One day the Cullens were in college, and Edward was a player. P.S., they somehow were all human. Bella, the nerdy girl who was roomies with a popular girl decided to go talk to him.

"Hi" she said. Then they had an awkward conversation and started making out. Then Bella got in a cat fight with the popular chick than they were bffs. Suddenly the Cullens were vampires again, and they all disappeared because guess what? Edward never came back in New Moon! And Bella was also a vampire because after Edward left she got turned by Victoria.

*Flashback*

"Bella, I'm not good for you! I'm a deplorable monster that sparkles in the sun and who cares if I'm passionate and romantic and graceful and can give you immortality because that would take away your soul, and I never even considered asking if you're a believer before I leave you to jump off a cliff but whatever don't kill yourself bye!" said Edward before running away at vampire speed to Bella's room to hide his picture and his cd under her floorboards and then he went out to his sexy Volvo to drive away to a secluded house and rock in a corner wishing he hadn't left Bella. Instead of going home, Bella tried to follow him but then lay down on the forest floor, too lazy to go home to eat ice cream from the carton while watching boxing, because everything else on TV made her feel like there was a huge hole in her internal organs because she missed Edward so much! Then a very familiar red-headed freak seeking revenge found her intending to drink her blood, but then noticed that Edward wasn't there to watch.

"What's wrong?" asked Victoria

"Edward left me and now I have nothing to live for but the internet and fox news!!!" bawled Bella

"Well, your Edward killed James, so I'm gonna make you a vampire so you'll forever walk the earth without love!"

"Please don't!!!" begged Bella "I know a guy whose blood would be really tasty! If you leave me mortal so I can jump off a cliff and then risk my ass going to Italy to save Edward and then forgive him for being such a jerk!! Plus I'll let you have my microwave!"

"Tempting" drawled Victoria "but I will still bite you!" Victoria then proceeded to bite Bella and then stole the microwave and ate Mike Newton, and after three days of being so depressed she didn't even notice the burning, Bella ran away from home so Charlie wouldn't have to be undead, because it was so horrible to have eternal youth and the face of a borticelli angel along with stealth, speed, and strength. After joining the Volturi guard, Bella discovered she had every freakin power in the vampire world and if she met someone with a power she didn't have she could copy it. And guess what else? Aro turned out to be her real father! Then Edward was so lonely he joined the guard and him and Bella fell for each other again. Oh, and I forgot to mention that while Edward was gone Bella still followed the stupid vegetarian diet, even though you'd think being removed from the Cullens influence would lead you to jump off their stupid vegetarian bandwagon.

THE END!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!