Revelations

A Clothes Make The... side story by Nightelf

Ranma 1/2 created by Rumiko Takahashi. Clothes Make The... written by Halbred, Ichinohei, and Nightelf. All rights reserved.

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Oh my god...

In an instant my motions stop, like a picture frozen in time, as I realize what... what I'm doing. I... why? how? I never meant for it to go this far, never wanted it to go this far, never wanted it in the first place... but I never had a choice in these matters. I was pushed into this life, knocked into this body, and seduced into this existence... this hell.

Automatically the mantra comes back to me, a prayer said every day since the cursed waters came to me. "I am a guy, I am a guy, I am a GUY, DAMMIT!" I hit a fist against a locker door, feeling a reassuring crunch as it surrenders to my reduced, but still formidable, strength. I can feel blood trickling from my knuckles, but I don't care. For a fleeting moment, I remember who I am... who I was. I am no longer.

At least this body didn't take away all of my manhood... but, as I look, I realize that it took enough. The lower half of my body is an easy silhouette, my petite feet soled in white sneakers and my... not my privates remain encased in the tight shorts. The top is somewhat loose on me, though it stretches around my most pronounced assets. The hair ribbon is new, a part of a disguise... or was the disguise what I wore before?

The problem is, I don't know anymore. I... I find I like the way I look in the mirror, even though what manhood remains screams for help. At the same time, I hear a call to stay this way, to abandon all this stupid male ego and ridiculous half-life. I can hear its insistence, pleading to my manhood... and pleading to an empty audience.

I don't feel like punching doors now. What good would it do? Even if I could make the world disappear, even if I could find some hot water and escape from being me, it would still find me... and remind me. It haunts me, it does; it reminds me that I am no man, not now or ever. It seeks to bring me to full womanhood, to be emasculated in front of Kami and man.

An image of black hair flashes before my eyes, and I pale. Akane. God help me... what am I going to do about her? I am no longer a 'man among men', I have become a woman among women. Most of the people I hang around with claim femininity as their banner: the Tendo girls, Ucchan, Shampoo... and now I find the banner over my own head, above my reach. I lash out at myself, wishing to rip my own body apart, to keep my soul... what remains of my soul... intact. My body is not my own; its weaknesses and desires have corrupted me to the point of no return.

I can feel the energy seeping away from my body, and I fall down to the floor. Crying is such a girlish thing to do, a useless, pathetic release of tears to appease some inward weakness. I can feel the tears coming, despite my best efforts; even more evidence of my frailty. The cold concrete beneath me saps my strength, as any emotional control I had crumbles to dust. A new mantra whispers in my ear, and my blood runs cold.

I am Ranma. I am woman.

Dear God, what have I become?

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2009 notes:

I wrote this back in 1998, as I was working on Clothes. Gee, I was such a little ball of sunshine back then... :P