Hey! I bet you guys thought I was dead, right? Well, you are mistaken!

Yeah. I can see you now, superstarultra! You're throwing a party right now! You even made a banner celebrating my death! Well, too bad! I am living, baby!

Okay, jokes aside, I'm sorry for not continuing my fanfic for ages. Okay? School stuff got in the way, I got a boyfriend, then I had to deal with emotional trauma, and it's all very confusing. The point is, I'm back now.

This chapter will include:

Prank-calling Arakawa

Ryouko the psychopath

Talking to trees

An engaged Clefairy and Pikachu

Facial Mud

And a little bit of rivalry from the Anti-SOS Brigade

The SRC Brigade

Part 2

Ring, ring, ring!

Click.

"Hello?"

"It's been so long, Kyon!" Kyon's perfect smile lit up.

"Grandma! How have you been?" A horrified squeak came from the other end of the phone.

"I'm not your Grandma!" Kyon's scowl returned, yet somehow he STILL looked marvellous.

"What do you want, loser?" he asked sourly.

"I-I just wanted to know, i-if you aren't t-too busy… would you like to, some time, maybe, possibly, go out with m-"

"No way! I'm not gay!" Kyon said, panicking. He quickly put down the phone and exhaled deeply. Phew - he'd almost blown his "cool" mask.

Kunikida's Story

Kunikida sighed as he stared at the phone mournfully. When abouts was it that the love between them had died? They'd had chemistry - Kunikida was sure of it. So why in the world did Kyon not want to be around him anymore?

Well, it had been this way ever since he'd hit puberty; well, Kyon had, at least. Kunikida had waited four years before he came even remotely close to hitting puberty. But STILL!

Taniguchi's Story

Taniguchi lay down on his bed, staring at his Jonas Brothers poster wistfully. All his life he'd wanted to be cool like them. But instead he'd had boring friends, a failed life, and an ugly hair colour. The only thing kinda cool about him was his hair-horn. That was it. How boring.

Now, he'd been doubting Ryouko's suggestion for a while. I mean, in the short space of three hours he'd had a lot of pondering to do.

But now he was sure this was the right thing to do. A rival club? No one had ever done that before.

Tsuruya's Story

"Mikuruuuuu~" Tsuruya trilled, sliding up to where the red-headed beauty was sat. Mikuru jumped a mile in the air.

"I'm sorry, ever since the feud at lunch time our club leader has forbidden us to speak to you," she said, in the lovely, honest, perfect tone she always had to their voice.

"But Mikuru, I only came to tells you that we're rebelling againsts you," Tsuruya said sweetly, trying not to be heard. The whole room gasped upon hearing what she had to say.

"R-Rebelling against us?" Mikuru squeaked, trying not to faint. "US? The SOS-Brigade?"

"That's kindas the point, yeah," Tsuruya said, rolling her eyes. Honestly - the popular were so hard to understand.

Ryouko's Story

"Hello, underprivileged, ordinary students of Class 1-5," Ryouko called, forcing a smile as she entered the classroom. No one looked up. No one said hello. No one even snorted at her.

"Well, the classroom feels a bit empty today anyway," Ryouko told herself silently, sitting down. "I'm sure lots of my fan girls are at home, feigning illness."

Then she spied a girl she had held a few vague conversations with called Mirai and sat down next to her.

"Hey hey hey," she grinned. Mirai looked up and whispered, in her tiniest voice:

"I can't be seen talking to you." Ryouko's jaw hit the floor with the force of a heap of meat.

"What? Why ever not?" she cried, distraught.

"Because," the brunette whispered, "ever since lunch time the SOS Brigade have made sure that everyone blanks you guys. I'm technically betraying my own family just by talking to you."

"Oh, yeah. You're related with a member of the SOS Brigade," Ryouko remembered, having seen her shy friend with Yuki a number of times.

"So now you see why," Mirai said quietly, eying her friend over the top of her desk.

"Well, just warn Yuki that we're starting a rival club against the SOS Brigade, so they should be prepared."

Mirai, after blinking rapidly a few times, lowered her gaze and said softly, "I'll pass on the message."

"Okay, great." Then, taking pity on her friend, said, "Ah well. I guess it can't be helped. Thanks for the heads up. I'll leave you in peace now."

Hmm… this was weird. No one had even blinked when she'd said about the Rival Club. Well, they were ignoring her anyway. It was to be expected.

Emiri's Story

"So, Nakagawa, darling, they actually squeezed Snappy Croc Choco-Choco-Chip ice-cream on our heads," Emiri moaned through closed lips, as the half-esper smeared some kind of facial-mud onto her face. "I mean, how could anyone do that to someone as beautiful as I?"

"The SOS Brigade? Well, you should consider yourself lucky. I mean, most of the people in North High are ignored by the SOS Brigade. You guys ought to be famous."

"Okay, how do you know so much about North High? You don't even go there," Emiri pointed out, feeling all the dirt in her pores shrivel up and die. Nakagawa flicked a strand of hair back, bathing in Armstrong glitter.

"What can I say? I'm one of Kyon's childhood friends. I have all the info. Me and Kyon keep in touch regularly."

"That's funny. He never talks about you," Emiri said, trying to lower the guy's pride. Unfortunately, it didn't work.

"That's because not many people at North High would know who I was. But I've been on a date with Yuki Nagato."

"I'm guessing it didn't go down well," Emiri said, trying with all her might to bring him down. It wasn't working, clearly.

"Nah, I dumped her. She was a girl of few words. And I like ladies that'll talk to me." Emiri's jaw hit the floor.

"…You dumped Yuki Nagato?" she asked, after a long silence. He nodded, as if it were no biggie. And we all know, dumping someone as silently awesome as Yuki Nagato IS a biggie.

"She wasn't all that big in the breast department, and she didn't look like a good kisser either. Plus you could totally tell from the aura she had around her that she'd already lost her virginity. And I like my ladies sweet and innocent."

Emiri left moments later, face full of paste, with crazed eyes. She was definitely never going back to that awful place.

LATER ON IN THE DAY

Arakawa was sat at home on his well-deserved day off, and doing what most Espers-Pretending-To-Be-Butlers do on their days off: reading while balancing a mobile phone on his kneecap with the utmost delicacy. Suddenly…

Ring, ring, ring!

Click.

"Hello?" mumbled Arakawa in his nasely voice.

"I know where you live, sir."

"Hrm? How do you know that?"

"I just know."

Click.

"Now, don't panic, young sir…" whispered Arakawa to himself. "It was just a wrong number… nothing to worry about…" Nervous sweat broke out right underneath his itchy moustache.

Ring, ring, ring!

Click.

"Excuse me sir?"

"What is it?"

"Is your refrigerator running?"

Arakawa slammed the phone down, heart racing. Someone was after him. He knew it. So he'd have to make a mad run for it.

"Quick, my darlings!" he called, opening the door to his cupboard-under-the-stairs. Once Harry Potter had ran out of his den screaming, "FREEDOM! SUCK IT, MALFOY!" he fixed his eyes on what he really cared about.

"Pika pi!" squealed the excited Pikachu. This roughly translates to "My god, it was stuffy in there. How sweet freedom tastes! That Harry Potter kid was annoying, he kept rambling on about some lover of his called Ron…"

"Ah, my Pikachu. My Clefairy! I love you two so much, but we have a stalker on our hands. If he finds out you've been engaged, he might try to market you in exchange for gumdrop machines and lots and lots of fizzy water! Oh, the horror of it all!"

"Pika pikaaa~?" Pikachu piped up, which roughly translates to, "Just what are you getting at, you wrinkly old fogey?"

"I'm sorry to say this, but… I must release you two into the wild on Route 142! I'm sorry. But… it's the only thing I can do. Now run away, young pokemon! Run away and live your forbidden romance in peace!"

The Pikachu and Clefairy scampered away, happy to be free. Now they could finally make out without him constantly trying to stick a pin in them for blood samples.

EVEN LATER IN THE DAY

"You don't hate me, right?"

"…"

"Oh, really? Thank you! That's so good to hear!"

"…"

"You're probably the best friend I've ever had," Ryouko said, staring up at the enormous oak tree in her back yard.

"…" She began to cackle.

"Oh, you crack me up. Cats don't have udders, you silly mongoose!" she giggled.

"…" She quieted down as someone walked past her with a freaked-out expression on their face.

"I should be the one who's freaked-out! You're trespassing in my own back yard!" Ryouko screeched, shaking her fist. Then she turned her attention back to the oak tree.

"They don't understand us, Leafy. But don't worry. One day, we'll stab them with our matching blades until they all bleed to death! Then we can roast their arms on spits and eat them for breakfast! I'll bury the rest of the bodies under you so that you can feast as well - through your ROOTS!"

EVEN LATER IN THIS EPIC TALE

Boom!

The SRC Brigade had been sat around their new clubroom table, eating cheese puffs smothered in chocolate. Asakura had even brewed a tea of interesting colour and flavour; it tasted of dirt, leaves and blood.

Before any of the members could comment on the delicacy or pass out, the window opposite them exploded into tiny shards. Asakura screamed and jumped in front of the window, laughing as the glass tore at her skin. Kunikida burst into tears and hid under the table, a tea tray over his head. Taniguchi wailed as his montage of Jonas Brothers posters, taking up the entire fourth wall, was ripped to shreds. Emiri let out a piercing cry as one of her nails broke.

And Tsuruya bit into her smoked cheese and just couldn't understand why the new company had decided to put crunchy pieces in. It just didn't do the cheese justice.

"MY BROTHERS! NOOO! Taniguchi bawled, clutching at the scraps of Kevin's head as they floated to the ground.

"Ha! And we thought you guys were a threat! You're just a group of mentally unstable nerds who have no purpose in life, except to make our life miserable!"

Kunikida peeked out from his hiding place. Stood before them were a group of four mind-blowingly stunning people; Kunikida couldn't help wondering why KyoAni spent so much time making the antagonists look dazzling, when they could have been developing his and Kyon's relationship, or at least giving him a line or two.

"Who are you?" he squeaked, mostly for the audiences benefit, because he knew exactly who they were, but wanted to actually do something for the plot.

"Ha! Ha! HAHAHA! You don't even know who we are! How retarded are you? We are the brilliant, the amazing, the rather hygienic, Anti-SOS Brigade! And you are our rivals!"

Tsuruya looked up from her cheese, face coated in gloopy mush.

"I thoughts we was rebellings against the SOS Brigade, nyoro!"

Kyouko laughed, her pigtails wiggling with every ear splitting giggle.

"Oh contraire! You're rebelling against us, the REAL rival club against the SOS Brigade! You completely ripped us off!"

Asakura grinned sheepishly.

"So that's why I thought it was such a good idea! Because it had already… been… done…"

The group had grown silent, noticing the Anti-SOS Brigade were uncomfortably close. Emiri could almost smell the two hundred dollar shrimp on the breaths of the antagonists. Suddenly, the cheesy, chocolaty wheat puffs on the table seemed more… lame… than awesome.

"You put us to shame! You're lame, your ugly and no wonder your only side characters! I mean, look at this place! It's- wait, what… what are you-?"

"Taste the fury of me and my Brothers!" Taniguchi battle cried, pushing down on the play button of the stereo. Suddenly, a loud blast boomed from the loudspeakers, and everyone covered their ears, screaming in agony. Even the SRC Brigade, who, by now, were used to the Jonas Noise Taniguchi insisted on playing at every meeting. But this was on a whole new level.

"Is… Is that… CAMP ROCK!" Kunikida sobbed, trying to keep his eardrums intact. Even Taniguchi's eyes were watering.

"Quick, you weirdo's, lets escape!" Emiri screamed, aiming the shards of her now deformed mirror at the rival club.

"But- Buts my cheese!"

And the last Tsuruya ever saw of her cheese, was the Anti-SOS Brigage charging towards them, stepping upon the smoked delight and falling head first out of the broken window, flailing, kicking and screaming as they went.

So there you have it, guys. I'm not really sure if this should be the end or not. Please review and say if you want me to continue. I'll listen to you =)

Oh! My friend Mugichanx helped me out with the "EVEN LATER ON IN THIS EPIC TALE" bit. In fact, she wrote most of it ^_^ I'm really proud of her!