A Roll of the Dice, chapter 6

He opened his eyes to find himself in a darkened room. It was not sickbay. Consulting his internal clock, he understood that he had been out for five point two hours. Perhaps that was why he felt somewhat better—the rest had restored a portion of his strength. He might not be at one hundred percent efficiency, but he should be able to function adequately.

He turned his head on the pillow and saw that Uhura lay very close beside him. Although he knew that he had no time to waste, he could not resist observing her peaceful slumber. Who was this woman? Was she assured and confident, like his own wife, or was she someone else entirely? He wished that he could speak with her, but his best option would be to simply rise and leave as silently as he could.

Without warning, her eyes flickered open. She stared at him quietly for the space of three human heartbeats, then flailed at the covers and started screaming at the top of her lungs. He jumped to his feet as she clambered from the other side of the bed.

Winded by his sudden exertion, he gasped, "Nyota, do not be alarmed."

He held out both hands in her direction, trying to quiet her, but she only screamed louder. Before he could speak again, the dizziness returned, and he closed his eyes, glad to be rid of this awkward situation. When he opened them, however, he saw that she still stood on the other side of the bed, a blanket clutched tightly under her chin. At least she was not screaming.

"Nyota? What is it?"

Spock looked down in disbelief at the sound of a groggy masculine voice and found a man in the bed where he, himself, had been only moments before.

It was Jim.

"Spock?" she said unsteadily.

Sitting up suddenly, Kirk scooted back in the bed and muttered, "Oh my God."

Spock averted his eyes and tried to come to terms with the sight before him. Telling himself that it did not matter, that this woman was not the woman who had pledged herself to him, that this woman lived a life all her own, he finally drew a deep breath and spoke. He must explain himself quickly before he was swept away again.

"Do not be alarmed," he said. "I am not from your universe. Please accept this without question because I do not have much time. My presence here is due to the Etrians' technology." He waited for their objections, but both were quiet. "Do you accept this?"

"It's the only explanation," Kirk said in a constricted voice.

"Indeed? I had not anticipated that it would be this easy."

Uhura smiled slightly, her eyes bright with tears. "We know that you can't be from our universe, Spock, because in our universe you're dead. Oh God, I never thought I'd see your beautiful face again, I never thought I'd hear your voice..." She trailed away into a rough whisper and shook her head, obviously unable to continue.

"We tried to save you," added Kirk. "We took you to Mount Seleya and tried everything. Everything, Spock, but we lost you. I would have sold my soul to save you. I almost did."

Ah. Mount Seleya. Now he understood. "Am I to assume that the adepts could not retrieve my katra?"

She closed her eyes. "They took it from Dr. McCoy, but it was too weak. They said that it disintegrated before they could transfer it to your body. Oh Spock, I sat by your side for four weeks and watched your body slowly fade, too. I knew it wasn't really you, but I mourned you just the same. I lost you three times. Three times! First the man I loved, then your katra, and finally your empty shell. I thought that I would die, too. I wanted to die."

"I am sorry, Nyota. In my universe, the refusion was successful. It is to that universe you must help me return."

"You're standing here before me, alive and whole again, and you expect me to willingly lose you a fourth time? How can you ask that?"

"Because I know it is right. And if you are anything like the Nyota Uhura of my universe, you know that it is right, too."

She pressed her lips together and didn't answer. Finally, Kirk broke the silence.

"Tell us what you've learned," he said.

Relieved to discuss a less emotionally charged topic, Spock reached into his pocket and held up the device. "No doubt you have seen this on the Etrian captain's temple. It is used for communication."

Kirk nodded. "Yes. We know."

"Do you know, however, with whom the Etrians communicate?"

"They've told us that it's their commander."

"It is my belief that they are communicating not with their commander, but with teams who currently reside in other universes. Since encountering a disturbance in space yesterday, I have repeatedly been swept from one universe to the next, and I believe that it has always coincided with an outgoing communication from the Etrians. As a matter of fact, I was able to verify after one such jump that the quantum signature of the message matched the universe from which I had come rather than the current universe. I have also observed that a different team of Etrians is on the Enterprise in each universe. It is my belief that they communicate via a 'porthole,' if you will, between universes. I flew through the porthole when I was aboard a shuttlecraft yesterday, and now, whenever the porthole opens, I am taken to a new universe."

Kirk slid out of bed to stand beside Uhura, the sheet wrapped around his waist. Spock did not miss the significant look that passed between them before Kirk faced forward again.

"Why?" asked Kirk. "Why wouldn't you have just stayed where you landed the first time?"

"Because my quantum signature does not match. While space is always changing, quantum energy is not. The quantum structure is rigidly stable and is fundamental to every atom. The universe is seeking stability, trying to reestablish its inherent order. I will continue to be exchanged with my counterparts in the other universes—or to move into universes where I have no counterpart—until that order is restored."

Kirk nodded tightly. "I see. We need to talk to the Etrians about this."

"I must caution you that the captain of the Enterprise tried that in another universe. The Etrians panicked, and when they activated a communications device, I was taken away. This time we must prevent them from doing the same."

Kirk reached for his clothing, which was draped over the back of a chair. "The captain. Would you like to tell us who that captain was?"

"Not particularly. Before I completely understood my situation, I was far too generous with my comments. I think it best that you do not learn more details than necessary."

Kirk nodded grimly, and Spock left the bedroom to allow them privacy while they dressed. Illogically, the implicit familiarity of their dressing together was more unsettling than finding them naked in the same bed. Soon enough, however, they rejoined him, and the three of them left for the Etrians' quarters.

...

The Etrian captain hung his head in defeat. "Yes. You are correct. Our universe is harsh, and we are in danger of extinction. We selected certain universes, universes from which we had already been eliminated, and sent teams to investigate. Now that you know our secret, how can you deny us? We came to you in good will. Please help us."

"While we'd like to help you, we have a problem to solve first." Kirk gestured toward Spock. "We have to restore Mr. Spock to his own universe."

The Etrian sighed. "We have the technology to do that. We can match his quantum signature to his universe and put him back."

"While that is a desirable outcome," said Spock, "the problem is not that simple. You must return my counterparts to their universes as well. It is also imperative that this not happen again. You must deactivate your communications net."

Kirk nodded. "That's right. Can you close down communications with all universes but this one?"

His expression changing from despair to hopeful expectation, the Etrian captain straightened. "Yes. We can do that. Does that mean you will help us?"

"It means that we'll consider it," said Kirk. "If you'll recall all your teams, put Mr. Spock and his counterparts back where they belong, and help us make sure that no more 'accidents' happen, we'll see what we can do."

Spock turned to Kirk. "You will still have a number of problems to solve, such as ensuring that no one nears the porthole that will remain in this universe."

"That shouldn't be too difficult."

"Agreed. It will not be so easy, however, to counteract the instability created when beings from another universe attempt to reside here."

Kirk rubbed his chin. "You're right about that. It's times like this that I miss your expertise and ingenuity, Mr. Spock. The people in your universe are lucky to have you."

Spock opened his mouth to remind Kirk that luck was illogical. Instead, however, he said, "But not half as lucky as I am to have them, Jim."

Kirk smiled. "It sure is good to hear you call me Jim again. Now, let's figure out a way to send you back."

"I have some thoughts about that," said the Etrian captain. "If you will allow me access to your computer, I will show you what we must do."

Soon, they were seated in a conference room, deeply engrossed in their plans.

...

Lost in his thoughts, Spock walked toward the Etrians' quarters. Kirk, beside him, was equally quiet. Evidently, they both had the same reservations. The Etrians had stated that they possessed the ability to manipulate not only space but time as well. So, rather than undergoing the complicated exercise of matching the various Spocks with their universes, the Etrians would simply return this Spock—himself—to the point in time before his shuttle encountered the disruption in space. In effect, the incident would never have happened.

His unease was directly related to the fact that if the incident had not happened, no one would have known of the Etrians' plans. The Etrian Captain assured them that he would keep his side of the bargain, but if he did not, no one would be the wiser. The only non-Etrian who would retain any memory of the incident was Spock, himself; not even his counterparts would know what had happened. It would be quite simple for the Etrians to simply withdraw from his own universe and continue in the others. He thought that his fears were unfounded, however, because logically they would have no reason to continue their deception now that Kirk had granted his cooperation. Also, the Etrian captain seemed an honorable man, and at any rate, they had no choice but to trust him.

Another reason for unease was the fact that in order to coordinate this, the Etrian captain must broadcast a message to all of the other Etrian teams before deactivating the communication net. Of course, when he did so, Spock would 'jump' again. The Etrians assured him that it would happen so quickly he would merely experience the dizziness and find himself returned to the shuttle, but he was not convinced. Once again, however, he had no choice but to comply.

Just before they reached the last corridor that would take them to the Etrians, Kirk halted.

"Spock, I have to explain."

Spock drew himself up, immediately aware of what Kirk felt he needed to say and not certain he wished to hear it. "Captain, no explanations are required. In this universe, I am dead. You and Commander Uhura are intimate. I do not need to know more."

"But you do, Spock. Nyota means something to you in your universe, I can tell. The look on your face when you found us together..."

Spock nodded slowly and whispered, "Yes. She is very important to me."

"She's very important to me, too, but I know that I'll never take your place in her heart. She was devastated, Spock. When you died, something died within her as well. And as for me, I had lost everything. My son, my ship, and finally the one person in the universe who meant more to me than any other. For so long we limped through the days sharing our grief, but gradually I fell in love with her. Can you understand that? If I thought that I could make you stay so she'd be happy again, I'd beg you. I want you back, too, but I know that it's a hopeless dream."

"You are correct. I must return."

Kirk inhaled deeply. "Do you forgive me?"

"For what?"

"For falling in love with Nyota?"

Spock swallowed, then forced himself to speak lightly. "I am hardly the person to find fault with you for that."

"No, I guess not." Kirk smiled gently. "Well, I suppose that we need to put you back where you belong."

"Thank you, Jim."

At Kirk's nod, they started walking, but when they rounded the corner, they found Uhura waiting by the Etrians' door. Kirk looked from her to Spock, an unreadable expression on his face, and mumbled, "I guess that I should check on the Etrians. I'll see you in a moment, Spock."

Not meeting Spock's eyes, Kirk vanished into the Etrians' quarters.

Spock stared at the closed door for a long moment before turning to Uhura. Neither of them spoke as she wrung her hands and fought back the tears. She seemed so sad, this Uhura. He saw none of the vibrant joy that was evident in his own universe. Did she ever laugh? Did she ever sing? He could not imagine a universe in which he never heard happiness in her voice.

Startling him with her sudden vehemence, she threw herself forward and grabbed his arm with both hands. "Please don't go. I need you here. I love you, Spock, I love you so much. Please. Please."

He knew that he should not pursue this, but he also knew that he could not ignore her desperation. "What was the state of our relationship when my katra was lost?" he asked softly.

"We had been lovers for years, but all we ever did was argue anymore. Only days before you died, I said some horrible, angry things, and I'd give anything now if I could take them back." She released his arm and edged slightly away. "You died thinking that I hated you."

"Nyota, I could never think that you hated me, no matter the universe, no matter our circumstances. When I died in my universe, one of my last thoughts was to regret the fact that I would never see your lovely face again."

The tears running down her cheeks, she whispered, "Stay."

He gently placed his fingertips under her chin and lifted her face toward his. "I cannot. Although you look very much like her, I would miss my wife." He slowly curled his fingers back into his hand. "There is someone else here, someone who can make you happy again. Please allow him to do so. In this reality, I am gone, Nyota. It is time to truly let me go."

Closing her eyes, she turned and walked away without another word. He watched until she was gone, and then entered the Etrians' quarters.

...

His head spinning, he gradually realized that his face was resting on a cold, hard surface. He tried to sit up, but his stomach lurched so violently that he closed his eyes again and waited for the sensation to subside.

Finally, he rolled onto his back and saw that he was on board the shuttlecraft. Fascinating. The Etrians had been right. One moment he had stood in their quarters, and the next he was here.

He stumbled to his feet and sat in the pilot's seat. "Computer. Scan nearest celestial body and display quantum signature."

He waited tensely until the results were displayed, and then took a deep, relieved breath. Yes. The chronometer showed that he had also been returned to the desired time, so he activated communications.

"Enterprise, I am on final approach and request permission to land."

Nyota's voice rang from the speaker. "Permission granted. Welcome back, Mr. Spock. We'll see you on the bridge shortly."

Unable to prevent the hoarseness that colored his voice, he said, "Thank you, Commander. Spock out."

The shuttle bay doors parted before him, and he brought the shuttle in for a smooth landing. Not wasting any time, he left the shuttle deck and headed toward the bridge. Although he knew that impatience was illogical, it seemed that he could not reach his destination quickly enough. Finally, he was on the lift, waiting for the door to open in another three point six seconds. Two, one...

There. Stepping onto the bridge, he paused to look around. No one had even noticed his arrival, but he did not care. Kirk sat in the center chair reviewing a padd while his yeoman waited by his side. The rest of the bridge crew busied themselves with their tasks, calmly and efficiently caught in the rhythm of their daily routine. And Nyota...

Seated at her station with her back to him, she reached for her coffee cup and brought it to her lips. He thought that he could stand here for the remainder of his shift and watch her, absorbing her serene vitality, but he knew that he must proceed.

As he passed, he brushed his fingers against her cheek and bent close. "Greetings, Nyota. I... am very lucky to have you."

Although he affected nonchalance, his heart pounded in his side as he found his seat. He busied himself for a moment resetting several of his controls, but finally he turned in her direction.

She smiled warmly and met his eyes, and he could see the pleased surprise in her expression. Moving her lips without speaking, she mouthed the words "Me, too."

The corner of his mouth turning up, he returned to his work.

He was home.

End story

The next story in this series is The Real Thing.