Thanks to all my wonderful Twitter friends for being your wonderful selves, I love you guys hard. If you're not following me on Twitter, come on over! My Twitter name is just Maggieloo402. Huge thanks to my wonderful beta KaydenceI, who got this back to me in record time. I don't know how she did it, but she's pretty fabulous. All you readers and reviewers out there, you guys make this writing thing worth it sometimes. Thanks for reading :)

Chapter 15: Desire

BPOV

My mind spun as I thought back over the events of this day. It had started just like any other. I got up and went to work, endured boring meetings and mundane office tasks, working through lunch because of the massive amount of work I had to do. Then, suddenly, everything had changed; I was hit with the possibility of becoming a vampire. I still shuddered at the word—the product of years of horrific stories. These vampires weren't like that though. These vampires were some of the most loving people I had ever met.

I thought back to the way they made me feel welcome in their home while Edward was upstairs with Carlisle. I had been wary at first, uncomfortable with spending time alone with Edward's family. Before long, though, they had me laughing and joking with them—I truly felt like I belonged.

That strong sense of belonging had been the first thing to solidify my resolve to become like them. I craved the love that bound them all together, and I knew I could find it as part of their family. Edward had infuriated me when he refused my request to change me into a vampire. His determination for me to stay human had crushed me at first; I couldn't help but think that he didn't want to be with me as much as I did him. I had come up with a solution to our problem, but he refused.

The logical part of my brain told me that this made sense; he truly believed himself to be a monster, and loved me enough to keep me from becoming one. This same part of me also realized that I didn't want to become a vampire, not really. To be honest, the idea was frightening; I knew next to nothing about vampires. I only knew that I wanted to be with Edward, and I would do anything to make our relationship work.

When Edward poured his heart out to me about his desire to become human, all traces of my desire to become a vampire were gone. He hated the life he led, hated himself. After a century of thinly veiled misery, he said he could finally be happy—as a human, with me. He spoke with such fervor and conviction that I couldn't help but want the same thing he did.

A life together as a normal human couple.

It was something I never thought I could have with Edward. I wanted to live a life with him. I wanted us to be the happy old couple, sitting in old rocking chairs on the porch, holding hands while we watched our grandchildren play in the yard. For the first time, I could envision a life with Edward where we wouldn't have to be afraid of what he was, or what we were. We could just be. Just like any normal couple.

I felt an odd sense of guilt as I glanced over at his profile while we drove down the highway back to Seattle. He was giving up so much for me. He said it was worth any sacrifice to be human again, but he was sacrificing everything he knew to be with me. His days would suddenly be numbered. Someday, he would die. He would pass from this earth and it would be because of me. As I stared at him, I knew what he would say if I voiced my thoughts. He would tell me that it was worth it. He would tell me that I was worth it. I didn't feel worth it. I felt like I was stealing his life from him. How could I ask him to give up his eternal life for a life where neither of us was promised tomorrow?

Tears welled in my eyes at the thought and I turned to look out the window on my side of the car. What were we doing? I was taking away his life; in my own way, I was killing him. A single tear trailed down my cheek and I gasped, wiping it away before he could see. I stole a quick glance at him, but was shocked to see him staring at me with a concerned expression on his face. He reached over and took my hand in his, giving it a soft squeeze as he slowed the car and pulled to the side of the road.

"Bella, baby, what's wrong?" he asked gently, running the tips of his fingers along my cheek.

I was silent for a moment, concentrating my attention on the trees my right rather than look him in the eyes. "Do you have any idea what you're giving up if you become human again?" I asked softly, not turning to meet his eyes.

He contemplated my question for a moment, giving me the idea that he might be having similar thoughts to mine. "Bella," he finally said, "do you know life has been like for the past century? There is not one single thing I have enjoyed about this life. I don't like feeling like a barbarian, being despised by society for what I am, or being stuck in this unending existence. I've hated my life for such a long time. I'm not losing anything. You're giving me everything I ever wanted."

"Edward, you don't understand. You're giving up your entire life to be human again. Right now, you have forever in front of you. If you become human again, you're not even promised tomorrow."

He stroked my cheek softly, brushing away the tears that had fallen while I spoke. "Why would I want forever if forever doesn't include you?" he asked simply.

I closed my eyes to keep the tears inside, but they slipped between my lids anyway as I took a deep breath. After I regained some of my composure, I opened my eyes and looked at Edward again. He was still looking at me intently with those bright golden eyes, looking straight into my soul. "I love you, Edward," I whispered into the small space between us.

He leaned forward, closing the distance between us and kissing me softly. "I love you too, Bella," he whispered as he pulled away, his sweet breath intoxicating my senses as he spoke. "You are my life now; you're the only thing it would hurt me to lose."

My heart pounded in my chest as I realized the depth of his determination. Nothing else mattered to him. I couldn't help but feel unworthy of this great decision, but knowing that it was what he wanted made it easier to accept. I gazed into his topaz eyes and took in the pure beauty of his face as he looked at me with a soft smile that seemed to compliment his strong features. This beautiful man was in love with me. He was going to give up everything to be with me.

I returned his smile and sat back in the seat, linking our fingers together after he put the car back into drive and turned back onto the road. We were on our way back to Seattle, but we would only be here long enough for me to pack a bag and let my boss know I was going out of town for a few days. We had a flight booked out of the Seattle airport at four this afternoon. We were going to Italy.

I would be lying if I didn't admit that the prospect of going to Italy terrified me. Edward filled me in on the details of what awaited us in Italy after we talked to his family, explaining the nature of the vampires that awaited us there. He assured me that I had nothing to fear from them, but I couldn't help but feel nervous knowing that these vampires held no reservations about taking the life of someone like me. When I told Edward of this fear, his eyes burned in anger and he told me that I had nothing to worry about. His demeanor did nothing to calm my nerves.

I leaned my head against the window, letting the cool glass soothe the burning sensation of my skin caused by the worry I was feeling. Going back to Seattle meant I would have to face Jacob again. So many things had changed so quickly that I now felt like he hardly knew me. I missed the comfort that his friendship gave me. Even when I was feeling worried, like I was now, he always knew how to make me laugh and feel better. That was something that could only come from a lifetime friendship like ours. I knew things couldn't stay like this with him.

I flipped open my phone and punched in his number, sending him a quick message to let him know where I was and what was going on today. I left out the details, of course, only telling him that I would be back at the apartment soon to pack and after that I would be by the office to talk to Davenport about taking the rest of the week off. I knew the questions would come later, but I had no idea how I would answer them. I leaned my head back onto the head rest and closed my eyes, holding my phone tightly in my hand while I waited for a response from Jacob.

"Bella, calm down," Edward's soothing voice came through my tumultuous thoughts.

"I'm fine," I assured him, squeezing his hand. "I'm just nervous about seeing Jake again."

His eyes darkened and he let out a low grumble, his hand tightening on the wheel of the car.

"He's really not a bad guy, Edward. I know he acted like a jackass when you met him, but he's really not like that. It's just weird for him to see me with a guy."

"Like you've never dated before," he scoffed sarcastically.

"I really haven't," I said shyly, picking at my fingernails in my lap. He looked at me with a raised brow, urging me to continue. "I've never really dated seriously before."

"I find that hard to believe," he said, not taking his eyes off the road in front of him.

"Why?" I asked defensively.

"You're… attractive," he said carefully. "Any guy would be lucky to have you."

I smirked slightly at his discomfort and softly thanked him.

"I thought I had a serious relationship once before," I said so softly I was hoping he hadn't heard me.

He turned his head sharply in my direction and his brow lowered. "What do you mean?" he asked quickly.

I brought my lip between my teeth and gave him a sidelong glance, wishing I had just kept my mouth shut.

"Well?" Edward demanded.

"I kind of had a boyfriend in college," I explained carefully. "I thought we were getting serious, and I thought I loved him. He didn't love me."

Edward's eyes remained focused on the road, and his naturally pale skin was almost translucent as it stretched tightly over his knuckles as he gripped the wheel tightly.

"What did he do to you, Bella?" he asked stiffly, the muscles under his jaw tightening and relaxing with tension.

"He had three other girls he was 'serious' with also," I mumbled. Once again, the low volume of my voice did nothing to hide the information from Edward.

He turned to look at me in disbelief, and I noticed the darkened color of his eyes and the anger that burned there. "Why the hell would you not tell me this, Bella?"

I shrugged gently, trying to avoid making eye contact with him. It had been three years ago, but it still hurt to talk about. I thought I had been in love with him. The day I found out had been terrible. "I don't like to talk about it."

He was silent for another minute as he drove, keeping his eyes straight ahead. "Well of course Jacob doesn't trust me," he said stiffly.

I nodded. "I'm sorry I didn't tell you."

He nodded and took my hand in his again, communicating to me silently that he wasn't upset with me, and turned his attention back to the road in front of us.

We fell back into comfortable silence after that, his thumb rubbing circles into the skin on the back of my hand. My thoughts were busy for the rest of the drive, flitting from worry over the next couple of days to Jacob and to work, feeling helplessly out of control. I felt a wave of relief pass through me when we pulled into my familiar apartment complex, the normalcy providing a blanket of security when everything suddenly felt so out of control.

Edward helped me out of the car, holding my hand as we took the elevator up to my apartment. I unlocked the door and walked into the empty apartment, throwing my purse and keys onto a small table to the side of the entrance. Edward followed slowly after me, looking at the pictures on the walls and taking in the space while I walked straight to my bedroom.

I picked up my duffel bag from where I had just thrown it down a few days ago, shifting through the clothes that I still hadn't unpacked. Most of the clothes were still folded, but I quickly threw out the ones that weren't and added a few new outfits. Edward came into the room just as I came out of the bathroom with my arms full of the toiletries I needed for a few days away from home. I dumped them into my bag haphazardly while Edward watched me with a small smile on his face, leaning back against the dresser.

"What time is it?" I asked after a moment, uncomfortable under his unwavering stare.

"Almost one," he replied without taking his eyes off of me.

I frowned and turned back toward him. "Why are you looking at me like that?" I asked irritably. My nerves were on edge and I felt rushed because he was waiting on me, and his attention only made me feel even more nervous.

He smirked before pushing off the dresser and coming to stand behind me. He wrapped one arm around my waist and used his other hand to pull my hair back away from my neck and shoulder. His cold fingers brushed the skin there and caused me to freeze and goosebumps to rise all over my body. He came closer, placing his cheek against the side of my head right above my ear and my breath caught in my throat.

"Because I think you're beautiful," he whispered softly. "Am I making you nervous?"

I gave him a short nod, trying to regain my composure at his close proximity. He told me several times how dangerous he was to me, and how important it was that he not tempt himself by getting too close to me. I respected this necessity and let him initiate most contact, letting him judge how close was too close, but it seemed as though he had freed his restraints.

His cold hand settled on my shoulder, his thumb stroking the bare skin around the collar of my shirt. "I love you, Bella." He tightened his grip around my middle, pulling me even closer to him so that our whole bodies were in close contact. "I can hear your heart beating," he said softly.

It didn't surprise me that he could hear my heart beat. The steady drumming seemed to be slamming in my head and pounding through every vein in my body. "Are you—um, I mean, is that okay?" I asked between shallow breaths.

He chuckled slightly in my ear, but it was not the lighthearted sound I was used to hearing; this sound was darker and full of unspoken desire. "Your heartbeat is my favorite sound in the whole world," he replied.

A brief shiver ran down my spine while my mind and body held conflicting emotions. My mind was terrified, resisting the touch of the vampire behind me and yelling at me to stay away. My body wanted nothing but to melt into the embrace of the man who loved me. The combination of the two was causing my heart to beat erratically and my breathing to come in short, shallow breaths.

"Do you trust me, Bella?" he asked, nestling his nose into my hair.

I felt like he had read my mind in that moment and was forcing me to choose between my mind and body. There was only a moment of indecision before I my mental voice was silenced and my body and my heart took full control. "Yes," I whispered.

I felt rather than saw him smile as he leaned even closer to me, letting the tip of his nose trace down from the top of my ear down to the lobe, where he paused for a moment to place a small kiss. After that, he continued down, running his nose down my jaw, ghosting his lips across the bone, eventually moving back to the small dip below my ear and placing another kiss there. Once his lips touched my neck, his kisses became more firm, more passionate as he kissed down the column of my throat.

As he kissed my neck, I felt sparks flying through every part of my body, intensified in the places his lips touched. I leaned closer into him, tilting my head to the side to give him better access to the area where he was currently lavishing attention.

What seemed like both seconds and hours later, he finally leaned back away from my neck and buried his face into my hair again, his chest rumbling behind me as he let out a low growl. "You can't imagine what that does to me," he mumbled.

My lips turned up in a thin smile and I leaned to the side to turn and look up at him. His eyes were dark and his crooked smile spoke of both lust and joy. I turned in his arms as he moved his hand from my shoulder down around my waist, lacing his fingers together behind my back so our bodies were still held close.

"Was that okay?" I asked softly.

He chuckled that low, dark chuckle again as he nodded. "That was more than okay, Bella. I've wanted to do that for a long time."

I smiled shyly in return, refocusing my attention to my bag that was now mostly full.

"Do you have everything?" Edward asked, keeping one arm around my waist as he stood beside me.

I pursed my lips as I tried to think through everything I would need during the next couple of days.

"I think so," I finally decided, closing the zipper on my bag in one swift motion.

"Good," he replied, leaning over me to take my bag and throw it over his shoulder, turning without another glance at me to leave my room.

"Edward!" I cried as I chased after him. "You don't have to do that. I can carry it, you know."

He turned and raised his eyebrows at me. "Well so can I," he finally announced. "And don't you think it's even easier for me than it would be for you?"

I rolled my eyes, a small smile playing on my lips as I picked up my purse from the table where I had left it and showed him to the door.

"So we're going to your office now?" he asked as he threw my bag in the trunk of his silver car.

I nodded. "I need to talk to my boss…and Jacob."

His jaw tensed at the mention of Jacob and I saw his eyes narrow when he flashed an unhappy glance at me.

"You know I have to talk to him before we go," I said. "He may not like it but he needs to at least know that I'll be out of the country for a few days. I owe him that much."

Edward just huffed as he climbed into the car. I followed suit before continuing my thought.

"He would just be even more upset if we went away without telling him."

Edward nodded, even though I could still see the frustration behind his compliance.

"It won't take long," I assured him, reaching over to take his hand and giving him a soft smile.

He returned my smile before sighing and pulling onto the road. A short while later, he pulled into the parking garage beside my office building. I smoothed the blouse I was wearing, suddenly aware of my unprofessional appearance.

"Will he be upset that you missed today?" Edward asked nervously while he watched me.

I considered his question for a moment before shaking my head. "He doesn't mind if writers skip a day every once in a while. We can write from home. As long as we don't make a habit of not coming in he doesn't mind."

He nodded, seemingly comforted by my statement. "Well, let's go," he said, opening his door and exiting the car. He arrived on my side of the car, pulling my door open before I even had a chance to reach for the handle.

"Edward," I chided. "What if someone is watching?"

He shrugged before wrapping his arm around my waist and pulling me closely to his side as we walked into the building. I said a brief hello to the receptionist before pressing the button on the elevator to take us up to my floor.

As soon as the doors opened and the elevator announced our arrival with its metallic ring, my nerves spiked to an all-time high. I kept an eye on the area of the room where Jacob's desk was stationed, watching for the russet skin and black hair of my best friend. I made a beeline for Davenport's office, whispering to Edward to meet me back at my desk in a few minutes.

I knocked softly on the door, shooting one last glance over my shoulder before hearing my boss call for me to come in. I slipped in the room and closed the door softly behind me.

"Miss Swan!" he called when he noticed it was me. "I was wondering where you were today."

"I'm sorry, sir," I apologized quickly. "I've had a bit of a… erm… family emergency. I need to take a few days off. Would that be okay?"

I felt bad skirting around the truth as I was, but the idea of telling my boss, "I'm sorry I have to go to Italy for a few days for my vampire boyfriend to consult a hierarchy of vampire lords about becoming human again, is that okay?" was unacceptable, so I settled for a small dishonesty.

"I'm sorry to hear that, Miss Swan, I hope everything is alright?" he asked, his already wrinkled brow furrowing even deeper in concern.

I nodded. "It will be."

He nodded and replaced his glasses on his pudgy nose. "Will finishing the story I assigned to you this week be a problem?"

I bit my lip slightly and contemplated the question.

"I have a writer who just returned from vacation today without a story this week if you can't handle it," he offered, looking at me questioningly above his glasses.

I smiled with relief, nodding my head quickly. "That would be wonderful. Thank you so much, sir," I said politely.

"Alright, good luck, Miss Swan, I hope everything is okay," he said with a dismissive nod.

"Thank you, Mr. Davenport," I said quickly, turning to exit the office.

My shame over my dishonesty only weighed me down for a moment before I felt relieved. My boss had been even more understanding than I had originally hoped, and now I was free of all responsibility for a few days while Edward and I embarked on an adventure that would change our lives.

I rounded the corner with a smile on my face, ready to take the things I needed from my desk and leave for the airport with Edward. However, when I rounded the corner, I saw Edward and Jacob standing beside my desk, both with frowns set deeply into their faces while they stared at each other.

I gasped and hurried the rest of the way down the hallway until I reached my desk, looking quickly between the two of them nervously.

"Bella," Jacob greeted me curtly, just as he had been doing all week.

Edward reached over to wrap his arm around my waist and pulled me gently to his side, never taking his eyes off Jacob.

I pulled away from Edward slightly before speaking, not wishing to feel as though I were on one side or another of whatever feud they were having. "What's going on, guys?" I asked irritably, frowning and glancing between the two.

"Bella, can we talk?" Jacob asked, finally breaking eye contact with Edward long enough to see me nod in agreement.

He turned and walked back to his cubical without a word to Edward, and I followed after. He sat down in his chair and propped his arm on the desk, resting his head on his hand.

"Jacob!" I started as soon as we walked into the semi-private cube. "Why do you have to pick a fight with him? Can't you just trust me and my judgment for once? Or has it never occurred to you that I could possibly find a good guy out there?"

He raised his eyebrows and the angry expression disappeared from his face as he opened his mouth to speak. I cut him off before he had a chance to say anything.

"I trust Edward. You should trust me enough to respect my decisions. I know it may be hard for you to understand, but I love him."

"I know, Bella," Jacob finally said, scrubbing his hands over his face as he spoke. Tears welled in my eyes seeing his distress and they quickly boiled into frustration.

"I seem to screw up every relationship I've ever been in, Jacob. Your friendship has been the only thing I've had to depend on for so long. Don't leave me now that I've finally found someone that loves me," I pleaded. My anger had quickly given way to sadness as I tried to explain myself to him. He had to know how valuable his friendship was to me, even though I was now in love with Edward.

"I know," he finally mumbled into his hands.

I was stunned into silence, not expecting him to agree.

"I know I should trust you," he continued after a moment. He rubbed the back of his head in frustration while he avoided looking at me.

I raised my eyebrows in shock at his admission, but remained silent, waiting for him to continue.

"You understand how hard it can be though. You're my best friend, Bella. I've lost you before, when the whole Riley situation went down in college. When you found out what he had done, it was like you were gone. You didn't laugh, you didn't cry, you just sat around in this stupor that I couldn't understand. I couldn't do anything—I've never felt so helpless. You got through it, sure, because you're tough. But you've never been the same—you don't trust anyone, not really. Well, at least you didn't. This guy just comes out of nowhere and all of a sudden you're so happy—happier than I've ever seen you before. I'm just afraid it's all going to come crashing down again and I don't know what I can do to stop it. I'm worried, Bella."

"I'm sorry," I said weakly after a moment of silence.

"He told me while you were talking to Davenport that he loved you," he said. "I tried to call it bullshit but he got really angry. He told me that he would do anything for you, and for some reason I believe it."

I smiled, understanding the context of Edward's statement even though Jacob didn't.

"You… You're okay with it?" I asked hesitantly.

He hung his head and I saw his fists clench and release twice before he finally responded. "I'm getting there," he replied.

I couldn't stop the smile that broke over my face as he nodded.

"Just… promise you won't let him hurt you, alright?" he asked, glancing up at me from his hands.

"Edward would never hurt me," I said reassuringly. "I know that."

"I wish I could be as sure as you seem to be," Jacob replied, "but I'm glad you have so much confidence."

I smiled again.

"So where are you guys going?" he asked, his brow furrowing again.

My heart skipped a beat at the sudden shift in the conversation and I struggled for an answer. "He has a bit of a… family emergency that we need to take care of. We have a flight out at four."

"Where are you going?" he asked.

I mentally berated myself for mentioning the flight before deciding to tell him the truth. "Italy," I whispered.

"He has family in Italy?" Jacob asked as he raised his eyebrows.

I seemed to be digging myself in deep here. "Um, yeah, we're just going to be there for a couple days," I added nonchalantly, hoping he would drop the subject.

He just nodded. "Well, have fun," he finally said.

I smiled and agreed before giving him a small hug and turning to leave. "I'll see you soon. Thank you so much, Jacob. For everything."

He just smiled and lifted his hand to give me a small wave as I disappeared around the corner.

I walked back to my cubicle quickly, unsure of how Edward would react to the whole Jacob situation. I saw him sitting in my chair, twiddling his thumbs with a dark expression on his face. He heard me coming before I could say anything and his expression lifted slightly.

"Is everything okay?" he asked softly.

I smiled and nodded. "I think he might be coming around," I said.

He smiled in return and stood up, snaking an arm around my waist to pull me close and kiss my temple before taking my hand. "Are you ready to go?" he asked.

I nodded and we made our way back down the hall to the elevators.

After stopping for me to eat, we were on our way to the airport.

"Are you ready?" he asked, squeezing my hand tightly before we got out of the car.

"Only if you're sure you want to do this," I replied, biting my lower lip apprehensively.

Without a reply, he leaned closer and kissed my lips gently, lingering there for a moment, but not deepening the kiss. He didn't move away when he spoke again.

"I've never been more sure of anything in my life," he replied softly.

Thank you all so much for your great response to last chapter. Your reviews make me "smile like the sun, fall out of bed, sing like a bird, dizzy in my head..." True story. (listening to that song at the moment. I heart it. :]) So, let me know-- what do you think will happen in Italy? :)

Update 5/3: Hey guys, I'm sorry I have let this sit for so long, but my husband came home from Afghanistan and writing got put on the back burner for a while. I have a few other story ideas that I might be writing one-shots for in the time I have while he's home, but I probably won't pick this up again until he leaves again (at the end of May). So, put me on author alert if you'd like to see what else I've got in the works, or check out some of these awesome stories to fill your time:

Letters to Isabella by writerinmydreams007 (I'm honored to beta this one, but she also has two other great stories that you can check out!)

Texts from Last Night by everythingido3 (If you ever read textsfromlastnight(dot)com... this story is based on prompts from that site. Its hilarious. Go read it.)

Bedroom Confessions by JandMsMommy

Empty Panes and Pretty Things by AydenMorgen