(I officially call this teacher's meeting to order.) S.S.

(What is this teacher's meeting for, precisely? You never exactly told us.) P.S.

(Pomona's initials are P.S.! Haha!) A.D.

(Albus, for God's sake!) S.S.

(Oh, let him have his fun, Severus.) M.M.

(Anyway, I have called this meeting to order because...) S.S.

(HOOPLA!) A.D.

(I do like this list that they've made.) A.D.

(I have called this meeting to order because...) S.S.

(HOOPLA!) A.D.

(I have called this meeting to...) S.S.

(HOOPLA!) A.D.

(I have ca...) S.S.

(HOOPLA!) A.D.

(This list breaks school rules! The children ought to be expelled!) S.S.

(Oh, contraire, Snapeadoodle!) A.D.

(WHAT?!) S.S.

(WHAT DID YOU JUST CALL ME?!) S.S.

41. Have Dumbledore call him 'Voldedoodle'. He'd die of shock and/or humiliation. (M.M.)

(Minerva, please!) S.S.

(I'm flattered, Minerva.) A.D.

(And amused.) A.D.

(Severus, I find no harm in this list, as it was not against a certain teacher or subject.) M.M.

(Oh, contraire, Minerva.) S.S.

(If you will look, there attacks against Professor Umbridge, and...) S.S.

('Projessor'? You're not calling her Dolores?) M.M.

(Minerva, you never call her by name, either. Why Albus decided to hire her is beyond me.) S.S.

(I don't even remember five minutes ago!) A.D.

(Wait, I hired her? WHERE WAS I WHEN THIS HAPPENED? WHY DIDN'T ANYONE TELL ME?!) A.D.

42. Convince him he's Professor Umbridge. He'd die of the horror. (P.S.)

(Why do I even bother?) S.S.

43. Make him dress up as Professor Umbridge for Halloween. (M.M.)

(...) S.S.

(Minerva, if you were a student, I'd give you a weeks' detentions.) S.S.

(But I'm not, Severus.) M.M.

(I know.) S.S.

(Unfortunately.) S.S.

(What's the problem, Professor Dumbledore?) R.H.

(Oh, great, Hagrid's here...) S.S.

(No problem, Professor Hagrid, sir.) A.D.

44. Shove him off the Astronomy Tower so that he can 'see stars'. (R.H.)

(Honestly, Rubeus!) S.S.

(You're always ruining the fun for us, Severus!) A.D.

(I predict horrors! HORRORS TO WHOEVER WRITES ON THIS PARCHMENT!) S.T.

(Sybill, none of your so called 'prophecies' have ever come true.) S.S.

(Let her have her fun, Severus.) M.M.

(Is it really appropriate that you would be writing our conversations on this parchment, Minerva?) S.S.

(Here, here.) M.M.

(Oh, and I an idea for their vulgar list, since you are adding suggestions to it, Minerva.) S.S.

(Tell me.) M.M.

45. Use a Polyjuice Potion to transform into Bellatrix Lestrange. Tell Lord Voldemort you are going to see Dumbledore and Apparate away. (S.S.)

(Good one.) S.T.

(Thank you Sybill.) S.S.

(I'm flattered, Severus.) A.D.

(For WHAT?) S.S.

(Two reasons.) A.D.

(One, for joining in our fun.) A.D.

(Alright?) S.S.

(Two, for mentioning me.) A.D.

(Albus, that wasn't really a good thing.) M.M.

(I know, Minerva.) M.M.

(I'm confused.) P.S.

(It made me feel all warm and fuzzy inside.) A.D.

(I knew he would say that.) S.T.

(Of course you did.) S.S.

(Isn't Albus ga—) P.S.

46. Force Lord Voldemort to try to teach my second, fifth, and sixth years without the use of a wand or curses. (S.S.)

(That's not exactly fair, is it, Severus?) M.M.

(If YOU'RE allowed to mock Professor Umbridge, aren't I allowed to say something about my students?) S.S.

(No.) M.M.

(It's different when it's a student versus a teacher, Severus.) M.M.

(I hardly see a difference. Both of them are hardly human.) S.S.

(While I agree that Umbridge is a toad...) M.M.

('A toad'? Minerva, that woman is a NARGLE!) S.T.

(Shush.) M.M.

(Have we moved from You Know Who to Umbridge?) P.S.

(No.) R.H.

(I mean yes.) R.H.

(Just when I thought he had left...) S.S.

(And what is THAT supposed to mean?) R.H.

(Oh, shi...) M.M.

47. Have Hagrid sit on him. (S.S.)

(WHY YOU LITTLE PIECE OF SHIT!) R.H.

(HAGRID!) M.M.

(I'm putting ten Galleons on Rubeus to win!) A.D.

(Albus, please!) M.M.

(For those of you who were curious, after Severus suggested that Hagrid sit on Voldemort and that he'd die, Hagrid called Severus a...very nasty name and started chasing him around the room. Severus attacked him with the 'Avis Oppugno' and now a flock of birds are attempting to peck Hagrid's eyes out. Hagrid swatted away the birds and now is chasing Severus again while Albus chants, "Hagrid! Hagrid! Hagrid!". Sybill and Pomona are now having bets who'll win. Sybill says Hagrid while Pomona says Severus by a landslide and neither are going to place any money on this bet. Hagrid now has Severus in a headlock and is telling him to say 'uncle'. Severus is attempting to use the Patronus charm against Hagrid but his doe is doing nothing to him. Severus has finally said 'uncle' and Hagrid has pretty much thrown Severus across the room. Albus and Sybill have won their bets and Pomona was smart not to bet any money.) M.M.

(That old prune...) R.H.

(Rubeus Hagrid, that is no way to speak of your colleagues.) M.M.

(I detect tension between Hagrid and Severus.) S.T.

(Well, obviouly. They refuse to speak to each other.) M.M.

(And Hagrid is now giving Severus a very rude finger.) M.M.

(Go to your mutual corners.) A.D.

(And no talking.) M.M.

(But he started it!) R.H.

(While that may be true, I'm ending it.) M.M.

(Fine.) R.H.

(Now, if we may get back on topic....) M.M.

(SEVERUS KICKED ME!) R.H.

(Only after he threatened to sit on me!) S.S.

(I did NOT!) R.H.

(Oh, for goodness sake!) M.M.

(Nice work, Minerva.) A.D.

(Excellent use of Muffliato.) A.D.

(Thank you, Albus.) M.M.

(Now, what should we do about this list?) P.S.

(This:) A.D.

48. Somehow convince him, right before casting the Killing Curse, that Voldemort's been holding his wand backwards his entire life. (A.D.)

(...) M.M.

(Sorry, Minerva, I couldn't resist.) A.D.

(It's not that, Albus.) M.M.

(Then what is it?) A.D.

(I'm just curious as to why Mr. Potter, Mr. Weasley, and Miss Granger hadn't thought of that before you wrote it.) M.M.

(It seems very obvious.) S.T.

(Exactly my point, Sybill.) M.M.

(I believe she was backing you up.) P.S.

(I know.) M.M.

(Oh.)

(I have an idea of my own.) P.S.

(Go for it.) A.D.

49. Have You Know Who teach an acromantula how to dance. Without a wand. (P.S.)

(How...?) S.T.

(An acromantula is a giant spider.) P.S.

(Yes, I know.) S.T.

(If he tried to teach it to dance, it'd probably bite him, and without a wand, he'd probably die.) P.S.

(Oh!) S.T.

(Good one, I must admit.) M.M.

50. Make him do the student's exams. (S.T.)

(Good one!) A.D.

(Albus.) M.M.

(Sorry.) A.D.

(Severus, Hagrid, you may come back over here. I have done the counter curse for Muffliato.) M.M.

(Thank you.) S.S.

(Now we must find a solution to this problem, this list.) S.S.

(Any ideas?) A.D.

(I say we burn it.) S.S.

(I say we return it.) R.H.

(I agree with Hagrid, as long as we leave the students a warning about using this list.) M.M.

(SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT.) S.S.

(Severus! Your language!) M.M.

(No, Minerva.) S.S.

(PUT THE PARCHMENT AWAY!) S.T.

(Why?) A.D.

(It's Umbridge.) S.S.

(Shit!) M.M.

(Oh crap.) A.D.

(God!) P.S.

(That old prune!) R.H.