Yup, I'm still among the living! |D Just a silly tidbit that's kind of to say I'm still here and still going to update things XD I'm have a whole bunch of stuff in the works (including, yes, a Night and Day update), so I just gotta get around to actually finishing them. Thank you so, so much for your patience with me. AND, I'm so sorry I haven't been able to respond to a lot of reviews, but THANKYOUTHANKYOUTHANKYOU oodles for your reviews. I cherish every single one! Thank you!

Pissing Contest

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Rukia pressed her fingers to the aching tightness forming at her temples as the boys yelled at each other across the table.

"I went to hell and back to save her!" Ichigo barked with a slice of curry chicken dangling from his chopsticks.

Of all the things to argue about.

"I laid down my pride as a man just so she could be saved!" Renji shot back with a slam of his tea mug, the greenish liquid sloshing out the sides.

Why did they love morons?

"I became a monster just to save her!"

They were supposed to have a laid back dinner together. Of course it had to turn into a pissing contest.

"I waited for her for decades. You can barely fathom one decade, you whippersnapper!"

Rukia glanced sympathetically at Orihime who was quietly nibbling at her bread, wide eyes shifting back and forth between the two.

"Whippersnapper? You're just jealous because I don't need viagra to get it up!"

Rukia rammed her palm into her forehead as Orihime's face turned five shades of red.

"You're so inexperienced I bet you can't even make her come!"

Oh God.

"Don't you dare think about my girlfriend coming!"

Orihime looked like she wanted to disappear into an endless black hole, and Rukia silently begged her not to forget to bring her along.

"What, it's not as if you'll ever see her come."

"You son of a bitch!" Ichigo bellowed before ramming his fist into Renji's jaw. Rukia's chest rose and fell with a big sigh as her friend leapt over the table to pounce her boyfriend.

She smiled tiredly at Orihime as she lifted the teapot. "More tea, Orihime?"

Orihime blinked her gaze away from the two boy-men rolling on the floor and nodded. "U-Un."

Rukia sighed again as she poured the tea. "Honestly. If they wanted to know who was the better boyfriend, they could have just asked us." She put the pot down and watched Orihime's hand curl into a small fist and make a small jab in the air, silently cheering on Ichigo.

She shook her dark head as they crashed through the door. "They're both equally idiotic." Her body fell back into her chair as she contemplated that for a moment. "Of course...what does that make us?"

Orihime tore her eyes away from the fight under way for a moment. "The bigger idiots?"

Rukia stared. And then nodded with a sigh as Orihime scooted her chair back to watch the fight. "True," she replied with a sip of her tea.

Orihime cupped her hands around her mouth. "Use your left uppercut, Ichigo!"

"I am using my left uppercut!" he shouted back.

"Your other left!"

"...Oh. Right. Thanks!"

"Welcome!"

"Son of a-" Renji grunted painfully. "Ow, Orihime! OW!" he accused.

"Sorry! ...Oh, he's open, Ichigo!"