Disclaimer: I own neither TDI nor Alice in Wonderland. Oh well.... I can dream.

Lindsay was relaxing under a tree, listening to Paula read her a story. She wasn't quite paying attention. Paula didn't exactly have the best reading voice. It sort of resembled a drone and it was sending Lindsay to sleep. Suddenly, something interesting caught Lindsay's eye. A guy wearing rabbit ears, a suit, and a large watch around their neck dashed past her. He jumped headfirst into a hole and disappeared underground. She crawled after him, casting a guilty look at Paula. Paula sat on the opposite side of the tree, still reading to Lindsay. Lindsay crawled deeper and deeper into the earth.

"I wonder if I'm going to fall into the center of the earth," she wondered aloud. (She was a little bit stupid.) "Mr. Rabbit, does this hole go to the center of the earth?" she asked. She received no response and could no longer see the boy. "I'll catch up to him and ask," she resolved. She continued to crawl.

Finally, she saw the end of tunnel. She stepped into the light and caught sight of the boy disappearing into a door holding a piece of cake. She rushed to catch up, but the door closed in her face. She tried to open it and found it was locked. She stomped her foot and turned around, pouting. On the table in front of her, there was a bottle of liquid and a plate of cakes.

"Eat me," she read off tag sticking out of the cakes. "What if they're poisoned?" she thought aloud. "I'll eat one. If it's poisoned I'll spit it out and if it isn't I'll be fine!" (Told you she was a bit stupid.) She took a bite of one of the cakes and started to shrink. "Oh my gosh! Magic cake!" she gushed. Lindsay wandered over to the door and slipped through the crack in the side. Outside there was a land that was just the right size for Lindsay. She caught sight of the rabbit boy hopping away. "Mr. Rabbit! Mr. Rabbit!"

He turned around and stared at her indignantly. "My name is not Mr. Rabbit! I don't know why all the visitors insist on calling me that! That Alice chick was bad enough, following me around and all…."

"Oh," Lindsay said, trying to figure out what he was talking about. "Then what's your name?"

"Noah," he said, crossing his arms.

Lindsay smiled at him. "Nice to meet you Noel! I'm Lindsay." She stuck her hand out for him to shake.

He took her hand reluctantly. "Nice to meet you too. And my name is Noah, not Noel."

"Sorry," she said sheepishly. "I'm really bad with names." Suddenly, they heard a loud, shrill noise. Noah froze up.

"I'm outta here," he said. He started to hop away quickly.

"What's wrong?" Lindsay asked.

"If you value your eardrums, you'll get out of here," he said, glancing at her. She starts to follow him just as two girls, dressed identically, see them.

"EEEEE!" they squeal in synch. "It's Noah!" Noah groans and tries to keep going, pretending to not notice them. They run towards them, easily overtaking Noah. "Hi Noah!" the tanner girl said.

"Hi Noah!" the other girl said. Noah rolled his eyes, not responding.

Lindsay bounced over to them. "Hi, I'm Lindsay!" she said.

"Lindsay, this is Tweedledum and Tweedledumber," Noah said sarcastically. The two girls laugh.

"Oh, you're so funny!" the tanner girl said. "I'm Katie," she said to Lindsay.

"And I'm Sadie," the other said. "Nice ta meetcha!"

"Now that that's done, what did you want?" Noah asked rudely.

"Oh, the queen wants you," Sadie explained.

"The queen?" Lindsay asked.

"The queen," Noah said in an annoyed tone. "Queen bitch."

Katie and Sadie gasp. "Don't say that!" Katie said in a hushed tone.

"She might behead you!" Sadie whispered.

Lindsay's eyes widened. "Behead you?"

"She wouldn't do that. I'm too useful here," Noah said with bravado. You could see a trace of fear in his eyes though.

"Don't worry; I won't let anyone behead you!" Lindsay said bravely.

"We've got to go," Katie said quickly.

"Yeah, if she found out that you said that to us!" Sadie said. She drew a line across her neck, miming a beheading. The two quickly ran away.

"You think they'll tell?" Lindsay asked, worry showing plainly in her face.

"Nah. Besides, they'll have forgotten by tomorrow," Noah said. He set off towards a large forest in the distance. Lindsay followed behind him.

"Oh. Well, Sally and Kali were certainly nice," Lindsay said happily, all traces of worry gone.

"Sadie and Katie," Noah corrected her.

"I knew that!" Lindsay said brightly. The two walked quietly into the forest. Lindsay stared at all the crazy plants around her. There were purple ferns that waved as she passed, black trees contorted into strange positions, and large, leafy, orange bushes. She treaded quietly on the pink moss, following close behind Noah. Soon the trees started to get closer and closer together, blocking out the light. After another minute, the trees blocked out the light entirely and it was pitch black inside the forest.

"N-nick?" Lindsay asked.

"I'm over here Lindsay." She whipped towards his voice. "And it's Noah." She grabbed his arm and pressed her body against it.

"I thought I lost you!" she said, panicked.

"Yeah, yeah," he muttered, glad that she couldn't see his face, as it was flushed pink.

The two made their way peacefully for a while until something brushed against her arm. She shrieked and wrapped her arms around Noah.

"Um, Lindsay," Noah said, his face flaming red. "Could you get off me, please?"

"Oh, sorry," she said apologetically taking her arms off him. Finally they emerged into a small clearing. In the center of the clearing there was a large mushroom with a guy resting on it.

"Whoah, dudes! How's it going?" the guy yelled.

"Hey Geoff," Noah said resignedly.

"Hi Geoff!" Lindsay chirped.

"Noah, who's the pretty lady?" Geoff asked, waggling his eyebrows. He let a puff of smoke out of his mouth and waved the mouthpiece of the hookah at Lindsay.

"This is Lindsay. She followed me here," Noah explained.

"Dude, why do you get all the cute girls around here?" Geoff whined.

"I don't 'get' them. They just…. Follow me around," Noah said.

"First Alice…. Then Bridgette… now this," Geoff muttered.

"We'll be going now," Noah said quickly.

"Hey, won't you take a smoke with me before you go?" he asked.

"No thanks, Geoff," Noah declined. He quickly exited the clearing with Lindsay trotting behind him. After another minute of walking, something finally registered in Lindsay's brain. "How many girlfriends have you had Nathan?" she asked.

"Why do you ask?" Noah said, deflecting the question.

"Answer the question please!" Lindsay said stubbornly.

"Is it because of what Geoff said?" he asked.

She folded her arms and gave him what she thought was a piercing stare. "I just want to know!" she insisted.

"It's none of your business!" Noah said angrily, glaring at her. The two stared at each other for a minute. Finally, they reached a stalemate and both looked away.

"You're mean!" Lindsay said, frowning.

"It's my defining characteristic," Noah said, rolling his eyes.

Lindsay turned and stomped off. "I don't want to hang out with mean people!" she yelled over her shoulder.

"You following me around was annoying anyway!" Noah yelled back at her.

Lindsay gasped. "You're just…. just….. ugh!" She disappeared into the trees.

Noah stood staring angrily at his surroundings. He kicked a pebble at one of the trees.

"Ouch. That was pretty bad," a voice said. Noah looked up at the tree and saw a head floating on the branch. It was the head of a boy with a shock of bright red fur around his face.

"Shut up Harold. Or should I say….. Chessie?" Noah said nastily.

Harold's head narrowed its eyes. "Shut up. I don't know why Alice thought I looked like a Cheshire. I'm very obviously a long-haired Yogmalian!"

"Whatever Cat-boy." Noah started to walk in direction opposite to the one Lindsay had taken.

"All rudeness aside, you should probably go after her," Harold said seriously.

"And why would I do that?" Noah said.

"Well, firstly, she's hot," Harold said matter-of-factly.

Noah sighed. "Do you have a point or are you just mindlessly babbling?"

"And secondly, she's going towards the tea party," Harold continued.

Noah visibly paled. "T-the tea party?" he said.

Harold's head nodded, a phenomena that was slightly creepy, considering he had no head. "Just because the last girl that came was lucky and got away doesn't mean that Lindsay will." He suddenly noticed that Noah was not longer standing near him and had already hurried after Lindsay.

Lindsay looked down and saw something shiny in the grass. She squatted and picked a card off the ground. "Ooooh! That's pretty," she said, entranced by its shininess. Lindsay heard loud laughter at the top of the hill she was climbing. "Maybe I'll meet some nice people there," she said, sniffling. She saw a long table at the top of the hill. A girl with shocking red hair, a high top hat, and a sparkly red latex dress was currently standing on the table.

"I declare this hill the property of the Mad Hatter!" she yelled. She stomped her foot and the teacups on the table rattled.

"Izzy, could yoo' get off the table, eh?" the boy sitting behind her asked. He nervously tugged on the bunny ears coming out of his toque. Izzy turned a frightening glare on him. "I mean, Mad Hatter!" He gulped audibly.

"Thank you, Zekey-poo," Izzy said happily. She hopped off the table and saw Lindsay. "Hellooo! Zekey we have a visitor! Wake up the Mouse!"

Ezekiel flinched. "You knoo' she hates that yoo' call her that, eh," he said. "And she got back real late last night. She was with Tyler, eh."

Izzy crossed her arms and glared at him. "There is no night, Zekey. It is always tea-time! My watch says so!"

"Whatever yoo' say Iz-. I mean, Mad Hatter!"

"Just wake her up."

Ezekiel shook the girl slumped next to him. She shot upright, shaking back her dark hair and sending Ezekiel tumbling down the hill.

"What the h**l!" the girl yelled.

"Say hi to our visitor, Mousie!" Izzy said cheerfully.

"Another one?" Eva grumbled. Lindsay strained to hear Izzy as she snarled something at Eva. "I got it, I got it," Eva said, trying to placate Izzy. "And don't call me Mousie."

"Hi," Ezekiel said, waving timidly as he walked back up the hill again. "I'm Eze-"

Izzy glared at him and Ezekiel made a noise that sounded an awful lot like "eep!"

"I mean, I'm the March Hare!" he corrected.

"Nice to meet you EzeMarch Pear!" Lindsay chirped.

"That's noo't my name, eh," Ezekiel said. "I'm the March Hare."

Lindsay knocked her hand against her forehead theatrically. "Oopsie! Nice to meet you!"

Eva mouthed "Run away while you still can!" at Lindsay. Lindsay looked at her quizzically.

"Can you say that out loud?" Lindsay asked. "I'm not that good at reading."

"I'll say you aren't," Eva muttered.

"I'm the Mad Hatter!" Izzy said, taking off her top hat and bowing.

"I'm not sure if I want to see mad people," Lindsay said quietly to herself.

"It's hard to avoid here," Izzy told her. "Everyone here is mad!"

"Except me and some other select people," Noah said, panting as he arrived at the top of the hill.

"Nick!" Lindsay said joyfully. She suddenly remembered that she was mad at him as she was about to hug him. She paused in midair and looked confused.

"Are you okay?" he asked, surveying her position.

"Hmph!" She crossed her arms and turned away, tossing her hair over her shoulder.

He rolled his eyes. "You don't have to be like that. I even came to save you from these people," he said, jerking a thumb at those sitting at the table. "You better hope that the Queen doesn't assign you to work with them."

"I've got to work?" Lindsay asked, confused. "I've never done that before!" She clapped her hands in excitement.

"Well, unless you escape," Noah said.

She tapped her finger against her lip, pondering that. She shrugged. "Escaping sounds too complicated."

"Your funeral," Noah said.

"Maybe even literally," Eva muttered darkly.

Izzy smiled at Eva, a face that was somehow even more frightening that her glare. "Now, now, Doormouse. Don't frighten our new recruit!"

"Recruit…" Lindsay said. "Is that a new brand of clothes?"

"She's not working for you," Noah said assertively. He started to pull Lindsay away.

"You don't know that!" Izzy yelled after them.

"If I have anything to say about it, she won't!" Noah said as they started down the hill.

"But you don't have anything to say about that!" Izzy said. Even though Noah and Lindsay were quite far away, they could still see her stick her tongue out at them. Noah shook his head and continued to walk. "I got the last word!" Izzy screamed triumphantly.

"Izzy," Ezekiel said, tugging on her dress hem.

She turned towards him and smiled genuinely. "I got a little carried away, didn't I?" She swooped down and kissed him on the cheek. "Thanks Zekey."

Eva mimed gagging. Izzy rolled her eyes and stood bolt upright. "Clean cup, clean cup, clean cup! Move down, move down, move down!"

"But I haven't used my cup yet!" Ezekiel protested.

"No matter!" Izzy said. "A very merry unbirthday!"

"You can let go of me now," Lindsay said to Noah. He looked down and pulled his hand from hers. "I haven't forgotten how mean you were."

"Wow. Amazing," Noah said flatly.

"I know, right!" Lindsay said. "People always tell me I have the attention span of a rat!"

He blinked. "You mean, a gnat?"

She smiled. "That too!" Suddenly, her face fell. "Oh wait, I'm mad at you. Apologize before I forget I'm mad!"

"I'm….. sorry?" he said unsurely.

Her smile came back and she beamed at Noah. "Good! Now we can go back to being best friends!" She grabbed onto his arm and linked it with hers. Noah started to look extremely uncomfortable. She kissed him on the cheek and his face started to flame red. "Are you okay?" she asked when she caught sight of his face. "Do you have a fever?" She pressed her hand against his head. "Nope! No fever. You know, my sister gets fevers at the strangest times! Like that time when my ex-boyfriend saw her in her underwear."

Noah just shook his head at her stupidity.

A/N: Whadda you think? I know it didn't make very much sense, but all will be explained! This whole first chapter was just a mess of confusion.

This was originally my entry for the AU day of Crack and Fanon Week. However, I didn't finish it in time. I'm going to make it a long story instead of the one-shot it was originally going to be.

Review and tell me what you think! Cookies for reviewers!

Oh, and I'm pretty sure I made this clear but just in case I didn't........

In this chapter the couples were:

Ezzy (Izzy/Ezekiel)

Tyva (Tyler/Eva)