, along with every other male squire, are immediately attracted to Mary Sue and fall DEEPLY in love with her. Kel doesn't mind because Mary Sue is her BEST friend who has helped her a million times before.

Did I mention how talented Mary Sue is? She has an INCREDIBLE voice and can play ANY instrument. Her horse is the BEST horse and will only let Mary Sue and her friends touch him. He's part unicorn/Pegasus and is jet black.

Also, as time passes, Mary Sue tells her friends about her tragic past. Her mother and father have died and even though it's not her fault, she feels so BAD because it, you know, COULD HAVE BEEN prevented.

Mary Sue has super magic abilities. She amazes Numair with her Gift, which is more powerful then ANYONE's, including his, and her wild magic, which lets her transform into anything.

Mary Sue meets Alanna. Alanna knows right away that Mary Sue is super special and says that Mary Sue is like a daughter to her. Mary Sue saves her life.

Also, since Mary Sue is so kind and caring, she brings fighting characters back together and saves their relationship, not to mention the world.

All's going well until Mary Sue's EVIL uncle from her super RICH, BEAUTIFUL country shows up and declares war on Tortall. King Jonathan begs Mary Sue to use her magical abilities and fighting to help Tortall win, which she does modestly.

But then, Mary Sue gets kidnapped! Roald is going mad with grief and sends his father's armies to look for her everywhere. But Mary Sue is okay, being able to live off of the land because she raised herself since she was two in a forest with her SUPER MAGICAL forest animal friends.

Mary Sue comes back to the palace and faints in Roald's/Neal's/Cleon's arms. She is rushed to the healing wing and JUST BARELY survives. When she opens her BEAUTIFUL eyes, she smiles at Cleon/Neal/Roald, who kisses her.

Then, Mary Sue tells everyone her real past. They are shocked. Mary Sue tells them that she will understand if they never want to talk to her because she lied, and Mary Sue NEVER, EVER lies. A single tear falls down her cheek.

Then Mary Sue becomes a knight anyway, because King Jonathan says that she can, and all of her friends still love her. So then like all of the characters propose to her, because of how COOL she is, being Mary Sue.

And then everyone is SHOCKED because the Goddess comes forward, saying that she is Mary Sue's mother. So that makes Mary Sue a goddess! Which she already was, anyway. So Mary Sue is given the choice to go and be a SUPER POWERFUL goddess, to be a princess, or to stay with her Tortallan friends.

What does she choose? You'll soon see in an ending that you NEVER EVER WOULD HAVE GUESSED!!!

Mary Sue stays....but she can't marry anyone because she doesn't want to hurt anyone's feelings, being SUPER CARING and all. So Cleon/Neal/Roald are all like, SUPER HEARTBROKEN and they vow to love her anyway....forever.


THE END....or is it?


Made you sick, right? THINK ABOUT THIS when you write stupid Mary Sue fics like this. And no offense to everyone who writes like that.

Disclaimer: The characters belong to Tamora Pierce, except for Mary Sue.