A/N: I'll admit, the main character is half-self-insert. I'm writing this as part entertainment, and part need to write this.

This fic is dedicated to SapphireEyes, a Newsies fanfiction writer that seemed to have disappeared from all Newsies sight a few years ago. She wrote so many of my favorite fanfictions like: Newsies of Oz, Bowling for Newsies, and the BEST fic I have ever read, Help Me! I'm Trapped in a Mary Sue Body!.

If it wasn't for her, I would have never believed that a self-insert could have been anything but a Mary Sue.

I do not own Newsies.

Chapter 1- Fan Fiction should be Read, not Heard

The folder on my desktop taunts me as I stare at the screen. How long has it been since I've opened it? Seven months? Either way, it's that time again- time to remind myself that I can't write at all.

This happens every once and a while- I'll read an amazing fifty-plus chapter fan fiction and tell myself that I want to do that, too.

I want to be able to write a story. Not just any regular fan fiction, but one with an original character. I want to be able to create my own OC for a fandom, and be able to develop her so that she's not a Mary Sue.

I open the folder, clicking on the first word document. I had written this when I was thirteen. I grimaced as I began to read.

A/N: I don't own Newsies but I should 'cause Disney doesn't pay ANY attention to them at all!!

***

Hi! My name is Samantha Parker! I'm 16 years old and I'm a newsie. I have shoulder-length brown hair and emerald green eyes. I'm also an orphan that was abandoned when I was six.

I met the newsies right after the big strike and have been living with them ever since. One day as I was sellin' papes I saw the Delancey brothers beating up Les! I called the other newsies over and we began to soak them.

"Good job, Morph!" said Jack Kelly, the leader of the Newsies. Morph is my Newsie nickname, it's short for "Metamorpha". I got the name 'cause I'm really good at changing the way I look. I'm a master of disguise!

I stop reading the story, not able to take it anymore. Wow, what had I been thinking writing this? There was so much wrong with it.

First, you should never start with "Hi, my name is" for a story. I remember that my English teacher taught me that last year during a creative writing assignment.

Ugh, there's so much wrong with the two paragraphs that I don't even know where to go from there. Maybe I should try revising it…?

Nah, it's not worth it. Re-writing it would mean attempting to give 'Morph' character development. Right now, the only way to save the OC is to give it a mercy killing and put all the documents of her in the recycling bin. Even her name is stupid! What type of a name is Metamorpha, especially for a newsie name? Geeze.

I guess the right thing to do would be to go ahead to delete her, but I can't. I still need her in a sick twisted way. I need her to remind me why I should never try and write.

It's not like I never tried to develop Morph. I've tried to develop her over and over many times over the years, but for some reason she becomes stubborn and refuses to give up her Mary Sue ways. I know she's my character, but sometimes it seems like she has a will of her own.

Stupid. I'm talking about her like she's real. But it is weird- I've made other OCs that aren't half the Mary Sue she is, so why is it only her?

Ok, I think I've learned my lesson. I close the file and walk over to my bed, collapsing on it. I stare up at my ceiling to see pictures of my friends taped up there. I don't know why I put the pictures on my ceiling. I guess it seemed like a good idea at the time.

I roll over to face my bed side table. It's really messy, and I should clean it off. I should, but I won't. Because I'm lazy like that. There's a picture of my friends Trey and Beverly on the stand. They are the most awesome people in the world. They've always been there for me especially when my parents got divorced two years ago.

Yeah, that wasn't fun.

Trey was the one who first introduced me to Newsies, and Beverly had shown me my first fanfiction. Without them, I would have never created Morph.

Damn them.

Oh well, I'm tired I'm going to bed. I turn off the light and close my eyes.

Something is poking at my face. I swat at it, and moan for it to go away. It's probably just my brother being annoying.

"Fuck off, Jason…" I mutter, trying to pull the covers over my head. Ugh… he pulled the covers away already. Damn, sneaky bastard older brother.

"Sorry, this is Freddy Krueger, not Jason. But close guess!" says an unfamiliar voice. I sit up quickly at the female voice, and nearly shit myself at what I'm looking at.

Ew. Ew. Ew. Ew. EWWWWWWWWWWW. What the hell is that thing?! It's human looking, sorta. It looks like it's morphing from girl to boy to girl again. The face doesn't have a constant shape as the parts keep moving around and shifting. I think it's male now, but it has boobs! Oh god, this is a nightmare- I'm gonna be killed by a hermaphrodite!

The thing smiles at me. "About time you got up you lazy bum!" it says in a strange distorted voice. It sounds like a girl, but then fades into a guys voice. That reminds me of when Trey tried out for a musical in sixth grade and in the middle of his audition song his voice cracked and-

Not the time for that right now, Renee!

I look around panicking. I have to wake up, or this thing is gonna kill me. Or eat me. Or maybe even absorb me so that my body morphs with-

"Wow, you have a pretty fucked up imagination." The creature says in that same distorted voice, causing me to jump. "Ok one- I am not a hermaphrodite. Two- I'm not gonna hurt you, you loser. Three- Just give me a steady body and I'll stop with the trippy Picasso act. Preferably female if you don't mind. I think that might make things a bit easier."

Um…. Excuse me? Oh God, it can read my mind and it wants my body! The thing gives me an annoyed look which is really creepy since the eyes are two different shapes. Woah, even the clothes are changing! It's wearing a skirt… no pants… no skirt…. no boxers…

"Earth to Renee! Hello, if you can stop gawking and focus for ten seconds I can stop the morphing!" It says annoyed. I look up and shake my head.

"Huh?" I ask stupidly.

"Geeze, no wonder you can't write. Fine I'll just do it myself." It sighs, as the morphing starts to slow down and settle on one appearance.

I stare blankly at the now-female in front of me. She's taller than me, by about three inches, with blond hair to her mid back, tied in a pony tail. Her eyes are now green and she's wearing a plain black t-shirt and a pair of jeans.

She's kind of pretty now that she has a specific gender. But who the fuck is she?!

She smiles at me, which is still kind of creepy, and swoops down into a dramatic bow. "I am Fan Fiction!" she says, looking up to give me a toothy grin.

"Oh." I say, realization dawning on me. "I get it. I'm dreaming. Night!" I lay back down and close my eyes real tightly.

Of course I'm dreaming. How else would you explain a morphing hermaphrodite waking you up and telling you that you suck at writing?

"I am not a hermaphrodite!" she yells. Well, now she isn't because she's a…. she now. "And you aren't dreaming! You're just inside the internet."

I sit up again. Ok, that is way worse than being in a nightmare. I do not want to be in the internet of all places. I don't wanna look over my shoulder and see an army of over 9000 mudkips heading towards me. I look around, but don't see anything threatening to whatever innocence I have left. It's just a plain white room, with what looks like a toolbar on the ceiling. Ok, weird.

"You know, you really need to get off some of the websites you go to." Um, 'Fan Fiction' says. "Don't worry, we're no where near those websites." She pulls out a small device from her jeans. It kind of looks like the i-Touch that Trey has, but it's a metallic blue. Do they make i-touches in that color? I've seen a nano that color but-

Again, not the time, Renee.

"Ok, so according to my calculations all we have to do is torrent the movie, and then we can go through with the plan." She says.

"Wait- what plan?" I ask, highly confused. What is this girl trying to do, and what the hell is that thing?!

"Well," she says, thinking a bit. "I plan to put you in the Newsies universe so that you can understand how to properly develop an original character."

Haha, what?

"Yeah, I don't wanna do that. I just wanna read fanfiction, not write it." I half-lie. Sure I wanna learn how to develop a character, but being sucked into a movie? No thanks.

She starts pushing buttons on the device again. "Ok, it's now torrenting on your computer. It'll take a while to download though, since no one's seeding it. Dammit, why did you have to choose such an out-dated fandom?"

I think my brain just deflated.

"Alright then. I guess you have another week or two before we can do this. And don't even think about deleting the torrent. I'm putting a password on it that you don't know. Also, don't turn off your internet or computer- it'll only slow this whole thing down." She rambles as I sit there staring dumbly at her.

What the fuck?

"Ok, I think we're done here." She says. "Just gotta put you back in your room and-"

"Wait!" I interrupt. "Who are you?" I am beyond confused right now. She looks at me annoyed.

"I told you- I'm Fan Fiction! I am the embodiment of every written work that has ever been created." She explains. "I guess you could call me a goddess." She give me this huge smile, like she's the most important person in the world.

Wait, a fandom goddess? Oh God, I'm going to Hell aren't I?

"Fan Fiction goddess?" I ask. This is most definitely a dream. Oh yes, there is no way this is real. But I guess it wouldn't hurt to learn about later. Maybe it would be good for a story.

Not that I'm gonna try and write it.

The smile vanishes from her lips. "Ok, maybe not a goddess, since I'm not a holy being, though I should be. But I am very important in the fandom. I basically get to decide which Fan Fictions get good reviews, which get deleted, and which get forgotten about. It's a tough job." She sighs, as if she's some over-dramatic star on some sitcom.

"So it's your fault that my story got deleted last year?!" I demand. Ok, it wasn't some of my best writing, and the character was very Mary Sue, but I was having fun writing it!

"Hey, I saved your sorry account from being banned!" she snaps, and sends me a glare. "Grammar errors, neko-female character in a Yu-Gi-Oh fandom, and song lyrics?! You're lucky that you made it to chapter three with that story! One more chapter and it would have been 'bye-bye Meatmorpha' and 'hello new screen name'."

I look down. She's right, that story had been a bomb-shell waiting to happen.

"Any way, if you can't call me a goddess, then I guess you can call me an Epic. Because that's what I am- epic. I am way cooler than you humans are." She grins triumphantly. Oh great, Fan Fiction has an ego. A large ego. Shoot me, now.

"There are a few more Epics," she continues. "I'm Fan Fiction, there's a Fan Art, a Fan Comic, who insists on being called Dou-kun. And then there's Fan Cover, who takes care of fans who cover the anime songs and finally there's Cosplay."

"You're insane." I say, shaking my head in disbelief. "You actually expect me to believe that there are gods and goddesses of fandom. You're nuts!"

"Do you have a hearing problem?" Fan Fiction asks in an annoyed tone. "I said we're called Epics."

"Ok then, why me?" I demand. "And how do I know this isn't some dream?"

"Well, I can't prove that this isn't a dream until your torrent is done downloading." She says. "And why you? Because I'm bored, and you need to learn how to write. You actually have potential."

"Bullshit!" I yell. "People have already told me plenty of times that I should stop writing."

"Exactly!" she exclaims. "You are known for writing stories that look like they've been shit out of a bull. If you can put out one decent story, then you'll inspire other writers to do better too! And with more good fanfiction out there- I have less work to do!" her eyes are so bright and happy, it makes me sick.

"So you're telling me," I say annoyed. "that you're gonna make me write better so that your job will be easier."

"Yup!" she says. "Now, you're gonna have to give me a name. I'll be the laughing stock of the epics if you keep calling me 'Fan Fiction'. I need a better name than that!"

"You know what? Whatever. I'll play along for now since this is only a dream. How about 'Fanny?" I ask, smirking a bit at my funny smart-assed self. Oh self, how I crack me up. I should do stand up.

"No." she says bluntly. "And you are not funny or witty." You know, the more I get to know 'Fan Fiction', the more I am starting to dislike her.

Screw her, I'm funny, and that was clever.

"Um, how about O.C.?" I suggest half-heartedly.

"Just stop it with the clever puns." She says rolling her eyes. There is no pleasing this woman, is there?

"Fine, you're name is Riley." I say, thinking of the first name that popped into my head.

"Ooh, how pretty!" she says smiling. "Ok, now I'll send you back to your room, see you in a week!" she says.

"Wait-!" I try and stop her but the world around me fades to black.

Dammit, I wanted to ask her what that device was.

Aaaaaaaaaaand…. That's chapter one. I'm definitely gonna re-write this at some point because Renee is kind of bland right now. But that's why I'm writing this- to learn how to better develop an original character.

More notes:

1.) Yes, my s/n was originally for Newsies. I was 11. Shut up.

2.) Yes, that is an actual fic that I wrote when I first started writing. No, I never posted it.

3.) Renee is half-self-insert, but I'm going to work on developing her as my own character. Renee isn't even my real name.

Please review.