ROSE -

After what seemed like forever lissa finally let me go to practice, after her many attempts to convince me that her "cousin" Adrian was the perfect man for me. I love the girl but honestly she really doesnt know when to just give up, and let me tell you from the vibes that im feeling through our bond she is seriously not going to releant, i tried to shove my anger to the side because its really not lissas fault, she just assumes that im totally lonely. what lissa and pretty much everyone else here at the Vampire Academy doesnt know is that im not always alone because once and awhile things get pretty hot and heavy between me and my trainer - mentor me and that "god" have is hands down the most complicated relationship in the world..to name a few of our many problems would be - the age issue (he's 24 and im 17), also he is a very respected gaurdian one who will be gaurding lissa with me , and as he has said many of times it would be near impossible to focus on protecting lissa from strigoli, when we really want to just protect eachother....there are plenty of other excuses that he seems to have but honestly none of it matters to me , because as much as i try to forget him ( and believe me i do try) everything always comes back to him because that is just how in love i am with him. nothing else matters to me,
not being lissa's gaurdian, the age difference , the fact that he's my teacher for christ sakes ! NOTHING matters to me because i just want him .And everytime he turns me away a claims that what were doing is worng, and that the relationship that we have going on is a mistake he honestly has no clue how much he hurts me,he might as well drive that damn silver stake right though my beating little dhampir much as i love lissa and i have wanted to be her gaurdian and protect her from any harm since as long as i can remember , i would give it all up if it meant a life with demitri.I thought about this as i made my way up to the gym doors , these thoughts were a contant thing on my mind since i didnt have anybody that i can possibly share my feelings changing into just a black sports bra and some black yoga pants (hey who ever said that you cant look sexy and kick some major ass at the same time !) i made my way towards the mats where i immediately felt the gravitational pull that i always felt when demitri was near .
I must say that there is NOTHING and i mean that literally , there is nothing sexier than a sweaty demitri in a mucsle shirt and track pants ! mmmmm ummm mmmm DAMN! let me give you a quick run down of MR. tall dark and handsome , he has got to be one of the finest specimens around! standing there in his 6'4 glory with a body that would make any greek god himself cry ..I mean he's no "laundry bag" of meat or any thing cause thats seriously gross, streroids does not do a body good! but he is leans and muscular EVERYWHERE that it counts ... and his eyes are the darkest shade of brown dangeriously close to black and his lips are so soft yet firm making it easy for me to fantize about plenty of things to do with them.
while i was checking him out from a distance i realized that he wasnt doing his usual running stretches which means we would be staying in today which means that we would be fighting which meant that we would touch eachother ... ohh great just when our relationship was getting back to me give you a quick explanation,
Demitri and i are very attracted to eachother so when you put us and a room and get us fighting even for training , we tend to have a slight problem keeping our hands off why we mainly run but Demitri and i both know that ill never be ready for graduation if he doesnt give me more combat skills.

"hey comrade!" i say as i approach. "sorry im late.I was with lissa trying to convince her to stop worrying about me, You know how she gets."

"Well rose i expect you to start learning when to schedual your "girly talk" time after our practice sessions" demitri stated in his not so obvious russian accent, god i wonder what bit him in the ass today.

"no problem Guarding Belikov, lets get started shall we i wouldnt want you waisting any more of your time due to my lack of timing" I knew i hit a sore spot when i called him by his formal name but i couldnt help it he knew how attentive i was to lissa's feelings.

"rose please"he said with a frustrated sigh. "im just worried that you wont be ready come graduation, you need to take these practice hours more seriously or else you'll never reach your full potential."

"fine, then lets do this" i smiled my drop dead gorgious smile that i knew he loved , and i could have sworn that i heard a low growl excape his throat. WOW this was deffinately going to be a long hour... so practice we did, and between the pounches being thrown and blocked and the kicks that i landed i was feeling the ohhh so familiar feeling of adrenaline pulse through veins, i would be one bad bitch if someone were to be on the opposite side of my anger or wrath on day i after what seemed like a never ending battle between demitri and i he finally got the upper hand and pined me to the ground.

"rose you do undertand that if i were strigoli you would be dead right now? demitri said

"of course i know that! im not stupid!" i said

"this has nothing to do with you being stupid or not it has to do with your will to fight harder, you'll be protecting lissa ! i thought she was important to you, but obviously not" he said with a stupid smirk that i loved. We were still in the heavenly postion of him pining me down when his words sunk in , i cant believe he would say that i didnt fight hard enough. Pent up anger from this bullshit relationship we had and the frustration of me wanting to do my abousolute best to become a good gaurdian made something deep down in my little shawdow-kissed soul explode.I instantly pushed him off me and once we were both upright i landed a very swift kick to his chest that sent him tumbling across the room, but i wast finished yet unfortionatly for him i was filled with rage and this battle was long from over, i ran up to him while he was still catching his breath and punched him in the exact spot that i landed that kick at. when it became obvious that he was pretty winded i took this very rare opportunity to throw him to the ground where now it was i who was pining him down.

"well look how the tables have turned demitri, maybe you should try not to piss me off and you wouldnt find yourself in this ummmm predicament" i stated calmly

"wow if i would have know that all i had to do was insualt your integrity i would have done so a long time ago, good job roza im proud of you" demitri said. I was shocked not only did he complement me but he also call me roza, my name in russian.I was taken aback and all of a sudden the anger and frustration that i was still on top him a devious idea came to mind.I slowly and ground my hips to his obvious erection that was now standing at full attention thanks to my lack of clothes im guessing, either way i earned another low growl excape his chest.

"roza lets not start this today, your seriously putting to much confidence in my self control especially with that little outfit that you have on, now if you would please get off"
demitri stated very i could see that battle raging in his eyes his lust for me was fighting but what he thought was right was fighting harder.

"demitri it's just you and me you can stop pretending" i then lowerd my mouth so that it was a toungue flick away from his and said "look me in the eye and tell you dont want me.
Then ill back off"

"you know i want you roza but you also know its not-" before he could even finish his sentence i dove in , my soft lips very eager to explore his,we continued kissing for what seemed like forever, an intense battle of the tongues with him groaning and my moaning.I was so turned on that i could smell the wetness that was now dripping from me panites.
when i thought maybe we could take it another step up,i began to lift off my sports bra when demitri eyes instantly snaped out of his lust infuzed haze.

"what the hell are you doing rose?" ouch. that hurt i thought as i lowerd my in the hell things can chacnge so fast for him i had no clue.

"well all we ever do is kiss, i thought maybe you would like this." i stated simply i thought the next step for us was an obvious one ,i mean god cant a girl get some love up in here!

"no you are very wrong. This_" he jesterd his hand between him and i."is very wrong, i cant do this anymore ! you know the consequnces if someone were to find out about this" he yelled. we were both standing now and i was at a loss for words, he was always cautious after this happend and maybe even a little frustrated but never angry.

"well what do you want me to do?" i said as i stepped forward to try and calm him down. he jerked back and look at me like if i was some horrible demon sent here from his personal hell.

"what i want is for you to do is wake up rose and realize that it never going to work for us , as much as i love you, and believe me i do love you very is never going to work"

tears were now flowing freely from my eyes which was a rare accurance because i - rosemarie hathaway, NEVER cried. I couldnt believe the words that he was saying in all the times we have gotten into arguments about right and wrong in our relationship never did demitri make me believe that he was ever serious about us never having a future together. It was as though my heart was being ripped from me and stabbed over and over agian.I was going into shock from what i could tell becuase i could see the truth in his eyes.
he really must not want me. this whole time i have been so stupid how could i imagine that he would ever love me i mean no one other than lissa ever cared about me before Hell my own mother and non exsitant father didnt care so why would demitri when he could have any beautiful mori girl he to recover what was left of our relationship i wiped the tears away and slowly tried to aproach looked cautious.

"If you really loved me like i love you than we can make this work demitri ,it is possible ! this is no ordenary love dammit,this is the stuff movies are made of, this is what everyone searches they're whole lives for and your just going to throw it away?"

a pained looked crossed his eyes when i said those words and i wondered for only a moment if this is what he really he really want to end things?

"i cant rose ,why cant you see that? being a gaurdian was what i was born to do.I was not born to have some sort of scandlious relationship with a here me loud and clear ,
this will be the last time that you and i will be physical with eachother if you cant handle a platonic relationship with me than these training sessions end here. now answer me this ... can you handle me being your mentor and your mentor only?"

I couldnt breathe why couldnt i fucking whole body felt numb it was like i was on autopilot as i walked towards him only to have him back away until he hit a wall.

"but you love me!" i said.

maybe if i kissed him maybe then will he see that we really can make this work. i leaned into him in an attempt for one last kiss when i suddely felt his hands on my hips, i thought that maybe he was going to actually give him to me until i felt him push away , i dont think he realized his strentgh and the force he put into it but when my head hit the ground i think its safe to say that i was stunned. Demitri my Demitri just put his hands on me, how could he ? i was on the verge of tears when something snapped. Im not that woman , iam not the type of woman to let a man affect her life to such a degree like this , iam not the type of woman to take getting hit shoved or slaped lying down. Fuck love ! if this is what you get when you put yourself out there then fuck it . id much rather be alone. I saw red BLOOD red i jumped up and rushed demitri and slamed him against the wall.

"rose im so sorry i didnt mean to push you back that know i would never hurt you like that rose, i was taught better.I dont know what came over me Im sorry." Id never seen demitri look so pained but the time when i actually gave a fuck has passed.

"fuck you demitri ! " i yelled "if you cant be a man and make what we have work then i dont need you in my life, these training sessions are over! i dont need you and your foreign help!"
then i dropped my voice to a whisper and leaned in close enough to his ear so that he could hear my threat clearly. "stay the fuck away from me, you dont deserve to be in the same room as me let alone the same campus, just stay the hell away because you never loved me anyway."

with that i let him go and made haste to return to my dorm. maybe after a long hot shower and some ben and jerrys i can actually forget anything that ever went between demitri and me . Hell who was i trying to lie to. Demitri would be the only man i every loved.