PART FIFTEEN: THE BIGGEST ADVENTURE OF THEM ALL!

"What about me?" asked Steena. Everyone turned towards her.
"That's right, you don't have a boyfriend yet," noted Leena. "Well, how about Doc? You two seemed to hit it off well in Vegas." Steena's calm face reddened slightly as she gazed at the surfer-turned-doctor. In all honesty, Doc was her complete opposite: hardly a warrior, not much education, hardly any eloquence in his words, surf-suffered, not too spiritual...
"Whoa, you mean me?" asked Doc. He knew that Steena was his complete opposite: quiet, thoughtful, educated, spiritual, eloquent, reserved, battle-hardened, wise... Both Doc and Steena swallowed.
"Dude," whispered Steena eerily.
"Sweet," replied Doc. They smiled. Grobyc suffered another power loss.
"Ach! Not again!" grumbled Luccia. She beckoned Lucca, Norris, and Starky over to help her fix the android, while Doc and Steena got acquainted.
"Ah, amore," sighed Harle, squeezing Seifer's elbow. He groaned and wished that Mr. Owl was still here.

Adventures in New York, Act I: On Broadway

"Look, we're in New York!" exclaimed Mel. "COOL!"
"COOL!" said Zoah.
"Look everyone!" pointed Radius. "The Empire State Building!"
"There's something on top of it," noted Viper, carefully peering upward. Everyone squinted as they saw a small figure bat at airplanes.
"Whatever it is, it's falling off," noted Leena. She swallowed. "D-do you think it'll hit us, Glenny-poo?"
"No," smiled Glenn. "Not in a million yea--"

SPLAT!!!!



"So much for the bus," noted Skelly sadly. "How many vehicles have we gone through in this road trip again?"
"I lost count after Chicago," admitted Janice. Skelly sighed.
"Then I guess we're hoofing it. Hey, isn't that a Broadway play?" Everyone looked in the direction he was pointing. Sure enough, the famed "West Side Story" was on production.
"Ooh! Ooh! I wanna go see it!" squealed Mel. Macha laughed.
"Sure, let's all go see it!" Everyone thought this was a good idea and left former Mayor Guiliani to clean up the mess that a certain gorilla made.



"What!! What do you mean every single actor is home with the flu?!" The director of West Side Story grunted in irritation, still in disbelief. How in the world could every single actor in his play suddenly catch the flu? And right before the big night?! As he was moping about how to pull things off, he caught sight of some rather strange and questionable characters. Thinking he had nothing to lose, he called them over.
"Excuse me! Yes, you all! Come here!" Everyone looked at each other in confusion.
"Like, are you talking to us?" asked Marcy.
"Yes, you there! What day is today?"
"It's Christmas day, sir!" answered Seifer.
"No! Today is the day you get to star in a Broadway play!"
"Cool!" grinned Mel. The director sifted through the scripts. "Ooh! Ooh! Give Mel a part!"
"Yeah, yeah. Whatever." He found the script for Tony, the lead male, and handed it to Karsh. Karsh looked at it with a puzzled expression.
"What in the world is this?" He saw the singing part of the script. "What?! I have to sing?! I'm not gonna sing in front of all my friends!"
"Please?" begged the director. He made a whimpering sound. Karsh rolled his eyes.
"Oh, all right."
"You can sing, Karsh?" Janice giggled. The director handed her a script as well. "Huh? Hey! Who the heck is Anita?" Karsh started laughing. "Shut up or I'll knock your teeth in--Tony!" The next script went to Doc.
"Dude, I get to play myself!"
"Um, not really," the director said. "This guy's not a surfer."
"Oh," he whispered with disappointment in his voice. "Zoinks..." He looked over his script. "At least I don't have to sing!" Karsh and Janice growled.
"Now who gets to play Maria?" the director sang. He carefully pulled Luccia, Steena, and Orlha from the crowd and asked them to sing a few bars. Surprisingly enough, Luccia had a soft Treble, but she was too German. Steena and Orlha sang like nightingales. "I can't decide which one to choose!"
"Why don't we settle this with Rock Paper Scissors?" suggested Orlha. Steena agreed. Orlha beat Steena two out of three times and won the part. Karsh's ears began burning when he spied a kissing scene in his script.
"I have to WHAT?"
"He has to WHAT?" shrieked Orlha.
"Oh, don't be such babies! It'll be all right," soothed the director.
"At least it's not a nude scene," hissed an evil fanfiction writer. Seifer hacked the vile creature in two. Harle swooned, hearts dancing in her eyes. The director walked up to him and handed him a script.
"What's this? Bernardo?"
"And lastly, I need a Riff."
"Well, Dario's already Karsh's best friend," said Janice.
"I'm desperate enough to believe you!" nodded the director. "Here's the script." He shoved it into Dario's hands. "Good luck! You're on in five minutes!" Karsh sighed and flipped through his script.
"This is gonna be a long day."

Dario had a big solo in the first part of the production. He and the other "Jets" did their dance without too much trouble. For their very first try, they all did remarkably well. Dario got a standing ovation after the Jet Song was over. Karsh was a surprisingly good singer. Every girl in the audience swooned as he sang Something's Coming. In the audience, Mel and Marcy kept predicting that someone would mess up. Everything went pretty well until the inevitable kissing scene came up.

The lights dimmed and "Tony" and "Maria" were hit by a spotlight. They slowly advanced towards each other. The music cued up for them to do their dance, but Karsh didn't move. He just sat there, bracing himself for the dreaded kiss that was to come after their dialogue. The crowd grew nervous; many of them had obviously seen the play before.
"You're not thinking I'm someone else?" Hoo boy. I'm going to have to kiss her soon.
"I know you are not," replied Orlha with a good Spanish accent.
"Then we've met before?" Gag!
"I know we have not."
"I knew... All day I had a feeling something wonderful was going to happen." That sounds so cheesy. Who wrote this stupid script?
"My hands are cold!" cried Orlha, holding out her hands. He held them in his own. She smiled. "Yours too." She touched his cheek. "So warm..." He touched her cheek.
"So beautiful..." Yeah, whatever.
"Beautiful," repeated Orlha. Here it comes...
"So much to believe. You're not joking with me, are you?" They have got to be kidding!
"I have not yet learned how to joke that way. I know now I never will." Karsh readied himself for the theatrical kiss. He bent his head and felt her lips touch his. This barely lasted a second before Seifer broke them up. Karsh felt a little dizzy. Norris, who was ironically playing Maria's courtier Chino, glared at him.
"Come on, Maria," Seifer was saying. Karsh stumbled away from the Jets. His head was swimming. He had to sing Maria, but he couldn't think straight.
"Maria! I just met a girl named Maria! And suddenly that name will never be the same. Maria! I just kissed a girl named Orlha... I mean, Maria! Say it loud and you hear music playing! Say it soft, and it's almost like praying. Maria. I'll never stop saying 'Maria'!" Only Mel and Marcy noticed Karsh slipping up.
"HE LIES!" bellowed Zoah. Karsh was feeling embarrassed and tried to think of a way to escape the stage for the moment.
"I wish to see her again!" he cried, and raced off-stage before anyone could argue. The audience applauded, thinking this was part of the show.

Janice had forgotten all her dance moves, so when it came time for her to perform America, she improvised like nobody's business. She knocked any girl that was within range to the ground. She made up for her bad dancing with her singing. Serge had hearts floating around his head the whole time she was onstage. She was supposed to kiss Seifer, but instead she punched him in the arm! The feminists in the audience--all three of them--cheered.
"Girl power!" shouted Marcy.

The "balcony" scene went a little better than Karsh and Orlha's first encounter. He was ready and willing to kiss her this time (what do you suppose that indicates?). Their duet brought the house to its feet. Karsh even kissed Orlha again just to spite Norris. The script is still corny, Karsh thought. He and Orlha said good night at least three times.
"Kar... I mean, Tony!" He turned around again. "What does Tony stand for?"
"Anton."
"Te adoro, Anton."
"Te adoro, Maria." What did I just say?

The play grew progressively worse from there. Dario and the Jets couldn't stop laughing as they attempted to sing Gee, Officer Krupke. Dario was laughing so hard he couldn't breathe. Orlha acted a little too bubbly as she sang I Feel Pretty. Marcy wondered aloud if she had gotten into the brandy backstage. The scene where Tony and Maria "pretended" to get married was coming up. They were playing around with the mannequins for a while, then grew serious. Karsh couldn't stop shaking.

"I Anton, take thee Maria..."
"I Maria, take thee Anton..."
"T-to love, and to cherish..." Crap! I forgot my lines! Karsh thought. Crap! I forgot my lines! Orlha thought. From backstage, the director sensed that they forgot their lines. He groaned.
"Just improvise, you dummies!" he hissed.
"In sickness and in health..." Karsh's mind raced.
"Um... from every... uh... star to ... uh... the moon..."
"Til death do us part." That was the cue to start singing One Hand, One Heart. But Karsh couldn't remember the words and ran out screaming in a panic.
"Forget it! I changed my mind! I don't wanna get married!" Orlha sighed.
"Always a bride's maid, never a bride."

Karsh's outburst made the rest of the actors more daring. They added in some of their own dialogue and didn't dance any longer. Disaster struck at the rumble scene. It was supposed to play out that Bernardo accidentally kills Riff and Tony kills Bernardo. But of course that wasn't what happened. Seifer forgot about faking it and punched Dario in the gut. The two of them started pummeling each other without any regard to the others. The others watching felt left out so they started punching each other too! The director rushed onto the stage.
"Stop! This isn't how it's supposed to happen!"
"EITHER FIGHT OR LEAVE!" shouted Zoah. The director chose to leave. Zoah started hitting all the people around him. Many members in the audience joined the brawl. Soon everyone in the theater was punching or kicking somebody. Even pacifists such as Riddel were bonking people left and right. Suddenly the opera house blew up.

Adventures in New York, Act II: French and Naked Under that Toga

After their escapades in the opera house, the gang decided to take it easy for awhile--theoretically speaking, of course. As everyone else busied themselves with other activities, Draggy decided to fly over to the Statue of Liberty.

Adventures in New York, Act III: High Anxiety

"Cool!" squealed Mel. "We're so high up!!" The rest of the gang was on the roof of the Empire State Building, looking down at the sprawling city before them. Suddenly, Orcha ran up the stairs.
"No running up the stairs," said Viper.
"Aw, shaddup!" shouted Macha. "WhatCHA want, Orcha?"
"You guys!" wheezed the chef, exhausted from running. "The elevator's out of order!"

Bum bum bummm!!

Adventures in New York, Act IV: One More Fire

The Statue of Liberty was very cool, but after a few seconds of exploring it, Draggy got bored. Suddenly, an evil idea entered his innocent little head. Using an advanced tool that brought inanimate objects to life, Draggy planned to revive the famed statue and wreak havoc on the city. He plugged the tool in, and instantly the statue came to life. Thousands of immigrants screamed as Lady Liberty waded through the waters of Ellis Island and headed towards New York City.

Adventures in New York, Act V: COWABUNGA!

"ARE YOU SURE THIS IS GOING TO WORK, DOC?" asked Zoah. He peered down the edge of the Empire State Building nervously.
"Sure thing, dude! All we have to do is get on our boards and the rest is easy!" Without any further ado, somebody began playing "Wipeout!", and the entire gang surfed down the Empire State Building.

(interlude to imagine how this plays out)

Adventures in New York, Act VI: When two titans come to life and collide in an action-packed battle that destroys everything we have worked so hard to make

As the animated Statue of Liberty lumbered through the city, millions of New Yorkers ran away, screaming in horror. Cars were crushed under her feet and buildings were smashed in. Suddenly, the Stay-Puffed Marshmallow Man entered the scene, grinning like a child. Oblivious to the pandemonium around him, "Puffy" knocked down buildings and smashed civilians like a delicious B-movie creature. Lady Liberty saw Puffy destroying the city, and became green (well, greener) with envy.
"Nobody destroys America on my watch!" she roared. Puffy glanced over at her and roared like a spoiled brat. Stay-Puffed pounded his white chest, screeching nonsensically as he accepted the Statue of Liberty's offer.
The two monsters charged at each other, grabbing the other's shoulders in a deadly lock. Suddenly, Lady Liberty broke the lock and bashed in the Marshmallow Man's head. He growled fiercely, swinging his bloated arms around like a top, smashing them into the statue. But Lady Liberty wouldn't give up then. With a quick thrust, she rammed her spiky crown forward, puncturing Puffy like the bloated blob he was.
"Ow ow ow!" exclaimed Puffy. "You make me mad! Now me make you hurt!" And with that, the gigantic white one skipped across town, singing "Meee eat you uuu-uup! Meee eat you uuu-uup!" And from the looks of the Marshmallow Man's belly, he looked very serious.

Adventures in New York, Act VII: Dr. Kadowaki, or, How I learned to stop worrying and love the SeeD

Poor Seifer was still being clutched by Harle. The maniacal jester was completely smitten with the SeeD failure, and like a python, would never let go of the boy. If this had been any other woman--ANY woman, even Quistis, even Selphie, even Yuffie for Pete's sake, Seifer would have been happy. But Harle?
True, she was very cute, and her French accent was even cuter, but she had long ago been declared legally insane by every government and official in the entire universe. If Seifer could find a way to get her off his back (literally), to kill her, or to even kill himself, he would do it--anything to relieve the agony.
Suddenly, he got an idea. Seeing the Statue of Liberty and the Stay-Puffed Marshmallow Man fighting on the streets below, an ingenious plot found its way into Seifer's head. On the roof of the Empire State Building was a very large bomb. How it got there was a mystery, but Seifer knew that this would be the only way to get rid of Harle--and maybe make him look like a hero in the end.
"Harle," he said sweetly, "I'll give you a big kiss if you let go of me for a few seconds." Naturally, this excited (Hu-hu, they said "excited") her.
"Ah lala, of course moi weel let go of vous! Ah, moi haz been waiteeng for zees ever seence moi saw vous!" Seifer smiled bitterly as the thought of touching this demon's mouth with any body part, especially his lips, sickened him greatly. But it was worth it--Seifer would have given her a foot massage if it meant getting her away. Slowly, trying not to grimace, he approached Harle.
"Non non non," giggled Harle, wagging her finger. "Vous must geev moi a Françoise kees."
"Huh?" The jester giggled and blushed.
"Let us juzt say zat vous weel be studying a new tongue."
"Oh, you've got to be out of your--"
"No tongue, no kees, and moi will hold onto you forever," sang Harle darkly. Seifer scowled darkly, quickly pressed his mouth to hers, and cringed painfully as her snakelike tongue touched up against his.

But the most disturbing part about that?

Seifer almost liked it.

Almost.

"Jeez, now leggo!!" he screamed, flinging the flustered jester off. Her face was radish-red and her eyes twinkled in amazement.
"Sacre bleau, mon chere, vous kees like a fireball!" She grinned innocently at him, eyes fluttering lustfully. Seifer could only scowl.
"Thank you," he muttered before storming off towards the bomb. With a shove, he pushed it off of the building, and leaped onto the explosive at the last second.
"WAIT, mon chere!! Don't do eet!!" screamed Harle. But it was too late.
"YEEEEEEEEEE-HAAAAAAAAWWWWW!!!!" hollered Seifer, yelling his lungs out as he rode the bomb. "WHOOOOOOOOO-HOO-HOO-HOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!"



BOOM!

"Aah," sighed Draggy, getting marshmallow goo all over him. "I think we've been slimed."

Adventures in New York, Act VII: Some Rather Unlikely Things

Rarely did the Chrono Cross gang ever get a vacation, but when they visited the beaches of New York, how could they refuse?

The Marshmallow Man had been eaten, Draggy returned the Statue, everyone made it off the Empire State Building safely (except for Seifer, who was nothing more than a crispy critter by now), and West Side Story won a "Tony" (badoom-chi!). Now, it was time for the gang to actually rest and relax from their adventures, and what better place to go than a beach, where people could strut around in their underwear and not get criticized for it?

And for some of the gang, that's exactly what they did.

Serge and Janice were quietly resting beneath some umbrellas, each getting their respective tans. Serge wore banal blue boxers and a simple blue shirt, despite several girl's protests. Janice shamelessly flaunted her cute bunny body with a light-blue bikini. Surfer dudes of New York beach swooned over the cute little bunnies embroidered in the fabric, but Janice's heart belonged to Serge and Randolph Scott.

Chorus: RANDOLPH SCOTT!!

Most of the gang came as they were. Naturally, Zoah didn't need to change into anything, and neither did Korcha. Fargo was used to swimming in the water with his clothes on, and Skelly didn't need covering of any kind. Irenes felt right at home, Mel shed her jacket, Doc just plain surfed, Miki needed only remove her leggings, gloved, trusses, and skirt, Turnip, Starky, and NeoFio frolicked about, and nearly everyone else, unless otherwise noted, just sat around making a giant sand-castle.
"I don't have a girlfriend!" barked Guile. He had violet-white boxers. Some of the women at the beach (none of the CC gang) were giving him looks.
"Me neither!" shouted Nikki, with red-and-black boxers. "It's such a cruel world!"
"Hi, Nikki!" sang Miki lovingly. She kissed him on the cheek.
"It's not such a cruel world after all!" He took Miki's bare arm and swam with her.
"I still don't have a girlfriend," said Guile roughly. He shrugged and got wasted again in Margaritaville.
"Come on!" Steena smiled wickedly, staring at Karsh hard. Her relationship with Doc ended abruptly when she discovered a brain in his handbag.
"No," replied the dragoon curtly, making sure she had heard the short word.
"Pleeeease?" she squealed, almost begging. Karsh's ears burned.
"I ain't gonna show it to ya!" he growled. Steena smiled.
"I will show you mine," she sang. Karsh swallowed. Steena was the second- most beautiful woman he had ever known, aside from Lady Riddel. If she showed him her swimsuit...
"I-I don't wanna see it," he lied. Steena smiled mischievously and slowly stripped (Hu-hu, they said "stripped") her shrine maiden outfit off, revealing a simple white tank top and boxers. However, once she let her hair down, Steena could have been wearing a janitor uniform and she would have been gorgeous. Karsh nearly lost it as her stomach-length hair cascaded down her body, barely tickling her boxers.
Suddenly, for some strange reason, nearly all the men at the beach (and at least one woman) dashed towards the bathrooms. Karsh needed to go to, but he was too paralyzed to move. Unconsciously, he removed his dragoon uniform, revealing a super-hot pair of black boxers with flames embroidered on them. The words "Dragoons Forever" were etched along the waist.
Suddenly, for some strange reason, nearly all the women at the beach (and at least one man) dashed towards the bathrooms. Karsh needed to go to, but he was too embarrassed to move.
"Oh, wow," whispered Steena. She grinned and winked. "Race you to the ocean!" she giggled (I know what you're thinking: Steena giggling? Hey, that's nothing compared to what else has happened in this road trip!).
"H-hey!" yelled Karsh, finding himself chasing after her. See what I mean?

Leena and Glenn were an extra-cute couple in their dark-blue one-piece and brown boxers, respectively. Even though they were a couple, the men and women couldn't help but swoon or smile as they saw the two attractive people walk by. The same story was with Norris and Orlha.
"Girls always get guys when they're with someone," slurred Guile. He had downed his fifth Tequila, and was still holding his own. "Same fer girls too. An' girls."

Dario and Riddel were a very adorable couple--

"Shaddap!" grunted Guile in a drunken stupor. "I don' wanna hear 'bout it!" Okay, fine!

"C'mon, mom!" Kid smiled innocently, her red-white-and-gold bikini inflaming many of the males present. She leaned over slightly, her bottom just barely protruding out as she smiled at her mother. "Don't be such a stick in the mud! Come play with us!"
"Honey, I'm not too sure about that," mumbled Lucca nervously. "You see, your father can't stand the water, and he gets warm so easily, and Serge doesn't look like he wants to be disturbed--"
"Bully that!" snorted Kid, crossing her arms. "Just step on out here'n show everyone 'ow pretty ya are! Come on!" And with that, the thief yanked on her mother's arm, pulling the reluctant scientist along with her.
"But I'm not very attractive," murmured Lucca softly. "I'd only embarrass myself."
"Ah, no one'll care!" snorted Kid. "Sides', I think yer pretty, and I'm sure that Serge and Lynx--erm..." She paused and swallowed hard. Kid still bore scars from her past, and although she had no problem addressing Lucca or even Serge as family, Lynx was different. She smiled. "I'm sure they think yer pretty too."
Lucca smiled warmly at her daughter's attempts, sighed, and reluctantly removed her brownish-orange clothes she usually wore. What she wore underneath them shocked everybody: her purple hair waving in the breeze, her naked (Hu-hu, they said "naked") eyes glowing joyfully, her smile evident even now, Lucca Ashtear stunned everyone with her one-piece red swimsuit. Everyone--men and women alike--stared at the surprisingly gorgeous scientist, although the men were staring for a different reason. Even Serge couldn't help but gape.
"Dude!" exclaimed Doc suddenly, slapping Serge on his shoulder. "She's your mom!" Serge shook his head, smiled down weakly at a fuming Janice, and sat back down without saying a word (what else is new?).
"Struth!" exclaimed Kid, her eyes the size of plates. "Mom, yer a... whoa, yer a..."
"A knockout, as always," growled Lynx gently. Lucca's face turned as red as her swimsuit as she kissed the demi-human. She giggled uncontrollably, still unable to stop being ticklish at the touch of her love's face. Kid, despite loving her "new" mother very much, still found it hard to accept that she was madly in love with her mortal enemy.
"And how about you, Luccia?" asked Lynx. The "other" scientist sniffed coldly.
"I vill not put my body on exhibition," she replied. Both Lucca and Kid smiled at her expectantly, almost as if saying "Join us! Join us!" Finally the scientist grunted, muttered an "Oh, all right," and unbuttoned her lab coat. Off went the long white skirt, off went the vests and shirts underneath, off went the men to the bathroom again as Luccia let down her violet hair, revealing a beautiful woman in a black bikini.
"Whoa," whispered Dario. He swallowed. "Who would have guessed that Luccia was such a baaaaaiiiimean, so pretty?" He grinned sheepishly at Riddel, who only glared back icily.
"And I suppose I am not as pretty?" she demanded. Dario sighed.
"Don't be like that, Lady Riddel. You're the most beautiful one here."
"Not anymore," grinned Lynx, nudging his love. Lucca giggled.
"Yeah, it's hard being so beautiful... Hey, how's Seifer, Harle?" The gang focused their attention towards Harle, who had dressed as she was. She was hovering over a very burnt Seifer, who was wrapped up with enough bandages to mummify him. Fittingly enough, his mouth and eyes had been spared the bomb blast.
"Resting well, mon suere," replied Harle. She gently kissed Seifer's lips, receiving a muffled cry of torture in return. Harle sighed. "Ahhh, Harle Almasy... Eet haz a ring to it, non?"
"No!" wheezed Seifer weakly. Harle chuckled and nearly suffocated Seifer with another kiss. "Help!" he whispered once his lips were freed. "Heelllp! I'd rather have Squall than this freak!"
"Ooh," swooned Harle, "'aving deux men around soundz much better zan un." The gang laughed. Suddenly, Jaws lurched forward and crunched his... well, jaws around a random person.
"Oh my gosh, he killed Aeris!" shrieked Cloud.
"You monsters!" screamed Vincent.
"What's wrong, children?" asked Chef--erm, Barret.
"Some fat-?@#$^ shark came and ate Aeris!" cursed Cid.
"Oh, dear!" gasped Chef--erm, Barret. "We've got to do something! Here, I'll go in the ladies' room--erm, I mean, the bar, while you children comb the beach."



"Sir?" asked Colonel Sandurz.
"WHAT?" replied Cid through his microphone. Sandurz looked down at Vincent and Cloud running giant combs through the sand.
"Don't you think you're being too literal, sir?"
"NO, YOU FOOL, WE WERE TOLD TO COMB THE DESERT AND WE'RE COMBING IT," replied Cid through the megaphone. He put it down and shouted, "Found anything yet?!"
"Nothing yet, sir!" said Vincent.
"How about you!?" yelled Cid.
"Not a thing, sir!" said Cloud.
"What about you guys?" shouted Cid to a group of guys dragging a small comb.
"We ain't found shi--"

KA-BOOM!

Adventures in New York, Act VIII: The Extremely Unnecessary Yet Perversely Entertaining Ultimate Battle Royal!

Meanwhile, in the lair of Dr. Weird on the south Jersey shore...

"At last, I have done it!" exclaimed Dr. Weird. "I have finally opened a portal to another world!" But as he spoke, the portal became unstable.
"The portal's becoming unstable!" shouted his lackey.
"I know, you fool! But at least I opened a portal to another world!" Suddenly, several being emerged from the portal, ran amuck for about five seconds, and escaped from the lair.
"Wait!" shouted Dr. Weird. "Come back!!" Suddenly, his hair burst into flames.

Meanwhile, back in New York...

"Okay you two, stop making out," said Guile. Serge and Janice stopped; Lynx and Lucca stopped; Norris and Orlha stopped; Nikki and Miki stopped; Riddel and Dario stopped; Karsh and Steena--huh? Nah! Luccia and Doc--huh? No way! Glenn and Leena stopped; even Harle stopped. Guile sighed.
"I'm gonna be sick," he slurred.
"Well, you did just drink fifteen Tequilas," said Orlha. Suddenly, a dark cloud hovered over the hero's heads. And no, Mr. Strife did not fall in a tub of paint.
"It's an evil force!" roared Greco. Suddenly, in a violent burst of wind, the sand castle blew away and landed on Aeris.
"My sand castle!!!!!" screamed Van. "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!"
"Oh my gosh, they killed Aeris!" shouted Cloud.
"You monsters!" screamed Vincent. Just then, the evil force that Dr. Weird helped "discover" appeared, smiling evilly.
"Look everyone!" pointed Mel. "It's us! It's the Bizarro Chrono Cross gang!!"

And then the greatest, bestest, funniest, and violentest battle began...

Serge vs. Bizarro Serge; Janice vs. Bizarro Janice

Janice: Full House! (everyone groans)

Bizarro Janice (meekly): I hate that show...

Janice: Looks like I win, ha ha! (rakes in the chips)

Bizarro Serge: I'm tired of playing poker. Janice, you're such a foolish girl! Why on earth would you insist upon playing poker? Nobody knows how to play except you, and it's neither fair nor fun if everybody keeps losing! Let's play a game where there are no winners and no losers. In fact, I have even come up with a suggestion for a new game right now: it's called "Truth or Dare", and we each take turns asking people to either do a dare or tell the truth. It's a very fun game but sometimes it can get a little bit kinky. So do you guys wanna play, or should be just explore New York City, because I personally don't care. I've never been to New York and I'd like to see more of it. Speaking of which, did you know that they're rebuilding the--URK! (Serge rams his swallow through Bizarro Serge)

Janice: THANK you! Gee whiz, that Bizarro Serge sure did talk a lot!

Bizarro Janice (meekly): Y-yes. A-anyw-way, sh-should we p-play the g-game?

Janice: I guess. Umm, Bizarro Serge! Truth or Dare!

Bizarro Serge: D-dare...

Janice: I dare you to die!

Bizarro Serge: That's... not... going... to be... hard... ugghnn... (dies)

Janice: Cool! Bizarro Me, your turn!

Bizarro Janice (nervously): U-umm, S-Serge. T-truth or d-dare?

Serge: ......

Bizarro Janice: T-truth it is. A-are you, umm... Uh...

Janice: (whispering in her ear)

Bizarro Janice: A-are you g-gonna m-marry Janice?

Serge: (shrugs)

Janice: WHAT?! You'd better say yes, muffin!! (Serge grins helplessly and hastily nods yes) Woo-hoo! All right! Okay Sergey, your turn!

Serge: ......

Janice: DARE!

Serge: ...

Janice: Sure, why not? I've always wondered what it'd be like to do that. (she suddenly bonks her carrot on Bizarro Janice's head and kills her) Oops... heehee.

Serge: (is a little angry)

Janice: Aww, don't be mad, Sergie-poo! I'd rather kiss you any day! (she smiles and they kiss)

(And for your information, he asked her to kiss Bizarro Serge!)



Guile vs. Bizarro Guile

Guile: I don't have a girlfriend!

Bizarro Guile: I have too many girlfriends!

Guile (shrieking): DIIIIIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!! (he casts WandaIn and a magic wand impales Bizarro Guile)



Nikki vs. Bizarro Nikki; Miki vs. Bizarro Miki; Glenn vs. Bizarro Glenn

Nikki: Hey! There are four of us now! Let's have a rock concert!

Miki: Right on! (the Magical Dreamers put on a rock concert. Bizarro Nikki, Bizarro Mikki, and Bizarro Glenn are trampled by fans)



Riddel vs. Bizarro Riddel; Karsh vs. Bizarro Karsh

Riddel gazed fearfully as Bizarro Riddel glared at her. Revving her bike up to maximum power, Bizarro Riddel tore off after her "goody two-shoes" version, ramming her rod into Riddel's stomach like a jouster. The blow knocked the good woman down, and a good thing too--Bizarro Riddel almost ran over her counterpart.
"Lady Riddel!" exclaimed Karsh, killing Bizarro Karsh. "I'll save you!" he shouted, dashing off towards the defeated lady. He helped her stand, making sure that any injuries she had were healed.
"You monster!" he screamed, brandishing his axe. Suddenly, Bizarro Riddel, aka Biker Riddel, took off her helmet and stared into Karsh's eyes. Suddenly, Karsh got a light feeling in his head, as "I Only Have Eyes for You" began playing. Bizarro Riddel swallowed and smiled warmly.
"What up, Karsh?" she purred. Karsh swallowed.
"Miss Riddel... you, ah... look good," he managed. Biker Riddel leaped off her mount and strutted over to the gaping knight, glancing at him from head to toe. She wore skintight black leather shorts that barely went down to her midthighs, with a black leather jacket over a red shirt. Two black platform shoes covered her feet and lower legs. Nearly every part of her face had either a piercing or a tattoo, and her beautiful blue hair was cut very short.
I think I'm in love, thought Karsh as Bizarro Riddel grabbed his arm gently. Riddel couldn't help but giggle.
"Ahh, young love. Although it is strange to see Karsh with me!"
"Oh, shut up and let them be!" demanded the narrator. Riddel's face flushed as she excused her actions.



Razzly vs. Bizarro Razzly

Razzly blasted Bizarro Razzly with magic and she died.



Norris vs. Bizarro Norris

The dusty air grew thick as leather. Eleven fifty. She had asked him not to go. She had begged him, don't go, you might get killed, please. I love you. Tears. He saw tears. Tears in a dusty world, tears in a dry, thirsty, hot world, where the wind burned as hot as the sun that beat down. Tears. They had evaporated in the heat of the day, and time for mourning was over. He had to go through with this; he had to face this man, or else die trying.

Odds were, he'd die. Eleven fifty-one.

I love you, she said. I love you, and the tears came after that. I love you. They had been whispered, whispered by a woman who was crying. They had never been uttered that way before; at least he didn't think so. I love you. Why? He was a soldier, her a barmaid. A barmaid, working in a remote island village that very few people on the mainland heard of. A little tiny bar that only a few people visited, although the food and drinks were always good. A little bar, with a beautiful barmaid, and she said I Love You to a soldier.

Eleven fifty-two. Eight minutes of life left to go.

Ten minutes of life, but only one split second of victory. That's what she said before he left--after I love you, after the tears, even after good- bye. Only one split second of victory. Is it worth it? Is it worth your death? Or his? Must you kill him? Must you face him? Must you go through with this?

Seven minutes of life left to go. The answer was Yes.

His fingers twitched, carefully brushing up against the tip of his gun. Not yet, my friend. Not yet. We still have seven minutes of life left to go. No, wait--six now. It's fast, the clock. Too fast. Fast like life--six minutes of life goes by very fast. So very fast. But it's not time yet. He brushed his finger against his gun again. Not time yet...

Eleven fifty-five. That clock was fast, or maybe it was slow, or maybe it was right on time. Anxiety hurried time; he was anxious. In five minutes, one of the two men would die--or both, perhaps, and she would be lonely. Well, not lonely; she had lots of friends. She'd just be... lonely. She said she loved him. Five minutes left. Maybe he loved her too. Maybe.

Eleven fifty-six. The first time he saw her was in that tiny bar--that beautiful bar in a beautiful village with a beautiful keeper. Drinks were beautiful, food was beautiful, she was beautiful, everything was beautiful with her around. He knew she smiled whenever he entered the bar--she smiled whenever anyone went in. That just came naturally. She was a smiler. But he also knew that that smile extended just a little more for him, and the eyes looked a little longer, and the speech was a little more refined whenever they spoke.

He was a diamond in the rough: opposing the military sometimes, speaking out against some actions, protecting the ones that came before him, everything. Three minutes. Diamond in the rough. What was she? A sapphire-- definitely a sapphire in the rough. Diamonds and sapphires--sparkling jewels, and the heat rose, and the wind picked up, and the sun was always merciless, and the hand of the clock moved one more time.

Two minutes of life.

She kissed him before--twice. Once at the tournament, once at the hotel. Both were caused by great victory; both were big and bold and too fast. Only twice. She had been kissed before: those other times were just an act, just a silly little thing they did. Just an act. Only twice, and he didn't know how many other times she had been kissed herself.

He might have loved her. One minute. Might have. She had a thing for him long before this trip began, perhaps maybe long before they even knew each other. FATE was gone and maybe Fate never died at all. Only one minute. Sixty seconds. He could hold his breath that long. Half a minute. He could stand on his hands that long. Twenty--the time it took for him to load his gun. Ten--a long breath. Five, four, three...

I love you.

High noon.

Two shots. One death.

He calmly walked past the other dead man--himself, in many ways. He calmly walked past him, noticing the clock was at twelve. He had escaped death again, and he swore that if he ever got the chance, he would tell her that he loved her too.



Starky vs. Bizarro Starky

Starky did the exact same thing as Norris, except Orlha didn't love him. Poor Starky.



Mel vs. Bizarro Mel

Mel screamed too loud and killed Bizarro Mel.



Leah vs. Bizarro Leah

Leah threw her axe at Bizarro Leah and did the Funky Chicken for a victory dance.



Radius vs. Bizarro Radius; Leena vs. Bizarro Leena

Bizarro Radius: Come here, my little chickadee!

Leena: AAAH!!! Get away, you dirty old man!

Bizarro Leena: Come here, you cute thing you!

Leena: AAAH!!! Get away, you pervert!

Radius: Ho ho hoo! Merry Christmas! (suddenly, Mulla Omar and Saddam Hussein fly overhead in their B-52 bombers and blow up Bizarro Radius and Bizarro Leena)

Leena: Thank you, Mr. Terrorists!

Omar and Hussein: S'all right!



Kid vs. Bizarro Kid

Kid: Oi! Who're you?

Bizarro Kid: Oi! Who're you?

Kid: I'm askin' the questions around here, mate!

Bizarro Kid: I'm askin' the questions around here, mate!

Kid: I ain't yer mate!

Bizarro Kid: I ain't yer mate!

Kid: Shaddap or I'll killya!

Bizarro Kid: Shaddap or I'll killya!

Kid: That's it!! (rips through Bizarro Kid with her dagger)

Bizarro Kid: That's it!! (dies)



Marcy vs. Bizarro Marcy

Marcy and Bizarro Marcy got in a "witch"-slapping contest, and Marcy won.



Zoah vs. Bizarro Zoah

ZOAH AND bizarro zoah GOT DRUNK AND HAD A GOOD TIME, BUT bizarro zoah FELL INTO AN OPEN SEWER AND DIED.



Luccia vs. Bizarro Luccia; NeoFio vs. Bizarro NeoFio; Pip vs. Bizarro Pip

Bizarro Luccia: I summon my Ninja Bicycle Fish! (Ninja Bicycle Fish enter)

Luccia: I summon NeoFio! (NeoFio enters. They have a fight, NeoFio kills Bizarro NeoFio)

Bizarro Luccia: Drat! I summon Cyborg Police Children! (Cyborg Police Children enter)

Luccia: I summon Pip! (Pip enters and is too cute for his own good, so Bizarro Pip dies)

Bizarro Luccia: Drat! Out of ammo!

Luccia: Me too!

Bizarro Luccia: Den I vill use my beguiling charms to lure away all of your boyfriends and make dem my slaves! (she strips down to a kinky-looking S&M outfit and laughs maniacally)

Luccia: MY BOYFRIENDS!! DIE, YOU VITCH!!! (she throws a beaker of acid at Bizarro Luccia)

Bizarro Luccia: Oh no, I'm melting! Noo, noo, vat a vorld... (Luccia is surrounded by love-stricken men as she is named Sexiest Single Scientist of the Year)



Poshul vs. Bizarro Poshul; Skelly vs. Bizarro Skelly

Poshul and Bizarro Poshul were relaxing at Ellis Island Bay, when all of a sudden, Skelly rushed forward and pushed Bizarro Poshul in the water.
"IIIIIII caaaaaaaaan't swiiiiiiiiiiimmmm..." shouted Bizarro Poshul.
"Thank you, Skelly!" yipped Poshul. "I are in your debt!"
"Please eat Bizarro Skelly!" asked Skelly. Poshul scratched her ears.
"Of courthe!" Poshul bit Bizarro Skelly and buried him.



Funguy vs. Bizarro Funguy; Orcha vs. Bizarro Orcha; Turnip vs. Bizarro Turnip

Funguy: Hello Orcha. What're you doing?

Orcha: Stay out of the kitchen! (he feeds Bizarro Orcha some bad sherbet)

Bizarro Orcha: Oooooh, the sherbet! The sherbet's bad! Bad sherbet! (he dies)

Turnip: Greetings, Orcha! What art thou doing?

Orcha: Stay out of the kitchen! (he cooks and eats Bizarro Turnip and Bizarro Funguy)



Orlha vs. Bizarro Orlha; Doc vs. Bizarro Doc

Orlha: What is it, Bizarro Orlha?

Bizarro Orlha: *sigh* I'm in love with you.

Orlha: Oh, okay. (she kills Bizarro Orlha) I'm hungry.

Doc: What's up, dude?

Bizarro Doc: *sigh* I'm in love with you.

Doc: Oh, okay. (he kills Bizarro Doc) I'm hungry, dude!



Mojo vs. Bizarro Mojo; Draggy vs. Bizarro Draggy

Draggy burned Bizarro Draggy and he died. Mojo burned Bizarro Mojo and he died.



General Viper vs. Bizarro General Viper

General Viper and Bizarro General Viper were dueling atop the Empire State Building. Viper flung his sword but BGV blocked it; BGV slashed with his sword but GV blocked it; GV sliced with his sword but BGV blocked it; BGV hacked with his sword but GV blocked it; GV cleaved with his sword but BGV blocked it; BGV slammed with his sword but GV blocked it; GV pushed BGV off the building and he went splat.



Zappa vs. Bizarro Zappa

Ach! Zappa played 'is pipes too loud an' blew up Bizarro Zappa! Scotland forever!



Macha vs. Bizarro Macha

("Goldfinger" plays as Macha enters with a bowler hat on her head. She flings it at Bizarro Macha, a'la Oddjob, and decapitates her. She quietly retrieves her hat and walks away.)



Harle vs. Bizarro Harle; Seifer vs. Bizarro Seifer

Harle was giggling uncontrollably, and thus, was unable to do battle against her opposite.
"Ah, yer a fahne-lookin' man, Sahfer," sighed Bizarro Harle. Seifer smiled warmly.
"And you're the sweetest woman I know of, Bizarro Harle." She giggled warmly. He smiled, and for the longest moment, all they had were smiles. They leaned in closer, smiling, Bizarro Harle purring...

Dying...

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
"Jeez, Seifer!" exclaimed Bizarro Seifer. "I just killed her." Seifer looked down at the woman he loved, at the Bizarro Hyperion protruding out from her stomach. At the blood...
"You killed Bizarro Harle!" he screamed.
"Ah'm not dead," she said.
"You're not?" She shook her head, the gunblade still protruding out.
"Oh. Well, you mortally wounded Bizarro Harle!"
"Ah'm getting' better," she said. Harle giggled some more.
"Hey," said Bizarro Seifer, "I think I know of a way we can settle things..."

Later...

"Ooh la-la, Monsieur Bizarro Seifer! Vous are so sexzy!" Bizarro Seifer grinned.
"And you're the cutest little thing I've ever seen!" They smiled and got mushy.
"You can be nahce when you wanna," sighed Bizarro Harle in her country accent.
"Yeah, and you can be sane when you want to," smiled Seifer. They smiled and got mushy.

Now wasn't that CUTE!?



Greco vs. Bizarro Greco

Greco punched Bizarro Greco in the face!!



Grobyc vs. Bizarro Grobyc

Because of the mushiness of Seifer and Bizarro Harle, and Bizarro Seifer and Harle, Grobyc was able to short-circuit Bizarro Grobyc by forcing him to hang around the couples.



Dario vs. Bizarro Dario

Dario killed Bizarro Dario. That's it!!



Pierre vs. Bizarro Pierre; Sprigg vs. Bizarro Sprigg; Van vs. Bizarro Van; Irenes vs. Bizarro Irenes

(happy-go-lucky music cues up as our heroes sing)

Pierre: I am so pretty!

Sprigg: I am so drunk!

Van: I am so sane!

Irenes: I am so talented! (suddenly, an evil aura arises as several dark figures enter the scene. Evil music plays)

Bizarro Pierre: I am so vile!

Bizarro Sprigg: I am so nasty!

Bizarro Van: I am so mean!

Bizarro Irenes: I am so detestable! (evil music plays still)

Pierre: I am so frightened!

Sprigg: I am so scared!

Van: I am so craven!

Irenes: I am so afraid! (the Bizarros advance)

Bizarro Pierre: I'll cut you to ribbons!

Bizarro Sprigg: I'll smash you to bits!

Bizarro Van: I'll rip you apart!

Bizarro Irenes: I'll beat you to a bloody pulp! (suddenly, heroic music plays)

Pierre: But I will be victorious! (he cuts Bizarro Pierre)

Sprigg: And I shall be a champion! (she knocks Bizarro Sprigg stupid)

Van: And I will be the winner! (he bashes a giant piggybank on his foe)

Irenes: And I shall defeat every foe that I see! (she slaps Bizarro Irenes with a whale)

(Big finish!)

All: We have defeated the monsters! We have defeated the vile! We have won! We are victorious! We have done what no other hero could!

Pierre: Faced our fears!

Sprigg: Banished the dark!

Van: Summoned our courage!

Irenes: And destroyed the evil!

Together: Today we are victorious, hooray!!!! (great applause. the foursome get a standing ovation. they bow, and the curtain falls)



Korcha vs. Bizarro Korcha

Korcha was a nice kid. He had a nice mommy and a nice sister. His nice dad was no longer around, though. But he lived in a nice town, with nice people. There was a nice bar in town, with a nice barmaid and a nice cook. There was a clinic also, with a nice doctor, and a shrine with a nice shrine maiden. The food was nice, the drinks were nice, the people were nice, even the weapons and armor were nice. And when Korcha took Bizarro Korcha fishing, he was being very nice indeed.

Until he pushed him in the water.



Fargo vs. Bizarro Fargo.

"Arr," said Fargo.

"Arr," said Bizarro Fargo.

"Arr!" exclaimed Fargo.

"Arr!" exclaimed Bizarro Fargo.

"ARR!" shouted Fargo.

"ARR!" shouted Bizarro Fargo.

"ARR!!!" roared Fargo.

"ARR!!!" roared Bizarro Fargo.

A pause. Fargo keelhauled Bizarro Fargo and saw "Pirates of Penzance".



Sneff vs. Bizarro Sneff; Steena vs. Bizarro Steena

"Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the Sneff ffamily's magic show!" Sneff took a bow, receiving a scattered applause. "Ffor my ffirst trick," he began, "I will need the help of my lovely assistant, Steena!" At her cue, Steena seductively walked on the stage, wearing only a silver bikini with trusses. The audience hooted and whistled at her appearance.
"We are going to do the old 'knives in a basket' trick," said Steena, "but first, Sneff will make me appear in two places at once, then make one of us disappear!" At the sound of the two simple tricks, the audience cheered wildly--mostly because Steena was single again and was looking to change that. Sneff guided Steena onto a platform, chanted out some strange words, and in a poof of smoke, Bizarro Steena appeared, wearing the exact same thing!
"Ta-daa!" shouted Sneff dramatically, waving his hands in the air. The audience went berserk at the sight of two Steenas. Bizarro Steena smiled, seductively crawled into a tiny basket, and waited.
"(Do you have the real swords?)" whispered Steena. Sneff winked and produced several very sharp blades.
"Now I need complete silence ffor this trick to work!" shouted Sneff, tossing a blade up in the air several times. The audience hushed, and carefully, Sneff thrust the sharp sword in the basket. Silence. Another sword. Three swords. Five. Seven. Eight--
"Okay, I think you've had enough swords," said Steena hastily, forcing Sneff to drop the eighth sword. He frowned sadly, but continued the act and walked over to the basket. Several chanted words were spoken, and when he opened the basket...
"Well, she has left us," said Sneff gravely. The audience only cringed as Sneff threw the basket into a furnace.
"And now," said Steena, stepping closer to the audience so they could forget about the previous "trick", "Sneff will saw someone in half."

Booing and hissing filled the air.

"Or should I say... Sneff will saw himself in half?" The audience cheered at the sound of this new trick. No magician, no matter how skilled or tricky they were, could never hope to saw themselves in half. Naturally, Sneff had a trick up his sleeve, and with a few chanted words, Bizarro Sneff appeared! The audience didn't like the idea of having Sneff saw Bizarro Sneff in half, but went along with the act anyway.
Steena helped Bizarro Sneff into the box, making sure that he fit in. Sneff picked up an old saw from his pile of sharp objects, sneered, threw the saw away, and picked out a powerful chainsaw. With freakish glee, Sneff powered the noisy saw up and hastily sliced through the box, cleaving Bizarro Sneff in two. The audience ate it up.
"Thank you, thank you," said Sneff, taking Steena's hand as they bowed. "Thank you! We'll show the act again in three days!" But the audience wasn't cheering because the act would come again soon--in fact, they weren't even cheering for Sneff as he bowed deeply, if you know what I mean.



Lucca vs. Bizarro Lucca

"I love Crono I love Crono I love Crono I love Crono I love..."
"I hope I was never this air-headed when I was younger!" exclaimed Lucca as she blasted her opposite's pretty little head off. "Besides," she noted coyly, "I do love Crono, and Marle, but I'm so totally in love with Lynx!" With that, she did her old victory dance, laughed insanely, and skipped along to join the others.



Lynx vs. Bizarro Lynx

"Die!" Bizarro Lynx swung his scythe at his weaker self, grinning viciously as he saw blood. Blood pleased him very much, very much indeed, especially the blood of his opponents. Lynx was strong, to be sure, and for awhile he could hold his own, but against a monster such as Bizarro Lynx, he never stood a chance.
"You... will never... win," muttered Lynx, nursing his wound. Bizarro Lynx only grinned.
"But I already have," he replied darkly. Lynx growled and hissed at his foe. In a sudden burst of energy, the demi-human charged towards his enemy, thoughts of Lucca and Serge supporting him as he fought. And yes, thoughts of his daughter... His daughter...
"OOF!" A powerful blow by Bizarro Lynx knocked Lynx away, debilitating him for good. This was the Lynx that had worked for FATE, the one that burned Lucca's house down, killed Schala's daughter-clone, and nearly killed Lucca. This was the Lynx that stole Serge's identity, spread hate throughout the land, double-crossed Porre and Acacia, terminated Prometheus, and this was the Lynx that Kid so desired to kill...
"Oi!" The wounded Lynx struggled to look up. He managed to make out the image of his daughter, standing there innocently, a smile playing on her mouth. Seagulls crowed in the distance.
"Kid?" whispered Lynx. In a sudden burst, Kid leaped forward, standing between the two demi-humans. For a moment, only the silence and the gulls permeated the thick air. Kid stood, her dagger shining in the sun, her eyes darting towards both Lynxes. Bizarro Lynx sneered gleefully.
"Finish him off, Kid," he growled. "Finish him off, just like you've always wanted to." Kid smiled and nodded.
"Yeah, like I always wanted to." Suddenly, she lurched forward, ramming her blade through Bizarro Lynx's stomach. For a brief moment, he paused, gaping down at the fiery thief. "That was for everything," she whispered, a dark growl in her hushed voice. "Everything." She yanked the dagger out, and stepped away as her true foe fell down on the sand, dead.

It was over. Finally, it was really over. Kid sighed, dropped her dagger in the sand, and quietly stepped over to the other Lynx--the Lynx that Lucca, her sister and her mother, had fallen in love with. The Lynx that...... was her father.
"Dad?" whispered Kid, a shiver in her voice. Lynx looked up wearily, his injury healing. Kid smiled weakly, helping her one-time enemy up. "Dad?" she whispered again, swallowing tears.
"Kid," said Lynx softly, "you called me dad..." She sniffled, unable to prevent the tears.
"Y-yeah. A-ain't that what kids call their fathers?" She chuckled, sniffled, and rushed forward to wrap her arms around her father. "Daddy!" she squealed, burying her face in his shoulder. Lynx sighed, stroking his furry hand down his daughter's neck.
"My precious daughter," he growled.
"I... I-I love y-you, d-dad," stuttered Kid, kissing his neck. Lynx smiled.
"And I love you, Kid. More than you could ever imagine."



Adventures in New York, Act IX: The Long and Winding Road

"Well," sighed General Viper, "all good things must come to an end." He smiled at the large crowd before him. Mixed in the menagerie of characters were lovers and friends, humans and demi-humans, old and young, former enemies and loved ones, old friends and new faces. Bizarro Riddel and Karsh were getting along very well, and whispers of wedding bells went around the group. As for the two Seifers and two Harles, well, never was there a cuter and more unlikely couple.

And who would've suspected that Janice would be with Serge?!

"Yes," said Glenn, his arm around Leena. "We've had some good times in this trip, but now I can genuinely say that it's time to go home."
"For real!" smiled Janice. "I've enjoyed the time I spent with you all, but I think Sergiekins and I need some time alone."
"As do we," giggled Leena.
"As do we," said Norris, his hand subtly clasping Orlha's.
"Yeah, us too!" grinned Bizarro Riddel, her arm over Karsh's neck.
"We all do," said Fargo, letting some air out his mouth. Viper nodded his head.
"Well then, it's time to head home."
"But how're we gonna get there?" asked Miki. Nobody knew.
"Hey you guys!" shouted Greco. Everyone turned towards him. "Look what I found! Horses! And there's enough for everyone to ride!"
"How convenient," mumbled Luccia. Lucca smiled.
"I think I'll have to take it easy," she said.
"Why?" asked her beloved. Her face turned beet-red.
"Well," she muttered, "while you were at the hospital, I went over to my doctor, right? Well, it ah... turns out that I, ah..." She paused, blushing so much that it looked like her face was on fire.
"Yes?" said Lynx, goading her on. She giggled uncontrollably.
"I found out that I'm gonna have another baby," she smiled. Every mouth in the group gaped open in surprise, but none more than Lynx's, Kid's, and Luccia's.
"You are!!?" squealed Lynx, and Lucca joyfully nodded her head. Lynx laughed merrily, twirling his lover around in the air.
"Oi, ya hear that, mate?" asked Kid, poking Serge's side. "Looks like we're gettin' another lil' brother or sister in the mix! Heh, you rock, mom 'n dad!" The two lovers grinned foolishly and kissed, and soon everyone mounted their new rides, Lynx being extra careful with Lucca. In a wild fit of adventure and fun, the heroes and heroines galloped off into the sunset, somewhat sad that their road trip was over, but at the same time, glad that they were finally heading home. They had been through much, and would go through much more in the future, but as long as the group held each other close, they would always come out victorious.

And so the Chrono Cross gang bade farewell to New York as they rode off into the sunset.

"Hey guys?" said Karsh nervously.
"Yes?" He shivered.
"I STILL GOTTA USE THE BATHROOM!!!!!!"
"Oh, no!"

Bum bum bummm!!

THE END