-Markus Wolfe presents: Shikamaru 'Robbin' Hood' Nara, or alternatively, Shinobi in Tights

To skip the cast, scroll down until you see italic text.

The Cast, in Order of Appearance:

Shikamaru Nara – Shikamaru 'Robbin' Hood' Nara – Robin Hood Equivalent

Choji Akimichi – Little Choji – Little John Equivalent

Naruto Uzumaki – Naruto O'Malley – Irish Merry Man, Future King of Ireland, Suitor of Hinata

Kiba Inuzuka and Akamaru – Kiba and Akamaru Macdouglas – Scottish Merry Man and Dog, William Wallace Equivalent

Jiraiya – Jiraiya O'Flaherty the Abnormally Large and Perverted Leprechaun – Mentor of Naruto, Giant Leprechaun, Friar Tuck Equivalent

Temari – The Fair Maiden Temari – Maid Marian Equivalent, Sister of Kankuro and Gaara

Kamatari (Temari's Weasel) – Scrabbler – Temari's Pet Weasel

Tenten – Tenten O'Higgins – Wife of Neji, Irish Handmaiden of Temari

Hinata Hyuuga – Hinata O'Higgins – Irish Handmaiden of Temari, Cousin of Neji, Lover of Naruto

Neji Hyuuga - Neji O'Higgins – Husband of Tenten, Representative of Ireland to the British Crown, Informer of Shikamaru, Cousin of Hinata

Sakura Haruno – Lady Sakura Cooke – Random High Class Woman

Ino Yamanka – Lady Ino Legge – Again, Random High Class Woman

Kakuzu – King Kakuzu – Prince John Equivalent, Evil Spaniard

Hidan – Honorable Sheriff Hidan – Sheriff of Konoham (equivalent to Sheriff of Nottingham), Wicked Frenchman

Kisame Hoshigaki – General Kisame – Mercenary Army Commander, Chief Swordsman of Kakuzu, Ruthless German

Shino Abarume – Shino the Blind Kunai Thrower – That blind guy from Robin Hood: Men in Tights

Kankuro – Lord Kankuro – Brother of Temari and Gaara, Aspiring Artist, Torture Device Engineer

Gaara – Gaara, Baron of Sundun – Brother of Temari and Kankuro, Torture Device and Siege Weapon Engineer, Baron of Sundun

Baki – Baki – Personal Assistant to the Noble Family of Sundun

Shukaku Ichibi – Shukaku the Monstrous Raccoon…..Dog…..Bear…..THING - A Monstrous Raccoon…..Dog…..Bear…..THING

Kyuubi – The Rawhead – Boogeyman, Fear Incarnated, Lord of Terror, etc.

Might Gai – Sir Guy the Mighty – Green Knight of the Irish Fisticuffs Order of Youth

Rock Lee – Squire Shamrock Lee – Squire to Sir Guy the Mighty

Suigetsu Hozuki – Suigetsu the Brrrraw – Robert the Bruce equivalent

Kakashi Hatake – King Kakashi the Courageous – King Richard the Lion-hearted Equivalent, Also has elements of King Arthur

Choza Akimichi – Tiny Choza – Father of Choji

Inoichi Yamanka – Inoichi Legge – Father of Ino

Shikaku Nara – No change of name – Father of Shikamaru, Lord of Konoham, Husband of Yoshino

Yoshino Nara – No change of name – Mother of Shikamaru, Lady of Konoham, Wife of Shikaku

A long time ago in England, there was a fair sized village that went by the name of Konoham. It was ruled justly the local noble family, the Nara Clan. The Clan leader of that day and age, Shikaku, was summoned by King Kakashi the Courageous to aid him in the Great Shinobi Crusade. Now, normally the wife of the local lord would stay at home and manage the land, but for some reason Lady Yoshino was determined to accompany him on the Crusade (something about making sure he eats his vegetables) That left the young Shikamaru to rule Konoham. While he was old enough to rule, and was wise beyond his years, Shikamaru simply lacked the ambition of the other lords (twas the effects a curse put upon his family in the olden days) and preferred to watch clouds rather than perform his duties.

In a cruel twist of fate for England, a malicious tyrant from Spain stole the throne in Kakashi's absence. His name was Kakuzu, and the hunger for gold and power of the evil Spaniard was beyond belief. He taxed the heart and soul out of the common folk of England, and unseated many of the reigning lords, replacing them with his own personal 'sheriffs' to further establish his control. Shikamaru was one of them. A mercenary army led by Kakuzu's two favorite subjects, the wicked Frenchman Hidan and the ruthless German General Kisame, stormed his castle and burned his family's deed to the land. Shikamaru managed to escape with his lifelong friend Little Choji (who rarely ever left his side) into the surrounding forest, but at the cost of the life of his most trusted advisor, Asuma. After seeing him murdered at the hands of Hidan, Shikamaru decided he would not be content with the suffering he knew his people would receive at Kakuzu's hand.

The first thing he did was write a letter to the Kiba Macdouglas (a Scottish rebel, determined to free the kingless Scotland from England's grasp) whom he had earlier encountered (read: had been held hostage by) during negotiations in the Borderlands. Upon learning of the situation in England, Kiba (who had been recently lost a battle because "That wee bastard Angus sold me oot!") figured England would be an excellent place to hide (since no one would ever look for him there) and went to Shikamaru's aid, taking with him only his sword and his wolfhound Akamaru. Shikamaru also wrote a letter to the Irish trickster Naruto O'Malley, the future King of Ireland (whom he had also been acquainted with in the Borderlands). Not knowing of his royal lineage, Naruto decided that joining Shikamaru made as much sense as anything else he could think of. As ever, he was accompanied by his mentor, Jiraiya O'Flaherty the Abnormally Large and Perverted Leprechaun.

With his most trusted allies at his side, Shikamaru put his plan into action: they robbed the caravans carrying the tax money from Konoham and distributed it among the poor, and those made poor by the taxes, making sure none of the 'authorities' saw their faces while they were doing it. And it is here that our story begins…

Unless you actually care enough about the background of this story to read the author's note, you best go to the next chapter right now.

Ah, the author's note. Also known as where Markus explains why he did what he did.

First, why I made this whole thing in the first place. I was meditating on the partnership of Shikamaru and Choji, comparing them to many classic duos (such as Indiana Jones and those of his allies who didn't betray him, and Han Solo and Chewbacca) and eventually Robin Hood and Little John came up. It was a very good comparison. It was then I realized that the rest of the slacker gang (Naruto, Kiba and Akamaru) would make a very good band of Merry Men. That's how I started the picture, then I worked Temari in as Maid Marian (because I'm one of the biggest Shikatema fans on this site, and also because their relationship reminds me of descriptions of Maid Marian and Robin Hood that were less than 'fairy tale'), then Jiraiya as Friar Tuck. And it kind of just snowballed from there. The ideas in my head continued to grow more and more complex and suitable for a fanfic.

Second, why I made a boat load of people Irish. Why not? I mean, how am I going to make Naruto the future king of somewhere if the King of England has to return from the Crusade at the end to set things right? Right? Alright, that was weak, but I've got better reasons. Naruto's a whimsical guy, and he hasn't got a care in the world….well, if Saucegay wasn't being so much trouble, he would be. What could he be raised by to inspire this sort of attitude? LEPRECHAUNS! Jiraiya as a leprechaun? Why, that's just brilliant, creative side of my conscious! Additionally, the Hyuuga clan has stereotypical Irish features (extra light skin, dark hair) so it would make sense for them to be Irish as well.

Third, why I made the Inuzuka clan Scottish and Kiba the William Wallace equivalent. I myself am a proud descendant of the Scots, and believe that out of all of the ninja clans, the Inuzuka clan would be the best to fit in Scotland. Also, I got to have fun with the Scottish accent! I turned the Inuzuka clan into the Macdouglas clan because 'Dog' would be pronounced similar to 'Doug', causing the name to mean 'Son of Dog' (although with the 'lass' on the end, it sounds like a heavy insult, if you get what I mean). Also, it sounds like 'Madadh'- Gaelic for 'Dog' or 'Canine'. As for the William Wallace stuff….. what's wrong throwing in a little Braveheart? William Wallace was one of the inspirations for the original Robin Hood, so why not?

4. Everybody else's accents/countries of origin. My first explanation, which is also the weakest, is WHY NOT? I'm the author, I can do whatever I feel like. My second explanation is that the accents are particularly amusing. Third on the list is that the English viewed the French and Spanish as villains for the longest time, and didn't exactly feel warmly towards the Germans. Also, the French were the inventors of the guillotine, and the largest sword in all of Europe originated in Germany. The final explanation is that I needed Hidan to do a lot of swearing, but if I had too much swearing I knew this could never be published. We often refer to swearing as French anyways, so why not just have him swear in French?

5. Bearded and shirtless characters. First off, they're just costumes to make it more obvious who everybody is. Second, it's the medieval ages! Almost every man capable of growing a beard has a beard! Razor blades haven't been invented yet, and the next best thing is ridiculously expensive. Third, I like beards. Beards are undeniably awesome and manly. Every year since Grade 9 (2005), when school starts I stop shaving until the spring. It's a biological experiment on myself. In the Summer, I look like a guy from the 80's, but in the winter I look like an Iron Age Celt. I started growing the beard 2 weeks earlier this year, and I think it's going to be a keeper. And the last reason is that it's fun giving guys beards. And not just giving them beards (though that's fun on its own) but finding the facial hair that suits them best.

Oh, and the shirtlessness….it's called fanservice.