Passionate Awakening

Chapter Eight

"In each family a story is playing itself out,

and each family's story embodies

its hope and despair."

Nathan paced around the large foyer in his father's mansion, while he made a few last minute phone calls. Ever since their new distribution network promptly fell through, he needed to make sure there was twice as much security around the Scott and James estates.

Things just kept getting more and more intense, and Nathan wasn't sure what he could do to stop it. It seemed their commerce became more and more unbalanced, their competitors were determined to invade and control their markets, which meant conflict. His father had directed him to do everything in his power to steer clear of making a commotion, yet there didn't appear to be any other alternative at the moment. Their enemies had to be reminded of who was in charge. Then again, whenever changes in their businesses were made, the feds started coming around more.

Nathan had hired more guards. However, there was never an adequate amount. He had grown completely paranoid, barely getting any sleep, especially with the whole Haley situation constantly on his mind. He knew he needed to open up to her, to explain why he left all those years ago. Yet, with her hiding behind Julian, avoiding his phone calls, and work taking up most of his time. It made it nearly impossible to justify his actions.

Nathan had drained himself in work, trying to wash away his troubles, but he was starting to realize his troubles would never go away unless he confronted them and owned up to his mistakes. That's part of the reason he stayed in New York. It was the place where his troubles began, the place he ran away from, and the place where he wanted his problems to end. Nevertheless, when things with his job started to turn for the worse, he consumed himself with that, giving him an excuse to avoid his haunted past.

He didn't know where or if his enemies would strike, but he didn't want to take any chances, especially since the wedding was right around the corner and both families would be in Italy for nearly two weeks. Nathan needed to make sure his family was safe. He needed to make sure the James family was safe as well. Sometimes this lifestyle was overwhelming; sometimes he wanted to get out. But Nathan knew he could never truly walk away. He could never truly start fresh, because his loyalty to his family, his loyalty to Jonathan and Clayton James, was more important.

Two and a half months ago when Nathan made that innovative corporate deal, threats were suddenly being made and the police were once again starting to question the Scott and James business transactions. They were used to it though, it seemed when the cops had nothing better to do, they were 'trying' to build a case against the Scott and James families, but most of their accusations were based upon rumors, meaning no evidence to back up their claims. Of course Dan Scott and Jonathan James had a top notch lawyer by the name of Stefan Scott—Dan Scott's oldest son. He made sure everything ran properly and smoothly without any 'impositions.'

For the past three years, Nathan and Clay became their father's right hand men, taking on major responsibilities, while letting the older men merely enjoy retirement, however still keeping them in the loop, involved in their international business trades. Although Nathan and Clay separately owned their own Investment companies in different cities, they were also in charge of other important factors that kept their empire flourishing.

There was an abrupt knock on the door and one of the guards dressed in all black, stepped inside. "Mr. Scott, two FBI agents are here that wish to speak with you."

"I'll call you back," Nathan sighed hanging up his phone as he rubbed a weary hand over his face. He didn't feel like dealing with this now, he thought his brothers took care of "the situation," but obviously not. Before he could answer, two agents pushed their way inside, stepping inside the foyer where Nathan stood, each wearing suits and carrying brief cases…something straight out of a movie.

"Mr. Scott, thank you so much for allowing us to see you." The man smiled taking off his hat.

Agent Henderson

Nathan knew this man all too well. He had dealt with him a few times over the years. He remembered seeing him come around when he was a teenager, way before he even got involved in this line of business. This man was personally dedicated to bringing down the Scott and James men. He was constantly sending them empty threats, determined to make their lives a living hell. He always made it known that he was watching their every move and promised that someday their secrets would be revealed and on that day he would personally bring down their whole empire.

Wherever Nathan resided in the past three years, this guy seemed to always pop up at the most random times, which had Nathan persistently wondering if that was legal.

"How the hell did you know I was here, Henderson?" He said obviously irritated.

"Do you mean here at your father's house or here in New York..."

Nathan shot him a deathly stare and Henderson simply laughed, "We have our ways..." He shrugged.

"This isn't a good time," Nathan snapped.

"No? Why not? " Agent Henderson smirked at Nathan, looking around the large foyer. Nathan knew he had to show no emotion, which he was an expert at, he had to play it cool, but that was becoming increasingly more difficult, being that this man was annoying.

"This is my new partner Agent Morrison; I'm positive you'll be seeing a lot more of him. I just wanted you to meet the other man that will be hauling your ass off to jail in the near future." Henderson said a little too smug.

"That's great, best news I've heard all day. You both can leave now." Nathan motioned towards the door, and his guard opened it. Neither one moved. "Look guys I don't have time for this shit. Nothing has changed since the last time you questioned me…"

"Why Mr. Scott you seem a little tense? Usually people get tense when they have something to hide." Henderson responded coolly.

"You can question me, you can search my hotel suite, you can search my father's estate all you want, but when it comes down to it, you're still not going to find criminating evidence or hear anything from us to build a case..." Nathan replied confidently. He loved how much power he held. He abused his power… by choice. He was detached, rude, and sarcastic, for one, because most people allowed him to be, two, his line of business required him to be, and three, by choice. He couldn't let emotion to get in the way.

From the outside Nathan Scott had everything any ordinary person could only want and dream. He had the world at his feet, yet he still dealt with inner battles every day. He may have seemed untouchable and unaffected, but it was all in the days work. If one was to ask Nathan Scott if he was truly happy, he'd probably send them his famous trademark smirk and somehow retort the question sarcastically. Nathan Scott was a mystery.

"What do you think we're trying to find Mr. Scott—"

Clay came through the door, yet stopped dead in his tracks when he noticed two irritating familiar faces, "You guys again?" He didn't feel like dealing with this shit either.

"Ahh, Mr. James, it's so good to see you." Henderson turned around to face Clay. "We have a few questions for you as well...you saved us a trip to your place." He smirked.

"I told you to stay away from my house" Clay sternly stated clenching his jaw.

Henderson laughed, "Why— you hiding something there?" He turned back around to face Nathan and stepped a little closer to him, but his guard immediately stepped in front of him with his arms crossed and a stern expression. Henderson threw his hands up in defense, "I only want to talk…" He smiled. Nathan sighed then unenthusiastically nodded at the guard to move out-the-way.

"What do you want Henderson" Nathan gritted out his answer, his tone cold and uninviting.

"Well, I heard Clayton here was getting married." He smirked confidently turning back around to face Clay. "To Tom and Victoria Davis' little girl, right? I wonder if they know about their soon to be son in laws mysterious distribution network..."

Clay clenched his jaw, "Do you have a warrant or something to be here?"

"Greg Griffin...you know him?" Henderson's new partner finally spoke up.

"What about him?" Clay responded.

"He disappeared a few weeks back and surprisingly he worked for you guys." Henderson said.

"So..." Clay drew out slowly, walking further into the foyer.

"He was last seen leaving your brother, Tommy's club." He turned to Nathan, "He's been missing for two weeks. You can only imagine how worried his wife is..."

"Look Henderson, you have no evidence to make a case that specifically involves us..." Nathan said coolly pointing between him and Clay. "Stop trying to pin us to every little thing that seems to go wrong or every person that goes missing"

"It's a little suspicious...this being the second person within the last year that works in your guy's trade network, to go missing..." Agent Morrison stated.

Nathan and Clay didn't say anything. "What—cat got your tongue? Our file on you guys keeps growing and growing as time passes by. You see in case you forgot, we investigate bad people and illegal dealings. We investigate mysterious deaths and dishonest crooks…You can't hide everything or keep everyone's mouth shut. Hell, some of your people might be working for us, why do you think we come around so much..."

"You're all talk Henderson, you probably even have a wire on you right now, but the truth is— you don't have proof to back up any of your accusations..."

"You don't know what we have..."

"Well, you can talk to our lawyer..." Nathan gritted out.

"Who? Your brother Stefan?" He laughed, "I'll give it to your father though...he's a smart man, raising and teaching his sons to guard his empire. Each having an inside job that continues to protect your secrets. Stefan a top notch lawyer—Andrew a cop. Tommy owning a night club and restaurants where most of your business meetings are held ...you guy's owning Investment companies and Lord knows what else you guys do… Wait can't forget Dan's nephew Lucas, the infamous federal agent. Oh, and one more Scott that's never mentioned, he's lucky he got out early, before he got sucked in…"

Nathan was fuming by now. How dare this guy. He balled his hand into a tight fist as he clenched his jaw tightly. Clay noticed the rage in Nathans eyes and immediately stepped between him and Henderson. He couldn't allow this to get out of hand…

"It's time for you guys to get out, NOW." Clay ordered hotly nearly losing his cool.

"Don't you guys ever get tired of lying? Tired of hiding the truth?" Henderson continued.

"Time to go" Nathan regained his composure as he motioned to the door, and Henderson and Morrison headed for it.

Henderson was almost out, when he turned back around one last time. "I'm sure we'll be seeing each other again, congratulations on your engagement Clayton..." He sent Clay a derisive smile before walking completely out as Nathan slammed the door behind him. He hit the door a few times allowing his fury to liberate and subside.

"He's got something..." Nathan turned around, his body rigid with tension and anger.

"He's probably just bull shiting like he usually does..." Clay shook his head. "He likes to get under our skin, you know that…"

"I don't know what it is...but I've got a feeling that something isn't right..."

"Drew did a background check on everyone that works for us and everyone came up clean..."

"We need to be careful and double up on security, especially for your wedding. I called Max and told him to add two more guards around your place and some that will follow us to Italy..."

"Brooke's going to be pissed. She's already threatened to fire her and Madison's guard as it is--"

"Yeah, well it's for her and your daughters own safety. She can understand that"

"What about Haley? She starts a fight with me and our dad every time we attempt to set her up with just one guard—"

"Has Henderson questioned her?" Nathan cut him off, asking curiously.

"Surprisingly no, they've questioned Brooke...Quinn, Lily, but never Haley for some reason. But you know she's always kept a distance between herself and these businesses. Hell, I don't even think many people know she's a part of my family..."

"She's still a target. She should have a guard Clay, who gives a fuck if she bitches about it!" Nathan stated angrily.

"Woah, I know that! Fuck man, calm down. Henderson's got you paranoid…If you let me finish...she has a guard, she just doesn't know it"

"What?" He asked confused.

"Long story short, he keeps his distance, but he makes sure she's okay and not being followed. If Haley knew she'd try and kick my ass"

Nathan let out a deep breath, "Good...good." He could relax. "What about London...did he follow her there?"

"Yeah he did..."

"Is she back yet?" Nathan asked. Haley had been in London for two and a half weeks and that irritated him. She even spent Thanksgiving with her boyfriend's family in Texas, which Brooke announced at the infamous Scott and James Thanksgiving dinner party. Nathan knew for a fact it was to avoid him because Haley would never deliberately miss a holiday with her own family, unlike him, spending the last three years avoiding his family holiday gatherings.

"Yeah, she came back last night. She's with Brooke and Maddy right now going over last minute wedding details."

"Well, at least you know she's safe..."

Just then the front door opened and in walked his brother Drew, decked out in his cop uniform.

"Let's move to the office." Nathan said before Drew could even say a word. They all walked down the hall and once they reached the double doors, the guard opened one door, allowing them to walk in.

Sitting at the large desk was Dan Scott while Stefan Scott sat across from him going over paperwork. They both stopped their conversation and looked at the three men that walked in.

"You were supposed to take care of that situation Drew." Nathan stated angrily getting straight to the point, as he walked over to the bar area. He grabbed for a crystal glass and poured himself some whiskey.

"Do you really think you should be drinking that son?" Dan stood up. He knew about Nathans past problems. He was the one who paid for his rehab. Dan Scott may have been a lot of things. He may have made a lot of mistakes and hurt a lot of people, but no matter what, he'd always look out for his children. Especially Nathan, he knew his son resented him for many reasons, reasons he could never take back. Yet, he had too much pride to apologize. He had too much pride to admit in certain cases, he was wrong. All he ever wanted was to protect his family, to protect his name, protect the empire he spent years building with Jon. He was proud of his kids, they all turned out fine, knowing exactly where they belonged, accepting their family's complicated past, present, and future, not really engaging in too much trouble growing up, except for Nathan that is. Dan could sense how lost he was, he could sense him trying to find his truth, but he didn't know how to reach him…not many people did.

"It's one drink dad and after talking to Henderson I need it..." He said before swigging the entire thing back and setting the glass back where it was.

"What the hell was he doing here?" Dan asked sitting back down.

"That's what I'd like to know..." Nathan looked at Drew. "I thought you fucking took care of it. You said the Griffin thing was handled..."

"I did handle it" Drew spit back defensively. Although Andrew worked for the good guys, he was still a Scott and that meant protecting his family's name.

"Henderson knows something dad—he's on to us for real this time. He has something..." Nathan pressed on.

"Don't be so damn paranoid Nathan. He can't possibly know anything" Drew stated.

"Are you sure about that Andrew" Dan asked looking at his other son.

"Yes, I'm sure dad. Lucas and I took care of it"

"Well Lucas should have informed us that Henderson would be popping by..." Nathan gritted out.

"Look, everyone just play it cool...if he questions any of you, no matter how irritating he is—tell him he has to deal with me. Just keep your mouth shut and learn four important words...talk to my lawyer." Stefan stood up placing his hands in his pockets.

"If he comes to my house again and questions Brooke, especially around my daughter..." Clay shook his head. "He flew all the way to Paris to question Quinn and David."

"See, he's going out of his way to question everyone..." Nathan threw in there.

"When doesn't he, this shouldn't be a shock." Dan chimed in as he stood up again and walked around the desk, "Henderson is the least of our worries right now. He's all talk, has been for years. The only thing we need to worry about is our competition. Since there have been obvious changes in how things are being managed and since Jon and I have stepped down and Clay and Nathan have stepped up in more ways than one, we need to add more security around our properties."

"I already made the calls. There will be added guards in Italy as well, but I think it will be good to get away for a bit. It will give us time to stabilize things..."

"And enjoy the merriment of my wedding day..." Clay smirked, making light of the already tense conversation.

"Yes that too." Dan chuckled. "Your father and I will be flying out the day before the wedding. We need to take care of a few things here and make sure these threats are truly empty...you boys don't need to worry about business when you're supposed to be celebrating Christmas and getting married. Let us take care of everything else as our present to you for working so hard..." Dan Scott was retired, but never far from business.

"Thanks Dan" Clay nodded gratefully.

"I'll stay behind to help..." Nathan added.

"No Nathan, you've already extended your stay here in New York and have worked endless hours to make sure we're all safe...go to Italy when Clay and Brooke do, and enjoy yourself. Besides, Stefan and Drew will be here since they have to work anyway" Dan stated.

"Alright" Nathan relented.

"Don't worry Nate, everything is under control. If something was wrong...I would know." Drew promised.

~*~

After visiting Brooke and going over last minute wedding details, Haley decided to run a few errands. By the time she was finished it was around eight o'clock at night and she couldn't wait to go home and relax with a hot cup of tea, banana bread, and an old movie.

She fidgeted with the keys to her apartment in one hand, and a grocery bag in the other. "Okay, poise is the solution Haley…" She whispered to herself. She opened her door and stumbled inside, the brown paper bag slipping from under her arm and all the contents falling on the wooden floor.

"Great…" She whispered sarcastically. She stooped down, picking up all the scattered groceries.

"Haley Bop!!" She heard a familiar voice shriek. Haley screamed in surprise losing her balance and falling flat on her ass.

"Quinn! What the hell are you doing here?!" She managed to say looking up at her oldest sister, while her heart regained its control. She had given Quinn a key for emergencies, so she hoped this wasn't an emergency.

"I came to visit my little sister, duh." She smiled brightly helping Haley place her groceries on the counter, then pulling her into a tight hug. "I've missed you."

"Okay, real reason in two seconds." Haley said pulling away and crossing her arms. She knew Quinn all too well and Quinn always had a motive.

"Can't a sister visit her sister if she feels like it? Like I said, I missed you Haley bop. We haven't seen each other in months" She said moving over to Haley's couch and sitting down.

"Did Clay call you? Because I'd be seeing you in like a week for the wedding" Haley asked. Quinn didn't say anything. She just cleared her throat and started flipping through a gossip magazine that lay beside her.

"I talked to him a few days ago, but he did NOT influence my decision to come see you. Besides, I've been in New York since Thanksgiving and since you decided to spend that holiday with your boyfriend and not your family. I thought I'd stay a while and ask what the hell is going on with you because the Haley James I know would never purposely miss Thanksgiving with her family" Quinn said looking up from her magazine.

Haley sighed, mumbling incoherent words, while putting her groceries away. Quinn watched her little sister and couldn't help but worry. Haley was guarded, but she was tough, Quinn would give her that. Yet sometimes she wished Haley was vulnerable, especially when it came to opening up. She hated that her baby sister fought her battles alone.

"I'm a grown woman Quinn. I'm allowed to spend Thanksgiving with my boyfriend who I'm serious about…just like you rotate holidays with David's family."

More than anything Quinn wanted Haley to be happy. She wanted to see that same light in her baby sister's eyes that she had as a child, yet it faded a long time ago and Quinn wasn't sure if it was ever coming back. Quinn didn't see that light around Julian, sure he made Haley smile and he made her happy. But he didn't bring a glow to her face. He didn't make her eyes sparkle…not like a certain individual did.

"Do you want some tea?" Haley offered.

"Uh, what kind? You know I'm picky."

"Yes I know. Black tea." Haley said raising the box to show her.

"Okay, yeah. Hey, remember every Friday when we were kid's, you and me, would get all dressed up and have those fun tea parties, where we talked with British accents and acted as if we were queens from different countries. And of course you Haley bop always had to be Queen Elizabeth." Quinn smiled at the memory. "Mom would always say each cup of tea represents an imaginary voyage."

Haley continued to move around the small kitchen getting things together. When she didn't respond to Quinn's trip down memory lane, she quickly decided to change the subject…something was definitely up with Haley.

"So, Nathan is back in town, I saw him at the family gala. He seemed to be looking for you." Haley still didn't say anything, "Okay. Fine, at least tell me how work is?" She asked.

"It's going." Haley said still moving around. "Where the hell did I put those cups?" Haley mumbled angrily to herself.

"You work yourself too damn much, especially having a trust fund..."

"Can we not get into this today?" Haley stopped her motion to look at her sister with one hand on her hip.

"Well, when can we get into THIS Haley?"

"Shouldn't you be back in Paris with your husband?" Haley said handing Quinn her hot cup of tea, while placing hers on the coffee table by the couch.

"David is actually here in Manhattan on business, partly why were staying longer than expected, so I thought I'd come on over and surprise you while he does his lawyer business…stuff. We'll be heading to Italy in a week to make it for the wedding"

"How long are you guys in town for?" Haley said tossing her hair into a high messy bun.

"2 more days, we're actually looking at houses in Manhattan." Quinn said sitting Indian style.

"Wait, what?!" Haley said moving to sit next to her sister.

"Stefan's law firm offered David a better high paying position. So David asked me if I would move here and I immediately thought it was a great idea because that means I get to be closer to you and Clay…and of course the fashion here is to die for. It's a great opportunity for David and wherever he goes I go." Quinn shrugged. "And I asked Clay if I could transfer to his company, which he arranged last week and said it's ready when I'm ready"

"That's….great Quinn. I'm really happy for you guys." She smiled.

"So are we going to talk about Nathan or what?"

Haley cleared her throat, "I really don't feel like it..."

"Brooke filled me in." Quinn said taking a sip of her tea.

"Figures..." Haley said under her breath. Brooke was just as close to Quinn as she was to Haley so it wasn't a shock that she spilled the beans to Quinn probably over their many phone conversations or emails. All three of them shared everything with each other, even when one told the other not to say anything because they knew no matter what, it would stay between them. "He came alone to the Thanksgiving gala."

Haley shrugged even though she was sort of curious, "You should have seen his face when Brooke told him you were with your future husbands family..." She chuckled at the memory. "It's not surprising that he refuses to let go...how all this has gone over Clays head is something I'll never understand."

"Well, I'd consider it a good thing..."

"He probably suspected but was in denial. I remember finding out, by catching you guys in a heated make out session…how Clay never caught on to your guys sneaking around or making out, is beyond me."

"It's for the best that he didn't know. He would have freaked out…"

"And killed Nathan" Quinn smiled.

"Why didn't u freak out or want to kill Nathan?" Haley asked curiously.

"Because I saw the way he looked at you before you guys even started your love affair. It wasn't lust. It was…admiration…he would look at you like a goddess, like you were a timeless gift. So when I found you making out behind that tree at our grandparents, it wasn't a surprise and I knew for him, it wasn't just about lust. That boy was crazy for you and I could see that he truly did love you…when things ended the way they did…it was a shock…I always thought you guys would finally come out to Clay and dad and everything would work itself out…I guess I was naïve"

"We both were…" Haley said just above a whisper as she fidgeted with her fingers. She cleared her throat, "Plus it's over now so there's no sense in reliving the past."

"Not according to Nathan, he obviously still wants you"

"Well we're not kids anymore...I can't live my life waiting for him."

"I agree...I just really hope it's over, that boy put you through too much especially at a young age"

"It is" Haley promised grabbing her mug and sipping her tea.

"Don't let him play with your emotions this time…you know he's good at it."

"I know Quinn—it's okay, I'm smarter this time around."

"I hope so. Anyway, I brought movies…"

"Shouldn't you be with David?" Haley said looking at the clock on her wall.

"He's back at the hotel, but I wanted to stay the night with you…"

"Alright..." Haley said dramatically.

"Okay….now I have Maid in Manhattan which totally fits the whole living in Manhattan thing. I have Casablanca, The Notebook, Gone with the Wind…"

"Why don't you pick the movie..." Haley concluded.

"Casablanca for sure...IIsa and Rick totally remind me of you and Nathan."

"Shut up Quinn" Haley chuckled playfully hitting her with a pillow.

It was a little after two in the morning and they were now lying on Haley's queen sized bed watching the middle-end of Casablanca. Haley stifled a long yawn and glanced at her sister sleeping peacefully beside her. She pushed herself into a sitting position and slowly pulled the sheet off her body, placing her feet on the floor. She walked over to the television and turned off the DVD player. She heard a soft knock at the door and furrowed her eye brows in bewilderment. She could have sworn Quinn said David was staying at the hotel. She looked back at her sister who was obviously in a deep sleep and walked quietly out her room, over to the door where she looked through the peep hole, then unlocked it.

"Nathan?" She whispered in astonishment.

"Hey, uh, can I talk to you? Your brother told me you were back in the city" He whispered scratching the back of his neck looking down. Haley took a deep breath and looked back to make sure Quinn didn't get up, which she didn't. Haley stepped outside gently shutting her door. Nathan took her into view. She had on a silk yellow knee length night gown and her hair was in a high messy bun. She had never looked more beautiful.

"What are you doing here?" Haley said crossing her arms.

"I needed to ask you something?"

"Now? At two o clock in the morning? You calling me and coming by my place unexpected is really getting old."

"I want to take you somewhere?"

"Uhhh, no. We are not teenagers anymore...we can't sneak away like we used to. It's not worth it, especially now…" Haley said grimly.

"Please Hales?"

"Knowing you...you just want to get me alone so you can try and seduce me"

"No, I won't...I promise…please Haley I know that I'm a jerk. I know that I'm an ass-hole, but I want to show you something. I need to show you something…"

"You do realize that trusting you is like trusting a criminal to hold my purse."

"I trust you." Nathan mumbled.

"What?"

"I said I trust you Haley. More than anyone and deep down I know you trust me. I'm not going to kidnap you or hurt you. I just want to show you something that means a lot to me, something that I've wanted to show you for a long time. I've been seeing a psychiatrist and she told me that in order for me to move on and be completely healed, I need to be able to let go of what's been holding me back…And I thought about you...about us and our past and—"

"Nathan none of what happened matters anymore, it was a long time ago…"

"But that's where you're wrong Haley…because it does matter. It always has and always will… please…I'm trying here. After this, if you never want to speak to me again, if you want me to leave you alone for good…I'll finally accept…"

Haley looked at him for a few seconds really searching his cobalt eyes. She couldn't believe she was actually considering this. He was right. She knew he wouldn't hurt her. It was a gut feeling. Most people would call her crazy for what she was about to do, but most people never really experienced 'crazy' like she had. Any other person, she would have probably said no, but there was something about Nathan Scott that she trusted. That she could never turn down, especially in his honest moments. He wasn't high, he wasn't drunk…She saw in him what she saw in herself, fear. And as crazy as it sounded it made her feel safe.

"Let me change my clothes." She whispered before heading back into her apartment and closing the door.

~ * ~

"Nathan, what are we doing at a— cemetery?" Haley whispered looking around the dark chilling locality as she wrapped her black pea coat firmly around her body. Nathan didn't say anything, he just held out his hand and she hesitantly placed her hand in his. As they walked through the graveyard, Haley couldn't help but be nervous. She gripped Nathan's hand tighter without even realizing it and he slightly smiled to himself at that fact. Nathan guided them to an elevated fractured gray tombstone and stopped in front of it. Haley followed his gaze and read the tombstone.

"Noah Royal Scott" She whispered aloud.

"You remember Noah…my twin brother" Haley didn't say anything, she just nodded. She knew this was a touchy subject for him. He hadn't talked about Noah in so long. In fact, when he died, he stopped talking about him all together. His whole family never mentioned him again, neither did Clay, neither did her father. It was as if he never existed. Haley didn't even know where he was buried because she wasn't allowed to attend the funeral. Noah's death was a mystery. Noah's death was one reason Nathan shut down from her. It was one of the reasons he avoided dealing with reality...

Haley looked up at Nathan with worried eyes. He was a couple steps in front of her, but their hands were still joined together. She once more looked at the tombstone that read:

In Loving Memory of

Noah Royal Scott

July 20, 1983 to December 22, 2006

Loving and Devoted Son

Generous and beloved Brother

Respected American Troop

Nathan turned to look at Haley. She embraced his hand firmly as she stepped closer to his side. Haley used her other hand to soothingly rub his back.

He looked in her concerned yet truthful eyes and felt safe. She wasn't looking at him with pity. She looked at him with so much tenderness. And it was then that he relaxed and felt poised enough to finally tell her.

He at last spoke, "They say identical twins are the closest out of all twins, probably because we're natural clones of each other, sometimes impossible to tell apart. I mean when they're first created, they're one egg. Then it splits into two genetically identical halves."

"But that's how all twins are created…"

"True, but identical twins share one hundred percent of their genes, while fraternal twins share fifty percent. Fraternal twins are no more alike or different than any two siblings would be. While identical twins share the same blood type, eye color, and hair color. One in four pairs of identical twins are mirror-images of each other. Noah and I were like that." Haley gently rubbed his arm and he continued, "I read somewhere that many sets of twins have a special bond – and that may be the reason twins are less likely to commit suicide. The researchers said that strong family ties reduce the risk for suicide. According to the article, the strongest risk factor for suicide is mental illness, and other studies have found mental illness to be slightly more common among twins than among singletons…."

Haley rubbed his back with her hand for assurance, but she could still see the uneasiness on his face. After a few seconds of silence, Nathan continued, "I remember my senior year of high school I was so focused on basketball and getting a full ride to Duke that I forgot about my academics. The Friday before finals week, my counselor said that if I didn't pass my finals, I couldn't play basketball anymore. I hadn't studied so I was pretty much screwed in all my classes. Noah knew how our dad would kick my ass if I didn't play anymore so on the day of finals…he dressed like me, combed his hair like mine, shaved, took out his piercings, covered up his tattoos with my long sleeved Nike jacket, and went to school that day as me. I stayed home pretending to be him sick in bed." Nathan chuckled thinking back on the memory.

"He never wanted the lifestyle I have now. He never wanted to work for my dad...he was good just like you."

"He went to my bible study meetings…" Haley said.

"Yeah and he was always saving my ass, especially when Clay and I would get into trouble. He always wanted to make a difference in this world. He wanted to be a hero. I remember the day he signed his intent to be in the military. He asked me to sign up with him, but I wasn't that passionate about our country to be a hero. The president declared war and the next thing I knew. Noah was shipped to Iraq. It happened so fast…"

"I remember…"

"Sometimes I would wake up in the middle of the night from a bad dream or an intuition about all the torture and agony my brother was going through. I—I felt all his pain and fear and for the first time I wasn't there to help him through it. I wasn't there to save him. Our connection and bond was strong to begin with, but during the time we were apart, it grew stronger. Noah and I had never really been apart except with the different cliques that we hung out with in high school. And as cheesy as this may sound, it was a scary feeling.

When he came home, he wasn't the same person anymore. He was lost and broken. People called him crazy, but I—I knew the only reason he was dispirited was because I let him down as a brother and friend."

"Oh Nathan, don't say that…" Haley tried.

"It's the truth. He didn't even want to talk to me when he could make contact to family and friends." Nathan shook his head, sorrow in his voice. "When he went to that mental hospital for a few weeks, he tried to commit suicide numerous times. I came to the conclusion that I was the only one who could rescue him because that's what we did when either one of us was in trouble. So I took him out the hospital despite the doctors and my fathers and brothers protest, and we stayed at my penthouse, that's where I was always disappearing to Haley…" His voice cracked and he started to choke up.

"Nathan we don't have to talk about this all tonight." She voiced noticing the tears that formed in his eyes.

"No, no…it's the wind…I…my eyes are watery because of the wind." Nathan said wiping his eyes with the palm of his hand.

"Nathan if you can't…."

"I haven't talked about this with anyone, not even my brothers. I need to deal with this— so please just….listen." Haley simply nodded.

"You don't know how he died because my dad covered it up...but it happened 3 days before Christmas...when I left you that morning after we...after we made love for the first time... When you were sleeping I got a call from Noah, he was saying some crazy things so I went to my penthouse ....When I got there...he was standing in the living room just staring at a painting on the wall... I tried—I tried talking to him, but he ignored me. He turned around and he—he was uh, pointing a gun to his head. I'll never forget what happened."

"Noah, please…don't do this…just…let me help you…please…just…" Nathan breathed out slowly stepping towards his brother. His heart was beating fast and his body filled with fear. He couldn't back down though, He couldn't give up. After all, they were twins. Nathan and Noah were linked together not only genetically, but mentally and emotionally forever. And nothing, not even death, could change that.

"Don't…don't come near me!!" Noah cried hysterically, pointing the gun at Nathan causing him to jump back in surprise.

"We said that we would live and die together…remember that Noah? Remember…we made that promise that no matter what. We would always be here for each other." Nathan said tears forming in his eyes. Noah closed his eyes tightly shaking his head as he pressed the gun against his temple.

Noah shook his head frantically pacing back and forth while the gun pressed firmly against his temple.

"I just…I want to help Noah. I want to make everything better for you. Please, give me a chance to finally save you like you helped save me." Nathan said sincerely.

"I'm getting more pissed with every passing heartbeat. Yet, one can only wonder, isn't every passing heartbeat another step towards death? Are we not in this world, only so we can die? Is the only reason for living— dying? What purpose do we have, to get up every morning, to a scarred body, work, and do it all over again? Are we nothing but toys to a supposed god, moving around and doing everything he "commands"? Does this not mean that suicide is the easiest way out? People say that you shouldn't kill yourself because it's easy, well, isn't anyone who's ever cheated on anything taking the easy way out? So they really can't be saying nothing, and still not be involved with hypocrisy."

"Noah, just let me help you…Tell me how to help you and I will. I'll do anything. You're my other half Noah, I can't—I can't live without my twin. We were born together and we're supposed to die together…what happened to your faith…what happened to your belief in God" Nathan whispered as tears fell from his eyes.

"We haven't done anything "together" in a long time" He muttered then disregarded his brother's words and continued, "Do we live in a world of liars and hypocrites? Or do they just keep us alive for their own well-being, if they really loved you, they'd let you go to a place where you'd be in peace. This is where hatred comes from, too many people thinking about themselves and not letting others go, making them live a life they don't want to live anymore. Or maybe, the suicidal people are the selfish ones, only thinking about themselves and trying to escape to a better place. That, my brother, is what I want to know. As for my faith it's still here…" Noah stopped aiming his gun at Nathan. Then put it down to his side as he continued pacing.

"You want to kill yourself? Well, you're going to have to kill me too." Nathan stepped towards him.

Noah laughed out loud, "This isn't some star crossed brother shit, Nathan…You have Haley, you have our fathers love…you still don't get it. We can never ever go back little brother…never. I sought my soul, but my soul I could not see. I sought my God, but my God eluded me. I sought my brother and I found all three." Noah smiled through his tears and with those finals words, the gun went off.

"That's why I'm so screwed up Haley. That's why I left and never came back the next day...That's why I shut myself off from you...I blame myself.... And like my brother said I still don't get it. I don't get why he left me. Why he killed himself…what he was talking about. That day is a reoccurring nightmare, then I wake-up when the gun goes off …" Nathan kneeled down and touched his brother's tombstone with his hand.

"I called my dad after it happened and he blamed me for taking him out of the mental hospital…he told me to not say a word to anyone about what happened. He even paid the hospital to say Noah was there when he died…"

"But if he shot himself…"

"The report shows that Noah stole a gun from a security guard and shot himself in his room. It's all twisted Haley. Not even Clay knows the truth…"

"Oh, Nathan…I'm so sorry you had to go through that alone…" She whispered remorsefully.

Nathan finally shed the tears he had been holding in for so long. Haley kneeled down beside him and rubbed his back soothingly.

"I haven't cried since that day Haley. When my brother killed himself, he killed a part of me. A part of me died with him." He voiced candidly. "My happiness died with him and I don't know how to bring it back to life. I never meant to hurt you, but I just needed to get away..It was all my fauly..."

Tears trickled down his cheeks, but Nathan made no move to stop them. Haley didn't know what to say, so without another word she pulled him to her, placing him in her warm embrace. Nathan didn't pull away, and it was then she finally realized how helpless he really was. Behind his tough exterior, there was a little boy hiding from the outside world, yet eager to be saved. This young boy was afraid of grief, afraid of being alone and stranded, afraid of never getting the chance to really express his outlook. Haley didn't know what came over her, but suddenly she felt the urge to cry. Soundless tears swiftly fell down her cheeks, but she made no move to stop them.

She knew that Noah had died, but didn't know how he died. She didn't know Nathan was there. It was another Scott secret that they hid from the world. After three years of wondering why he left, why he disappeared...she finally got her answer. They stayed like that, entangled in each other's arms until his tears finally stopped flowing. They didn't speak for the longest time, not a word, not a sound. Whether Haley liked it or not, they were connected and always would be.

~ * ~

"And where were you?" Quinn voiced placing both her hands on her hips.

Haley jumped, "ohmigod, you scared me!" She said placing her hand on her heart.

"Where were you?" Quinn asked again.

She thought about lying, but decided against it, "With Nathan," She said, closing the door and locking it.

"It's nearly 4 am Haley." Quinn said pointing to the clock on the wall acting as if Haley was a child. "I was worried sick about you. I even called your cell phone, but realized you didn't have it when I heard it ringing on the night stand right next to me. I was contemplating calling the police." She said dramatically.

"I'm sorry." Haley said sitting on the couch and taking off her Uggs.

"I thought you said it's over..."

"It is..."

"Haley, don't let him into your heart again."

"I'm not..." She defended, "Look I'm really tired." Haley said walking down the narrow hall to her room.

"I'm just looking out for you, that's all. Sorry for trying to be a good sister."

Haley infuriatingly rolled her eyes then turned around to face her dramatic sister. "Quinn, I love you, I really do, and I'm happy that you're moving here, but I can take care of myself. I always have."

"And that's what I'm most scared of Haley bop, I know you can, but I just want you to know that it's okay to rely on other people...besides Nathan. You don't have to lie anymore…" Haley nodded her head in understanding as she got in her bed. After a few seconds of processing her sister's words, she shifted back around to face Quinn who was now lying beside her.

"I'm scared Quinny" She pouted as tears formed in her eyes.

"Of what Haley bop?"

"My feelings for Nathan...I found something out tonight that makes me re-evaluate everything...and now I don't know what to believe or how to feel. I love Julian, but I—"

"I'm going to cut you off right there. Now I'm not going to ask what you found out, I'm not going to assume or tell you what to do, but I can tell you that everything will be okay…" Quinn simply stated.

"How are you so sure?" Haley timidly mocked yet inquired; her heart thumping raucously as tears fell down her cheeks.

"Because, I have faith…" Quinn stated effortlessly. "And I know you do too. You just have to breathe and believe that whatever is meant to be…will be. You've come so far in the last few years, don't let whatever you found out, keep you from moving forward and being the strong woman I know you are" Haley exhaled grasping the tiny gold cross that hung on the thin gold necklace around her neck.

"Sleep tight Hales." Quinn muttered with a small smile.

"I'm really glad to see you Quinny…I didn't say that earlier, but I am." Haley said wiping her tears.

"I know…I'm glad to you see too little sis."

~ * ~

Nathan closed his hotel door and dropped his car keys, iphone and blackberry on the counter, then collapsed tiredly on the couch. He closed his eyes, idly wondering if it were possible to stop thinking about Haley. He came to the conclusion, no. It was impossible and unfeasible.

His fears were still there. Fears about his past, fears about his future, but he took a step towards revival when he told Haley about Noah. A subject he hadn't talked about to anyone. It felt as if a burden was lifted off his back. But unlike before, they didn't overshadow him. It didn't make him feel like running. Instead, this fear was interlaced with his equally strong desire to perceive where things with Haley went. He never really understood his feelings for Haley. And why he felt strongly towards her. There was still so much confusion and uncertainty. Still, his feelings didn't make it easy for him to articulate an answer to what it was about Haley James that had him so enthralled. In that moment, he felt like he had just taken a stride off a very steep cliff. The odd thing was. He was more conscious of the astonishing rush than of the possible crash.

Sleep hadn't been an easy thing to accomplish in the last few weeks, but finally after thinking too much, sleep over took his body while Haley's face and voice flowed through his mind…he was finally taking the steps in letting go…