Tony slammed the remote onto the couch beside him, unable to concentrate on his favorite movie. His anger grew with each second that passed, each second she was not home. Ziva has accepted his offer to stay in his spare bedroom until she found a new apartment. Anything had been better than the Navy lodge she had briefly called home. He looked at the clock for the hundredth time and saw it was nearly midnight. Her phone had been off for most of the evening and his worry had long since turned to anger.

Today had been difficult, long and nearly deadly. The Navy Lieutenant they suspected of murdering his wife had opened fire on NCIS agents and local police. Ziva had run into a hail of bullets and taken him down in one swift move, never firing a round. The local police had considered her actions heroic, but Tony was simply scared.

He stood abruptly as he heard her key turn in the door. "Where the hell have you been!"

"Just because I agreed to stay here doesn't mean that I answer to you," her voice was indignant.

"Ok, the fact that I am your partner does give me the right to know what the hell you were doing today?" Tony yelled in anger tinged with fear.

"My job," she said flatly, walking past him into the living room.

"Really? Is it you job to break cover and physically take down a suspect that is shooting at us?"

"It is my job to apprehend suspects, just as it is you job Tony," she said dismissively. "Perhaps you were just too scared to act."

"What I am scared for is a partner that still seems to have a growing death wish."

"Don't be overdramatic, Tony."

"You still think you are responsible for everything that happened. You're trying to punish yourself," Tony said angrily.

Ziva stood silently refusing to break eye contact with her partner. She made no effort to defend herself, knowing his words were true. "Whether I am is of no concern to you."

"That is where your wrong, Ziva."

Tony inhaled slowly, squaring his shoulders. It was obvious that his words over the past several months were making no impact. Striding across the floor he pulled a straight back chair from a nearby desk into the center of the room. She recognizes the strong resolute man, she had come to know when Gibbs retired and Tony took over command of the team. It was a side of him that she found simultaneously annoying and remarkably sexy.

"What are you doing?" Ziva asked confused at Tony's actions and his sudden change in demeanor.

"Punishing you," Tony replied flatly. The anger in his voice had been replaced by stern resolve. "Front and center David."

She could not prevent a burst of laughter from escaping her lips. Strolling across the room she stopped so close to him that he could feel the heat from her body.

"And how exactly do you intend to do that?" She stared at him defiantly.

"I am going to spank you," he said flatly.

She seemed more amused than shocked. "How exactly do you intend to force me to go along with this fantasy?"

"I'm not going to force you to do anything," his voice was soft, but firm. "You are going to willing bend over my lap and submit to a spanking."

"And why exactly would I do that?" she smiled.

"Because you think that everything that happened is your fault. You think that the sins you have committed are so egregious that you cannot possibly be forgiven until you have paid some mythical penance. So you deny yourself the comfort of the people who would give their lives to protect you, because you don't think that you deserve it. You feel so guilty that so many people you loved are dead and you are alive that you seem to be actively trying to join them. You do not believe that you deserve to be loved or cared for until you have punished for some invisibles crimes that you believe you are guilty of." Tony's voice was low and his demeanor was unyielding. Her eyes lowered to focus on an invisible spot at the center of his chest. She couldn't bring herself to look him in the eye, too afraid that he would see the truth of his words reflected in her eyes.

Tony took a deep breath to steel his nerves. She seemed so fragile and tiny, standing in front of him with her head bowed like a scolded child. She had endured so much in her young life. He wanted to gather her in his arms and protect her from any more pain, erase the scares on her soul and keep the demons that haunted her mind at bay. He knew that he could do none of that until he finally broke through the walls that kept her hidden from the very comfort for which she secretly longed. Right now she needed him to be strong. She needed him to do whatever it took to reach inside the fortress of her heart. She needed him to save her, not simply rescue her.

"Drop your pants," Tony's voice was low and stern. Ziva's eye widened in disbelief and her breath caught.

"I will not ask you again Ziva," he commanded in a voice that sounded more like Gibbs than Tony.

Reluctantly she unbuttoned her khaki cargo pants and slid them over her small hips. Tony took her wrist and guided her gently over his lap as his sat down, before either of them changed their minds. Her stomach churched at the embarrassment and vulnerability of the position. She felt like a child. He raised his right knee slightly and wrapped his hand around her slender waist.

Her thin cotton panties were little protection when his large hand came down firmly on her round bottom. She jumped reflexively, not believing this was actually happening.

"Tell me why you are being spanked," Tony commanded.

She swallowed hard, having hoped to get through this without uttering a sound.

His hand came down hard on the curve of her bottom. "I asked you a question David."

"Because I didn't trust you, trust any of you," she said quietly.

"And," his hand continued to methodically work its way from the center of her bottom to the tops of her thighs. Tony cupped his hand to increase the loud smacking sounded as it landed on her thinly covered bottom and add to the spankings psychological effect as it echoed through the room.

"Because I didn't come to you when this all started. Because I wasn't there for Michael," her voice faltered. This was far more difficult than she had originally thought. Her guilt and shame hung around her like a blanket, stifling her breath and choking her voice as she admitted her sins and her failures aloud for the first time. Tony's hand stung far more than she ever expected as it fell into an unrelenting rhythm of sharp quick stokes intended to sting like fire more than hurt. Despite her best efforts she found it difficult to be still. She had been shot, stabbed, beaten and tortured, yet she twisted and squirmed over Tony's lap like a child trying to escape a punishment. She could overpower him in an instant, a fact for which they were both certain. Still she did not. She deserved this and that knowledge only added to the overwhelming since of shame.

"I should have stopped Ari before our father changed him from my sweet brother to a monster. I should have been there to save Tali," despite her best efforts single tears escaped her eyes and her voice choked. She cursed herself, knowing he could hear them. "I have failed to protect everyone that I loved. I failed you. I failed Gibbs. I have failed NCIS. I have failed Mossad. I failed Israel. I long ago failed to be the daughter than my father wanted."

Tony's breath caught and his hand froze in midair as a wave of grief flowed through his body. He stared down at her for a long moment, trying desperately to find the words she needed to hear.

"Let me tell you something Ziva David," his said with the firm tone of a stern father, resting his hand on her bare thigh. "I doesn't matter what you've done. I doesn't matter where you go, where you hide or where you're taken. The people who love you will always come for you. Our world ended when we thought that we had lost you forever. You think that I don't see through the chinks in your armor? You think that I don't understand your failures and your weaknesses, just as you understand mind? They don't change the way I feel about you. They don't change the way Gibbs feels about you, or Abby or Ducky, or McGee. They don't make us love you less. They don't make me love you any less. I don't love you in spite of those things, Ziva David. I love you because of the woman you were and the woman you're becoming. I traveled half way around the world to avenge your death because I could not live without you. And I will be damned if I allow your guilt and your self-loathing to hide you away from the people who love you, the people who can help you heal."

"I don't deserve their love or yours," her voice was barely above a hoarse whisper.

She felt the cool air on her skin as his large, strong hand slid under her panties, pulling then down easily over her round bottom and dropping them to the pants that were crumpled at her ankles. This wasn't the first time that Tony had seen her naked. They had pretended to be lovers on an undercover assignment, but this was different. The vulnerability of it was overwhelming.

"My world ended when I thought you were dead. It began again the moment I saw your face.
I would die for you. I would die with you and I would thank God with my last breathe for the opportunity to do so." She could hear the tears in his voice as he spoke.

Tony's hand concentrated a volley of sharp swats to her already warm sit spot, but this time she didn't squirm or even move. Her body was limp over his knee and he could tell her breath was coming in shallow gasps. A sob escaped her lips and flowed through her body in aching waves.

The sound of her tears cut through him like a knife. He gently turned her over in his arms amazed that such a fierce soul could fit into such a tiny body. Amazed at how easily she fit in his lap and against his chest. Tears streamed down her face and her body ached with decades of unshed tears. He wrapped her protectively in his arms bringing her head to rest on his shoulder.

"You're safe, you're loved and you're protected," he whispered into her hair, rocking her back and forth like a father comforting a child. Silent tears spilled from his eyes. "Just let it out, Ziva. Just let it go."

Slowly the wakes of grief turned into silent tears. When she finally lifted her head he looked down into her sad brown eyes. His strong hand cupped her cheek and wiped away her tears in a touch that was so light it felt like gossamer wings against her skin.

"I love you. My world will end if I lose you Ziva David," he said making no effort to conceal his own tears. "I need you to help me heal and to do that I need you to let me help you."

She gave a slow nod and rested her hand firmly against his chest to feel the beat of his heart.

Not bothering to put her pants back into place, he easily picked her up as he stood. His left arm wrapped securely around her waist and his right tucked under the silky skin of her knees. She leaned into his solid chest, resting her head on his shoulder.

Carrying her into the bedroom, Tony sat her gently on the bed, careful to avoid her bottom that was a bright shade of red against her tanned skin. Kneeling before her, his fingers untied the laces of her boots and slid them from her feet. Watching her intently, he slid her pant from her ankles, dropping them into a pile on the floor. Standing in front of her, he fumbled at the buttons of her shirt, sliding it off her slender shoulders. He inhaled the sweet smell of her perfume and marveled at the curves of her body. Ziva lifted her arms submissively to allow Tony to slip the large Ohio State t-shirt over her head. Stroking her thick brown curls he leaned down to kiss the top of her head, handing her a tissue before disappearing into the bathroom.

After blowing her noise, Ziva closed her eyes and leaned onto her elbow to rub her still stinging bottom.

"No," Tony said sternly, startling Ziva.

Kneeling down before her he gently took her wrist, placing her hand back into her lap. "No rubbing."

"It hurts," her words come out as more pouting than she intended.

He suppressed the urge to smile, "It is a spanking Officer David. It is suppose to hurt and it is suppose to be embarrassing. And when it's done, all is forgiven."

He could not help but notice her face flush with renewed embarrassment. Slipping his fingers into the curls of her hair, he brushed a cool washcloth over her face, soothing the heat of her tears.

"I love you Tony," she said softly, wrapping her fingers over his hand.

"I love you too, more than you will ever know," Tony kissed her forehead and lifted her easily, sliding her under the bed covers. Slipping his shoes off, he joined her, encircling her protectively in his arms.

"And if you need another spanking Ziva David, I will not hesitate to put you back over my knee."

She snuggled tighter against his chest, breathing in the smell of his body and relishing the feel of it pressed against hers, "If you ever even think of spanking me again or headslapping me, I will rip your heart out through you chest, Tony."

He smiled to himself, now that was the Ziva David that he knew. It would be a long road ahead and they both needed time to heal. Tonight at least, had been a start. For tonight he was contend just to cradle her in his arms. For tonight she was safe and he could keep away the demons that haunted her dreams. They would worry about the rest tomorrow.