Bury your dead

Standing in the Resistance's little graveyard with a sobbing Kyle in his arms, Marcus feels the urge to scream at the distant and uncaring sky that his life is not worth the life of a little girl.

He's not a good man, not in any case, not after saving Blair and Connor because he has done both for his own, selfish reasons. He has rescued Blair because she has been his way to the Resistance and he has helped Connor to prove that he's human.

Second chance or not, he's still the murderer of his own brother and two policemen, even after he has paid the price that society had set for murderers: death.

It's unfair that he should live while Star doesn't. Maybe his survival is punishment for his sins, maybe God, if there is a God, didn't want her to suffer in a world like this, but even if this is true then there is still the question what Kyle did to deserve all this.

Kyle has never killed anybody; his hesitance to shoot Marcus showed that. Kyle is as pure as you can be in this world.

Marcus deserves punishment for breaking his silent promise that he would keep his little makeshift family alive and safe, but Kyle doesn't.

It's worse than dying, the pain he feels now. He's never had a daughter of his own, but he cannot imagine a girl more courageous, more beautiful or more perfect than Star.

He and Kyle are not alone. There's Blair, who is here because she's Marcus friend as Brian is Kyle's. John and Kate and their daughter Sarah are there, and some of Star's friends from school with their parents.

Marcus hardly notices them. He's too busy to try to not drown in his own pain because Kyle needs him to be strong now.

Later, after the funeral, Marcus goes back to their room alone. He made Connor promise to have an eye on Kyle, but as he stands here he can't remember what he wanted there.

He cannot bring himself to touch Star's things. Not that there are many things; just a small heap of clothes, a notebook for schoolwork, a pencil, her gun; but the room is filled with memories, with the lack of Star's presence. As if nothing has changed, as she could come inside in any minute and do her homework, or play with Kyle and Marcus, or ask for permission to go and play with her friends or nestle herself between him and Kyle and go to sleep immediately after another long and exhausting day.

The memories are crashing down on him and it nearly breaks him. Dying, not being fully human, giving up his own heart, that all pales in comparison to the pain and despair he feels now.

Marcus wishes that he stayed dead or at least that Kate hadn't given him Connor's heart. He does not wish to have died with Start because that wouldn't be fair on Kyle, because Kyle would be alone then. Kyle, whose pain Marcus cannot even begin to grasp, because Kyle had known Star longer than anyone, has been alone with her for years, the last two humans in LA, surrounded by machines and death.

Maybe Marcus can find Kyle and him another place to sleep so that they don't have to deal with this tonight. No need to tear at bleeding wounds and he certainly can't imagine sleeping in this room anymore. Not when he knows that Star's small body doesn't lie between them but outside in the earth; dead and gone.

He has never considered suicide before but right now it sounds promising to take Kyle and end their pain with two bullets. But he can't harm Kyle and that says a lot, considering that he killed his own brother and never felt regret or guilt.

Star's death is like an elephant between them. They don't speak about it or Star at all. It hurts too much. It's easier to ignore it, to pretend Star never existed and hope that the pain will stop one day.

It separates them, sets them apart. Kyle spends more and more time with Connor and Brian and works out like a maniac. He tries everything to get better, stronger, faster, and smarter.

Marcus goes on missions that are practically suicide, even for someone like him. He pushes himself to limits even his half-mechanical body can barely endure.

Although they still sleep in the same room it's different now. Where Kyle used to use Marcus as a pillow, they now sleep back to back and try their best to ignore the empty space between them where a little girl used to sleep.

What happens in the end doesn't surprise Marcus much. It was just a matter of time.

One night Marcus doesn't go to Kyle's and his room but to Blair's and sleeps with her.

Kyle doesn't look at him for a whole week and then moves in with Brian.

Marcus doesn't know whether Brian fucks Kyle or not and pretends he doesn't care. Kyle might not be legal by pre-apocalyptic standards but in this world he's old enough.

They may have blown up the SkyNet central but Marcus and a few others from Intel find plans that the T-800 production has already begun, a bit later than planned but machines have nothing if not time.

When they discover that their dogs react to T-800's as much as to any terminators, it's nearly too late.

One T-800 model infiltrates their ranks and it's just dumb luck that Marcus is in Connor's vicinity. He catches for bullets that were meant for Connor, three don't do much damage but the fourth slips between his metal rips and like every other human Marcus is vulnerable and can die even if his odds are a bit better than the odds of every other human.

The last thing he remembers is Connor standing and, as far as he could see, unharmed.

When he wakes up everything is a bit hazy, but he can hear Kate speaking and someone is clutching his hand.

He tries to open his eyes but his sight is blurs, although he can make out the pattern of the infirmary ceiling and a pale face surrounded by red hair that can only belong to Kate Connor.

'See,' she says: 'I told you he would wake up.' It takes him a bit to realize that she isn't talking to him about him, probably to whoever is sitting next to him and holds his hand. He tries to move his head to see that person but his bones feels like they're not made out of metal but of rubber.

'Don't move.' This time he's sure that she speaks to him: 'The bullet barely missed your heart.'

He falls asleep again before he can make another attempt at turning his head.

When he wakes up again he feels a lot better. Sitting up is no problem. His body regenerates faster than a normal human's body and his sight isn't blurred anymore either. Another doctor, Dan is his name, comes to check him and seems satisfied although Marcus doubts that Dan has ever seen the inside of a hospital since his bird. The guy is only a couple years older than Kyle.

Dan lets him go after Marcus has proven that he can stand and walk on his own. It's early morning which means that Marcus woke up too late for his watch and so he goes to look for Connor to ask whether he has any work for him.

Apparently they plan an attack on an oil refinery and Connor wants him to drive the fuel transport, mainly because the old thing nearly falls apart and Marcus is one of their best mechanics.

Kate scowls at him, obviously displeased that Dan let him go so early, but Marcus barely notices her since Connor just told him that Kyle will be his co-driver. That means hours stuck with Kyle in a small space when they haven't said more than the most necessary things to each other in weeks.

The drive is awkward to say the very last. Marcus can remember a time when Kyle wouldn't shut up but that was when Star had been alive.

They've made a quite spectacular flight in a vehicle just like this one, like a scene from a action movie but this is the real life and a happy ending isn't in sight for anyone, much less him with Star dead and Kyle not talking to him.

'Here's Barnes.' The signal comes clear, no disturbances: 'get a foot o the gas.' A Barnes that's willing to bitch is a Barnes that is not too concerned. Looks like they have to deal with the usual protection then. The machines like to use oil but they're not dependent on it with nuclear and solar energy available.

'Next time you're driving this piece of junk.' Kyle bites back before he disconnects the line.

A dozen T-600 and no casualties on their side later, Marcus and Barnes fill up the tank while the planes circle above them and everyone taps their fingers impatiently. The sooner they're out and moving the better.

The machines, naturally, would rather have them in and unmoving.

The jets engage the machines long enough that they can get out but ten robobikes sweep in and the tank takes that moment to break down.

All in all it's a really shitty day to be alive.

Kyle yells at him while Barnes and his men try to lure the machines away from them. One of the things explodes in their immediate vicinity. Marcus screams at Kyle to keep his head down and keeps working, even though something has hit his side but it doesn't hurt too much or bothers him while he tries to get the tank moving again.

'Now!' Marcus yells at Kyle and climbs inside while the engine starts. Kyle gives him a look like he's a bit frightened and when Marcus looks down he sees that a 30cm tube is stuck through his body.

Too bad they didn't erase his sense for pain when they remodeled him, because now that the sock wears off it begins to hurt. Hurt a lot.

Kyle drives at a neck-breaking speed that Marcus didn't even know the tank could do and radios in to have a medical team ready. Marcus only notices half of this because the pain is too distracting and he really wishes that he would pass out finally.

Kyle helps him out of the tank when they're back in HQ and looks concerned, which is nice because it means that he still cares for Marcus.

Kate can't give him the good stuff yet, because she needs him to sit up while she cuts the tube out of his body, but she gives him happy gas to take the edge off of the pain. Unfortunately Marcus is one of those who can't stop laughing.

Kate gives him an exasperated smile but she's used to this side effect and tells him to, hold as still as he can. Kyle hovers in the background but Marcus doesn't know why. It's not like Kyle has been there when Marcus was a lot closer to dying than he's now and, yes, it's possible that he's still bitter about that.

Kate cuts the tube out and wraps his body in bandages and tells him he can stay until the gas has worn off, before she leaves to look after her other patients.

'What's …up?' Marcus asks Kyle between laughing so hard that tears run down his cheeks. Kyle looks away and presses his lips tightly together.

'Hey, boy, look at me.'

'I'm not a child.' Kyle snaps. And maybe it's his tone but Marcus feels the laughing subside.

'Star was a child.' Marcus feels like someone stuck a tube through his lungs because he can't breathe.

'Star is dead.' As if Marcus doesn't know that. He half hopes that Kyle will finally yell at him, blame him for not protecting her.

'Kyle, I – 'But Kyle yells at him:

'You could've died three days ago! Or today! Star is dead and it isn't your fault, so stop trying to kill yourself!'

Marcus is too flabbergasted to say something when Kyle walks over until he stands directly in front of Marcus.

'I miss Star every day and I hate that she's dead but stop destroying our life over your guilt issues.'

A year ago, fifteen for everyone else, Marcus would have laughed at the very idea, after all he has killed his brother in cold blood, but by now he has learned that the people he lives with are hardened from living 15 years in a post-apocalyptic world. With his seventeen years Kyle has seen more cruelties than Marcus in 29.

'Or am I not counting?' Kyle demands. He hits Marcus' chest with his fist:

'Did you just stay with me because of Star?' Marcus is still dazed by his epiphany and has problems to focus his eyes and close his mouth.

'No.' The word feels long in his mouth.

'No.' He says again: 'It was always about the both of you.'

'Good,' Kyle says and then he grabs Marcus' head and yanks him nearer for a kiss.

And, okay, this is another thing that Marcus hasn't expected but he likes this epiphany a lot more than the last one. He grabs Kyle's coat and pulls him closer.

Kissing Kyle feels great, fantastic; it 'as the best thing that happened to him right after being alive.

When someone clears their throat they stop. Kat leans casually in the doorway and smirks indulgently. She makes a gesture that clearly means 'Out'. Kyle blushes and hurries through the door but Marcus stays calm and says:

'Thanks, doc.'

'I don't want to see you here again, too soon:' she says. She won't.

At least not tonight.