IMPORTANT AUTHORS NOTE, PLEASE READ

So, here's the reason I haven't updated in over a year. I have no idea what to do with this story. No, really, I've literally spent the last year trying to think of what's going to happen next, and nothing ever really sprang to mind. I had for awhile considered this elaborate story idea that strongly referenced Doctor Who and Night at the Museum, but every time I sat down to try and write it, it came out wrong and looked obviously forced into place for lack of a better plot. I still don't know what to do with it, honestly, and I thought about permanently abandoning it, but every week I get some nice, lovely new reviewer very kindly asking me to continue, no angry demands or hurt accusations, just always, "Love the story, hope you continue soon,". And who can say no to that? So here I am in my chair for the millionth time, wondering what the heck I'm going to do with this story, when I get a sudden idea.

Why not let you guys decide what happens next?

Fuck yes! So, here's the deal folks. This is a small filler chapter to kind of set up and finish the beginning part of this story, and then what I want you guys to do is send in reviews with ideas for what will happen next. They can either be serious ideas regarding the already established plot, or, since this is by nature a Crack fic anyway, you can send the most bizarre, random ideas you can think of. The more ideas the better! I'll read your ideas and try and mix and mash and put as many of them into the next chapter as possible, and we'll just keep going on like that from there.

So, send in your ideas guys, and I'll get started on the next chapter right away! Thanks for your patience for the last year, and hopefully I'll deliver something to you all that was worth the wait. Until then, enjoy Chapter 3 :)

Chapter 3

Even in his currently enraged state, Kenny had to be impressed by how quickly his friends had managed to get every kid in their class both in and on the joke. He'd nearly go so far as to call it a super-human ability, what his three friends could get accomplished in the span of a mere five minutes, when they were very determined and absolutely convinced that the end results would be hilarious.

Kenny, personally, didn't think it was very funny.

In front of them was Clyde, Token, Jimmy and Butters, all wearing shit-eating grins. Kenny had never really understood that phrase before, 'shit eating', but seeing their faces now, he supposed he did; a shit eating grin was a grin that gave you the powerful urge to force the grinner to eat shit. Had there been a dog nearby, Kenny could easily imagine himself taking one of their big, stupid heads in his hands and forcing it down to the dogs ass and just waiting patiently for nature to take effect, that was how angry he was. But, being that this was a museum and no dog was making itself easily accessible, Kenny settled for glaring at them in pure, loathsome hatred.

This only made their shit-eating grins wider, which he supposed just meant that, when he had the opportunity, their mouth would be capable of holding more shit. So there was that, at least.

"Dude, seriously, congratulations man." Said Clyde, who had never once thought about Craig being gay, but having now discovered he was had completely convinced himself that he had known all along, "Kenny's a catch, I'm real happy for you guys."

"Fuck you, you evil backstabbing bastard," Kenny snarled, and oh if only he could escape the Grip, he could punch Clyde in his second-fattest face. "Craig's your friend, you dipshit! I wanted your help explaining the mistake!"

The school dramas club had missed out on some talent; the boys expressions never faltered at Kenny's verbal attack, though Butters, excited by it, couldn't stop squirming and giggling at his own naughtiness. Craig didn't seem to notice or care about Butter's though, glancing at Kenny briefly before nodding, "Yeah, I agree with Kenny. I never thought for a second you all would take this so well. I figured you all would have punched me seven different ways by now."

"Nah, man, we're cool with you being gay, so long as you remember No Homo," Token reassured, the shit-eating shit shitter, "But man, you and Kenny; never saw it coming. I bet Kenny is super happy. Are you supper happy, Kenny?"

"Fucking hate all of you!" Kenny screamed, "I am going to make you all eat shit!"

For a brief second, Craig smiled. "Yeah, me too."

And that brief look of happiness, and the ones that had come before it, those moments during this god awful day that Craig really did look like he was happy, was the thing that kept Kenny from just throwing his hood back and screaming at Craig, "No, you idiot, I am not gay and I don't want to date you, you deaf bastard!" Kenny, despite having been completely honest from second one to Craig about his feelings on the subject, had long started feeling guilty about leading the guy on. The truth was, during all this, Craig had actually been…well, he supposed Kenny could say Craig had actually been a rather nice boyfriend, as much as the communication problem had allowed. Craig went to the exhibits he thought Kenny wanted to go to, laughed at the jokes he had thought Kenny made, made small talk and gave small compliments, nothing overbearing, just little reminders to say, "Yep, still thinking about you." He had bought Kenny a drink earlier when he had thought Kenny had said something about being thirsty (Kenny had actually been screaming at the Gods, "Why! Oh Holy Hell, why!") and Kenny, afraid of throwing his hood back, afraid of putting himself in the inevitable situation where he would have to tell Craig what was going on and see that look of hurt and embarrassment on the stupid assholes face…well, Kenny had been holding the soda for awhile now, not drinking it, not sure what to do with it, avoiding the moment as best he could.

And, like a punk, he had gone to Craig's friends to get help breaking the news to him; unfortunately, Cartman and the other's had gotten to them first, and now Kenny was alone against a sea of fourth graders with their shit-eating grins asking embarrassing questions and just enjoying the heck out of themselves at Kenny and Craig's expense.

"So, have you fellows kissed yet?" Butters asked, a flush coming over his face at the thought.

"Ew, Butters!" Clyde cried, shocked, "Of course they havn't!...Have you?"

"No we damn well fucking have not," Kenny snarled, but then stopped when he realized, uh, yeah, they had. But it had been through his hood, so that didn't count, right?

Craig gave him a quick confused glance before sighing dramatically, "A man doesn't kiss and tell, boys."

Thinking perhaps he was distracted by the group of boys sudden barking laughter and cries of "Holy shit, they did! They kissed!" Kenny gave another valiant effort of tugging his hand free, hoping to somehow escape the humiliation. The iron grip remained firm.

"Craig, let go!" There was a whine in Kenny's voice that he was not proud of, but he was getting more then a little frustrated by all this, and all he really wanted to do was go lie down and pretend he didn't exist for awhile. Craig looked at him thoughtfully before nodding, "Sorry guys, you heard him, we have to go. Kenny's been really interested in the exhibits, so we're going to try and see everything before the fieldtrip ends."

"Aw, s-s-such a good boyfriend." Jimmy teased, having been admiring the complex scenario that had emitted such a simple sort of humor in this situation. Honestly, he wanted to put this in a comedy act, but it was one of those bizarre situations that no one in his audience would ever believe actually happened. Pity. It would have been a funny bit.

"Alright, well, you guys enjoy your date," Token said, laughing all the while. The giggling and jeers continued as the two left, Craig, as always, leading, Kenny miserably trying not to trip over his own feet, "Congratulations again! Don't do anything we wouldn't do!" Token cried, to the laughter of everyone as they turned the corner and were out of sight.

They walked quietly for awhile before Craig said, in his somber tone, "Sorry about that, Kenny. I didn't think everyone would find out that fast. But at least the worst they did was tease us."

"Oh, picked up on that, did you?" Kenny muttered. The only people around were adults, which meant they were more or less alone. Adults, so long as it wasn't annoying them, didn't care what kids did, even if that was destroy each other.

"Yeah," Craig replied, "They're jerks, but, you know, they're my friend." Craig shrugged. And what could Kenny say to that? After all, he still hung out with Cartman.

Craig was a difficult person to read, but as stated before, Kenny was getting good at it today, and his expression seemed unusually thoughtful. "Still," Said Craig, "It's been a good day, hasn't it? Nothing bad has happened, no robbers, terrorists, explosions. You're still alive, and it's already nearly been an hour. That's good, isn't it?"

And there wasn't much Kenny could say to that, either, because, other then Craig himself, the day had in fact been blessedly absent of anything weird, horrific, or deadly. "Yeah, I suppose it is." Kenny stopped, thought about it, and then looked over at Craig. "Hey! We're been having a conversation!"

Craig raised an eyebrow. "Kenny, we've been talking to each other all day. You just now have noticed?"

"No, I mean, you can understand me now? How long have you been ab-"

Speak of the devil and he will appear, though Cartman was admittedly a little late. Kenny's revelation was cut short as his friends walked up, each wearing little smiles that suddenly had Kenny wishing for that metaphorical dog with the over active bowl movements again. Kenny felt Craig's grip grow tight again, and sighed, knowing that the conversation would have to be put on hold again. "What?" Kenny snapped at his friends, "What do you want now?"

Kyle shrugged, "Sorry to interrupt you guys, but we wanted to know if you wanted to-"

"No," Craig said simply.

Stan frowned, "We didn't even say what we wanted to-"

"No," Craig said again, "Me and Kenny are not hanging out with you today. Nothing bad has happened yet, and I want it to stay that way. Go away."

Cartman scowled, "Craig, you dick, you're starting to piss me off. Kenny might be your boyfriend, but he's our best friend and we had him first, so we called dibs. And if we want him to come hang out with us, then that's what he is fucking going to do!"

"No, he's going to come with me to see the paintings, right?" Craig said, giving Kenny a stern stare.

"I'm not your boyfriend, Craig." Kenny replied quietly, nervous. The grip was strong, and he didn't like the idea of it maybe punching him in the face. It was a moot point though, because whatever coherency Craig had developed within the last few minutes to understand Kenny with had apparently evaporated, because Craig turned to the others and said, "See? He wants to spend time with me, not you. Besides, we're fieldtrip buddies, so we're not allowed to separate anyway. Go away."

"That might be true, but just because Kenny can't leave you doesn't mean we have to leave him," Kyle replied, "So we're sticking around to hang out with Kenny, and there's nothing you can do about it."

"Come on Kenny, let's get away from these jinxes before they ruin out day," Craig said, turning around to pull Kenny away.

Cartman grabbed Kenny's free hand, and tugged just as hard as Craig to keep Kenny there, "Hey, you buttmuncher, we're not jinxes, and Kenny is staying!"

Craig narrowed his eyes, and tugged, "No, he's leaving."

Cartman tugged, "Staying!"

Tug, "Leaving!"

"Fuck you Craig, he's staying!"

"No, fuck you."

"Fuck you!"

And as Kenny was tugged back in forth between the two foul mouthed assholes who were screaming curses at each other now, he looked up at the ceiling and wondered idly if he was going to die by being ripped in half today.

It almost seemed like a more pleasant alternative to surviving this, honestly.