Summary: Yamamoto proposes a plan to cure the Gotei 13's anger management problem. Captain Hitsugaya must be first to receive treatment from the deadly infliction, but on his quest to soothe his anger, what else does he find? Possibly romance? HitsuRuki.

Warning: Improbable Situations. Crack. Some Language Abuse. Crack. Slight OOCness, Crack, Slight Bashing of Characters....and Crack. Also, English is not my first language, but I am currently studying it. It would greatly benefit me if you correct any mistakes I make. Thank you.

"Captains", the Captain-Commander of the Thirteen Court Guard Squads, Yamamoto Genryusai Shigekuni, announced, quite loudly in fact. "It has come to my attention that some of you highly esteemed and skilled shinigami have a common issue."

At most meetings, the Thirteen Court Guard Squad Captains, minus Aizen, Ichimaru and Tosen, who were no longer Captains, were not quite listening the whole time. The only one who in fact heard anything the soutaicho said, was the furry 7th Captain. The mention of a common issue, however, caused the Captains, the ones who were still awake anyway, to perk up.

"This common issue", the Captain-Commander paused, as if for dramatic effect.

...

"Yes?" Captain Kyoraku was astoundingly, one of the ones who was sober and awake.

Apparently, even the soutaicho had gotten weary of the meeting, for his eyes were closed as he dozed peacefully. Suddenly, with a slight jolt, he opened his eyes and shook his head muttering something about jelly beans to himself.

"Excuse me, Captain-Commander", Captain Kuchiki was known to have a certain degree of patience, but today it seemed was on off day for him. "I believe you were about to tell us, meaning myself and my fellow Captains, what our common issue is."

"Oh yes, common issues", Captain-Commander Yamamoto rambled a little. Then clearing his throat he continued, "What I meant to say was that the common issue I believe most Captains, excluding myself and a few others, have is anger management."

Following the impressive statement, the Squad 1 Meeting Hall went silent. It was more silent than it had been in years, for even the gentle snoring of Captain Ukitake had stopped momentarily. The sotaicho smiled his rare and occasional smile.

"Anger management?" Captain Zaraki Kenpachi was not known for his subtlety and manners. "What the fuck do you mean by that?"

"Ah well, I can explain that", Captain Kurosutchi cut in just as the Captain-Comander was about to answer. "Anger is an emotion that is a form of rage. It is usually associated with-"

"Shut-up, Kurotsuchi", the 11th Squad Captain was elegant as always. At which point another argument started with pointed fingers and many eye rolls.

The Captain-Commander's face fell almost comically as he watched the events unfold before his eyes. He had just been talking about anger management and now this.

"Excuse me", Captain-Commander Yamamoto tried to solve the problem peacefully without a huge release of his reiatsu. To no avail, perhaps, as none of the Captains could hear his command.

"EXCUSE ME!" A huge wave of reiatsu embedded in his voice sent several Captains stumbling a few steps. Ah, that was better. Silence is golden.

"As I was saying before I was so rudely interrupted by two Captains who definitely need anger management therapy", the Captain-Commander glared at said two Captains. "We, the highest ranking officers in the Gotei Thirteen have a problem and we must fix it."

"Just like we need to fix Kurotsuchi and Zaraki to a wall", Captain Soifon hissed to herself, causing Captain Unohana to smile wider than necessary and Captain Kuchiki to nod in agreement.

"Anger management, Captain Soifon", Captain-Commander Yamamoto reminded the anger-prone ninja.

"I have noticed that not only do several Captains have this problem, but several Vice-Captains as well", the old man sighed. "My suggestion to fix this...unfortunate condition...is that we work together as a team."

If the Captains were being reprimanded about something other than anger management, they would have openly objected to the teamwork plan. But none of them, not even Captain Unohana wanted to be subjected to having to resort to teamwork.

"I put names of all the Captains and Vice-Captains into a...top hat? Yes, that's what it is called. Then I drew a piece of paper out and saw the name of the one fortunate enough to go first." The Captain-Commader waved his arms about as if telling a story to young children.

At this point several Captains, including the 2nd, 6th, 10th, 11th and 12th all felt the immense urge to run away, probably because they knew that they had a sight and minor problem with anger.

"And the lucky winner", the sotaicho smiled a smile that was almost as insane as Captain Kurotsuchi's. "The lucky winner happened to be the one and only Captain Hitsugaya of the 10th Division."

Audible sighs of relief from the four other Captains could be heard, but one loud groan covered nearly all of them.

"With all due respect, Captain-Commander, what makes you think that I have...anger management...problems?" The white-haired Captain spoke with as much dignity as he could muster. First Aizen and now anger management.

"That shall be revealed on your quest", Yamamoto Genryusai Shigekuni sounded almost too happy for the subject. "And luckily, the 13th Squad Captain would be elated to help you, wouldn't he?"

Captain Jushiro Ukitake had always respected and revered the father like figure of Yamamoto Genryusai Shigekuni. The mention of spending more time with his matching Shiro counterpart was welcome. The tuberculosis-inflicted Captain leaned down in a sort of hasty bow and said, cheerily of course, "That is an excellent suggestion, Captain-Commander!"

Captain Hitsugaya buried his face into his hands and all the Captains felt the room go colder by at least 13 degrees.

"I'll be leaving now", Captain Kyoraku did not wish to see a certain Hyorinmaru-wielding Captain lose it. Neither, it seemed, did the 2nd, 4th, 6th and 12th Captains. Luckily, the soutaicho was so amused that he missed the fact that he had not dismissed any of the five fleeing Captains.

"So, Toshiro", Captain Ukitake was oblivious to the clenched fists of the short Captain next to him. The said Captain turned his cold and quite angry teal eyes towards the taller Captain. "Would you like a piece of candy?"

The two white haired Captains were taking a walk back to their corresponding divisions and while Captains Hitsugaya had expected something like this he was still angry. Captain Hitsugaya stared at the Jolly Rancher Captain Ukitake was waving in front of his face. Then a vein popped from his forehead and then another one. He slapped the Jolly Rancher out of Captain Ukitake's hand and yelled, "I DO NOT NEED CANDY!"

Captain Ukitake stared for a moment before putting a reassuring hand on the icy Captain's shoulder. "Toshiro, I understand that you're pretty mad right now."

"Really?" His voice was so laden with sarcasm that it was a wonder that his voice didn't crack. "Well what reason do I have to be mad at the world?"

"Toshiro", Captain Ukitake repeated, this time more firmly, "There's no use being mad. What you should do is work towards the goal that the Captain-Commander has set for you."

"It's a stupid goal", Captain Hitsugaya kicked a post nearby. "I'm fine without it."

"Captain Hitsugaya", the sick Captain addressed him correctly for the first time in some years. "Why don't we work on it anyway? Yama-jii isn't going to be easy on you."

"You're right, Captain Ukitake, I'm sorry about the chidish tantrum I threw", Captain Hitsugaya sighed, "But I'm so angry that I have to be first. I mean Captain Soifon has a lot more anger management issues than I do!"

"Agreed", Captain Ukitake said, nodding his head and remembering the time said female ninja Captain pinned him to a tree with kunai, ripped off half of clothes, took more than 13 pictures from various angles, and posted them in the Seireitei Monthly.

"How about we work on this issue with Kuchiki Rukia, you two have met and fought together, so I think she'll be of some help", Captain Ukitake volunteered with a bright smile.

"Anything to get this humiliation over with."

Next Chapter: The Treatment of Hitsugaya Toshiro begins!