Okay, So I have had the idea for this particular story for about three months now and have been working my way around actually writing for about a week but I've at LAST sat down to do this. Something about a book I read last year in school really touched me with just the layout of the story. I would tell you what the story was but I fear that would almost count as a spoiler so I refrained ;P

This one isn't too bad, only ten chapters but I'm hoping you all will bear with me and come to enjoy it as much as I have enjoyed writing it out. Oh, and I'll tell you the name of the story that inspired this in the last chapters where spoilers won't really matter as much. Hope that's okay!

TMNT, Leonardo, Raphael, Michelangelo, Donatello, Splinter, and the Foot © Mirage Studios
story © Turtlefreak121

Paradigm
Chapter One: Let me tell you a story…

The smack of the luggage hitting the carpet lining in the trunk makes me flinch every time. I'm not really sure why. I'm not exactly all that jumpy. Usually. Lately, though, it's been getting more apparent. And aggravating.

I think it's maybe the loud noise, but that just doesn't seem right.

Nothing really seems right.

It's way too cold for fall and despite Don and April's best intentions, I don't think these stupid sweats are helping at all. If I'm still chilly, why should I have to deal with these bunch, loose, yet oddly restricting articles! Turtles are just not supposed to wear clothes and I feel like a walking testament as to why.

Casey grunts awkwardly as he realizes he still can't close the trunk despite his rearranging. I repress the urge to joke about the workout he seems to be getting and instead tug at my clothing again. But he straightens up with a sturdy laugh at last and smacks his hands together. Space Case looks so proud as he finally slams the trunk down.

Over half that trunk is my stuff, at least three duffle bags. I'm only leaving for a weekend and yet Don's packed me enough for a month!

For me, it's just further confirmation to me that my brother had way too much free time during my recovery period. Which… makes sense, sadly. After they took Leo to the farmhouse, there was a month or two before I was even coherent.

My stomach still weakens with the mere thought of Leo. I really don't want to see him. Not after what he said the last time we saw each other.

But this isn't a matter of what I want anymore. Not really. I have to see Leo. He's been waiting to meet me at the farm and it's my responsibility to bring him back. I don't think he realizes how much we miss him around the lair. I know he doesn't know how much I miss him.

Like I said, we did something that is just hard for me to remember now. But we had a fight. A big one.

"That's the last of it! Thanks a lot for the help," Casey teases us. It doesn't get much of a rouse. I don't know why he expected one, but then again it's Bonehead Casey we're talking about.

That was a mean thought. I look off from Casey, a little ashamed for my own brain at the moment.

After all, April and Casey are taking time away from their merry lives to drive simple old me to the farmhouse all because of some fight they had no part of. And my brothers and I didn't even have the decency to help with the bags. We're just… like slugs. Staring as we latch onto the walls of the alley.

"Sorry," I mutter.

I never mutter. I don't know how to describe what's wrong with me. I wasn't like this just a few months ago. I know I wasn't. I'm supposed to be happy and joyful.

I'm about to see my brother after half a year apart.

At least part of it, probably, is having Don and Raph standing behind me and practically breathing down my back. It's starting to give me cold chills. Seriously.

Don's acting like if I take five steps out of his sight I'll end up like Leo. Like I'll just float away, away from his care and distant.

I should probably tell him I'm going to be fine, but I can't do it. I don't feel too fine at the moment. And it's not like he'd believe me in any case.

"You ready to go, Mike?" April asks me as she walks up to the three of us. She's been preparing the back seat for me.

Honestly, I had almost forgotten she was even here. She's about as somber as Raphael and Donatello. It makes me want to lighten the mood, but nothing appropriate really comes to mind. Too much friction to my left and right at the moment.

"Yeah…" I nod instead. I tug at my sleeve again. "And thanks."

She hesitates before getting in the front passenger's seat simultaneously with Casey getting in the driver's seat.

Stretching, I try to look like I'm getting ready for the long drive, completely aware of the eyes on me from the rearview mirror. It's all just buying time. And I'll take all the borrowed time I can get at this point.

Thinking about everything, though, I should probably be pretty excited. I get to ride in the actual car the entire way to Northampton. Usually my brothers and i ride all incognito-like to the farm in the back of a hitched up trailer. Compared to that, I'm getting First-Class Round Trip.

But… it's still not right. It almost makes me wish Raph or Don would offer to go with me. But they went when Master Splinter left, when I was recovering. When they took Leo up there… and didn't come back.

Casey starts up the car and I figure it's my last chance to turn around and tell my brothers their goodbyes. The thing I'm really not good at. I'd much rather think about how my clothes don't fit.

So I turn around and I'm facing Raph and Don who are looking a little worse for wear. Don in particular doesn't want me to go and is literally biting his lip to keep from saying something to me.

I open my mouth but it doesn't form words. I kind of want him to just drag me home. I wouldn't kick or scream at this point.

But instead, I laugh some as if it can relieve this pressure in my chest. It doesn't really help - like that's a surprise - and it might have actually made things worse because Mr. Happy himself is staring at me with absolute disgust. I must remind myself that, should I ever better my position, to never get on this side of Raphael again. Ever.

"Man, gotta hate all this clothing stuff," I follow up after swallowing the lump in my throat. But my supportive brothers just continue to stare at me expectantly and I feel like I'm metaphorically in my underwear. "Kind of makes me glad I'm a turtle."

Raphael snorts and looks away. I can't believe that, even now, I can't get a word out of him.

The voice in my head is screaming for me to just SPIT IT OUT already. I lower my head. This is hard. I feel like I'm breaking the family further than the fight already did. "I guess I'll see you guys soon… or I'll call you or something. We'll figure it out…" It's still not completely out. Stop dragging your feet, Michelangelo. "Bye…"

All of the sudden, I'm pulled into an embrace and I don't even have to look up to know it's Donny. Poor guy. He's had the shaft in this entire situation, since my lights went out. He can't take care of me as a patient anymore, though. I'm healed with the exception of a few bruised ribs. There's no more Doctors Excuse to keep me by his side.

I bet he doesn't even know the full plan. If he knew I was going up to bring Leo back, I doubt he'd let me leave at all.

"I can do it, Donny," I assure him.

After all, it's my responsibility. Because I caused the fight. Because I'm the reason Leo left.

"Hey," Don snaps me out of my thoughts again, backing up away from me. He puts his hands on my shoulders, squeezes securely. He's still so reluctant. I don't know why he's not encouraging me to go back home by now. "Do me a favor and say a favor and say a word to Leo for me, okay?"

I nod and don't have to ask what the word could be. It's the same word I want to say. So I guess I'll have to say it to him twice. Joy. Why do I get the feeling he'll be more forgiving to Don?

Finally, Don lets go and I'm stuck looking at Raphael instead. Waiting for him to make the first move. But he's not looked back at me since the first time he turned his vision away. He's got a knack for being a royal jerk but… this I don't completely blame him for. It's just how he deals with things.

"Bye, Raph," I speak up in hopes of getting response from him.

He doesn't so much as huff. He just tunes me out.

Luckily, I know my brother fairly well and I can tell with a certain degree of confidence that he's not as mad at me as he likes to put on. If he really blamed me that much then I seriously doubt he'd have come all the way to the surface just to see me off on my voyage.

I sigh and move on to the car while musing over how pathetic of a parting this was. We try, we really do. Thing is that sometimes things change and you can't really help how they affect you. I like to think that in a little while, especially when we return, everything will be able to go back to normal.

I seriously doubt it, but it'd be nice.

Maybe it will, though. All I've got is hope anymore.

As I slide across the blankets laid over the backseat, I question myself over when April got the interior of her car worked on. The momentum shifts. I haven't been out of the lair since the fight so all the sudden motion makes my ribs hurt - I wasn't prepared.

It reminds me to look back, though. It's my last chance to see Don and Raph before I set off to the farm.

Looking back behind me, I can see them staring back at me with indescribable emotions of their own. Raph's still stone faced but he's looking after the car as it leaves and I wonder if he regrets not staying goodbye. Don on the other hand looks completely distraught and I know that he's now regretting that he didn't act on my vibes which clearly read keep me at home.

Casey drives out of the alley and my view of my brothers soon becomes obstructed by a building or two. Yet I get the sense that they're still standing in front of the manhole just like how I left them. They're almost losing another brother to the farm it seems.

They'll go home soon, though. Master Splinger didn't leave the lair with us because of how sick he's been lately, not to mention he wouldn't be able to make it through another string of goodbyes from me. The last time just about broke his heart.

What wasn't already broken, of course.

Our father was seriously hurting after Leo left. All after the fight again. Everything's blamed on the fight, you know?

Well, it should be, I guess. The fight started most of it, if not all of it. And whenever someone blames the fight for something I get dragged into it because, yeah. I started the fight. Stupidly. Not because I meant harm, but that doesn't count for much when I hurt everyone anyway.

But if anyone blames me, they've got to blame Leo, too! We were both in this fight, no one can dispute that. It's fact.

I sigh and slide further into a laying position across the back seat. It's a long trip and somehow I'm already tired. It could be all these knives in my sides, figuratively speaking of course.

One thing that would be nice would be to not think about the fight for the rest of the way to Massachusetts. Just keep the most wonderful sleep instead and cal it a day. That would be nice. In fact, it would be nicer than nice. It'd be very near perfect.

But Casey's driving. I remember this problem with my plan as soon as he slams the breaks for yet another stoplight that changes. He's a worse driver than Raph, and I won't hardly go anywhere with Raph.

So now we've got a few minutes in the midst of a car jam. Perfect.

Still, I'm rather surprised to have Casey turn almost completely around in his seat to get a face to face look at me. I quirk my eye ridge tiredly in expectation of a traffic joke when he shocks me with his true conversation starter.

"So just how bad of a fight was it?" he asks me almost immediately.

I blink at him and feel this nonexistent knives in my sides starting to churn. Nice and painful.

"Casey!" April snaps before letting loose and punning his shoulder with her fist, loud enough to where I thought for a moment maybe my ears had popped rather than me actually hearing the power behind her punch. She is ticked.

"What?" Casey asks before finally being able to drive forward.

She just growls like a monster before turning toward me. Her eyes seem almost on the edge of tears she's so angry with Casey. I guess she knows how touchy the subject is. I was out for so long that there's no telling how much Don and Raph caught her up to speed.

"I'm so sorry, Mikey," she apologizes emphatically.

I shrug it off and mutter it's cool, but my stomach still feels as though it has some sort of pit in it. That question stings to this day! And there's no telling how many times I've gotten that question since I first woke up, though. I wish Leo had just told them everything so they could all leave me alone.

Still, as I look out the window toward the hazy Big Apple, I wonder if maybe this whole 'talking about it' deal is actually more helpful than I assumed. I mean, I guess one needs to get this stuff off their chest, especially if it's effecting who they are.

It hurts, but perhaps as I talk about the fight I'll get over it and be able to figure out what I need to say to Leo at the same time. It could work - it could work out real well.

I will have to start back before the fight and back to the initial altercation, though. Remember all the nonsense that went on between Leo and I - the misunderstanding between the dutiful student and the goofball.

Let me tell you a story...