The brilliant, handsome, amazing man in front of me tilts his head, grinning as he offers me a beer.

"We could probably sell you out as a sex toy." Tyler chuckles, grabbing my chin teasingly, "But it would be a shame if you were too fall that far. I remember when you came; you didn't blink or flinch. You were smiling. But your green eyes, oh-so-emerald green, were filled with pride. You haven't changed much. Breaking you would be too upsetting."

Break me, Tyler, oh, please, I beg you. But I don't say that. I just stare.

Oh, God, oh, God, you must love me; his face comes closer to mine, his lips inches from my own pouted ones. He smiles softly. I can smell the alcohol on his breath, his intoxicating scent of lye and perspiration . Who knew soap and sweat could be so damn sexy?

He whispers, "I know what you want. But I want you to beg. Beg on your hands and knees and I'll consider you."

So mesmerizing is his voice, is his scent, is his face, I stand up and try to kneel. He kicks me, quickly, hard. The shock stabs at my heart and my breath is robbed from me. Not very gently, he pulls me up and shoves me into the chair.

"You weren't prepared." Tyler pokes my stomach, sending shivers through my spine. "Getting a little lazy now, Raw?"

I laugh cautiously. Not the exercise I want. The beer made me bold in my words.

He arches an eyebrow, "Learn to keep your impulses under control, little boy."

The noun tugs at me, 'little boy'. I was no little boy. I want to scream and shake his shoulder. Listen to me.

"Was that a command?"

My voice returns to humble, I hang my head. No, sir, never, sir. No one commands you.

He is satisfied. He has found my weakness. He has found his perfect foothold in me. "That is all. Off you go."

I am weak and wounded. My heart is sore. My eyes drift shut and I detach my heart from my mind.

It won't go away. I cry.

I didn't notice he was standing behind me. "I know."

x...x...x

As days drag slothfully by since the meeting with Tyler, my body droops, worn away.

Sand takes this transformation as he is now in charge. "Raw, start over there, digging that trench."

I look at him, my eyes blazing.

"C'mon, dumbshit, do it."

My fist connects with his rubbery nose and Sand leaps back in surprise. Don't mess with me, Sand. I give the orders still.

I smile and regain some confidence. I govern my own mind and body. But my heart is its own. It can't stop. Won't stop.

I've become so use to the aching, I don't know if I would be able to live without it.

x...x...x

Why must he notice it? Why must he notice me again?

He crooks his finger at me. I follow him into a bedroom.

Yes? My insolence is punishable, but to survive, I must be cold.

"Good. You're back to normal, I see. I can see the hate in your eyes once more. You were a begging puppy and a clumsy servant before our last meeting but you're better now."

I scrunch one eye up, sigh, and shrug. I do not care. Okay.

Tyler shoves me against the wall and kisses me, his fingers rubbing roughly against my cheek, his other hand scrambling aggressively against my pant leg.

My dear God, have I told you I love you today?

Breathing deeply, Tyler pulls away and I regain my pure ice composure.

"You are my monkey." He smiles. "I love it."

For Tyler, that was as close as he was going to get to 'I love you.'

I love — Tyler places a finger to my lips.

"You don't. You love my ideas. I just carry them. We want each other, lust for each other. I do not love you. Understand?"

Tears well behind my eyes; I won't let Tyler see.

No, sir, I don't.

"Then you are weak." He spat at me.

I do not care. A week ago, I would have. A minute ago, I would have. But he did not love me and nothing mattered. I am not weak; I am impossible.

I turn and walk away but not before, I see Tyler's shocked and slightly smiling expression.

My impertinence will not go unpunished, but it is worth Tyler's amazement.

x...x...x

I became a legend. Tyler, though he now respected his 'little boy', did not tolerate any other legend but himself.

"Apologize in front of everyone." he hissed at me, "Make yourself humble."

I laugh. Let's make it a deal. If I do it, I get something in return.

"No. You either apologize or you are gone, whether it be kicked out or 'accidently' killed in a stunt. If you are kicked out, we will hunt you down. Secrets are better kept by dead and buried monkeys."

I glower. Fine.

"I still come out on top." He is gone.

We are now equals, playing opposite. But he had ambitions. He had ideas. I had none. I had backbone. But he had one power I could not take away; he knew I loved him. I hated him, because I admired him so.

Fine. I whisper it and this time, I am truly humble.

x...x...x