Whether this is a result of sudden inspiration for the first time in 6 months, or procrastination, this is long overdue. Enjoy.

Cyrus House

Thursday, March 11, 2010

Sleep, was that too much too ask? It wasn't a major request. I wasn't acting for world peace or a marriage proposal from Orlando Bloom, I just wanted to sleep.

I shot death glares at the back of Nick's head; his mop of curls had been cut short. He wore his usual white tee and jeans, while I was dragged across the house in PJ's, my hair a bunch of tangled strands that I hadn't combed out yet today. It was almost 4.

The house was empty, though the many birds and dogs ran through the halls, one of the younger puppies almost tripped Nick and I while he led me into the kitchen.

"Nick, just let me go back to bed!" I snapped, he refused tell me what was going on. He merely glanced back at me, smiled that tiny grin, and continued leading me towards the kitchen. I seriously considered whether kicking him in the crotch and running back to my bed was too mean, but I was practically falling asleep on my feet.

He finally led me into the kitchen; a familiar smell of cookie dough filled the room. I saw a single sheet of paper lying beside the many utensils sprayed out on the granite counter tops.

"Mamaw's recipe for her chocolate chips cookies," I whispered. The memories of baking them every Christmas in Nashville ran through my mind, all of us kids would eventually start a food fight. Braison would chase me around the house with a chocolate covered spoon, aiming for my hair. I would always scream and fight back with a handful of sugar.

I turned back and saw Nick smiling ear to ear, holding two aprons in hand. He handed one to me, slipping one on and quickly tying the strings, helping me with mine. His fingers lingered along my neck while tying the knot; they felt warm against my cold skin.

He whipped me around, excitement filling his eyes. They matched the deep brown of the chocolate chips. "So here's the plan for today, we're going to make the cookies that you used to make all the time with your family. While the cookies are in the oven, you will get dressed and we'll go for a bike ride like we used to all the time. Your Mom is just out in the back with Noah. They're doing some arts and crafts project; they'll keep an eye on the cookies. Afterwards..." he pulled me along the countertops, out of the kitchen and into the small den that Braison, Noah and I hung out when Mom and Dad had guests over.

There were pillows and blankets set up on the main couch, a box set of FRIENDS on one of the side table, my favourite show. I looked around, it was simple, but the candles were set up around the room, plates and forks set on the small wooden table sitting in front of the couch, I loved it.

"Nick, what is this?" I asked.

"After we get back from the bike ride, I'll make some Mac 'n Cheese, and we'll watch FRIENDS for the rest of the night. Or we could watch some other movie, if you don't want to watch that, your choice. Do you like it?" he asked, his eyes hopeful, like a little puppy.

"Of course I love it," I whispered, a lump rising in my throat seeing him acting so careful around me. I wanted to get excited about this, smile for once, but I felt nothing.

He saw my sad attempt at a smile. A look of disappointment filled his eyes for a moment and his hopeful smile faltered again before he was pulling my back to the kitchen.

Cyrus House

Thursday, March 11, 2010

It was almost 9; we were both sprawled on the couch, a large afghan covering us. He had his arm behind my head, while I saw with my knees up to my chest. The day hadn't gone as perfectly as Nick had hoped.

The cookies had burnt a little, but Noah currently sat in the kitchen, devouring them with Braison. I hadn't felt like driving my bike like he wanted, so we went for a walk instead. He wasn't in that great of a mood when we got back, even though he tried to cover it with large grins and too many jokes. He was quickly losing patience with me, just like everyone else was. I didn't really blame them if they all eventually just gave up and left.

"Oh, look, look! I have elbows!" Nick chuckled at Monica and Pheobe on the TV screen, looking down at me, probably expecting me to laugh. Pheobe had always been my favourite FRIEND.

I guess his patience finally ran out. He suddenly clicked the TV off and shot off of the couch, making me jump a little. He began to pace the room, holding his head. It was a couple minutes before he said anything.

"What the hell do I have to do, Miley? What is it going to take to get the old you back here, because I don't know how much of this new one I can take," he whispered. His voice was cracking but his eyes were narrowed.

"What do you mean?" was the only thing I managed to whisper, though my temper was suddenly rising too, seeing him look at me with some sort of disappointment.

"You're practically dead! I don't remember the last time I saw you smile, Miley! Damn, you're nickname was Smiley. And now it looks as if actually pains you to try to curl the corners of your mouth. It's been MONTHS; everyone has gotten over everything that happened. We all dealt with it, Miley. It seems like you're putting in no effort at all to get better." I felt heat rushing through my body again. For once I didn't feel like I was standing in a snowstorm anymore.

"No effort?" I yelled. Nick jumped back a little; I hadn't spoken above a whisper since I came back from the hospital.

"You think I want to feel like this?" I asked. "You think I want that guilt or that feeling that someone is just pulling and twisting at my heart 24 hours a day? Nick, I would just love to not feel this guilt anymore, not feel so numb all the time. I want to be happy again, I want to smile and laugh again," I broke off, my voice cracking too. He began to step towards me, looking apologetic. I held up my hands in defence, backing away from him.

'"No, you listen to me. I lost a baby, a human life. I am not going to just get over it in a couple of weeks like you did, alright? I know its taking a long time, and I wouldn't blame you if you gave up on me. But this is not something I'm just going to get over, alright?" I sighed, curling back onto the couch and holding my head in my hands.

In moment his arms were wrapped around me, holding my head against his chest, rubbing my back.

"I'm sorry for saying all those things, Miles. I shouldn't have said them," his voice was muffled against my hair.

"But they were true." He began to shake his head, but I raised my head and stared at him.

"I'm tired of feeling like this Nick. I want to get better, instead of just hiding away from the world in my bed." This sudden new found determination was filling my head, pushing the thoughts of worthlessness far away from my brain.

"Good, because we've all been waiting for the return of Smiley Miley for a long time now."

A lots been going on for the past six months, that I won't bore you with. But I'll probably have another chapter up soon, because schools over by next week :) Anyways, I'm sorry for the long wait.

-me.