One Day
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A/N: Lots of sad stuff going on. Really sad. This does not relate to any of my other chapters. This takes place several years after the VK storyline. No lemon in this fic, just a lot of sad stuff.
Summary: Kaname had never realized the pain he inflicted… until it was too late to do anything about it. Once a year, he can see Zero, but only for a full twenty four hours. Implied KanameXZero
Disclaimer: I don't own Vampire Knight.
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He was always there.
They couldn't see him, but he fine with that.
It was getting colder. He could tell by the falling leaves and the crisp cool mornings. But he didn't feel cold. Instead he felt lonely.
He had already lost track of time. How many years had passed? He had no idea. He was always there though, always unnoticed by the Day and Night classes. He stayed because he was unwilling to move on to somewhere he did not know. All his life, he knew this place; Cross Academy.
He still felt lonely though. He was the forgotten, the cursed, and the pained. There was nothing he could do about it now.
He was once known as the Level D by hunters, taunted by others the fact that he was going to go mad. But he stopped himself before he could descend to that level.
He, Kiriyu Zero, had taken his own life with the Bloody Rose gun. He did it despite the chairman's protests and the tears from Yuki. Those were the only two that had actually cared about him. Everyone else…
Zero leaned against the tree, his lilac eyes closed. He was sitting rather high up in the tree. Unafraid, he looked out into the distant land; a spirit didn't need to worry about dying.
Silent tears trickled down his cheeks and vanished when they dripped off his face.
"Why are you crying?"
Kuran Kaname… he recalled from memory. The pureblood had always hated him, why would he make an effort to taunt him now? Kuran had already won; Zero was too tired to play his game anymore. Was the pureblood here to taunt him for taking his own life? Couldn't he get any peace from him; even in death?
Today was the only day that they could see him. Once Kaname had found out, he had spent each year by Zero's side… or rather, his ghost's side. Zero was dead; that was the truth that the pureblood could not deny. But the pain on the ghost's face was defiantly Zero's pain. Each year on Halloween, Kaname vowed to spend with the ghost of Zero. Yuuki would visit sometimes too; but year after year, he was slowly forgotten by the human. She came less and less and finally, not at all. He had no reason to wish that Yuuki would remember this year.
But not Kaname; he always came. It didn't matter though, grief had already taken over his cold heart; his soul already too worn out to protest the visits from the pureblood. Zero simply didn't care anymore. Even after the pureblood graduated, he came.
"Why does it matter?" Zero replied softly to Kaname's inquiry. Tears still dripped down his cheeks, pain still very vivid despite all the years that had passed.
Kaname sat next to him, falling silent. Zero didn't sob, he didn't need too. The tears were proof enough of the pain that Zero held, even after death.
"I'm sorry," Kaname murmured after a minute of looking into the scenery.
"Why? You shouldn't be. It was your right as a pureblood," Zero whispered.
"Kiriyu-kun…" Kaname reached to embrace the spirit but met thin air. Zero no longer had a body, he couldn't be embraced. He could only be seen, and only once a year, only on one day.
Kaname clenched his fists, down to his sides. Why had he said that all those years ago?!
Taunts that the pureblood had spoken came flooding back in a rush. Things he said to hurt Zero, things he had not meant.
How much longer was this going to hurt Zero? Was it even possible anymore that Zero would move on? Zero had already forgiven him for saying those things, but why did the words continue to torment him? Was it because he had been told those words before and knew the pain? Or was it because he had pushed all his hurt upon one person and expected them to be able to bear it?
"That is why I am allowing you to live."
"You are not fit to be with her."
"You are worthless."
"I no longer have any use for you."
Words came back to pelt him in the face. Those cursed words that he had ruthlessly spoken to Zero. How could he?! How could he have done such a thing?! How dare he?! He knew Zero's pain, he knew it. Yet he had been ruthless with his words.
Just thinking about it hurt him. If he could take his words back, he would. If there was any way he could turn back time, he would. If only he had thought before he had spoken…
But he didn't. And because he didn't, Zero was no longer here. Only his spirit; the kind spirit that had helped him defeat Riido despite the pureblood treating him like crap; the gentle spirit that protected Yuuki when he wasn't there… Why, oh why, did he have to say such cruel things to him?
"I regret those words you know," Kaname said softly, breaking the silence.
"You do?" Zero asked softly, although the tone was more of a statement than a question. His voice was steady, in contrast with the tears that showed his irreparable shattered soul.
"Yes, I do," Kaname replied, glancing at the teen, "I'm really sorry for those words. I shouldn't have said them."
"I told you before; it was your right as a pure--"
"Don't say that!"
Kaname's words were harsh. Zero opened his eyes and looked at Kaname's face. The pureblood looked unbalanced.
"It was my fault! Don't you get that?! I screwed up! It doesn't matter that I'm a pureblood! I made a mistake! You should blame me for it!" Kaname was frustrated at Zero's lack of emotions, "I was the one to push you to suicide! Blame me! Tell me I was wrong and that I should've known better! Tell me it was my fault!"
The pureblood suddenly fell silent and looked down in shame, "I didn't mean to push you this far. I didn't mean to hurt you this much. I'm sorry, I'm so sorry…"
Zero remained silent, staring at Kaname with a sad sort of look. "Kuran, I was just a level D. It was…"
He fell silent, not knowing what to say to comfort the grieving pureblood. What was he supposed to say? 'It was natural?' 'It was not your fault?' Zero was at loss.
With tears still streaking down his face, Zero gave Kaname's shoulder a pat... only to remember that he wasn't solid anymore. He stared at his hand and Kaname gave a choked sob.
Zero shook his head instead and said, "I've told you before Kaname. I do not blame you. It was my fault for not being strong enough. I could live at the brink of death so I had no choice."
"Liar!" Kaname accused, "You were only backed into a corner because I didn't give you a choice! If I didn't say those things…" he paused but then continued in a softer voice, "If I didn't say those things and was willing to help you as you helped me, you'd still be here…"
"Would I?" Zero asked softly, looking back at the moon. The sun had not risen yet.
"Yes you would! Don't deny it!" Kaname exclaimed, gripping Zero's shoulders to shake him, only to remember that Zero could not be touched. He cursed in his head and dropped his hands.
"If only I had not--"
"I had known from the time that I was bitten," Zero interrupted, "That I would die. I knew it, but didn't want to accept it. That is why I fought my transformation. There was nothing that you did wrong."
"You don't understand," Kaname said miserably, "How is it you understand so much, yet so little?!"
"I know more than you think, Kaname," Zero said, using the pureblood's given name to catch his attention, "But it all doesn't matter now. Nothing matters anymore. I'm already dead."
"…I could bring you back."
Kaname had just remembered. Riido had done the same to him hadn't he? The deceased pureblood found a way to bring Kaname back from his sleep; perhaps there was a way he could do the same for Zero.
In this new light, Kaname sat up sharply. There was a way he could touch Zero again. It had to work. If Riido had succeeded, he could too.
"No."
Kaname felt the world plummet to the ground.
"No, Kuran," Zero continued, "It's over. I'm dead. I know what you are thinking. Don't try it. A dead person should not come back to life. No matter what you think, I will not agree to such a thing."
"I can't bear this Zero," Kaname turned to look at the lilac eyed boy, "I've caused you so much pain and you won't let me try to heal it. It's my fault."
"I've already--"
"Said it many times?" Kaname finished for him, "I know, but it is. You're hurting because of me, Zero."
"Words can't hurt me, Kaname," Zero said turning to Kaname once more, "It's the mental and physical pain of turning into a Level E that I could not bear. It has nothing to do with the words you have spoken to me in the past."
"That's a lie! And you know it!" Kaname snapped, "There is no way that the words I spoke to you did not hurt you. They've been spoken to me before; they've hurt me! Don't try to tell me that they didn't hurt you!"
The pureblood jumped down from the branch and said, "I'm going to do it, regardless of your feelings. I have to. Even if you hate me for it."
Kaname vanished from sight just as the sun rose. Zero looked into the warm sunlight and relaxed.
"I could never hate you for bringing me back. If you truly regret the words you have spoken to me, then I will forgive you. If you truly love me in the way you say you do, then I will let you love me."
Zero closed his eyes and sighed deeply.
He couldn't hide the thread of hope flickering through his broken, bleeding heart.
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A/N: The attempt to rid my writer's block. Read and Review.
I might write a sequel, I'm not sure yet. Let me know if I should.
Did I make you cry? I made myself cry while reading this over.