Names

Summary: Every name has its origin.

Disclaimer: I don't own anything. If I did, Kate would still be on the show... Whether Sasha Alexander wanted to leave or not. And maybe I'd like Ziva.

Notes: Sorry if they're OOC; I'm not a big Ziva fan, so not sure if I'm way off. I dunno. This was really just my way of saying.. "Tony and Ziva can get together, but nobody can replace Kate." Let me know what you think. Anyway.....

Nobody really talks about her anymore.

The chain dangles from his hand, his thumb gently rubbing the golden heart-shaped locket. He'd gotten it for her a week after he had been infected with the pneumonic plague. It was his way of saying, "thank you for staying with me". It was his way of saying, "don't ever leave me". It was his way of saying, "I love you".

Her accepting it was her way of saying, "you're welcome". It was her saying, "I won't". It was her saying, "I love you, too".

That one day had been the happiest day of his life. It was the day everything just fell into place, when everything started to be perfect. He was ecstatic; no girl had ever done that to him before. There was nobody better. Her smile, her eyes, her voice, the way she always elbowed him.. He couldn't ask for anyone better.

Yet no one even mentions her.

The sound of footsteps breaks him out of his reverie. He slips the necklace into his pocket like he has a million times before, careful to make sure the chain is completely under the fabric. He has his phone out, pretending to text McGee, by the time his girlfriend enters the bedroom. He slips the phone into his pocket as she sits down beside him on the bed and holds his other hand, intertwining her fingers with his. She rests her head on his shoulder for a minute, just staring at the wall, unaware that his heart feels like it's about to beat out of his chest.

"She needs a name," Ziva finally says, sitting up straight. She places her other hand on her stomach, looking at him.

"I know."

"Well.." She sighs, obviously a little more than slightly annoyed at her boyfriend's seeming disinterest in the naming process. "What about Shada? Abida?"

"How about a name that won't get her beat up on the playground?" he suggests, not realizing how mean and hateful it sounds until it's out of his mouth. He looks at her, his eyes showing her how sorry he is, but he says nothing.

"What, a name like Kate or Caitlyn?" she snaps back, letting go of his hand and crossing her arms against her chest. She sees the sudden look of pain that flashes across his face. It's gone in not even a second, but even the flash of pain doesn't make her feel bad. She knows she will, later, but at the moment she couldn't care less.

"No." It comes out as no more than a whisper, despite his attempts to make it come out stronger. He swallows hard. "I was thinking.. Marie, maybe." He tries to keep his emotions out of his voice the best he can. He tries to change the subject, so that maybe she won't stay mad at him. He doesn't need that right now. She's jealous, he knows, but of what? A dead person? Someone she had never even met? He notices that she puts her hand on top of his lightly after he's done, her little way of accepting that their small little dispute, if that, was over and they were moving on. And, despite the cold feeling that washes over him, he lets her.

He loves her, he really does. He would do anything for her. He loves her and he loves their baby, even if she isn't born yet. But it still doesn't feel the same, no matter how much he wants it to. He loves it when she touches him, when she hugs him, but the feeling that washes over him isn't quite like that warm, fuzzy, protected feeling he'd felt when she had touched him, when she had hugged him.

"Marie," she repeats, trying out the sound of the name on her tongue. It doesn't sound the same to him when she says it with her accent, but nothing that small could take away the beauty the name holds to him.

"Yeah." He swallows, his heart beating faster. "It was my grandmother's name." Lie.

Ziva nods, and he knows that the background information was exactly what she had been waiting for. She squeezes his hand gently. "I like it." He nods.

"I'm glad."

She stands, slowly, giving him a quick peck on the cheek. "I need a shower," she explains, and he nods. "We'll talk about second names when I get out." Middle names! He wants to shout at her, but he just smiles. It doesn't help much to correct her English, he knows.

He waits until he can hear the water start to run before pulling the necklace back out of his pocket. It has been years now, but he still loves her more than anything. He would give up anything at all to have her back with him, even for just one more day. She was the love of his life; he just hates that it took him so long to say anything about it.

His thumb grazes over the inscription on the back of the heart. He had gotten it in her favorite font, and made sure the writing was on the back. He knew it would have just annoyed her to have it on the front, where people would constantly ask what it said and comment on it. He smiled as his thumb ran over the small, familiar letters.

Caitlin Marie Todd.

No, nobody ever talks about her anymore.

But Tony DiNozzo is going to make sure she is never forgotten.