Mercury Amazon
1: Sharpness
Open that door
the rest of the time
You will be breathing deeply
Raise your eyes
look straight ahead
Kiss me for the last time
Let's take a walk, OK?
Truly, the wind
Tears away the darkness
The heart takes over seeing
The road can understand, right?
Destiny's Star has decided
Your choice is
The white route
We soar to the future
Don't get lost
-"Route Venus"
Who am I?
It has been a year since I was found, and still I have no answer to my question. I was given a designation by my human masters, what they call a name. Something to identify myself by. They call me Geito. Or Gate, to simplify matters. In the beginning, I was curious as to the meaning of my designation. I found the word to mean a portal or a means of access to a place. However, what this had to do with me I had no idea.
I have no memory of my creator, or my past before I was put into that capsule. I have tried almost everything i could think of to try and unlock my memories, to no avail. Whatever was once there was deleted, but imperfectly. I am haunted by the sense that something was once there, but for the life of me I cannot do anything about it. It is quite frustrating for someone of my ability.
It's strange... I was made with the capacity for surprising scientific achievement. Concepts that baffle the normal human mind are nothing more than a passing moment's challenge to me. I have no idea why I was made with such gifts. I wondered at times if they could truly be called gifts. At times, I truly felt cursed by what I was...
There is, however, still one mystery I am powerless to solve.
Me.
In the beginning, it was a quest that consumed me. My masters did not grant me endless time to pursue it, though. I came into the possession of a man named Hideaki Suri, who had better things for me to do. After my abilities were discovered, I was put to work in Reploid research and development. I found early on it was simple for me to duplicate the construction of my brothers and sisters.
Yet, something stopped me.
My thoughts were rudely interrupted by a familiar, if slightly unexpected blow to the back of the head. As bright as I was, I must admit my observational skills were not quite as stellar. I did not see my colleague coming. Her name was Alia, and she was a decently intelligent scientist, She had talent, and she was someone I could talk to. I found it taxing to speak to normal people, for I found their answers shallow and unfulfilling. She was one of the few i could have an intelligent conversation with, but she could be obnoxious.
"Good morning, Alia." I said patiently, if not a bit annoyed.
She immediately assumed an accusatory stance over me. It was not difficult- had I not been seated, she still would have towered over me by several inches. "You're doing it again, Gate," she said, declining to inform me precisely what offense I had committed today.
"Doing what?" I asked, not entirely in jest.
He look indicated I should clearly know. "You're brooding. What is it THIS time?"
Unsurprising. She often accused me of brooding. Usually I reminded her that not everyone feels the urge to share every thought process one encounters. "Unlike you, I do have reservations about the project." Which was completely true.
She shrugged, a human gesture. "What's the big deal? You should be happy. Not everybody can build a Reploid, especially as well as you."
Flattery would get her nowhere. "That may be true, but I don't believe I'm ready to be a father."
I believe the look on her face was worth my small admission. I can never be accused of being a social person, as i do not wish to speak of my innermost convictions on a casual basis. However, I would soon have no choice, as it affected my work.
She responded in the way I expected. She seemed a bit flustered at my suggestion, and of course she shook her head, as if I suggested something as ludicrous as my spontaneously generating a third eye. Which, though an interesting concept, was irrelevant. "Gate, don't be silly. Reploids don't have parents."
I disagreed with her. Despite that we were all treated as little more than property, the concept of a Reploid family did not seem unreasonable to me. After all, we Reploids were given emotions. We were capable of love, as well as hatred. We were capable of dreams and hopes, of which I had no shortage. One of those dreams was to someday have a family, as unlikely as it seemed in a world like this one. Still, I would not give in to societal norms so easily. I kept my cool, sipping from my teacup as I walked by her. "What is a parent, Alia?" I asked, deliberately casual.
She was unprepared for this. "Er... Well..."
"Is it not one who gives life to another?" By the simplest definition, of course, but there was no need to argue over the details.
"Well, you could say that..."
"We Reploids are given life as any other being," I pointed out. "Why is it that we are considered to be unworthy of parents?"
She smiled, an empty smile that chilled me in its ready acceptance. "Because we don't need 'em, silly! We don't grow up. We're never kids. We just... you know."
She had always been too willing to just do what she was told. I felt just the opposite. Yet I did not let on how much her complacency annoyed me. I settled for simply, "Are we?"
She stopped, once again caught unawares. I was beginning to get disappointed. I could see this was not likely to go anywhere productive. But really, what had I expected from this conversation?
Certainly not what happened next.
She regarded me with a rather strange look, something akin to her own disappointment. I was surprised. "Sometimes I just don't know what to make of you, Gate," she said, in all seriousness.
For once I was the one with no reply. I sipped my tea instead.
The moment didn't last long. She immediately broke the silence, taking up residence in my chair. "Does this mean you're backing out?"
"I will state my reasons for withdrawing from the project." I said, not quite facing her.
Her look changed from polite interest to anger. " What's the point of quitting? They'll just get someone else to do it-"
I believe I felt physically colder after that statement. There was no quicker way to hit my carefully guarded emotions than to remind me of my own futility. I turned slowly, staring at her in anger and incredulity.
At the least she was aware of her error. She immediately began apologizing, but I did not hear her. I turned and abruptly made my departure. The last thing I wanted was for her to see me emotional. That was my own private struggle. I could not stand it for her to see any weakness in me. Granted, i was not helping my own image by promoting my own emotionlessness, but I truly did not want to offer a vulnerable spot. I had too many enemies.
Working for Hideaki Suri itself provided plenty of opportunity for early "retirement," as the euphemism went. He was not a brilliant scientist as his creations, Agile and Kakumei, would lead you to believe. Granted, they are the most powerful designs I have ever seen, but I hesitate to believe that Suri himself crafted them. Not that it is important- dissension is not well tolerated with Suri. If he said he built them, I was not going to argue.
Suri was a cold, hard master. Ever since the day he bought me, he impressed upon me the idea that I was nothing more than his slave, his personal property, and should I get out of line or become inconvenient, my future would be short and painful indeed. He was a sadist, not to put too fine a point on it. On my first day with him, he implanted in me a device on my heart. It was a metal cage, built to constrict and crush on his command. It was his way of ensuring absolute loyalty after his first creations exacted their revenge on him for his abuse of them. I was finding out the hard way that their actions were perfectly justified. However, I do not respond well to physical torture. The sensation of pain means nothing to me. It is nothing if not familiar.
Emotional pain, on the other hand...
I opened the door to my bare quarters, little more than a room and a charger. It felt even more empty and cold than usual. My solitude, enhanced to a diamond-edge sharpness...
"I'm home...," I said to no one. No one would have cared anyway.
I removed my helmet, setting it aside. Immediately a curtain of rose-lilac hair fell in my face. Most of the time I felt such long hair was nothing more than a frivolity, but today it hid my tears. For that at least I was grateful. I hated nothing more than my eyes' ability to bleed water like a river. I never understood the reasoning behind it... but I never went out of my way to correct it, either.
How terribly sad, though, that Alia was right. I covered my face with my hands, wanting to curl away and vanish than stand there and leak fluid like a defective robot. I found myself wishing, of all things, for someone to be there with me, someone to hold me, to-
What the hell was I thinking?! I would never let anyone see me like this, no matter what! How unbalanced and illogical was I?
Still... the sharpness and silence... Loneliness weighed heavy on my heart. And because of my ability, I forget that I am expendable. Although I am intellectually aware of my robotic status, I do not... feel like a robot. I wouldn't know what to classify myself as... Alia was capable of emotion, that much was clear. But was she capable of feeling the heart-rending isolation that I did? What were the depths of her emotions? She had yet to display anything as powerful as my own emotions. She also did not seem the type to hide them.
Did she ever think about her situation? Did she feel trapped and weighed down by what she was? Or did it even cross her mind that her life was in the hands of a moody, sadistic murderer?
Perhaps she did me a favor by reminding me of my own limitations. After all, if I didn't have the constant chains around my neck, I might get the idea that I had a choice in my life, that I was free to feel something besides isolation and pain. I was forgetting that apparently. I should be grateful for the reality check.
I stepped out of my armor, my only security in my life. I felt naked and vulnerable without it. Especially more so now that I stepped into the charger. Familiar wires snaked up to me and connected to my skin. It felt invasive today.
I sighed as I closed the lid of my charger. If there was a light at
the end of my tunnel, it was a train headed straight for me.