This story is rated M for good reason. It's not smut, but it comes close. So turn back now if that isn't your thing.
Here's another sequel to my Hockey Girls saga. There may be more; but as of right now this is the last sequel. It's not crucial to have read the other three before reading this, but I think it would make sense to do so. :)
This fic was co-written with the amazingly talented WhenLighteningStrikes. I wrote the angsty stuff, and she wrote the two key scenes that hold the whole story together (you'll be able to tell what they are - look for the bold section breaks). Thank you so, so much, WLS, for being unendingly awesome.
Enjoy!
--Brandi
Disclaimer: Too bad I didn't get the rights in time for the movie. Instead of Vacation with Derek, my version would be called Sexytime with Derek.
Faulty Relations
"Tonight's the night," Casey said excitedly as she sat down to lunch with Sarah and Brooke.
Ever since she and Derek had come back from winter break, they had been closer than ever. After a few weeks in a house full of people, and a new baby who kept everyone up half the night, they were starved for some alone time. And they took full advantage of it the second they got home from London.
But they had yet to go all the way. Do the deed. Make love. Casey tried to use every euphemism possible, because that actual three-letter word always made her blush. But lately it had been increasingly difficult to stop when she and Derek were having their "alone time," so she thought she was finally ready.
And the more she thought about it, the more she was absolutely certain that she was ready.
She brought it up to Derek at dinner one night, which was probably a bad idea because he choked on his meatloaf.
After the initial awkwardness, they talked about it. They talked about birth control. (He chided her for blushing.) They talked to the campus health services department. (Derek grumbled about the trip the whole time until he heard that they gave out free condoms.) They talked about Derek's past. (He was really modest about it, more than she thought he'd be.)
Casey hadn't been surprised to learn that he had a past. In fact, she had guessed most of his former partners. There were less of them than she'd thought, but it still made her a little uncomfortable. It wasn't a big deal, of course, but still, she felt a little…inadequate. She had no idea what she was doing, and here was Derek, who had been doing it for years.
She was intimidated by his experience, but she didn't hold it against him. Not at all. She just felt a little twinge of jealousy when she thought about it. But once they finally did it, the playing field would be leveled. Because, like he said, he'd never done it with someone he loved.
"Really?" Sarah sighed, breaking through Casey's reverie. "Are you sure, Case?"
Casey nodded. "Absolutely. We've talked about it a lot, and it just feels right."
"That's great. I'm happy for you," Sarah smiled.
Casey smiled back. "It's going to be perfect. I have it all planned out. I can't wait."
Brooke had been quiet during the conversation so far. Casey turned to her, concerned. "What's wrong?"
Brooke stared at the table. "Nothing."
Sarah shrugged, and Casey bit her lip, not willing to let it go.
"Well, actually…" Brooke trailed off. Sarah and Casey looked at her expectantly.
"Look, Casey, I don't want you to take this the wrong way. But I've known you for awhile now, and I just want to be sure you're ready."
Casey smiled. "It's sweet of you to be concerned, but I am. I love Derek more than anything. I just know it's right."
Brooke shifted uncomfortably. "I'm sure that's true. But…don't you think it'll be more romantic if you don't plan it? Just let it happen."
Casey's eyebrows furrowed. "We will just let it happen. But it's important to be prepared."
"I know, and for the most part, you're right. But at the same time, you're such a perfectionist, Case. I don't want you to be disappointed if it's not, you know, perfect."
Sarah and Casey looked at her blankly. "Why wouldn't it be perfect?" Sarah asked accusingly.
Brooke sighed. "Look, it'll probably be great. But I think you need to know that the first time may not go exactly how you want it to. Take it from someone who knows what she's talking about. And whether you want it to or not, having sex with Derek will change your relationship. I just want to warn you."
Casey patted her hand. "Thanks for the concern, Brooke. But I'll be fine. I know it's a big step, but I also know it's going to bring us closer as a couple. Don't worry. I've done my research."
"O-kay," Brooke said carefully, not sounding fully convinced.
Sarah shot a warning glance at Brooke. "I'm sure it will be wonderful," she assured Casey.
"Yes. It will." Casey shook her head. "Let's talk about something else."
Talk turned to classes and random things. Casey tried not to let what Brooke said bother her. She knew herself, and she knew Derek. And tonight was going to be perfect.
()()()()()
It said much for her mental state that she came home and threw her bag on the bed without even looking to see where it fell. Casey felt almost giddy with excitement; after years of watching "scenes" in movies…she would finally experience what all the fuss was about.
And somehow the fact that it was Derek made the anticipation even more…anticipatory. He'd been so gentle with her throughout their -sort of- physical relationship and had resorted to taking cold showers instead of pressuring her. And tonight she knew he would be tender and they would reach the point of no return together. Just like it was in every single book she'd ever read.
Casey went to her clothes drawer and took out the lingerie she'd been saving for this very occasion. It was horribly expensive and seemed to have been fashioned out of a handkerchief by its size. She couldn't look at herself in the mirror whenever she wore it. But just the thought of Derek's gaze, his eyes dark and wandering over her body, was enough to make her blush and go all hot and bothered. She would wear it for him, because after all, she wouldn't be the one looking at herself.
She sneaked into his room with the rose-scented candles that Sarah had sweet-talked her into buying (and Brooke had laughed at). She set them at strategic places for maximum effect according to her color-coded chart. The satin bed-sheet felt heavenly against the bare skin of her arm as she set it over his bed, and she couldn't wait for when there'd be nothing between her body and that sheet, maybe with Derek on top, moving…
Stop it, she scolded herself, one hand on her burning cheek. She didn't need to fantasize now; after all, she'd get a lot of fantasizing material after tonight.
She went and took a long bath, soaking in the bath-oils for as long as she could. Then she added just a little makeup and surveyed herself in the mirror. She was literally glowing with expectation, her eyes large and luminous. Her lips were drawn in a familiar (Derek's) half-smirk…and this…this had to be what living dangerously felt like. It felt good.
She put on one of his coats and went out to water the plants on the porch, counting the seconds until Derek arrived home.
The doorbell rang, and she tread softly to the door, the smile refusing to leave her face.
()()()()()
She opened the door and he was standing there, looking down at the ground.
"Can I help you with something, sir?" she asked, dropping her voice to a husky whisper.
He looked up in surprise, "What the…" and then, as he caught a glimpse of her, he staggered back, "Casey?"
She smiled inwardly at the look on his face and dropped her gaze lower, taking in his entire body, "It seems like there is something I can help you with."
He moved inside and practically crushed her in his arms in his hurry, "Your room or mine?"
"Yours."
He carried her through the apartment, all the while whispering exactly what he planned to do to her once they reached his room. She retaliated in kind, her hot breath combining with her soft words to make him impossibly hard.
The night was going to be perfect.
()()()()()
As soon as they reached his room, he gently placed her on the bed. Her lips were already parted in breathless anticipation and he claimed her mouth in a searing kiss which made her forget her own name for a few seconds. She responded with some unknown instinct, pressing closer than she'd ever dared get before. He was moving against her in an unmistakable way and she was growing more aroused by the minute, the explosive sexual tension that had been simmering for years demanding the final release.
His expert hands had soon managed to open the buttons of her (his) coat and she fumbled with the buttons of his shirt, her hands trembling in their urgency. She pulled it off him, just as his hands unclasped her bra and then he pulled her up deliberately, till their chests were rubbing together, generating almost unbearable friction. Her nipples were hard with her arousal and as he bent his head to lightly bite the sensitive skin of her neck, she arched. He had to see how wet she was. For him.
They removed the final pieces of clothing in a frenzied urgency. He moved on top of her and looked at her with dark, seductive eyes. "Say yes."
"Yes," she breathed, the simple words taking too much air. She couldn't understand the slight rankling in the pit of her stomach that the foreplay hadn't lasted longer. After all, the...other part was more important, right? Foreplay was just an extra but this was what she wanted…right?
He ripped off the condom packet with his teeth and she reached out her hand for it.
"No," he said firmly, never taking his eyes off her, "I don't think I could last if…you touched me."
She giggled (actually giggled) and fell back down.
And then, without warning, he was inside her.
She bit her lip hard enough to draw blood as she felt the pain and imagined something like a cellophane sheet being ripped off. She closed her eyes, a single tear making its way down her face. He stopped immediately, "Are you all right?"
"Yeah, I'm fine," she said, her voice breaking slightly, "It just…hurts a little."
He bent down and kissed her, giving her time to adjust to him. When he felt her feeble thrust he looked at her, not needing to verbalize the question. She smiled a little at him and gave him the go-ahead.
He thrust into her gently, and oddly enough, though the pain had almost disappeared, it didn't feel like she'd thought it would. It felt strangely invasive, and she resisted the urge to clench her muscles, or push him out, or do something equally stupid. The pleasure was making its way through her veins but it was oddly…muted…like she was experiencing it second-hand or something. She brought her hand down, to touch herself there, where she needed to be touched so badly, but he misinterpreted her gesture and took her hand in his, kissing each finger.
"Fuck," he groaned in her ear, "You're so fucking wet, babe."
She couldn't bear…that word in relation to their act. They weren't fucking, they were making love. She wanted to hear him say that he loved her. She wanted him to say her name, not 'babe', like he said to those other girls whose names he couldn't be bothered to remember. She wasn't one of his 'women', she was Casey.
He was thrusting harder now, and that pleasurable feeling was growing finally. Then he hit a certain spot, and she arched almost violently, taking him deeper inside her, "Again…Derek. Do that again…please."
But he seemed unable to hear, lost in the feeling of being inside her, and just kissed every exposed part that he could reach, twisting her nipple in between his fingers. She heard his breathing get labored ("Beautiful, you're so beautiful.") and then, with a strangled attempt at saying her name—he came.
It was over.
()()()()()
Casey rolled sideways so that she was facing the wall. Sensing that she was unhappy, Derek felt his stomach turn over. He reached out to touch her arm, but Casey flinched. It was like a punch to the gut.
"Casey…" Derek pleaded. "Talk to me." He wasn't quite sure where it had gone so wrong for her, but he knew it had.
Casey sat up and pulled on the closest article of clothing, which happened to be Derek's shirt. She stood slowly, keeping her back to him.
He thought she'd want to spend the rest of the night in his arms. He had let her down, somehow. The idea that he had disappointed her…he shuddered.
"Please stay…I'm sorry, Case," Derek said quietly. "I'm really sorry. I'll be better next time."
Casey stared at the floor. "It's not your fault," she answered. Derek shook his head, even though she couldn't see his face.
"No, Case, it is. I wanted this to be perfect for you. I'm sorry." He could feel his eyes welling up and cursed his tear ducts. He never cried. Did he have to start now?
Casey's own eyes were brimming over with tears. "I guess…I'm just not very good at this," she whispered.
Derek pulled on his pajama pants and scrambled after Casey, who was already headed for the door.
He caught her arm and pulled her backwards, but she didn't move. Instead, she stared at his hand on her and grimaced.
"Am I hurting you?" Derek asked, and immediately removed his hand.
Casey shook her head, too choked up to speak, even if she wanted to.
"Oh, Case," Derek reached out to her again, but she shook her head.
"I-I can't," she mumbled. He followed her to the hall, but she went into her room and closed the door before he could get to her.
"We have to talk about this!" Derek called in to her as he pounded on the door.
There was no answer. Derek went back to his room and sat on the edge of his bed, where Casey had been moments earlier. This wasn't how it was supposed to be. A tear trickled down his cheek and he brushed it angrily aside. He had made her cry. He had promised himself he'd never make her cry. The look on her face as she had left his room was one he never, ever wanted to see again. And he had done that to her. He retched, and reached for the wastebasket. But it was only dry heaves.
He had let down the person he loved more than anything. The only option was to try to make it up to her, to do better next time. But that would be pretty difficult if she couldn't even look him in the eye.
His bed still smelled like her. He curled up under the satin sheets…stupid satin…and tried to ignore his churning stomach. He didn't expect it, but he still hoped that she would come back to him. He waited all through a restless night, but she never came.
()()()()()
The next morning, they had planned to leave for London. He knocked on her door bright and early. No answer. When he came out into the living room, he saw Casey at the kitchen table, slowly sipping a cup of tea.
"Good morning," he said, hoping against hope for a response.
Casey made an "Mm" sound and didn't look at him.
Derek was on the brink of falling apart again. He couldn't take it if she wouldn't even look at him.
"Casey, please don't be mad at me," he begged.
She put down her mug. "I'm not angry, Derek. I'm just sad."
He came over to the table and sat down across from her. "Sad?"
She stared at the table. "I don't think…I'm not sure this is a good idea."
Derek stared at her. "What isn't a good idea?" His heart sped up, because he knew Casey's dramatic side was about to rear its ugly head.
Casey looked like she was about to cry. "Us. How can we stay together if we can't…"
Derek stared incredulously at her. She was too much. "You want to break up, because we had one bad night? I told you, I'll be better next time, I promise." His chest tightened, and he tried not to breathe too deeply. The pressure on his lungs didn't lessen.
Casey just shook her head.
He reached for her hand, but she pulled away. "You can't be serious, Case. We'll get through this…right?"
Casey shrugged. She rubbed at her eyes, and went over to the sink to wash her mug.
Derek suppressed a frustrated moan. She was willing to throw away everything they had? He knew she was just confused, and disappointed. She couldn't possibly be serious.
But this was Casey. She was a whole different breed of crazy.
He decided not to push her. She'd talk about it when she was ready. That, and he couldn't take much more of her tears. It would do them good to stay away from each other for a little while.
Neither spoke for the rest of the morning, as they each got ready for the drive to London. It had been a few weeks since they'd visited the family for the weekend, and Derek didn't want to pass up the chance to see them. Casey didn't raise any objections, either, so he figured they would have to put their problems on hold for a couple of days.
()()()()()
The car ride was excruciatingly silent. Derek tried to get her opinion on radio stations, even deliberately turning to songs she hated just to get a reaction. But she continued to stare straight ahead. It was the worst four and a half hours of Derek's life, not counting the ten minutes last September when he had thought she was moving out and transferring schools.
"Hey, so happy to see y—" Nora sensed right away that something was wrong. But she held the door open for them with a smile, hoping they'd snap out of whatever it was.
Casey gave her mother a listless peck on the cheek, and she got a one-armed hug from Derek. Neither said a word.
"Smerek!" Marti called, running into Derek's arms. He scooped her up and hugged her tightly. Casey wandered over to the couch and sat down.
"Honey, what's wrong?" Nora asked as she sat beside her daughter.
Casey seemed to snap out of it. "Nothing, Mom, I'm fine." But she didn't make eye contact.
Derek put Marti down and stared at her. He knew as well as Nora did that she was lying. Though she had gotten better at it, sometimes she just couldn't hide the truth.
Marti went over to Casey. "Hi, Casey," she said uncertainly.
"Hey Marti," Casey actually smiled at her, though it didn't reach her eyes.
Nora looked questioningly at Derek, but he didn't have the energy to put on a show. He looked down at the floor.
Nora seemed to decide that ignorance was bliss. "So," she said cheerfully, addressing all of them, though keeping her eyes on Marti, "Liz and Ed are at their various Saturday activities; George will be home with them soon. The baby's napping, and Marti and I were just working on making lunch. So why don't you two get out your cots and set them up, and then by the time you're done, everyone else should be home."
"Fine with me," Derek managed to reply, and he headed up the stairs, not waiting to see if Casey was following. He needed a few moments alone to clear his head, and figure out how they could keep the rest of the family from knowing that something was wrong.
Derek dawdled in the attic, trying to prevent running into Casey on the second floor. But she must have been taking her time as well, because they met at the top of the stairs.
"Case…" Derek began.
Casey's bottom lip quivered, but she composed herself. "No, Derek. We're not talking about this. Let's just try to get through this weekend." She pushed past him and was down the stairs before Derek could recover.
Their family was gathered around the dining room table, and Casey was taking her seat just as Derek reached the bottom of the stairs.
"Hey!" he called, trying to stay positive. Just because Casey was upset didn't mean they would break up. She'd talk to him. Eventually.
After hugging Lizzie, Edwin, and his father, Derek took his own seat.
"So, how are you two?" George asked, seemingly oblivious to the tension. Casey eyed her mother, but it looked as though she hadn't had a chance to say something to George.
"Fine," Derek answered through a mouthful of bread. Even with food in his mouth, his lack of enthusiasm was obvious.
"What's going on?" Lizzie asked, looking from Derek to Casey and back again.
"Nothing," Casey and Derek said in unison. Any other time, they would have laughed at that, but instead, they both looked down at the table.
"They're fighting," Marti announced.
Edwin and Lizzie exchanged worried glances. George looked to Nora. "Fighting?"
"Yeah. Casey's sad about something," Marti continued, before Nora could say anything.
Nora shrugged, and George continued eating. "Whatever it is, I'm sure they'll work it out," he said confidently.
Derek slammed his fist onto the table. "We're right here, you know!" he barked.
"Really? Because I don't think you are," Edwin fired back. "You're off in Emo Land right now."
Derek glared at him, and Edwin quickly wiped the smirk off his face.
Marti's question of "Where's Emu Land?" went unanswered.
Casey pushed her chair away from the table and stood up. She looked like she was about to start crying again. Derek hung his head. She was so distraught, she couldn't even try to act normal. At least he was making an attempt. Sort of.
"I'm sorry, may I please be excused?" Casey asked, looking at her feet.
Nora, for one, was sick of the lack of eye contact. But she wasn't about to bring it up at the table, so she nodded and said, "Of course."
Casey ran upstairs, and George turned to Derek. "Don't you think you should see what's wrong?" he asked.
Derek groaned. "Dad, can't you tell that I'm what's wrong? Trust me; she doesn't want to talk to me right now."
Edwin's eyes widened. "What did you do, Derek?"
Derek was dangerously close to getting violent. He had no choice but to excuse himself, too.
Once he was in the privacy of Edwin's bedroom, he leaned his head against the floor. But he couldn't hear into Lizzie's room. Too bad the heating vent was a thing of the past.
Not knowing for sure what Casey was doing was much worse than hearing her crying. He was starting to realize that there was a real possibility she honestly thought she was bad at sex, and shouldn't be with him anymore. A sickening thought, but this was Casey. Even though he was most definitely the one at fault, she was probably still blaming herself. He knew no amount of begging and pleading could change her mind right now.
"Derek?" Edwin called from outside his door. He didn't wait for Derek to let him in, but, Derek realized, this was his room, after all. "What is going on?" he asked, once he had settled next to Derek on the bed.
"Nothing," Derek answered, getting tired of saying the word.
"It's not 'nothing'," Edwin scoffed. "You're scaring Marti." Edwin knew that would get to him, and he was right.
"I didn't want this to happen," Derek said quietly. He stood up. "I guess it's not fair to hide up here all weekend."
"No, it's not. We missed you."
Derek gave his brother a long look. "I almost missed you."
Edwin smiled. "Good. So come beat me at Babe Raider and forget whatever you and Casey are fighting about."
They headed downstairs, passing Lizzie on the way. "She's going to talk to Case," Edwin explained. Derek couldn't help sneaking a glance at Lizzie's bedroom door. He didn't think Casey would go into detail with Liz, but what if she did? He didn't want anyone knowing why she wasn't speaking to him.
Derek tried to put it out of his mind as he creamed his brother at Babe Raider. For the most part, it was good to be back with his family.
()()()()()
Meanwhile, Lizzie was getting nowhere with Casey.
"You usually feel better if you talk it out," Lizzie insisted, stroking Casey's hair as she lay curled in a ball at the foot of Lizzie's bed.
"Not this time, Liz," Casey sighed. "I think this might be the end."
Lizzie sat up, surprised. "The end of what?"
Casey let out a strangled sob. "I'm not sure Derek and I can be together anymore. He deserves someone better."
"Huh?!" Lizzie backed away from Casey. "That's crazy, Case. We thought you were mad at him. But you're the one who did something bad?"
Casey nodded, pressing her face into the comforter.
"Wow." Lizzie stood up and started pacing around the end of the bed, watching Casey out of the corner of her eye. "Well, we'll fix it. We'll figure something out."
Casey lifted her face slightly and wiped her eyes with the tissue Lizzie handed her. "It's not that simple. This has to be between Derek and me."
"What did you do that was so bad?" Lizzie asked carefully. She didn't get an answer, just more tears. She decided this was a Mom problem. "I'll be right back," she said. Casey didn't even acknowledge her exit.
Lizzie brought Nora upstairs with her, but Nora didn't get a word out of Casey. She continued to cry into Lizzie's blanket.
"She'll tell us when she's ready," Nora whispered to Lizzie, and they shut the door quietly on their way out.
Downstairs, George, Edwin, Derek, and Marti were involved in some new board game Edwin had invented.
"Did you get anything out of Casey?" Edwin asked as Nora and Lizzie entered the room.
"Not a thing," Nora said sadly. She took a seat next to George and he rubbed her back, looking pretty sad himself.
Lizzie paused, as if unsure she should say anything. But she ultimately decided to get it out in the open. "Casey, she…she claims that it's all her fault." Lizzie looked to Derek for confirmation.
"Unbelievable!" He stood up so rapidly that game pieces went flying everywhere. Edwin cringed, but wisely kept his mouth shut. Derek stomped up the stairs, making no secret of his approach, and banged on Lizzie's door.
"Case, you have to knock it off! It's my fault. Stop being so stubborn. You didn't do anything wrong. Please, talk to me." He stood outside the room a little while longer, but Casey didn't come to the door.
Everyone downstairs waited tensely for a reaction. But all was quiet.
Derek returned to the table and threw up his hands. "She's not talking to me." He pulled Marti into his lap for comfort, and she gave him a kiss on the cheek.
George stared wryly at his obviously distraught son, trying his best to keep from smiling. But he finally couldn't hold it in anymore. "So, Derek, let me get this straight. You're fighting about which one of you is wrong? Isn't that a little…backwards?" He chuckled, and Nora shook her head in what resembled amusement.
Derek tickled Marti, and she giggled. "Trust me, Dad, you have no idea."
()()()()()
Nora insisted that Casey come downstairs and eat dinner with the family.
"I'm sorry, everyone," Casey announced when they were all seated. "I shouldn't have been so rude."
Derek snorted. Casey didn't even muster up the energy to glare at him. Derek felt that punched-in-the-gut feeling again. He suddenly wasn't very hungry.
"That's alright," Nora said, glancing at George for support. "I'm sure things will work out. For now, though, let's just enjoy being all together."
Casey shrugged, obviously not believing that things would work out. Derek wanted to shake her.
"I think Derek and Casey should call a truce," Marti spoke up.
"That's a good idea," George agreed.
Casey shook her head. "I'm not angry with Derek."
Derek flicked a pea at her, and she managed to look vaguely annoyed. It killed him. What had this listless creature done with his Casey?
"Get angry, Case. It might help," Derek said. Anything was better than this rag doll routine she had going on.
"No. I don't want to fight."
"So you're just giving up on us? Is that it?" he had trouble getting the words out, but they had to be said.
Casey shrugged again. "You deserve someone better." She said it so coldly, so matter-of-factly. Derek felt a little light-headed.
He couldn't think of a way to talk to her about this without going into detail in front of their family. But he had to make her see how wrong she was. "You're the one who deserves better," he said through clenched teeth, eyes boring into hers.
She stared right back, jaw set. It was her fault. She had ruined everything. She should have done more research, should have been more experienced. All she wanted was one perfect night with Derek, but apparently she didn't deserve that. Her mind flickered to what Brooke had said. It seemed so long ago. Somewhere in the back of her head, she knew she may have expected too much. But it wasn't supposed to be like that. Imperfect? Maybe. Uncomfortable and awkward? No.
They both realized at the same time that everyone at the table was staring at them in horror.
"You're…breaking up?" Marti whimpered.
"This can't be happening," Edwin groaned. Shaking himself out of his shock, he nudged Lizzie. They pushed back their chairs and headed upstairs to the games closet. Nora and George didn't even register their disappearance.
"I think I need to be excused again," Casey murmured, on the verge of tears yet again. Nora nodded, still too tense to speak.
Derek looked at his parents. "Sorry," he said with a limp wave of his hand, and followed Casey upstairs. She had already shut herself in Lizzie's room again. He trudged up the attic stairs, wondering what the hell he was supposed to do now.
()()()()()
That night, Edwin and Lizzie each tried unsuccessfully to get something out of Derek and Casey. They even tried switching it up, Lizzie to Derek and Edwin to Casey. And they tried the secret weapon: Marti.
Marti got Casey to tell her that she should never expect anything out of life. And she got a tickle fight from Derek. But that wasn't much help to Lizzie and Edwin.
"What do we do?" Lizzie asked, defeated, as the three of them met in the games closet after several futile missions.
Edwin slumped against the wall. "I think maybe…we need to hang up our detective caps."
"No!" Marti cried, crossing her arms. "I want Derek and Casey to talk again."
"So do we, Smarti, but I think we might have to let them solve this on their own," Lizzie said soothingly.
Edwin nodded. "I agree. There's nothing more we can do. But they'll work it out eventually."
Marti grabbed them both by the arms. "And if they don't?"
Neither Lizzie nor Edwin had an answer for her.
()()()()()
"Good night, bro," Edwin called as he got into bed. Derek was already curled up on his cot.
"Good night," Derek sighed.
"You know…" Edwin trailed off. Derek didn't respond, but Edwin knew he was listening. "Whatever this is between you and Casey, it might help to talk about it. Maybe not to anyone here, but…to someone. Just sayin'." That was his last ditch effort, and if that didn't work, Edwin was washing his hands of the whole thing.
Derek lay awake that night, despite his lack of sleep from the night before. He just couldn't stop having horrific thoughts of a life without Casey. They were worse than any nightmare.
When the sun started to rise, Derek figured it was useless to try for even a few minutes of sleep. He tiptoed out of Edwin's room and past the second floor. Any other morning, he would have snuck in to be with Casey. But she didn't want him around that day.
He turned on the kitchen light and rummaged through the fridge. For once, he didn't feel like eating.
"Derek."
He jumped at the noise, and George and Nora both winced. "Sorry, son. We heard noises down here and figured it was one of you," George explained.
"S'okay." Derek poured himself a glass of water and sat at the island counter. "Couldn't sleep," he grunted.
Nora sighed. "Neither could we."
Derek looked up in surprise. "You shouldn't be worrying about Casey and me."
"It's our job," Nora replied. She rested a baby monitor on the counter and sat across from Derek while George put on some coffee.
George nodded. "Yeah, after that incredibly uncomfortable dinner last night, well, that whole day, really, you can't blame us for being upset."
Derek rubbed at the back of his neck. "I didn't want this to affect anyone else."
Nora smiled ruefully. "You didn't mean to bring us into it, but that's the chance you took when you and Casey started dating."
Derek felt sick for the umpteenth time that weekend. At this rate, they were done the whole "dating" thing. He'd be lucky if she ever spoke to him again.
George sat next to Nora and handed her a mug of coffee. "You know you have to fight for her. Don't let her get away."
"I want to. But she's making it pretty difficult."
"She'll come around," Nora insisted. "I know my daughter. She'll probably have a ten-step plan to work things out in no time."
Derek shook his head. "Not after what I did."
George cleared his throat. "You want to talk about it?"
Derek knew Edwin was right; it would help to have an outside perspective. But he didn't want to talk to some therapist, or a counselor at school. He needed his dad's advice, incredibly awkward as it might be. And his dad seemed to know what he was doing with women. Nora was still married to him, after all. And they had just had a baby.
"You know, I think I do want to talk about it."
"You do?" George blinked at him. He hadn't been expecting it to be that easy.
"Nora, I don't think you want to hear this," Derek said, trying and failing not to blush.
Nora put her hand over Derek's. "Of course I do. You're my son, too, Derek. I want you to be able to confide in me."
Derek shrugged. "Your choice." He took a deep breath and stole a swig of his father's coffee. "Casey and I finally had sex on Friday night."
Nora drew her hand away from Derek's and turned bright red.
"I told you, Nora," Derek said, allowing a smirk to creep across his face. It was good to actually feel like himself for a moment.
Nora grabbed the baby monitor and started backing out of the kitchen. "I'm sure you can handle this, right, Georgie?" she squeaked.
George waved a hand at her. "Go ahead. We'll be fine." He smiled at Derek, as if they were sharing a joke. But Derek couldn't muster up a smile in return. The situation was too serious.
Nora waved and headed back up the stairs.
George sighed. "I can only imagine how tough that was for her to hear," he said thoughtfully. "Though I guess in a way it makes me a little uncomfortable, too. I think of Casey as my daughter." He suddenly looked pale.
"We don't have to talk about it," Derek said quickly, taking the out.
George shook his head firmly. "No. We're going to talk about it. So, you had sex with Casey. That's a good thing, right?"
Derek grimaced. "Well Dad, she hasn't wanted to talk to me since. You do the math."
"Ouch." George rubbed his temples. "It was that bad?"
"Apparently." Derek was strangely calm. It felt good to have it out in the open. Somehow, the problem didn't seem as severe now that his dad knew, and he hadn't run screaming from the room. Yet.
"But that's not a big deal, Derek. Sometimes it takes couples awhile to, you know—" he snapped his fingers sheepishly. Derek had to give him major points for being so cool about this. But he just wasn't getting it.
"Dad, this is Casey we're talking about. She expected the White Stripes and she got a bluegrass trio. Know what I mean?"
It came together for George. "Ooh. I get it."
"Yeah," Derek said pointedly, "And I ruined everything. I kinda…need your help."
George tapped his fingers on the side of his coffee mug. "Oh."
"I think I know where I went wrong…I might have forgotten that she was there, if you know what I mean."
"I see. Well, Derek, I can understand that. But you might want to put your own needs second for awhile, just until she feels comfortable."
"I know. But even if I do that, I just…I thought she was having a good time. In the beginning she was. She put on my coat to greet me at the door, and underneath she had on—"
"I'm going to stop you right there," George said, looking embarrassed, and a little bit queasy. "No more details, okay?"
Derek snickered, but he was also relieved. This was not something his father needed to know too much about.
"Just tell me, in general, how was the foreplay?" George continued.
"Foreplay?" Oh. That made a lot of sense.
George raised an eyebrow.
Derek winced. "Guess there should have been more of that."
George nodded. "Definitely. Especially since it was her first time, and I'm sure she was nervous."
"Thanks, Dad." It all suddenly made sense. She had probably been expecting something out of a movie. He had forgotten that every sensation, every touch, was new to her. He would never, ever rush her again.
"You're welcome. Though I didn't really do much."
"No, you were a big help. I needed to know that I'm not a monster."
"Of course you aren't. And Casey knows that, too."
"Yeah, she thinks she's a failure at sex or something. That's why she wants to break up." He rolled his eyes. It seemed silly, but that was Casey for you.
George groaned. "Oh, Derek, you have to get her to talk to you. Before you leave today. Find some way to get through to her, or you're both going to stay miserable."
"I've been trying, but she won't talk to me."
"That's never stopped you before," George said with a wink.
()()()()()
Derek went upstairs to wait for his siblings to wake up. He heard Lizzie moving around in her room, and readied his ambush tactic.
"Emergency meeting in the games closet, five minutes, pass it on," Derek whispered in Lizzie's ear the second she emerged from her room, making her jump. Her eyes widened, and she nodded.
Once everyone was assembled, Derek stared around at his siblings and couldn't help but smile. Sometimes he really missed not living with them anymore.
"I've noticed that you guys aren't entirely happy with the idea that Casey no longer wants to speak to me," he began.
Marti hugged onto him. "Not at all, Smerek."
"Well, don't worry. I have a plan. But I need your help."
Edwin rubbed his hands together, eyes lighting up in anticipation. "We're in."
()()()()()
They crouched at the top of the attic stairs, watching Casey come out of Lizzie's room around nine o'clock. She went into the bathroom, and by the time she came out, they had manned their battle stations.
"Morning, Casey," Marti said sweetly, popping into her line of vision and grabbing her hand.
"Hi Marti." Casey sounded just as downtrodden as she had the night before. She hadn't slept much, either. It comforted Derek slightly to know that she wasn't willing to let him go that easily.
"I need to show you something," Marti said, tugging on Casey's hand.
"I think I'm just going to go back to bed," Casey replied, looking longingly at Lizzie's bedroom door.
"I have to show you what I made, first!" Marti pouted, stamping her foot.
Casey sighed. "Okay, Smarti, but let's not take too long. I don't really want to see anyone."
Marti pulled her in the direction of the games closet.
"Marti, wha—" but Casey couldn't get the rest of her question out, because before she knew it, Lizzie and Edwin had jumped out of the closet and pushed her into the tiny space, locking the door before she could even begin to protest.
"Hey! Let me out!" She banged on the door, but all she could hear was giggling coming from the other side.
"Case," Derek said quietly as he turned on the light.
Casey shrieked in surprise, and smacked him in the chest. "Der-ek!"
Derek beamed. He had never been happier to hear her say his name like that.
Casey folded her arms and turned her back to him. "Stop smiling. I can't believe you locked us in here. 'I don't want to talk about it' means I don't want to talk about it."
Derek was tempted to hug her, but she was still too jumpy. He couldn't risk it. "I don't care if you want to or not, we are going to talk."
Casey turned to face him, tears already streaming down her cheeks. "Derek, it's over. You need someone who can—"
Derek put a finger to her lips. "Wait."
Casey flinched as he slammed his weight against the door, hard.
"Oww," came three identical groans from the other side.
"What did I say about this being a private conversation?" Derek admonished through the locked door.
"Fine, we're leaving, we're leaving," Lizzie grumbled. Derek watched the shadows at the bottom of the door disappear.
"Okay, I think we're safe. But we should whisper, just in case."
Casey nodded, her hands over her mouth. As upset as she was, all the trouble Derek had gone through to make sure they talked was really touching, in a way.
"Come here, Space Case," Derek murmured, drawing her into him. She went rigid, but he kept rubbing her back until she relaxed against him.
"See, I couldn't go the rest of my life without feeling you against me like this," Derek mumbled into her neck.
"I just…you're different now. It feels different." Casey wiped her eyes on his shirt. "I really messed everything up. I can't believe that you still want me after...that."
Derek pushed her back so that he could look into her eyes. "Tell me what you think you did wrong."
Casey got flustered. "Well, you know, when we…"
"Casey." Derek brushed her hair away from her eyes and cradled her face in his hands. "I know it makes you uncomfortable to say the word 'sex', but you can't say we 'made love.' Because I didn't do that with you. Don't you see that? Casey, it had been so long, and you were so fucking gorgeous…I lost control. I should have paid more attention to what you wanted. But I didn't. I forgot that I wasn't just 'having sex.' I was 'making love' to the woman I love, and I completely lost sight of that. I'm so sorry. I should have made your first time special, and instead, I only thought about myself. I promise you that next time, I'll be what you need."
Casey stared at him for a long moment, completely believing everything he said, and yet still scared to death of losing him. She chose her words carefully. "Thank you for that. I guess you're right, in a way. It all happened so fast—"
"I promise we can go as slow as you want," Derek quickly interrupted. Casey shushed him.
"Let me finish. You may think it was all your fault, but I realized something as I was trying to sleep last night. Brooke tried to tell me, but I was so sure I knew what to expect that I didn't listen. I realized that you can't learn about, you know…having sex," she smiled triumphantly at him, and he smirked back, "from books and movies. I had this perfect picture in my head, but that was just stupid. Why would I want someone else's experience, anyway? I want you, with me. That's it. Just the two of us. No candles, satin sheets, or embarrassing lingerie—" Derek pouted, and it was her turn to smirk, "Well, maybe sometimes. I'd like to try again. I really would. And this time, I'll make it a little easier on you and tell you exactly what I want."
Derek nodded. "That would be good."
"But," Casey said, serious again. She held up a finger. "None of this 'babe' junk. I want to hear you say my name."
Derek looked confused for a moment, but then it hit him. "Case, you know I wasn't thinking about anyone else, right? I-I guess I got caught up in—"
"Stop. It's okay. We'll figure all this out together. Slowly. With lots of foreplay." She smiled.
Derek let out the biggest sigh of relief he could muster, given the fact that his lungs had collapsed some time ago. "I love you so much, Case," he said as he kissed her cheek. He paused before moving over to her lips. Her eyes told him that she still wasn't completely back to normal. "What is it?"
"I'm just scared."
"Of?"
"Derek, what if we try again, and it's still…not right?"
The thought had never even crossed Derek's mind. Then again, he never thought he'd make such a mess of things in the first place. He ran his hands along her arms, mulling it over. "You know…I don't think that's possible. Because just doing this…" he stopped his hands at her shoulders, pulling her into him again, and kissed her forehead, "…turns me on." He grinned. "I'm assuming you feel the same way, right?"
Casey gave him a long, hard look. It didn't exactly eliminate her concern, but she had to believe he was onto something. She was tired of thinking she'd lost him forever, tired of worrying about whether she was bad at sex. She owed him, and most importantly, herself, a second try. Pushing him roughly against the games closet wall, she whispered huskily, "Nah, for me, it's—" and she kissed him.
()()()()()
They got ready for the drive home a few hours later. Edwin, Lizzie, and Marti were still disappointed that they hadn't discovered the reason behind all the drama, but Derek just told them to be glad there would be no breakup.
"I'm glad, too," Casey said, arms around Derek and looking much, much happier than the day before.
"Bye, kids, be good," Nora said, hugging them both tightly. She held Casey a little too long, and George had to pry her away.
Casey looked questioningly at Derek, who was pretending to be very interested in his car keys.
"What was that all about with my mom?" Casey asked as they climbed into the car.
"Let's just say, I told your mom we'll be sleeping in the basement bedroom during our next visit," he finally replied.
"Der-ek!" She swatted him with her purse.
"Ca-sey!" he mimicked. They exchanged a smile.
The ride back to their apartment went by quickly, now that they were talking again. Rain began to beat against their windows as soon as they entered Kingston.
"It's a bad omen, isn't it?" Casey murmured as she stared at the darkening sky.
Derek took one hand off the wheel and swatted her arm. "Don't be ridiculous. I'm the superstitious one, and I'm telling you, all this means is that the grass is going to be greener tomorrow. Okay?"
"I hope you're right."
"Of course I'm right. I'm Derek."
She smirked at that, comforted by his attitude.
()()()()()
They walked through the rain in silence.
Casey was aware of a strange charge in the air. Like each raindrop falling on her bare skin was a jolt of electricity. She could feel his eyes on her but she didn't glance at him. Stupidly, she realized, she felt like a teenager with her first crush. The same kind of excitement seemed to be running through her veins.
They entered the elevator together, and as the numbers changed she shivered a little. Both from the cold and his breath on her neck. He was standing so close behind; her ability to think (and breathe) seemed to have taken an extended vacation. And when he started placing close-lipped kisses on the sensitive skin of her neck, she felt that strange ache in the pit of her stomach –she still blushed at calling it arousal- intensify.
His wet hair trailed across her skin as he slowly slid one strap of her dress down her arm, placing kisses on every inch of available skin. She bit back a gasp and he stopped.
"Do you like that?" His voice melded with the sound of the rain.
She turned and kissed him in answer. Unlike anything she'd ever allowed before, fiercely, like she couldn't get enough of him.
She never would get enough of him.
()()()()()
They stumbled out of the lift, refusing to allow the other to move away. The last two days had been tough on both of them and Casey felt a strong satisfaction that she wouldn't have to ever let him go.
He fumbled with the key, still holding on to her.
"Wait," he whispered, and went inside.
He was back a minute later, leading her onto the porch.
She gasped and turned to stare at him. He'd placed a mattress covered with a white sheet beneath the awning, which sheltered it from the downpour. The only sound was the steady fall of the rain. The crazy smell of the first rain of the season made her breathe in deeply and infused her with anticipation.
He led her toward the mattress and laid her down on it.
"Are you sure?"
And Casey realized she'd never been surer of anything in her life.
This time there was no hurry. They had nothing to hurry for. She pulled his shirt over his head; all the embarrassment had gone, leaving just hunger behind. She ran her finger across his chest, delighting in the feel of his muscles contracting beneath her roaming hands. He wanted her.
He stopped the progress of her wandering hands and pinned them over her head. With his other arm, he pulled down her soaked dress, till she was just left in her white, cotton, sensible underwear, rendered practically see-through by the rain.
She turned her head in a sudden burst of self-consciousness but he turned and made her look into his eyes again.
"You're beautiful," he said quietly, "You're gorgeous, Casey. And you don't have to hide it."
She felt her body heat up, both at his words (he said her name) and the way he was looking at her, his eyes darker than she'd ever seen them. Like she was the only girl in the world.
He ran his hands over her already hard nipples and she arched into him, her body unable to comprehend any boundaries of decency or decorum. And she felt him against her, and she reveled in the fact that she could make him feel this way. She ran her fingers across his smooth skin till she reached the zipper of his jeans. She looked at him all the while, as she pulled it down, feeling his breath hitch in his throat as he stared back at her with naked desire.
Except it wasn't only desire, and she had to look a little deeper to recognize the other emotion, but she finally did- love.
He trailed his lips across her body till she felt she would die from the slow agony. And for the first time she found herself telling him what she wanted, making sounds she'd been afraid to before, and she could feel his elation through his hands as he touched her in ways that made her gasp and clutch at the sheet. Raindrops occasionally fell on her bare skin, the cold and the heat mixing together unbearably till she felt…she felt.
And finally there were no barriers between them. There was no world. Nothing at all left to hide from, because this was what they'd wanted. Every fight, every harsh word, every mistake had led up to this moment where there was nothing to live for but themselves. But the feel of his hands caressing her body reverentially. The lightning flashes which made him look like some far-away dream. The reality of having him move in her, even as he whispered words which made her bite her lip and look at him with undiluted lust. The feel of the world exploding till she didn't exist in time or space.
And maybe it was stupid and a movie cliché but she came, gasping his name, just as his whispered "Case, I love you" floated in the rain-drenched universe, almost drowned by the downpour but imprinting on her heart so that she could hear nothing else.
"Derek," she whispered, as his face contorted into an agony that was almost close to ecstasy, "I love you. I love you."