"It's over,"

Two words and I'm in a permanent heartbreak. I can't believe she dumped me like that. She threw me out the door as if I were a piece of trash lying around on her bedroom floor. How dare she dump me for some boy who caught her eye at my own party? Bitch, you can't just dump me and think that it's over like that. But oh, it was over when she said those words and I've never ever had this kind of encounter before and I don't think I'd ever want to experience it again. Time and time again I have thought that even though she insulted me and told me negative things about me and said that I didn't love her as much as she loved me, we were gonna last forever. You know, most people think that way when they find a pretty girl like her. Sure she was pretty, sure she was hot but when words come out of her big mouth, I just wanna shut it and never open it up again. But we did have lots of good times. Some I probably could never forget but too bad she never really meant anything she said.

She told me she loved me, she told me she cared. She told me that everything was nice about me from my clothes to my hair. I didn't think she'd go that far. I didn't think she'd actually be the one controlling the whole relationship but I let her and now she has slipped from my fingers and I let her get away. I let her give me sorrowful pain and I let her get her way yet again and I lost my way. But I didn't lose my way just now, I lost it long before while I was still with her.

Last night, she was intoxicated when she dumped me and well today, I'm here at the airport sulking in my seat waiting for my plane to the opposite side of the country. I wasn't going to let this get to me. I needed to have fun and I needed to just be myself and forget her. But it seems as if I'm not even beginning to try to do anything I tell myself to. My head keeps telling me to do so many things but my heart's not listening. It's lost in some kind of trance and I swear it's annoying the hell out of me. It's like my mind wants to go one way but my heart wants to go the other and I just don't know which one I should listen to.

I took a deep breath and told myself it was going to be fine. I took another breath and said that I was going to forget it all in the plane. But when we boarded and her favorite movie played on screen, I couldn't handle it so I plugged in my iPod and drifted away to the songs I made but I wasn't calm enough. I didn't want to listen to these songs. I wanted to do so much more so I got a pad of my paper from the compartment of the seat in front of me and grabbed the pen that was in my pocket and started writing down what I felt. It turned into something poetic and some kind of tune started making its way through my mind. I couldn't wait until this flight was over so I could start finalizing crap and prepare a surprise song for everyone at the show. I tore the piece of paper and placed it in my pocket so I could do something with it later.

I do so much for everyone else and yet I don't do shit for me. One day, maybe I will but for now, the band comes first.

"Lighten up, Marty! We don't want you looking all sullen in the show." Paul told me as soon as we got out of the plane. I hardly acknowledged his comment since I wasn't in the mood to care. It sounds stupid but then isn't everyone stupid after a heartbreak? I don't know about everyone else but I'm extra stupid after heartbreak. And turns out this isn't really going as planned.

To be honest and frank, this is the first heartbreak I've ever had. Now that might sound unbelievable but usually in all the relationships I've been in, I was the one who caused it and well maybe this is just karma slapping me right back across the face. FML.

After we got our luggage, we headed to the hotel to check in to and get settled before the show tomorrow. But once I got to my room, I dropped everything on the floor and picked up my guitar from its case and sat on the bed. I got the piece of paper and I started to make a tune for the pathetic words I wrote on the paper.

The song's called The First One and it practically explains everything I'm feeling right now…

Even though you're gone and far away
I feel you all around
I think about it every single day
You got away somehow

I can't sleep, it's hard to breathe
And I still feel you next to me
Now I can see

The first one is the worst one
When it comes to a broken heart
Your first love
Yeah, your soul's gone
And you feel like a falling star
There's a fire in the city
That's burning out tonight
And you're breathing
But you're buried alive
The first one is the worst one
When it comes, when it comes to a broken heart

Spinning like a movie in my head
I've seen a thousand times
I've learned to take it hard and fall instead
I'm sittin' safe on the sidelines

Lost days, pictures fade
Somehow you're still miles away
It's safe to say

The first one is the worst one
When it comes to a broken heart
Your first love
Yeah, your soul's gone
And you feel like a falling star
There's a fire in the city
That's burning out tonight
And you're breathing
But you're buried alive
The first one is the worst one
When it comes, when it comes to a broken heart

... just to kiss you
I'm out here on my own
Better ... us before
But I miss you and I want you to know

I can't sleep, it's hard to breathe
And I still feel you next to me
And I can see, yeah

The first one is the worst one
When it comes to a broken heart
Your first love
Yeah, your soul's gone
And you feel like a falling star
There's a fire in the city
That's burning out tonight
And you're breathing
But you're buried alive
The first one is the worst one
When it comes, when it comes to a broken heart

The first one is the worst one
When it comes to a broken heart
Your first love
Yeah, your soul's gone
And you feel like a falling star
There's a fire in the city
That's burning out tonight
And you're breathing
But you're buried alive
The first one is the worst one
When it comes, when it comes to a broken heart

I looked up at the ceiling and lay down on my bed and clutched my phone really tight hoping she might tell me that she was wrong and all that crap but nothing happened so I guess it's time to move on…