Alone as One of Them…

In…Out…In…Out.

I repeated this mantra in my head; afraid that if I stopped, I would cease breathing all together.

I was alone.

I've never felt this way before and I've felt a lot of feelings recently. My body was on fire because of an inconsequential dispute with my devoted father. My mind felt like it was slowly not becoming mine anymore. I turned my eyes downward at my body. I couldn't possibly explain it but my appearance, my outer self, began to change. My vision began to blur. I pushed and forced my eyes to focus but the more I tried, the more I failed. My hearing was becoming intense. I could hear things beyond the trees that I never imagined to listen to. I felt my throat start to cramp as this dangerous, unfamiliar heat took dominance over my mind and matter. For the first time in my life, I admitted I was scared.

I was alone.

I looked around at my surroundings. Shades of green and brown were replaced with fire red right in front of my eyes as the anger was released through my skin, but that wasn't the only thing that came through. Hair started to grow. No, not hair…..fur. Gray fur up and down my arms and legs replaced the inferno in my body...............It's done. Whatever it was, it's done. I fell on the forest floor of exhaustion. I knew something had changed, something was different but I didn't dare open my eyes.

I was still alone.

The forest became paranormally quiet until I heard it. It was the sound that I would learn to compose; the sound that I would have to obey and follow for the rest of my existence. A haunting wolf howl broke the silence and flew through the air. Everything sat still as if knowing a predator was roaming near. And, at that moment, something felt omnipresent.

I thought I was alone.

Then, I could hear the mysterious sounds of paws hitting the earth. My thoughts were erratic. I was startled when I heard thoughts come back to me. Then I saw them; a basic reflection of what I now knew I was. I knew them from each other by their thoughts. They were each reflecting the person inside, but they all had one emotion; confusion. "Why did this happen?" or "How did this happen?" came from left and right. I obviously wasn't supposed to be there as I was. Their bodies sauntered around me but their minds were definitely running. There, in the clearing, was where I was reminded of the legends, taught about new things, and listened to the wretched story of the reason why I turned into the haunting person I became to be. I was sworn to secrecy about becoming a noble warrior of our people. The worst part was knowing that I would be like this for part of forever. The slow age process was what made us a living permanence. I couldn't take all of it anymore. I stood up with all the pitiful strength I had left, looked at all the incredulous faces staring back at mine, and ran to the one place I could. As I edged closer, I could smell the salt in the air. I began to feel the rocky sand beneath my paws as I climbed. Finally, I was out on the point where I could think; on the cliff over looking the splashing blue. The sun had set hours before, making the sea and sky blend in a mix of darkness.

I was alone.

I knew what they all were thinking. I knew what they all felt. All it did was open wounds that were remotely healed. I was new to this and I already felt exiled. I didn't understand why or how. I never did anything to deserve something of this magnitude. Fate's twisted sense of humor; that was all I could blame this on. I hated everything. I loathed my now leader and what took him away from me. I despised my unexpected responsibility and obligations that broke the fragile glass of my future. I detested the legends and freakish genes that thrust me into a pack of males alone. The more I ran away from the truth, the more it was going to hurt when it finally caught up to me.

Sam, Jared, Paul, Jacob, Embry, Quil, and my Seth were wolves; Quileute Warriors.

And I, Leah Clearwater, was one of them.

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