Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince Parody – chapter 2

A/N Thank you so much for all your lovely reviews! And I'm sorry for the late update. I haven't had that much time to write and as you know I lost my inspiration, but it came back! :D Yay?

Well anyway I just have one question for you all: do you want me to write the whole movie and then post or make smaller chapters like these first two? Or something entirely else? Want me to stop? Then tell me, 'cause I'm not that good at mindreading yet… X)

Disclaimer: oh no, not again!?! Do I have to? *Sigh* 'I do not own Harry Potter or anything related to it, nor do I own the movie or anything that you recognize. All I own are the grammar mistakes' *sob*

OH and the humor ;)

WARNING: spoilers of all movies and books

Oh and one last thing, the readers consist also of hp-fans, so when it's readers it's both and when its hp-fans it's well you know the fans. XD

A GIANT HAT! And a bunny… and now it's gone. Just like magic! Woah….

Well anyway here comes the Weasley's shop! The only shop in town, cause the financial crisisbroke all the others down… EY! That rhymed XD

Well anyway Ron, Hermione and Harry are all so excited. They walk around and look at all these pretty things.

Harry gets introduced to the 'Instant Darkness Powder' by Fred and George a thing that's almost completely useless except what it is used for by Draco Mal… wait… in this movie it is completely useless!

Readers: "Honestly Yates! If you're gonna use it then why not use it correct?"

Slashfans: "Eheh maybe Harry can make a good use for it together with Draco. You never know when you need the darkness."

Canon Harry and Draco: … *screams*

Hermione slips a bottle of love potion into her bag for later use.

Nonreaders: "Isn't a love potion just a romantic name for rape?"

Readers: … "It's LOVE!"

Hp fans: "Hmm the nonreaders do have a point there. Voldie's mother did use it to rape.. And just look what happened!"

Fred and George then tell their sister how much of a slut they think she is, while Harry seems to be wondering if he can afford her.

Then we see a blond guy - who's not Malfoy.

Nonreaders:"… erh who..?"

Readers: "DON'T ASK!"

And last but not least Ron wants to buy a red box, cause he just luvs boxes.

Yeah right.

Anyway, the trio then leaves, but not before a curly haired blond girl yells at Ron "HI RONNIE HONEY!"

Ron: "….h…hei… cough hi."

Nonreaders: opens mouths, raises hands, and hesitates with asking…. "Okay just forget it"

And then Osama Bin Laden drops by carrying a bomb.

Oh and then we see the Hungarian horntail!

Because Yates thinks it's oh so funny to screw the other directors inventions (the dementors, Sirius' animagus form, the deatheaters masks and so on) but suddenly he thinks that Mike Newell's dragon suits as a heater -.-

The town is totally ruined and everything is in black and white 'cause they can't afford new paint…. Well except the Weasley's shop

Hermione: "how did Fred and George do this?"

Everyone: "Blackmail... Muhahaha!"

Then they see that one of the colorless buildings is Ollivander's shop, and only the ones who have read the books will know that it's the same building the man from before was kidnapped from.

Hermione: "oh no… Ollivander is gone and….. I just pissed my self"

And then the trio thinks that just because the shop is closed they can enter it. Seriously doesn't anyone lock their doors anymore???

And of course the only thing Ron is interested in is spying on people on the street

Ron: "Harry, is it me or do Draco and mummy (seriously he does say that XD) look like two people who don't want to be followed?"

HPfans: "Argh! It's Harry who is interested in Malfoy! Not Ron!"

Slashfans: "hmm maybe Ron wants to be in too" *wink wink*

Everyone: O_O

Nonreaders: … "who would want to be followed anyway?"

Then they all enter a creepy ally!

Or well the music wants us to believe its creepy..

They then pass a very lovely man (just my type) who is talking to the building… -.-'

Everyone: turns their heads to look at Yates with raised eyebrows

Yates: turns his own head just to realize he is sitting next to the wall.

The trio spies on the Malfoys, and the creepy wolfguy who has a weird smile, from the top of a roof.

Harry sees Draco standing caressing a cabinet.

Slashfans: "uh! Harry's darkness powder combined with Draco's cabinet would just make a loooovely fic" *sheepish smile*

Draco's mother then.. Well I actually don't know if she whispers something to him, kisses him or….

Slashfans: "LICKING HIM! XD incest movie!"

Every sane person: *groan* slaps in face

(not a kinky groan! Gees guys, *shakes head*)

And the trio hides! Cause there is a spooky man in the window! He looks kinda like a mummy… ?

Nonreaders: "ey, that's the same ugly guy who kidnapped the other unknown guy… we get to know who he is know?"

Yates: *nervous laugh* "well not right now… but you'll know later… or well maybe you can guess later"

Well as much as it's veeeeery funny to watch them spy, I think we'll skip this.

Now we're finally on our way to Hogwarts! On a road that looks like something from a western movie -.-

A pink fluffy ball sits on Ginny's shoulder.

Nonreaders: "… what the hell is that thing?"

Me: "to much pink!"

Readers:" why Yates? Why!? The Pygmy Puff is not important! Grrr"

A geeky fan: "it has a name you know! …Arnold."

Ahem ahem.. on with the story

Luna walks by handing out Quibblers. …no wonder they can't sell those things when she's giving them out for free!

Ginny: "Oh please" you can actually feel pain from such bad acting X/ Bonnie Wright must have zoned out for a moment there. Even I could say that line more normally :O

Anywho, back to the trio

Harry: "So what was Draco doing with that weird looking cabinet? And who were all those people?"

Slashfans: "Uhh someone is jealous XD"

Harry: "It was a ceremony"

Hermione: "Stop it Harry, I know where you're going with this"

Harry: "It happened"

Ron: "What happened?"

Nonreaders: "Yeah what happened?"

Good that the nonreaders can relate to someone now, even if it's Ron…

Harry: "Draco is one of them."

Ron: "One of what?"

Me: "Uhh I don't know Ron, one of the dancers in that strip club you often visit, or maybe he is a finalist in britains got talent? SERIOUSLY YATES! You don't have to make Ron more stupid than he already is! Gods!"

....Sorry 'bout that….

Hermione: "Harry (blah blah bla something, some weird clever words) Draco is now a deatheater"

Ron: "You're barking"

Everyone: "Haven't they learned at all from the previous movie?"

Ron: "What would you-know-who want with a sod like Malfoy?"

Me: "I don't know Ron, maybe he just likes looking at pretty blond boys, or maybe he's looking for younger company, but it couldn't possibly be that he is recruiting from a family with clear history of deatheaters. Of course not…. -.- "

Harry: "Then what's he doing at Borgin and Burkes? Browsing for furniture?"

Slashfans: "Yes, of course he is Harry, but you can't know 'cause it's a surprise for you." *Snigger*

Ron: "It's a creepy shop, he's a creepy bloke"

Me: "Ahh the simple ways of Ron's brain"

Harry: "His father is a deatheater it only makes sense, besides Hermione saw it with her own eyes

Hermione: "I told you, I don't know what I saw"

Slashfans: "Aww poor Harry, he didn't get to see it." (Anyone who doesn't know what it is, can't call themselves slashfans XD)

Harry: "I need some air"

Everyone: "Air? On a train?"

Nonreaders: "He's not going to jump is he?"

Harry then grabs his cloak and leaves.

As Harry walks down the corridor he doesn't take on his cloak…. Why I have no idea. Didn't he take it with him because he didn't want to be looked at?

Then Harry spies at Draco, once again without his cloak on… dumbass….

And what's up with the train? Why is it so open all of a sudden?

And now his brain is working…. NOT. Harry looks at his hand, and what does he have. The darkness powder! WHY ON EARTH WOULD HE NEED THAT?????? HE HAS A FRICKIN' INVISIBILITY CLOAK! Argh…

And darkness fills the train! MUHAHAHAH!

Draco: "What was that!?" *Looks around scared*

Fangirls: "Aww, Draco is afraid of the dark. How cute ^^"

Draco sits down again, and where the smoke has gone will forever be a mystery.

Draco: "Hogwarts, what a pathetic excuse for a school. I think I would cast myself off the astronomy tower if I was to continue another two years."

Fangirls: *Tears in eyes* "nooo Draco, you mustn't die!"

Everyone else: *Rolls eyes*

Unknown girl to everyone who hasn't read the books: "What's that supposed to mean?"

Draco: *Smartboy look*"Well lets just say I wont be wasting my time in charms class next year"

Readers: "No, but you'll wish you were"

Blaise then snorts and that's about it for him in this movie. So sad! *Tear*…Don't give me those looks, he's not bad looking! Eheh

Draco: "Let's see who's laughing at the end"

Readers: "Not you…. And definitely not Crabbe XD"

Draco then looks up and sees that his luggage is moving! Something that you don't notice unless you know it's gonna happen….

And the train arrives!

The others go out, but Draco stays

Draco: "you two go on, I have to check something"

Nonreaders: "check something? On a train? Huh?"

Hermione and Ron leave as well.

Hermione: "where's Harry?"

Ron: "he's probably already on the platform. Come on."

And then they just leave the train without their best friend who just happens to be the person with the most death treats in Britain….

So clever

Draco grabs his bag, closes the door, and dramatically rolls down the curtain! And then every other curtain closes as well. As if a train needs to have closed curtains when it doesn't have any passengers.

Slashfans: "UH! This is the moment… all alone…. on a train"

Draco: "didn't mommy ever tell you it's rude to eavesdrop Potter?"

Draco paralyzes Harry, and he falls down to the floor.

Slashfans: "someone has been naughty. Raw!"

Everyone else: "o.m.g you just didn't say that"

Draco walks over and lifts the cloak of him. Why he doesn't keep it I have no idea.

Slashfans: "AWW…"(disappointed aww)

Everyone else: "what now?"

Slashfans: "he.. *sniff*… he has clothes on."

Draco then steps on Harry's nose, and it gives a sickening crack.

Draco: "that's for my father, enjoy your ride back to London"

Nonreaders: "for his father? And that works how?"

Readers: "well in the last movie, you remember the other blond guy?"

Nonreaders: "hmm yeah? Maybe….long hair? Sure"

Readers: "well Draco thinks it's Harry fault"

Nonreaders: "fault? Like what? The last we saw of the blond guy was that he was shot, but he didn't die did he?"

Readers: *sigh* "just forget it …"

Draco drops the cloak back on Harry… I would have kept it… *shrug*

He walks of the train, and …what's he carrying?

Nonreaders: "a …. Briefcase?"

Readers: "hmm suppose it's a bag, but…. Looks like yeah…. A computer bag ? XD"

Slashfans: "it's-!... no… we got nothing"

All the others: "thank god!"

Then comes a scene where everything gets purple and pink.

Nonreaders: "erh… what's happening?"

Readers: *looking pretty confused* "no idea, but we're blaming Yates"

Somewhere far away: "hey! I didn't do anything…" *sniff*

HP-fans: "hmm… we got no idea either… maybe Tonks changed her vision? Can she even do that?"

The door opens…. And the mystery is solved!

Luna Lovegood approaches. Explains everything.

Nonreaders:" …"

Readers: "it actually does explain it"

Two seconds later

Readers: "YATES!"

Yates who just came back from a visit demanded by nature: "erhm… I… she… I JUST LIKE LUNA MORE OKAY!-?"

Nonreaders: "what's the problem ?"

Readers: "no need to shout…. And yes we love Luna, but IT WAS SUPOSSED TO BE TONKS! If you're making the scenes from the books then MAKE THEM R I G H T !!"

And flies are flying around … well they look and sound like flies, but of course Luna would have another name for them.

And Luna then saves Harry oh joy!

Luna: "hello Harry"

Harry: "Luna, how did you know where I was?"

Luna: "Wrackspurts. Your head is full of them"

Harry looks around thinking that maybe it would have been better to not have been found….

They then have to walk to the castle.

Harry: "sorry I made you miss the carries btw Luna"

Luna: "that's alright it was like being with a friend"

Harry: "oh I am your friend Luna"

Luna: "that's nice"

^^ Luna is so cute

The-small-dwarf-like-man-I-can't-remember-what's-called: "That's about time I've been looking all over for you"

Right, that's why you're standing in the gateway…

He then asks them about their names and Harry tells him that he already knows their names and so on…. Yates and the screenwriter's attempt to be funny…. They should stick to Rowling's humor…

Luna: "who are those people?"

Flitwick: "aurors. Security"

That has to be the shortest explanation ever made. But at least the nonreaders got one here.

Filch: "What's this cane?"

Draco: "it's not a cane! It's a walking stick"

Pause in the audience.

Audience: "HAHAHAHHAAH! Great saving, it's not a cane, but a walking stick"

Nonreaders: "Draco needs a walking stick? xD"

Nonreader-who-is-a-vamp-freak: ".. Maybe he is a two thousand year old vampire! Looks young, but is old."

Everyone else: "uh huh" (a/n credit to my friend Lulu)

Snape: "it's alright mister Filch. I can vouch for mister Malfoy"

Fangirls: *melts* "How can he talk like that!?" *dreamy look*

Harry and Luna still just stand there and watch…. And Draco snatches back his 'walking stick'

Draco: "nice face Potter"

Harry then gives him a quick smile that says 'yeah thanks, you too dickhead'

Slashfans: "ey! A smile! The first step on the road!"

And Snape makes his famous billowing cloak turn! And the girls go crazy.

Luna: "Would you like me to fix it for you? Personally, I think you look a little more devil-may-care this way, but it's up to you."

Harry: "Um... have you ever fixed a nose before?"

Luna: "No. But I've done several coc-.. Erh….toes, and how different are they, really?"

Harry: "..Okay, yeah, sure, give it a go"

And he says that after she just compared a toe to a nose? He really isn't that clever.

Luna: "Episkey!"

Harry: "argh! How do I look?"

Luna: "Exceptionally ordinary." yeah for someone who's been beaten up

Readers: "….nothing happened… why did nothing happen? Don't tell us this is one more of those 'we-have-the-scene,-but-it-actually-means-nothing-because-the-most-important-part-has-been-changed-or-forgotten-somewhere-in-Yates'-stupid-big-head'"

And finally we enter Hogwarts!

And gets dumped into a mass of red-…. Red… something that looks really awful! Ew! What is that?

Ron: "don't worry he'll be here any minute"

Hermione then hits him several times with a book, indicating that she is into CP like the gossip magazines has told us.

No wait, wrong world. (xD)

Hermione: ".! Your best friend is missing"

Ron: "eey! Turn around your lunatic"

Harry comes walking down the aisle with Luna

Ginny: "he's covered in blood again. Why is it that he's always covered in blood?"

Slashfans: "well well Ginny. There must be some things do don't quite know about your little never-going-to-happen-crush. Like that he is so into role-play and gets all warm certain places by –"

Everyone else: "LALALALALALALA!" *covers ears*

Ron: "looks like it's his own this time"

Slashfans: "that's because Draco's getting so bossy" *snigger*

Harry sits down, and instantly gets interrogated by Hermione.

Hermione: "where have you been? And what's with your face?"

Harry: "later. What did I miss?"

Me: "Harry Harry Harry, you missed all the fun! Hagrid announced that he is now married to a thestral and Snape has gone from emo-bat look to pop queen, and Dumbles finally snapped and began talking Russian."

Seriously what ya think happened? A guy just walked past you to seconds ago with the sorting hat. Take a lucky guess?

Ron: "the sorting hat told us to be brave and strong in these troubled times. Easy for it to say huh? It's a hat isn't it?"

Yeah, and yet it's smarter than you….

Nonreaders: *blink blink* "Hat?"

Dumbledore walks up to the platform and the weird owl thingy spreads out its wings.

Readers: "grr, why do you waste time and money on that?"

And Ginny tries to help Harry wipe away his blood. It would be easier to just get rid of his head, but hey that's just me.

Harry leans away, and Ginny looks disappointed, aaaww…

Harry: "thanks"

Nonreaders: "… that's the redhead again?"

Dumbledore: "very best of evenings to you all. First of let me introduce a newest member of our staff: Horace Slughorn"

Polite clapping as the fat man stands up.

Nonreaders: "what is that hat he's wearing?! Who wears that?"

Readers: "totally agreed."

Dumbledore: "professor Slughorn has agreed to resume his old post as potions master. Meanwhile the post of DADA will be taken by professor Snape."

Nooo really? You don't say? I though Fatman and Batman would share the post. *rolls eyes*

Snape just sits still giving everyone a stoneface. Just like me in german class. Or so my teacher told me. pokerface my ass.

And Sluggy (Sluggy? xD) claps once, but sees that no one else is doing it, and therefore stops. Group pressure!

Sorry

Whispering intake the greathall, but our trio (plus redhead) doesn't look the least surprised.

Readers: "…. WHAT THE %&#! IS THIS?-! Where are all the outraged outbursts? Where is the shock? It sounds more like they all got bored of Dummy's speech."

Nonreaders: "shock? Why should they be shocked?"

Readers: "didn't you see what just happened?!"

Nonreaders: "… a teacher change?"

Readers: "… ARGH!"

Nonreaders: *scoots away from the angry purple headed mob*

All the slytherins applaud, except Draco ….who looks sooooo saaad.

Slashfans: "aww he misses Harry ^^ … or is far away in a wild fantasy with- "

And we zoom out from the slashfans.

Dumbledore: "now as you know, each and every one of you was searched upon your arrival here tonight. And you have a right to know why."

Slashfans: *crackles* "yeah, they're checking you for all sorts of things. Mainly new products from the twins shop. You never know what those two sell."

Dumbledore: "once upon a time was a happy little squirrel ahem I mean a young man. Who like you sat in this very hall. Walked this castle corridors. Seemed to all the world a student like any other."

Readers: "Yeah right, 'like any other'? He's not like any other."

Voldie-fan-girl: "no he's not, he's sooo *content sigh* … AND HE IS MINE! MWUAHAHAHAHHA!"

Everyone: "security!"

Dumbledore: "his name….. *dramatic pause*…. Tom Riddle."

Audience in the great hall: *grasshopper sound*

A random dude: "…. Who?"

Dramatic music storms our ears! Uhhh!

Nonreaders: "erh what's up with this 'young boy story'? And the music?"

Readers: "…. You really should have re-watched the previous movies before coming here you know."

Ginny looks all longing up at Dumbledore as if she thinks he has hided the beauty behind him.

Canon Harry: "hey! Ginny look this way!"

Ginny: *pouts* 'why have Rowling doomed me with him?'

Dumbledore: "But today of course he is known all over the world by another name."

Nonreaders: "superman!"

And Dumbledore doesn't even want us to know that name? You know Yates not everyone who sees these movies have all the characters in their heads. (only nerds.. not me!.. well yeah XD)

Nonreaders: "Who the hell is Tom Riddle?! And what a lousy name."

Dumbledore: "Every day, every hour"

Knock, knock

".. in this very minute in fact, dark forces attempt to penetrate these walls"

KNOCK,KNOCK

Ron:"erhm, actually Dumbledore I think that's just my pizza coming"

Pizza guy: "hello? Delivery?"

Dumbledore: "in the end their greatest weapon… Is you."

Everyone: "yeah! Teenage ravage!"

And of course they zoom in on Draco (who is still captured in his daydream)

Dumbledore: "just something to think about. Now off to bed, pip pip."

Yeah and all the small kids are going to have nightmares and be totally paranoid of each other now.

Greatly done Dumbdork.

And as everyone leaves Draco wakes up.

Slashfans: "AWW he looks so sad. He didn't get to 'finish' the dream." *smirk*

A/N alright… That was chap two. I think I liked the first one better, but yeah its still fun to write ^^ and I'm so sorry for the slashfans taking so much over! (At least it feels like they've taken over?) Well anyway, I would LOVE to hear your thoughts upon this chapter :)

And gods how I hate that greathall scene :/