Disclaimer: Star Wars and associated characters aren't mine. As if you didn't already know that.

In case it's not clear: "whatever" is talking, 'whatever' is thinking.

When five year old Bastila Shan was told she would have to leave her parents to be with the Jedi she cried nonstop seemingly for days. Her father tried to be reassuring, telling her how she was special and she had a gift, that no matter how much he loved her, he just did not know how to develop it. He told her that it was best that she go and learn how to reach her potential. That comforted Bastila some, reducing her crying to a mere sad sniffle muffled by her father's clothes as she held onto him for dear life. Soon enough, however, she would see her mother, looking at Bastila like she was counting the days until this whimpering brat was gone and all the good Bastila's father had done vanished.

When it finally came time to leave, Bastila's goodbye to her father was long and tearful. Her father told her to be brave, to study hard and to always remember she had people who loved her. After holding on to him almost interminably Bastila dried her tears with her sleeve and told her father she loved him for the very last time and left, boarding the shuttle that would take her to Dantooine. She didn't spare her mother a single glance.

The Enclave on Dantooine was most certainly for Jedi, not children. There was no playground; no happy wallpaper like most any child's room would have; only cold duracrete and sterile metal greeted the younglings in their rooms. On her first night Bastila cried herself to sleep, hugging a stuffed bantha she had unexpectedly found in her luggage. It was the only childhood toy she still had; her mother had said Jedi did not need such things. Fortunately her father had snuck the toy into Bastila's luggage when no one was looking.

The next morning was no better for Bastila. None of the other children seemed to want to talk to her, and while the Jedi tried their best, all their wisdom didn't amount to much to Bastila. She looked everywhere for someone to be nice to her or even just to talk to her and instead she only seemed to find cold duracrete and colder people. The other children never seemed to want to talk to Bastila, and the few that did would only do so for the opportunity to make fun of her accent. Even the tree at the center of the Enclave reminded Bastila of loneliness. Why was there only one tree anyway?

Bastila had promised herself she wouldn't cry, not where anyone could see her at least. She sniffled and would dry her eyes on the sleeve of her robe and try to think about something else. Fortunately Jedi robes were remarkably absorbent and two sleeves went an amazingly long way. She tried hard to focus on what the teachers were saying and to do well in her lessons as she had promised her father she would. The memory of that promise only made it worse, however, threatening to bring more tears to Bastila's already bloodshot eyes. Anything involving her father or home had that effect.

The first class ended and Bastila walked to her next, looking around. Last summer her father had taken her to ruins of a prison on some world she couldn't remember, and the more she looked, the more the Enclave looked like it. The center courtyard was not a meeting place filled with light, it was a lonely prison yard. Only a single tree grew there, and it was twisted and claw-like, reaching to the sky for an escape it could never have.

The tree might not be able to escape, but Bastila would. She ran for the gate, escaping out into the Dantooine grasslands. She had no idea where she was going, but right now it didn't matter. She was finally free; she could feel the grass under her feet, such a change from the hard stone and steel floors of the Enclave. The plains of Dantooine were open, no hallways to force her down some predetermined path, no doors to stop her, no desks to trap her, even the air felt better. There was nowhere to run to, but for the moment, Bastila was satisfied to be running away from something.

Revan wandered the grasslands outside the Enclave aimlessly. It was a warm sunny day, and the open grasslands were far more pleasant to spend free time in than the stuffy Enclave.

Even at 7 years old, Revan was an overachiever. He was always the first in his class to master skills, earning him typical modest Jedi praise from his instructors, but also loneliness. Finishing early always left him with seemingly useless free time to fill while waiting for his best friend Alek Squinquargesimus.

Revan heard rustling grass in the distance and looked up, expecting to see a kath hound, but was greeted by something else: a small figure was running in his direction.

'What the heck? That's not Alek. Who's that, and why are they here?'

Revan squinted, trying to make out details of the figure, quickly seeing that it was a small girl in Jedi robes, crying her eyes out as she ran. Revan winced at the noise, still standing in place. The girl had apparently not noticed him yet.

'Why couldn't that be Alek instead of a girl? Even a kath hound would have been more fun than some girl. She's loud too.'

'Well I guess it's better than nothing. Even some girl is better than having nothing to do.'

Revan crosses his arms and waited for the girl to get to him. Unfortunately, while Revan had seen Bastila, she had not seen him and ran right into him, landing on her butt from the collision.

"Owie..." Bastila rubbed her sore butt and looked up to see a boy decidedly taller than her in youngling robes, with his arms crossed looking down at her with an angry expression. "Uh… who are you?" Bastila asked with fear in her voice.

"I'm the guy you just ran into!"

"Oh! I'm so, so sorry!" Bastila sniffled, threatening to break out crying again.

Revan blinked and broke out in a nervous sweat. "Awe come on, don't cry. I didn't mean it like that! …Please?" He sat down next to Bastila awkwardly. "So uh… who are you?"

"I'm Bastila. Bastila Shan." Bastila still sniffled, but at least for the moment the risk of crying seemed to have been averted.

"I'm Revan." He received no response to that. It took him several tries to think of what to say next, his mouth opening and closing several times before any words came out. "So um… what happened to you?"

"Happened?" Bastila looked at him, confused.

"You're crying."

"No I'm not! I'm not a baby you know!"

"Yes you were crying!" All of a sudden boredom wasn't look as bad as it had a minute ago.

"Only a little!"

Revan groaned. Girls could be so stubborn sometimes. "Fine, whatever. I don't care. Why were you crying only a little?"

Bastila hugged her knees to her chest. "I don't want to be here. I don't wanna be a Jedi!"

"Why not?"

"I wanna go home! I wanna see my Daddy!"

Bastila started to cry again at this. Revan looked at her, completely at a loss as to what to say or do. 'Geez, what do I do now? She's crying. I know I should do something. Comfort her or something?' Revan hesitantly put an arm around Bastila, who leaned against Revan, now crying into the shoulder of his robe.

"Awe come on, it's not so bad here. I guess it's not as nice as your home, but they teach cool stuff. Powers and stuff like that. You can have fun with them. And you get to be all famous and powerful and all. Everybody in the galaxy looks up to Jedi and wants to be one. We actually get to."

"I thought we're not supposed to use power like that? Aren't there rules or something? I thought one of those Master guys said something like that…"

Revan shrugged dismissively. "They say lots of stuff like that. But they're not always around. You probably aren't supposed to try and run away. They didn't catch you."

Bastila looked up at Revan. "Uh, well… that's true…"

"Uh, I was joking you know, right? They get all uptight about powers."

"Why'd you say it then?"

"Thought it'd make you feel better." Revan shrugged. "Work at all?"

"Maybe a little. I still don't like it here though."

"Why not? It's nice out here. You know, sun and grass and stuff."

Bastila rolled her eyes. "I mean that Enclave place we gotta live at."

"Yeah, I know. Don't you have any friends or anything though?"

"N…no. Not really."

"Why not?" Revan asked in surprise.

"I'm not very good at making friends. I uh didn't talk to the other kids when I got here. I was sort of um… crying… a lot… So the other kids all kinda just ignored me. They're all friends now and nobody even tries to talk to me." Bastila sniffled, but Revan hugged her tighter. That had the desired effect. Bastila calmed down. "They all say I'm not worth talking to or they make fun of how I talk. My accent or something. Or sometimes they just call me a crybaby. But nobody wants to really talk to me. Nobody wants to be my friend."

Revan nodded sadly. The Jedi may have taught great skills that could change the face of an entire galaxy, but when it came to helping a lonely child their care left a lot to be desired.

"What about you?" Bastila asked.

"Well, I'm not quite as bad as you, but close. I've got one friend, my best friend, a guy named Alek Squi… Squigley something. I dunno. His last name is like ninety letters. I can't ever remember it."

Bastila giggled. "But wait, if he's your only friend isn't he um, automatically your best friend?"

Revan blinked, looking down at Bastila with an amused expression. "Hmm, yeah, guess that's true. Never thought about it."

"So where is he then?" Bastila asked.

"Still in school. I always seem to finish school stuff faster than anyone else. I'm just good at it. Alek though…. Not so much. Except when it comes to combat. Alek seems to love that. Guy's just a beast there."

"A beast?" Bastila asked, a hint of fear creeping into her voice.

"Nah, don't worry. He's okay. He just really enjoys sparring."

Revan looked up and saw the topic of the conversation approaching, giving Revan an odd look.

"What's up with the girl, Revan?" Alek asked his friend.

"I ran into her out here; name's Bastila. She's sorta not happy here. She's having a hard time with missing home and her family."

Alek nodded. Every youngling sooner or later knew the feeling of missing home and the difficulties of Jedi life.

"You gonna stay out here then?" Alek asked.

Revan looked down at Bastila a bit, noticing he still had his arm around her and she was leaning comfortably against him. "Nah, I think we can head back now, right Bastila?"

Bastila nodded slowly. Revan got up, helping Bastila up off the grass before the three future Jedi started the walk back to the Enclave.

Over time, Bastila, Revan and Alek became good friends, particularly Bastila and Revan, much to the relief of the Masters. There had been serious concern that Bastila wouldn't make it through the training, but her new friendships finally put those fears to rest. By the time Revan and Alek became Padawans, the three were inseparable.

As the years had passed, the three grew and changed, as all children and eventually teenagers do. Revan's habit of mastering every lesson in seemingly record time continued, later translating into a command of the Force that was remarkable. The Masters looked on Revan's progress with satisfaction, and at times almost fear, a fact that didn't go unnoticed by the boy. Through the years he'd learned to study people, watch their movements, their faces, their body language, not simply rely on the Force as most Jedi did. This gave him an ability to read people unlike normal Jedi, who would simply ignore the physical and rely on the Force as a crutch.

Alek, too, had changed. Not long after puberty Alek became a rather famous figure among the females at the enclave. While dating was most certainly not a proper action for Jedi, there was a certain amount of give and take on the matter. The Masters correctly realized that no matter how strong the lectures forbidding attachments, teenage hormones would more often than not win out in the end. So a blind eye was turned, as long as those involved were not blatant, and as long as the relationships never became too serious.

Had any of the Masters confronted Alek about his attachments, he could truthfully have said he had no attachment to any girl he was dating. This proved to be amusingly true. Very quickly Revan gave up bothering to keep track of the names of Alek's flings. By the time he'd learn one's name, she'd be long gone and Alek would have moved on to at least three other girls.

As liberal an interpretation of the Jedi codes as Alek had, Bastila was the strict opposite, leading to quite a few heated exchanges between the two, forcing Revan to mediate. Truth be told, Revan fell much closer to Alek's position than Bastila's, but to keep the peace was quiet about it. Revan more and more questioned parts of the Jedi code, particularly the part forbidding emotional attachments, especially a growing attachment to a certain brown haired girl.

Revan increasingly found his gaze lingering on Bastila. Fortunately so far his subconscious staring habit had been discreet enough that Bastila was none the wiser. The last thing he wanted was a lecture from Bastila on the evils of emotional attachments. Since walking back to the Enclave with Revan and Alek all those years ago, Bastila had thrown herself into her studies. She became top of her class, often studying with Revan and Alek. Their studies may have been two years ahead of Bastila's, but she did her best, and by the time her classes would cover the material Revan and Alek had studied with her, she had an insurmountable advantage over her classmates But Bastila's dedication to the Jedi way of life was not without problems for her. Among the more innocent problems was Alek's incessant desire to point out how rivals like Revan and Bastila tended to wind up together. That much Bastila could live with, easily falling back on the Jedi code to remind Alek of how unwise such an attachment would be. More difficult to deal with was the effect Bastila's advanced studies had on her social standing with her peers. The widely held impression of her was of a spoiled princess; one that no one wanted to be around. Frigid and stuck up were among the nicer words used when people didn't think Bastila could hear them.

Ironically it wasn't isolation that was the worst problem for the Jedi's poster girl; it was her growing closeness to Revan. Her pulse would race around him, a blush would spread across her cheeks whenever Revan smiled at her, and more and more she found herself daydreaming of him. At first she'd written it off as simply being good friends, then later teenage hormones. Eventually Bastila realized she couldn't explain her feelings away, but instead focused on damage control, with endless repetition of the Jedi code as her version of a cold shower. When that wasn't enough, she played the martyr, sacrificing her own feelings out of fear that if she told Revan it would end their friendship. After all, how could he be around her if she told him how she felt, only to be rebuffed? Bastila had never thought of herself as pretty; nor did she think she was unattractive. Jedi never seemed to speak of such things, so Bastila honestly had no idea. Dating and even flirting were alien concepts to Bastila. Worse than ignorance for Bastila were her fears.

'What if this isn't how normal girls my age feel? Maybe there's something wrong with me? The Masters all say this is wrong after all. Alek seems to have these urges, so maybe it's all right? Revan never does though. Maybe he just doesn't have these feelings for anyone? What if I say something and he thinks I'm some sort of freak or doesn't want to be around me any more? I don't think I could live with that. Besides, if he had any feelings for me he'd have said anything. He's older; he'd have had them first. We're together all the time, there's no way he could have felt like this for two years and not said a thing. No, it has to just be me. Looks like I'll just have to live with this. Maybe if I ignore it long enough it'll go away.'

The day Bastila was made a Padawan was the happiest of her life, and her only two friends in the world knew it. When Bastila walked out of the council chamber, they were there waiting for her.

"Hey look who made Padawan" Revan said with a grin.

"Yep, our little princess is a Padawan." Alek agreed.

Bastila attempted an angry glare at Alek, but her mood just wouldn't seem to allow it.

"Come on, let's get out of here." Revan said, leading the way towards the exit from the Enclave. "We've got a little something set up outside."

The three walked outside to where Revan and Alek had set up a small picnic. Being so isolated it was quite difficult to arrange any sort of real celebration, a situation Alek in particular complained of regularly. Despite that, Bastila's eyes lit up when she saw what her friends had done for her.

"Sorry that it's not much." Revan apologized.

"It's perfect, Revan. Thank you." Bastila looked at him, smiling like he'd seldom seen. Her gray eyes seemed so warm, and he could swear there was a touch of blue to them. When had that gotten there?

The two completely missed Alek's muttered remark expressing his displeasure with the isolation of the enclave, and it wasn't until he coughed rather obviously that the two young Padawans stopped staring at each other.

"You two sure you wouldn't rather have a nice, private room rather than an open public field?" Alek asked, clearly enjoying his friends' embarrassment. The two turned bright red and took a step back from each other.

"Uh, no um, we're fine, right Bas?" Revan asked nervously.

"Of course we are. I have no idea whatsoever Alek may be referring to." Bastila said, quickly recovering and defaulting to her familiar haughty, cultured voice.

Alek grinned, hardly deterred by his friends' denials. "Sure. Yeah, lemme see if I buy that. Hmm, do I even need to consult the Force on this one?"

Ignoring Alek, Revan and Bastila sat down to begin the modest celebration. For several hours the trio ate, laughed and enjoyed the afternoon. Finally Alek rose and looked at the other two.

"I gotta get going. Sparring match with some uppity Padawan. Idiot bet me 50 credits he could take me."

"Alek, it is not proper to bet in such things!" Bastila coolly retorted. "It is not the Jedi way."

"Ah relax Princess Padawan. Not like I'm gonna fall to the dark side just for taking 50 credits. Besides, he seemed to have an awful lot of pride when he bet me. I'd be remiss in my Jedi duties if I let that continue!"

Bastila sputtered, unable to come up with a response, both to the name she'd spent years trying to shake and to such an obviously facetious twisting of the Jedi code.

"You two play nice now. Don't do anything I wouldn't!"

Revan shook his head at his friend's obviously convenient absence, right before sunset, a time Alek often praised as being the ideal hour for romance.

The two sat in awkward silence for a while, neither wanting to be the first to speak and have to deal with Alek's very obvious implications. Each of the two assumed their feelings could never possibly be returned, so simply kept them quiet. Finally it was Revan who made the first move.

"Listen, Bas… I've been meaning to talk to you about something for a while now."

Bastila looked at him curiously, letting Revan say whatever he had to say. Alek's rather obvious attempts at setting the two up romantically still were at the forefront of her mind, and for the moment the Jedi Code was a distant second in Bastila's thoughts.

"I'm not sure how to say this really. We've known each other for a while now, well, years actually; almost our entire lives. I can barely remember a time when you weren't around, and the more I think about it, the more I don't want to. I can't imagine what life would be like if you weren't here, if I didn't see you all the time, if I couldn't even remember your face…"

Revan paused, taking a deep breath. So far all he'd said is things a close friend might say. He knew there was more and that the risks were there, but Revan was no coward.

"I know it shouldn't be true, it's forbidden and I should have better control over my emotions, but I don't. Bastila, I like you. A lot. And I don't mean that platonic Jedi way we're supposed to. I mean, romantically, like two people are supposed to like each other. Like real people care for each other."

Bastila was dumbfounded. She'd spent endless lonely nights wishing for this, dreaming of the day she and Revan would tell each other of their feelings in wonderful eloquent soliloquies like in all the holo-novels, but now that the moment was here, she had no words. No wonderful words of love in perfect rhyme and meter, no beautiful speeches pledging her heart in this life and the next, not even a girlish squeal of delight. Even the Jedi code, something Bastila tirelessly repeated and quoted with haughty arrogance at every opportunity failed her. So Bastila simply stared, slack jawed at the Padawan who risked his life among the Jedi to tell her how he felt.

"Um, Bas? You there? Hello? Dantooine to Bastila. This is Revan, risking his butt here. Say something, Bastila. Please?"

Bastila still couldn't find the words, so she did the next best thing: she threw herself at Revan, wrapping her arms around him and hugging him tightly.

"Hmm, guess this means no lecture on how I violated the Code eh princess?" Revan remarked with a smirk.

"You're lucky I like you, or you'd pay for that 'princess' part, mister."

"You may be a princess, but you're my princess."

"Well, that's not so bad I suppose…"

The two stared into each other's eyes, warm gray touched with deep blue met vibrant green. Neither felt like they were moving, yet somehow the two Jedi inched closer and closer. This time there was no Alek to interrupt them, no concerns of an audience, not even the rest of the Jedi enclave existed to them anymore. The world simply melted away as the two Padawans kissed.

Revan and Bastila had parted ways for the night, and Revan was almost back to his quarters when Alek found him.

"Well well, someone was out late." Alek said with a broad grin.

"Oh, um, Alek. Hi… How you been?"

"I think the only relevant question more how have you been? From that dumb look on your face I'd say pretty darned good. I wonder if Bastila has one to match. Maybe I should go check it out…"

"No! Um… no. It um, it's late, it'd be rude to bother her."

"Wow Revan, rude to bother her? You're really bad at this. Pathetic."

"Hey! What's that supposed to mean?"

"It means that for a guy who's all about reading people and body language and all that you've got about the worst poker face I've ever seen. First time I've ever seen you bad at something."

"What's that supposed to mean?" Revan asked, getting very defensive.

"It means that you've been the best at just about everything you've ever touched here. Well, except for light saber combat, there you finish second to yours truly. Who'd have guessed a girl would be Super Jedi's weakness."

"Hey! Come on now! I'm hardly a super Jedi."

"Yes you are. You're gonna make Knight in no time. And lets face it, nobody's gonna bet against you being a Master or eventually even making the Council, you and your sweetie Bastila there both. But if either of you are gonna make it you need to learn to be a bit less obvious. Judging by the way you look it won't be long till Vrook is all over you for breaking the rules."

"Damn, you're right. If I'm like this, Bastila's gotta be at least twice as bad. She's so emotional sometimes…"

"Relax. That's the first thing you both gotta do. It's not like you're the first Jedi to have a thing together. Just take it easy and be careful what you do when people are watching. Make sure you keep some control so you don't look like, well, like a grinning idiot after you've been with her, and make sure she does the same. It'll be fine."

"All right, I'll talk to her about it tomorrow. Thanks Alek."

Revan was up well before his first class the next day, rushing to Bastila's dorm, working hard to master a cool walk free of expression, no matter what sort of storm might be raging in his mind. It was a skill that like most, he quickly mastered. It would serve him well later in life. Reaching Bastila's quarters, Revan knocked on the door firmly. A short while later a very tired looking Bastila answered her door.

'Oh wow. Definitely not a morning person.'

"Revan? This better be good, because if you think you're getting anywhere at this hour, you've really got another thing coming."

"Oh wow. Um, sorry, Bas…"

"Yes yes, you're quite sorry I'm sure. Is there a point to this?"

"Oh! Um, yeah. I ran into Alek last night. Apparently I was acting kinda, well, obvious. And if he could figure it out from just a glance…"

Bastila paled, all grumpiness of the early hour forgotten.

"Do you think anyone else saw? You know what this could mean, don't you? We'll be thrown out. Exiled."

"Relax Bas; I know what it could mean. No one saw us. We're safe."

Bastila let out a breath she didn't even realize she'd been holding. Revan watched her quietly for a while before hesitantly asking "Do you want to break things off?"

"…No." Bastila knew she should have said yes, should have told him how throwing away their entire lives for what probably was just a simple fling was foolish. There were more important things in life than making out, no matter how good it may have felt. They were Jedi; they had a responsibility, to the Code, to each other, to the other Jedi across the galaxy, to the Republic, to the entire universe itself. Yet somehow, none of that seemed important at the moment even though Bastila knew it should have been.

"Me neither. So we'll have to be careful, especially about how we act around each other in public. We should be okay though. Long as we don't make a show of it, the Masters aren't looking to be too anal about this. Well, except for Vrook, but we can be more careful around him. It's not the first time Jedi have done this. They learned to manage hiding it, we can too. We're both bright overachievers after all."

Bastila smiles and nodded. Revan's plan sounded just fine to her; though any plan that would have kept them together would have sounded good to her.

"Ok Bas, sorry to drag you out of bed early. Have a good day."

Bastila smiled and after a quick check to confirm the corridor was empty she kissed Revan.

'Definitely a good way to start the day' Revan thought with a smirk.

Revan and Bastila were serious about the secrecy of their relationship, and were successful in going unnoticed. In time, as Alek had predicted, Revan was made a Jedi Knight, as was Alek himself. In short, life was rather good for Revan, Bastila and Alek.

Until the Mandalorians came.

They came upon the Republic like a storm, without reason or cause; they simply swept into Republic space and destroyed everything in their path. The entire galaxy stopped and stared in silent, horrified awe of the images of the first destroyed world as they spread across the holo-nets.

Revan watched the events play out on the news, and saw the Council handing out many more assignments than usual. 'Such a transparent effort. More to do means less time for other things. Like watching coverage of the war. It doesn't take a great mind to figure out that both the Mandalorians and all the new refugees they have us so busy taking care of are connected.'

Finally Revan decided it was time to share his thoughts with his two closest friends and see if they had drawn the same conclusions. So that day rather than eat, the three quietly made their way to Revan's room to talk.

Revan looked at both of them. "These Mandalorian attacks, they aren't just some raids, and this isn't just about expanding their borders. If it was either of those they'd have stopped by now. The Mandalorians want war and nothing but that." Revan said in a voice devoid of emotion.

"Yes, the flow of refugees is difficult to miss. As are the holo-nets. It's up to what, a dozen worlds now?" Bastila's voice was cool as usual, but she was just as affected by the scenes of carnage playing out on the Rim as Revan was. "The Council will know what to do. We must be patient and wait for their orders. I don't think it will be long. Access to data on the Mandalorians in the archives is suddenly restricted. I doubt the Council wants to be second-guessed before it acts."

"They better do something, and soon." Alek's muscles tensed as he spoke, his posture unconsciously changing almost to a combat stance. "We're Jedi; we're supposed to do something about stuff like this. I didn't spend all that time learning to fight just to sit on my butt and watch this sort of thing."

"Agreed." Revan nodded to his friend, his posture relaxed, but he could not hide the tension in his voice.

Bastila put a hand on Revan's shoulder. "Trust in the Council. I do not think we will have to wait for long."

But to the shock of nearly all Jedi at the Enclave, there was no call to war, no request for volunteers, no armed response of any sort. The Mandalorian invasion was met with only silence from the Jedi. And so, to the surprise of no one, the Mandalorian invasions continued. If one world wouldn't draw out worthy opponents to fight, the Mandalorians would strike another. And if that wouldn't be enough, they would conquer another, and another. Worlds would keep burning until the Mandalorians met a warrior worthy of them, and the true war began.

First days, then weeks, and finally months passed. Revan and Alek's patience was wearing thin. The two sparred increasingly; Revan in an effort to burn off frustrated energy fueled by every world devastated by the Mandalorians, whereas Alek, while eager to fight the Mandalorians, was simply content to have a regular sparring partner.

"Another world fell today, Alek. Another one. There's not a whole lot of the Outer Rim left. The Mid Rim's not exactly going to last long either." Revan's style had become increasingly aggressive since the first news reports of the invasion came, and today was no exception.

Alek nodded, matching Revan blow for blow in their match. He had heard this sort of talk from Revan endlessly in the past several months, long since past the point where he could listen to it and spar at the same time. It never seemed to matter what he said, Revan would always follow roughly the same script. All part of working off his frustrations, Alek figured. But this time, the conversation took an unexpected turn.

"I don't think I can just sit here and wait anymore."

"What do you mean, Revan?" Alek was surprised enough to hesitate and take a glancing hit.

Revan pressed his advantage in the duel. "We're Jedi for Force's sake. We're supposed to defend this galaxy. The Republic asked for help. They even begged. I don't know what the Council is waiting for, but I don't think I can wait any longer."

"You know I'm always up for a good fight, but what you're saying is heavy stuff. We'll be done in the Order. Exiled forever. And that's if the Council is merciful and doesn't cut us off from the Force forever. And besides, there's been a trickle of Jedi that joined the fight. Hasn't made a difference."

"I'm not talking about just two Jedi, old friend."

"Okay, three, can't forget your sweetie." Alek's remark hit the mark, quickly followed by his training saber.

Revan sighed, looking decidedly uncomfortable at the allusion to Bastila.

"Hey, Revan, sorry, sweetie's the wrong name for her?" Alek asked, sensing the duel was over.

"No, it's not that. Actually kinda funny how she reacts to names like that."

"What then?"

Revan's response was a long time in coming. "I'm not sure I want her to come."

"Why not? I thought you two were tight?"

"We are, that's not it. It's more, well… You've seen what these places look like, what these worlds look like once the Mandalorians are done. The holo-nets can't show it all; there's got to be even worse they just can't show out of ethical concerns."

"You don't think Bastila can handle that? Revan, she may be small, but the girl's tough. She can handle it."

"I know she can handle it. That's not the problem."

"So what is?"

"Seeing that sort of thing, day in and day out, going from battle to battle, and killing Mandalorian after Mandalorian. What do you think that will do to her? I know she can handle it, but nobody can go through that without being changed. She'll get harder, colder, she'll have to. How can she not? I don't know if I can do that to her. I'm pretty sure I don't want to do that to her. I love her like she is, I'm scared that if I do this to her, I'll ruin everything about her that makes her special."

"Wait a minute. Love?"

"Oh, um, hmm, did I say love?"

"Yes, you did. You told her yet?"

"No. And I'm not sure I can."

"Why? You know she wants to hear it. There's no doubt she feels the same for you. For all her stuck up attitude, that girl can't hide her feelings to save her life."

"Alek, what am I supposed to say to her? Oh, Bastila, I love you more than life itself, but sorry, I gotta go off to war. You can't come, so… Yeah… See you in a few years!"

"Hmm, I think she'd beat you to a pulp. Now that I think about it, I kinda want to see it."

"You're a funny man, Alek."

"I try."

"So what should I do then? I don't think I can just stay here and watch these massacres much longer. No matter what I feel about her, I just can't do it."

"Revan, you gotta be sure about what you want to do here. Much as I pity you for this, you're a one girl sort of guy. Me, I got no attachments to girls, if I break it off with one, no big deal, there's always more. You're weird though, brain damage or something. You're gonna be comparing any girl you ever meet to Bastila, and I don't see any of them measuring up in that broken mess of a head you have. This is life-changing decision territory here. If you really aren't willing to take her to war, you have to choose: the girl and dying slowly inside, hoping the war somehow turns out well, or go off and be the great warrior and be empty inside forever. Sounds like life will suck for you regardless."

"It sounds like such a wonderful future for me."

"Sorry. Life sucks sometimes. But hey, maybe I'm wrong. Maybe it'll turn out okay for you somehow."

"Yeah, right. Anyone ever actually buy weak lines like that from you?"

"Dozens of satisfied former girlfriends, pal."

"Hmm, I wonder, is the former part of that statement what they're so satisfied with?"

"That's a low blow, Revan."

Despite hours of sparring with Alek and the physical exhaustion that resulted, sleep eluded Revan that night. No matter what his body said, his mind refused to rest, and with Revan, in disagreements between body and mind, the mind always won.

'There's just no good way to do this. Any choice I make, someone's going to get hurt. I'm sure Vrook would find this hilarious, some sort of Force sent punishment for ignoring the code. Simple math says hurt one and save many is a simple choice. Only my forbidden attachment makes this difficult.'

Revan sighed, hating where that line of thinking was taking him.

'But then, if the math is so simple, this wouldn't have come up at all. The Council would have sent us off to war as soon as the Republic asked. And for Force knows what reason, that didn't happen.'

'Maybe taking her along wouldn't be so bad. I could keep her from the worst of it; shield her from the most terrible of the horrors. Bah, what am I thinking? That girl does what she wants; it's one of the things about her I like so much. No, she'll throw herself into that war every bit as hard as I would. It'll be exactly as hard on her as I think it would. Every bit as bad as I told Alek.'

'Even if I go, she'll want to follow me. She's resourceful; she'll find a way, no matter what rules or measures the Masters take. That'd be wonderful, not only would she get beaten down by war, she'd be mad at me to start it off. Being a Jedi just isn't as simple as it should be sometimes. Force damned choices.'

Author's Notes:

Well, that does it for chapter 1 of what I've decided to call Choices. I didn't come up with the name until the end of this chapter, but I think it fits what I'm planning for the story to shape up as. It's my first story, first attempt at any sort of writing really, so I'd love to hear what people think of it. Thanks for reading, hope you enjoyed it.

I'd like to thank my beta readers. It's my first fic and I had no idea how many was normal, so I managed to get three rather than the normal one. So thank you to Rev'ika, WingedGirl4Life, and The Outlander. I needed all the help I could get, and you three were great.