Chapter 44: The Beginning Is The End Is The Beginning

Days were so cold

Nights spent alone

Searching for that something

That I've never known

Held captive by the pain

Caught up in all the shame

My heart just won't stop playing these head games

It's like a terminal disease

And now I've found the remedy

-Fire On The Inside-

-Pillar-

"Captain…?"

"…Jon, are you awake?"

A voice could be heard as Captain Jonathan Miller opened his groggy eyes, still somewhat coherent despite the morphine he was given earlier before his surgery.

Miller was deep in a dream state as memories of the events of late ran through his head, recalling the snow, blinding everything around him as the sound of tank shells rattled the ground beneath him. He could see Bjork yelling at him, but he couldn't hear him, nor their medic, Grimes, who pulled him up from the snow littered ground.

Everything was white, then red, as he wandered aimlessly in the Valley, searching through the piles of corpses that scattered for miles. The metallic scent of gunpowder residue on his cheeks, mixed with the aroma of ozone as the Frost clung to his face, left him in a daze as the remaining men looked at him in awe. He saw everything in perfect clarity, but he couldn't hear anyone or anything, what has happened to me?

And then that voice, calling to him woke him from his slumber as he shifted in his bed, peering out with bleary eyes as if he woke up from a bad hangover,

"Lieutenant…what…brings you out here?" Miller was able to muscle out between the intoxication and the ringing in his ear.

Anya pulled up a chair and took a seat, setting a cup of coffee on Millers' food tray, next to his breakfast.

"I thought you would like some coffee…you kinda look like you could use it," she chuckled while Miller leaned his head back on his pillow, reaching over for the cup.

"You bet I could…damn, these meds are kicking my ass," Miller griped after spending the previous day, vomiting every other hour.

"The Colonel insisted that I should come here and give you an update…"

"Update on what?" the Captain chuckled, "…Sergeant Jacquin is in charge, for now at Retreat until I recover…sounds like a perfect plan to me."

"You know Hoffman…he really wants you there as soon as you're released."

"Yea, yea, I know…but then it will put me away from you, and then I won't have anyone to drink coffee with," Miller smiled while Anya chuckled as he continued, "…I mean, can you imagine me drinking coffee with Fenix…or Hoffman? I don't know, maybe Mataki will humor me…"

Anya let out a laugh, the first time in a long time, she was able to laugh without feeling guilty or remorseful. For so long, there has been little to smile or laugh about, and with no one to find some comfort in this callous world. Jon always had a wit, and knew the right time to play it, especially when it concerned the ladies, but it was always innocent enough to stay within the boundaries.

"Well from what I understand, you'll have Feral to keep you company…she seems somewhat nice," Anya tried to reassure him.

"Pffft, you do realize this is the same girl who had to put up with Gus and Damon for a week…and don't even get me started with Vinny…there's bound to be some long term trauma coming from that episode!" Miller snorted.

"I think she did rather well, considering her circumstances,"

"Yea, I suppose she did…and what are you going to do without me?"

"Sigh, I'll think of something," Anya teased while Miller let out a chuckle.

"You know, Corporal Gaiman is a unique, kinda guy…" said Miller, relishing on potential love interests for the Lieutenant, despite her own ambitions that Miller knew all too well.

"Well yea, he's a cleric, so of course he's going to be a uniquely, nice guy."

"He's a priest? Damn, well I guess that explains why he doesn't cuss or drink," said Miller, reminiscing the times he would work with Gaiman.

Although Hiraku Gaiman was originally assigned to Epsilon One, Miller had him transferred to Delta, under Sergeant Fenix, when Hoffman reformed Sigma squad. Gaiman was one of a handful of South Islanders who lent their tracking skills to help with escorting Jacinto's remnant to Port Farrall. But during the time that Gaiman was with Epsilon, he would spend countless hours, reading scriptures while the others would play cards or shoot the bull over trivial things.

"His father was actually a missionary from Jacinto, to the islands…so he grew up in the congregation," said Anya.

"Well that explains why he's so pale for an island boy…"

"His mother is a native, so he has some heritage in him…did you ever read the enlistees personnel profiles, Captain?"

"I had him transferred to Delta, so technically, that was Marcus' job," said Miller as he gave Anya a grin, "…but, you didn't come all the way over here to just to lecture me about my assignment at Retreat, did you, Lieutenant…"

Anya sat erect in her chair as she folded her hands in her lap, wondering what to say next since the Captain had a sharp knack for picking up on the finer particulars of most inquiries. His glare was no longer playful or serene as his tired, dark eyes glistened under the florescent lighting above. Although he was partially sober, his empirical skills were still just a lucid as ever, and Anya knew she couldn't hide anything from him, especially when she was in desolation.

She quickly changed her demeanor as she puts on her professional façade, trying to hide the fact that she was still distraught concerning Sergeant Fenix.

"There's nothing else to really say, Jon…I just heard that your surgery was done and I wanted to see you before you left, while I had the chance."

"So you are going to miss me,"

Anya chuckled while Miller took a sip of his coffee,

"Sigh, yes Captain. Was that the answer you were searching for?"

Miller snickered,

"No…but it'll do."

"I suppose I'll have to find another shoulder to cry on, while maybe finding someone else who likes coffee just as much as you do." Anya relented playfully.

"I know Grimes drinks this stuff like it was water…"

"Yea, and have you ever seen him work, Jon?"

"Yea, like a bee, buzzing a thousand times a minute…the only time I've seen that man stop, ever, is for a coffee break," Jon chortled while Anya let out a chuckle. Miller continued,

"Well, he is one of our last remaining, veteran field medics, I'm sure he's going to be busier than ever…"

"Well needless to say, I don't think Grimes is going to sit and listen to my ranting for too long…" Anya mentioned

"Hehe…damn, I'm going to miss him," Miller reiterated on the days when Grimes was deployed with Epsilon.

Anya started to laugh, "What about your subordinate, Corporal Bjork?"

"Spades? Are you kidding me?" Miller snorted, "…Gabe's as mature as an antsy eight year old who forgot to take his ritalin…sounds kinda like Damon and Gus, don't it."

Anya covered her mouth to prevent her laugh from becoming audible, but it was futile with Captain Jonathan Miller, who could get a rise out of the Lieutenant almost at will. It didn't take a lot of effort on Miller's part, to enchant a lady, regardless of social class or age, even with the more civilized of conversations. He would on occasion go as far as to flatter Sergeant Mataki with a word or two, when she was in the right mood.

"I know you're going to miss your squad…and I'm sure they'll miss you too," Anya tried to reassure him.

"Ok, now you're just trying to be nice," Jon mused at the modest Lieutenant.

"Sigh, ok, yea…I am…is that better?"

"Sure," the Captain laughed as he took another sip of his coffee while Anya pulled out a paper from a folder,

"Oh, and before I forget…I thought you would like to know that you're rookie sniper was just awarded the Embry Star."

"Your kidding me…" said Miller as Anya handed him the document for him to read, "…well, I'll be damned."

"The Chairman made it official this morning. I'll inform him and the others a little later for their service during their week-long excursion."

"Shit, he earned it, I'll vouch for that…anyone who can tolerate Big D for any period of time has my blessing."

Anya rolled her eyes as Miller handed the document back to her, watching a smile form on the corner of her mouth as she put the paper back into the folder.

"I'm going to take a guess that Damon and Gus are also being awarded as well…"

"As of this morning, the remaining men of Sigma One will be, informally awarded the Embry Star for their heroism, going beyond the call of duty, after their week long mission into what we thought to have been a failed mission, and…well, I'm sure you heard the rest…"

"Yea, I'm sure the Cole Train hasn't stopped talking about it since…"

The two took a moment to laugh, as Miller attempts to make the most of the moment, knowing that Anya Stroud wouldn't have anyone else to go to in his absence. But as with all things in life, this too would have to end.

"So…I guess this will be our goodbye, correct Lieutenant?" Miller asked as Anya stood up from her seat, holding her documents close to her chest,

"I'm afraid so, Captain…"

"Well then, be sure to blow a kiss for me the next time you see Fenix."

"I will Captain," Anya chuckled. The Captain slowly extended his hand as Anya moved closer to his bed, placing her own into his. Without delay, Miller brought her hand over to his face and gently kisses it. She could see the exhaustion in his eyes while feeling the stubble on his chin, gently caressed by his lips.

He releases her hand as he leans his head back on his pillow while still feeling woozy from the medication. Anya could only return a smile as she spoke softly,

"Until we meet again, take care of yourself, Jon."

"All my gratitude, Lieutenant Stroud…thanks for coming in on a short notice."

"Your quite welcome, Captain."

Anya quietly left the room, leaving the Captain with his coffee and cold breakfast still untouched on his table. Ugh, damn…I hate cold eggs. Glaring at his lifeless scrambled eggs and dry biscuit on the cold plate, he reaches over to his com and carefully picks it up to call the nurse,

Hmmm…who can I whoo, today?

"Hello, front desk…"

"Yes Captain?"

"I don't suppose you could be a dear and reheat my breakfast for me, please?"

The mess hall that following morning was the busiest it ever was. The staff set up a breakfast buffet for the Gears, getting ready to take the Dills out for a test drive, later that morning.

For the first time in a long time, the Gears enjoyed a solid breakfast, complete with scrambled eggs, venison sausage, biscuits, and milk, provided by the local dairy farms nearby. At this moment, the mess hall became the place to be as the large, roll-up, chain doors allowed the cool, sea breeze to flow inside while the sights and sounds of the shore nearby would offer some relaxation for the Gears, still weary from the cold, bitter wasteland at Farrall and Fort Block. Regardless how cool it would get in the morning, it was still heaven compared to the Block.

"Listen up, ladies…" Captain Levy barked over the crowded mess hall, "…you got fifteen minutes to finish your meal and get your shit together…we deploy at o, eight, hundred hours."

Stuffing their mouths while grabbing the last few biscuit's they could scrounge for the trip, the squads make their way to their assigned APC's.

"Hurry up Gus…" Bjork yelled over the huddled bodies of men while Cole managed to grab a handful of Biscuits before everyone else could rummage through them.

"I'm comin, baby," Gus roared over the crowd as he made his way to Bjork, whom was still trying to suit up his commando armor, "…just getting a little something for the road, ya know what I mean?"

Bjork let out a grin as he slapped his chest plate into place,

"Yep, I heard that…"

"So where's Baird?"

"He's asleep in the Dill."

"Oh, oh…so he couldn't get his lazy ass up, while the rest of us had to get up at the butt-crack of dawn…"

"As much as I hate to do it, I gotta cut him a break on this one..."

"…and how's that?"

"He was up late last night trying to finish the maintenance on the Dills…and he had to go back and fix a lot of crap that the first mechanic screwed up!"

"How'd you hear about that?"

"I saw him at the nurses office yesterday, getting his hand stitched."

"Aw, shit…that means he's going to be in a pissy mood today!"

"Yep," Bjork concluded. The two men gathered their gear as they made their way to their assigned Dill, where Sven Dunrich was already waiting outside the locked vehicle.

"Sup Vinny…" Cole yelled out as Sven gives the men a nod. Bjork walks up to the front of the vehicle and starts to bang on the hull,

"C'mon D…get up and open the fucking door," Bjork yelled.

"Wake up Baird…we gotta kick this pig…" Cole added before stuffing another biscuit in his mouth.

As the three hang outside, a noise could be heard as the front latch slides and the door opens up. Moving out from the inside, a morning, weary Damon Baird hangs from the door frame and let's out an obnoxious yawn.

"Morning, Sergeant, hehe," Cole teased while Bjork followed suit,

"Yea, for how long?"

"Dunno, but the pool stands at five hundred," Cole added.

"Shit, for real?"

"Hell yea…ten bucks gets you in."

"…the hell you guys talkin about, now?" Baird groaned while shuffling his scruffy, morning hair. It was obvious that he didn't take proper shower the night before, only a rinse down from a bathroom sink with a washcloth.

"We got ten minutes to get into formation, Sarge," Bjork answered.

"Aw…fuck," Baird moaned while he attempted to step out to stretch, releasing his joints from sleeping in the fetal position in the back seat, "…alright, just…shit, Spades, you drive."

"Affirmative to that," Bjork answered as he hoped into the driver side seat as Baird griped,

"…and I call shotgun, so don't even think about it Cole!"

"Whatever you say, boss man," Cole gleamed as he and Sven take their place in the back.

After taking a few more minutes to stretch out, Baird reached in to grab his chest plate and started to put it on, still half awake,

"Shit, did anybody bring any coffee?" he groaned.

"I got some here, Sarge," said Sven, pulling up a large, steel thermos.

"I'm gonna need that later, that's for sure," Baird grumbled to himself as he finished up putting on his armor and gets back in to shut the door.

This would be the first outing since Baird was temporarily promoted for the sake of continuing his leadership of Sigma One, while other squads were either reformed or split up to accommodate other squads with a missing man. Epsilon One, for the first time n eight years, was finally decommissioned after it was apparent that their squad leader, Captain Miller, would not be able to function on field with his partial hearing loss. As a result, Grimes was relocated to Theta, while Bjork was temporarily assigned with Sigma.

Bjork fires up the engine, waiting a few minutes before he could let out the compressed air in the parking brake, taking a moment to test the other equipment to make sure everything was in working order before deployment. It wasn't because he doubted Baird's mechanical skills, it was just a habit he developed after years of routine.

While Cole and Sven made themselves comfortable in the back, Bjork released the brake valve and started to slowly move the Dill.

"Ok, zero, two, nine, where you at?" Captain Levy could be heard on the radio as Baird reached over and picked up the com,

"We're moving into formation now, over."

"Roger that…you will be one from the ass-end, boys."

"You're too kind, sir."

"Better believe it, Sergeant."

"Shit…" Baird grumbled as he turned to Bjork, "you heard the man…near the ass-end"

"That I did…coming up in front of four, two, one…" said Bjork as he pulled up in front of the last Dill in line.

"I need convoy to report in…starting with Eta three," Hoffman blared on the com. Eta squad was the leading APC, heading the convoy as they were the first to pull out of base and onto the road with five others following close behind.

"This is Eta three, reporting,"

"This is Omega, reporting,"

"Delta One, reporting,"

"This is Zeta, reporting,"

"Gamma also reporting,"

Baird picked up the com while answering Hoffman's role call,

"Sigma One, reporting,"

"Listen up," Hoffman ordered, "…I need Eta, Omega, and Delta to go East, and I need Zeta, Gamma, and Sigma to go West…report back after you finish the loop, which should take no longer than two hours, understood?"

"That would be an affirmative, sir," Corporal Gaiman reported.

"Damn, Gaiman…kissing a little ass aren't we," Bjork jestered,

"Not as much as you have, from what I hear," Gaiman responded while laughing could be heard coming through his com from the rest of Delta,

"Yea, yea, keep laughing…at least we're going near Retreat…I hear that's the new promise land," Bjork mused while Cole snickered,

"Shit, that's where the Feral reservation's at,"

"Hehe, that's right."

"Yea, I hear they have plenty of men that fit your taste, Corporal," Gaiman joked while the rest of Delta was laughing even more,

"Man, you got told," Dom reiterated in the background while Bjork responded,

"I'll keep that in mind when they put me on the top of the fertility list," said Bjork.

"We'll see Spades…six, eight, three, out," Gaiman finished as the convoy came up to the intersection on the freeway, with the first three Dills made a right while the last took the left. Coasting to the left, Bjork continues to follow the lead APC, carrying Zeta squad, on the highway, towards a cluster of small towns along the major highway.

The radio began to sound off as a familiar voice could be heard,

"Sigma One, please respond…this is control…"

Baird picked up the com as he responded,

"This is Sigma One, Lieutenant…go ahead…"

"I have some good news, Sergeant…as of this morning, the men of Sigma squad have been awarded the Embry Star for the events that took place back at Glacier Valley," Anya announced.

"Aw, baby, that's so sweet of you…hehe, idn't that sweet, Damon?" Cole gleamed in excitement as he slapped his big hand on Baird's shoulder.

"Well, I'll have to agree that it's good news, and though I hate to be a stickler despite the good news…but what of Lieutenant Milane and his efforts, or Feral's for that matter?" Baird asked, despite their efforts during their little venture, Baird knew that they wouldn't have made it otherwise if Milane didn't shove them out of a falling chopper, or survived the wilderness from the freezing temperatures without Feral.

"I know Milane will receive the Anvil of Recognition…" Anya stated.

"Well, damn…that's not bad," Cole reiterated. Although the Anvil was not the highest honor a soldier could receive, it was still an impressive achievement, especially for a soldier who died in the line of duty. Knowing Baird's pessimism concerning the matter, Anya tried her best to reassure him,

"…and as far as McNight is concerned, Hoffman had other plans for her participation, but it doesn't include the Embry Star I'm afraid."

"Ok, I'm going to have to back Baird up on this one…so what did Feral get?" Cole asked while keeping his tone calm.

"I'm not sure…the Colonel didn't elaborate on the issue…well, at least not to me. If you want, you have my full support to go sweet talk the Colonel…"

"Hehe, can you see D bending over and kissing the Colonel's ass?" Bjork jestered while the others laughed,

"Thank you for informing us Lieutenant …I know Gus appreciates it."

"You're welcome Corporal…and tell Gus the same…control out."

"Hey…at least somebody is actually taking notice of the work I do around here," Baird ranted while the others were still laughing, tuning him out,

"Screw this, I'm catching some winks…and try to avoid the potholes please…I would like the suspension to last this time, instead of replacing the damn struts every other year!" Baird ranted for the last time before he drifted, fast asleep while Bjork rolled his eyes and proceeded to turn on the radio with his mp3 player channeled into the usb port. In the meantime, Cole and Sven dug into the biscuits they managed to snag from the breakfast bar that morning.

The scent coming from the pastries started to fill the cabin as Bjork could smell the butter scent, mixed with batter. He turned over his shoulder and noticed the two men pigging out,

"Hey, quit hoggin the goods…throw me a biscuit, man," Bjork griped while holding his hand out,

"Sure thing baby…" said Cole as he handed Bjork a biscuit he took from the breakfast bar that morning, "you do know Baird's gonna be pissed when he finds out you ate the last biscuit,"

"Pffft, serves him right for sleeping on the job," Bjork snickered while Baird was still asleep, snoring slightly with his legs propped up on the console and his body slumped on the side of the hull.

"Ok, when we get to the first stop, who's gonna drive, cause I'm not doing it for two, whole fucking hours," Bjork griped, "…and I doubt D here is going to contribute!"

While Baird was still fast asleep, Cole sat up in his chair,

"I'll go next, and Vinny can bring us all in," said Cole.

"Aw, sweet, I've never driven one of these before," Sven beamed.

"Then this would be the time to learn how, kiddo," said Bjork as he reached over for his coffee in a canteen that was sitting in the cup holder, "…just whatever you do, don't tell Big D here that I let you drive, or I'll never hear the end of it!"

As fate would have it, Sigma was riding in "Baird's Dill," literally, which was spray-painted on the undercarriage, like a dog marking his fire hydrant. He only allowed Bjork to drive it, knowing that Bjork spent a lot of his military career, driving and inspecting the APC's while Baird would make repairs, keeping them up to code. Both have done neither in almost ten years, as it brought some few in between memories of what was considered home for both of them.

After recent events, however, Baird's priorities have somewhat shifted, spreading himself thin as a result of a lack of mechanics that were familiar with the equipment, that and most people didn't like to work with him, and Baird preferred to work alone anyway, while Bjork, on the other hand, managed to keep his schedule open for various vehicle inspections, often giving Baird the reports following his assessments. Spades got the job easily since he was one of a few that would tolerate Baird in the workplace.

"We're almost at our first rally point," Bjork announced while slowing the Dill down, following the lead APC ahead, "…c'mon Baird, wake up!"

Baird was still asleep while Cole took Sven's cup and splashed warm coffee on Baird's face,

"The fuck, man," Baird shouted while Cole and Bjork laughed as Baird squirmed from the coffee going down under his chest plate,

"Morning, sweety," Bjork jeered,

Pulling up next to the leader, Bjork slows it down as he proceeded to halt the Dill, releasing the parking break valve as the air could be heard compressing underneath the hull.

"Gah, now I got this shit going down my shirt, thanks a lot, asshole!" Baird griped while the others continued to laugh, "…wait, did we stop?"

"Uh, yea," Bjork scoffed, noticing a gas station nearby, and grocery mart next door, "hey, how much money y'all got?"

Baird reached down into his pack as he pulled out some waded bills and tossed them to Bjork,

"Here numbnuts…and while you're in there, get me some paper towels and a dry shirt," he growled as Cole reached over and grabbed one of the bills,

"Sweet, now we can get some of those muffins from the bakery," said Cole while Bjork handed another bill to Sven.

Baird opened up the hatch door as he was the first to step out while the others came plowing out from behind him, pushing him to the side while he was trying to stretch and yawn at the same time,

"Shit guys…the bakery isn' t going to run out of muffins," he griped while Cole and Sven ignored him and ran off to the grocery mart next door,

"I dunno man…Brune from Zeta eats like a damn cow," said Bjork while shuffling his dark, hair that was spiked up as usual,

"Geez, Spades, you ever heard of a hairbrush?" Baird commented on Bjork's tattered, dark hair.

"Pfft, I lost that back at Jacinto…"

"Idn't that the truth…I lost my laptop and mp-3 player back at Jacinto, damnit," Baird added, knowing that neither had a lot of things that they could call their own, and the things they could have were stolen, lost, or misplaced. If they couldn't keep it on their persons, then it wasn't theirs, and that's how the army saw it. Consequently, this kept personal items to a minimum.

As the two stretched out from riding all morning, Baird took a seat on the hatch while reaching down into his chest plate, carefully trying to pull out a folded piece of paper that he had shoved in it with care. Inspecting it carefully, checking to see if any coffee got on it, he let out a sigh of relief as he opened it and started to read the contents that was safely intact and not smudged. Damnit, Cole, I swear if you ruined this…

Bjork occasionally looked back to glance at Baird, whom was still looking over the letter, the one Raven hand wrote before she left to Retreat. After rubbing his groggy eyes, he read it again, sinking back into her words he subconsciously grew attached to. He couldn't help but to wonder when he would see her again, and what he would say if he did. For the most part, he was still frustrated at the fact that he didn't even have a chance to see her one last time before she left. Any chance that he had to pick at her brain some more, was gone.

Still waiting for the others to return, Bjork started to get impatient,

"Damnit, what else are they doing in there, trying on dresses?" he griped while Baird answered,

"Probably ransacking the place of every pastry they have before Gamma and Zeta hog it all."

Bjork rolled his eyes and stood with his hands on his hips while Baird finally looked up and let out a sigh,

"Alright Spades, I got the Dill…go in and get your smokes before Sims beats ya to them,"

"You sure you got it, D?"

"Yea, yea, just…tell Gus and Vinny to hurry the hell up, willya?"

"Sure…be back in ten…"

Bjork headed up towards the grocery mart while Baird hung back to revel in his thoughts since now he actually had the time to do so without interruption. He leaned back, reaching for Sven's thermos that Vinny filled with coffee before they left. Opening the canister, he poured some in the plastic lid, feeling the steam still coming from the cup. It was still just as hot from this morning as he carefully sipped it while reading.

May you one day find that which you seek, if it does not find you.

The words were becoming clearer to him as he recalled the conversations he had with Raven concerning his ambitions. Baird was so entrenched in the war, just trying to stay alive was foremost on his mind, he didn't stop to think what else could he possibly want from this world, other than expanding beyond his military career as an engineer. For so long, all that he ever got concerning his own desires, was rebuke or ridicule, so he buried everything that he had left and told the world to fuck off. This was a first, in a long time that anyone ever asked what he wanted and didn't chastise him for it.

Was it perhaps that Raven could relate to his plight, since both were put into a position that neither would have chosen for themselves, or was she just letting him express himself, knowing that he seldom got the chance to otherwise. It was one of those things that he knew if thought about it for too long, it was going to drive him nuts, shit, I need to stop reading this.

As he carefully reaches into his pack that was strapped to his leg, the sound of footsteps could be heard as Cole came around the corner, eating ice cream on a cone.

"Aw, shit, they had ice cream?" Baird marveled.

"Hell, yea, baby…in six flavors!"

Baird growled as he pulled out his journal, trying to find a place to put Raven's letter to where it would be safe from other potential, environmental damage.

"Wait, is that Feral's letter?" Cole asked.

"Yea, it is…and you nearly got fucking coffee on it,"

"Man, I thought you would've thrown that away,"

Baird didn't answer. Instead, he just let out a sigh as he carefully places the letter in between the pages of his journal and put it back into his pack. Noticing that Baird was being subtle about the whole thing, Cole finally had to say it,

"Damon, you do know you can talk to me about anything, right?"

"Yea, Cole, I know…but there's nothing to talk about, alright?"

"No Damon, it's not alright…I swear, how in the hell do you just move on from something like that? I mean, shit, I miss Feral…Vinny misses Feral,"

"Cole, I don't need a shoulder to cry on, or relinquish some cheesy, sentimental moment, ok?"

"Oh, yea, I keep forgetting…you don't need anybody."

"Ok, NOW it's getting personal Gus!"

"Oh, I'm sorry…did I just hurt yo feelins?"

Baird looked up from where he sat as he gave Cole the finger. Cole chuckled at his long-time, best friend who tries so hard to suppress any emotional cataclysm that stirs to the surface. It wasn't long that surprisingly, Baird joined in and started to laugh with Cole, knowing that neither was prepared for what happened during that week long excursion, regardless how they tried to sugarcoat it. It was something that the two, or three, could talk about for years to come, and it would still bring a smile to their faces.

Bjork returned with Vinny and a plastic bag, full of bottled water and some sandwiches for the rest of the trip. As the two approached the Dill, Bjork threw another sack at Baird, which contained a t-shirt and some napkins. He reaches up to pull the lit up, cig from his mouth as he finally exhales,

"Oh, you are so not smoking that shit in my Dill, Spades," Baird sneered.

"Yea, yea, whatever…and go change yer damn shirt," Bjork mused while standing a few feet away in hopes that he could finish his cigarette before they had to leave, since the asshole won't let him smoke in his "ride."

Baird grabbed the bag as he stepped inside the Dill an started to take off his chest plate,

"Whoo, yea…" Cole whistled, "…take it off, baby!"

"Yea, you know you want some of this," Baird snorted as he chuckled shortly afterwards, pulling his coffee soiled shirt off, over his head.

"Damn, D…ever heard of a tan?" Bjork jestered as Baird revealed his pale, topless torso, and blows Bjork a kiss while flashing him the middle finger,

"Yea, that's right…you remember who's your bitch," Bjork chuckled while the others laughed. Even Baird found the whole thing amusing while he slipped the new shirt over his head and pulled it down over his ridged abdomen.

Just as he got dressed, the radio started to sound off,

"Calling all squadrons …we need all APC's to return to base, ASAP…repeat…we need all APC's to return to base, immediately…" urged Lieutenant Stroud.

"What the hell?" Bjork started to rant while Baird leaped up form the passenger seat and picked up the com,

"Control, this is Sigma, could you please verify those orders?"

"You are to return to base, Sergeant…turn around and head back to base..."

"What's the news, Lieutenant?"

"Something has been discovered out at sea, and that's all that I can say as of right now, Sergeant…but for right now, we need all available personnel back to headquarters…"

"Understood, Lieutenant, Sigma is in route."

"Roger that, Sigma…control out."

"Well, shit…if ain't one thing, it's another." Cole complained.

"You think it could be those pirates?" Sven asked.

"…probably the UIR," Bjork added.

"In either case, let's saddle up," Baird ordered.

"Sigh, alright, let's do this." Bjork groaned as he threw his unfinished cigarette on the ground and made his way back into the Dill. The other squads, Zeta and Gamma also loaded up their Dills and started to head back, following Sigma back down the route they came.

It was still morning after several weeks of little if any activity, finally getting the chance to test-drive their equipment, when everyone would least expect it, calamity comes knocking on their door. It was as if any prospect for peace and quiet was just an illusion for the sake of finding something left in this world to fight for. With most of the men with little if any family left, no home to return to, it took effort to find the drive to stay the course for the sake of existence.

The only one among the men of Sigma that had any family to return to was Sven. Cole had his legion of fans from his previous career, Bjork had a few old friends that were still alive, but Baird on the other hand, had none. His only incentive in all of this was to stay alive, finding nothing else to fight for which somewhat made him cynical and insensitive. Although he did have his squad, they were among a very few that would work with him.

As they loaded up and started their way back to base, Damon couldn't shake the notion of what was there left to fight for? As images of faces run through his head, he remembered the children at Jilane, the remnants of Jacinto, the Stranded at Farrall, the renegade Feral, little Delilah, and Raven. Were they all worth fighting for, or was it just another job?

As he begins to feel the weight of time pass with each year that he gets older, he ponders to what future would be left for him, or for anyone for that matter. Sensing the years come and go, knowing so many things that experience has taught him, always learning, always bettering himself, and for what? Growing old and never knowing the bliss that came with other life experiences that he just shoved to the wayside because they were an inconvenience? Growing older and lonelier, with each word spoken to keep people away, and at the end of all things, to the day when he will grow old and die, childless and alone, will there be no one there to bury him? Is this really the life I desire, or am I just fooling myself?

The uncomfortable frame of mind that comes with regret, seeps into his subconscious as he feels the sting and quickly suppresses those sentiments back into the abyss from which they dwell. But as he cleans the slate of his forethoughts, they are quickly replaced with others that question the logic of the events of late. Is it fate that drives what is left of humanity to war, or is it their own, subliminal ambitions that drive them to it? In either case, perhaps the Reverend Mother, Paroux was right, and that peace is just part of an endless waltz, a dance that swings in between war and truce, moving, swaying, never-ending, like the sun rising and falling. If logic has a place in the grander scheme of things, then Myrrah, queen of the Locust hordes, may have been right all along...

"...so often, the legacies we leave behind, are not the ones we intended."

...and as one legacy ends, another will begin. It's just a question of who is going to live to tell about it.

~end~

In the southwest depths of Euphyra…

The snow has long began to thaw, releasing the aroma of ozone as the melted ice trickled down into the streams and river, nearby. The setting sun hung over the northern mountains, bleeding the scorched sky in warm colors of orange and crimson. The Frost has come to an end and Brune takes the center stage.

Looking past the sparse trees over the rolling hills, standing from a plateau that gazed down into the lumpy terrain, the Matriarch, Tamar peers out towards the valley over the dirty haze that blew in from the parched south.

What remains of the lands that was raped from the Hammer of Dawn lie in ruin, as it's eminence is blown into the sky, sucked into the air masses that move to the north, bringing it's contaminants to the land of what is left of the living. It was a sad but sober reminder that the men of the COG were ignorant to the truth that was swept away with a single act that affected millions. Tamar knew that tribulations would eventually come, but the worst part of it was that it was inevitable...we tried so hard in vain to stop it. As long as power hung in the balance, someone was going to act on it to retain it, at all cost.

Branding her battle garb, Tamar swung her sword, back into her sheath, while her Gorgon pistol was strapped in a holster, hung from her hip. Looking past the sparse trees, faint footsteps could be heard as Hagar approached Tamar, clinging to a blanket, trying to keep some warmth from the morning sickness that would leave her shivering profusely. Turning to face the sickly, pale Hagar, Tamar glared at her with her statuesque façade, breathing steadily as she spoke in the Feral dialect,

"Any news from Farrall?"

"It was as you predicted…they left to Vectus…"

"…and of the Anetha clans?"

"They went to Vectus with the COG."

"…and Paroux is with them?"

"Yes."

Tamar took in a long breath, and exhaled with composure, knowing that Paroux and the clans of the valley will know of the Harpie's allegiance by now, but will she have the audacity to turn my own offspring against me? Somewhat saddened by the thought of her daughter that now is in allegiance to the COG, her focus stays the same, not swaying to pity or remorse. Now is not the time to show weakness...

"Go…find rest, for the sickness will come and go like the tides shifting with the moons. The season is on the verge of change and the flow of immulsion is starting to shift."

"…but what of the immulsion drilling rigs that lie out to sea near Vectus? Will they continue to disrupt the flow?"

"If what the prophecy says is true, the calling of the Lambent will deal with them all…and mother Sera will remedy those whom have defiled her…man will be held accountable."

As the breeze shifted direction, the winds whisper passed her ears, sensing an armageddon that is waiting to transpire. Tamar steps down from the plateau and walks down pass Hagar,

"Come…we must move before the flow turns to the east…where the Lambent will rise. If humanity will ever play a role in history again, then new alliances must be made."

Credits

I may be numberless, I may be innocent
I may know many things, I may be ignorant
Or I could ride with kings and conquer many lands
Or win this world at cards and let it slip my hands
I could be cannon food, destroyed a thousand times
Reborn as fortune's child to judge another's crimes
Or wear this pilgrim's cloak, or be a common thief
I've kept this single faith, I have but one belief

I still love you
I still want you
A thousand times the mysteries unfold themselves
Like galaxies in my head

On and on the mysteries unwind themselves
Eternities still unsaid
'Til you...love me.

A Thousand Years

Sting

I want to take the opportunity to thank all who took some time out of their day, or days, to read and, hopefully, enjoy my story…and all the while, I most certainly wanted to take a moment to give a special thanks to those who also left feedback and/or critiques to help improve the quality of my story, or just left feedback to encourage me to keep this Fanfic going.

For those whom may not know, I originally began coming up with the idea for this Fanfic back in December 08, shortly after GoW 2 came out, which I did receive for Christmas that year. As I began to do research on the GoW universe, to try and keep to canon as much as possible and understand the overall atmosphere that makes GoW what it is, my original idea went through a lot of changes. As the months went by, the idea, which did not have a title at the time, evolved over the next few months until shortly after Jacinto's Remnant, I went ahead and took the opportunity to set the story up shortly after the events of Karen's last novel at that time.

Needless to say, the story evolved into "Snowblind" which was derived form the Snowblind map pack that came out earlier that year. I had ten chapters already written out, but I didn't occur to me to post my story on-line. Although I have written Fanfics before, one for the Matrix and another for Command & Conquor, I never knew at the time that there were sites to where one could post their work, until early that summer in 2008.

After doing extensive research, I eventually began posting Snowblind at the GoW forums in late August. It was soon suggested by the members there, that I could also post it at Fanfiction Net, where I began to post in September. Later, I also discovered the GoW Fanon, where I began posting in late November of that same year.

With three different places where my story could get some exposure, I began to keep mental notes of feedback and critiques from reader's and other authors. I'll admit, at first, the feedback was little, if any, and I would at times feel inadequate when I wouldn't get a response from anyone for a month, while other Fanfics would reel in the reviews. Despite my disappointment, I continued to persevere, understanding that I was new in the market and that it would take some time, while, at the same time, interest in Fanfiction for the GoW universe was on a downslide for a handful of reasons.

Neveretheless, I continued to write as I began to read others, hoping to see and learn from the other authors, picking out what I liked about their stories and what compelled me to read them, while discerning what I didn't like and why. I am by no means perfect, nor am I at a level of professional proficiency, which was why I was hoping that the feedback would offer some insight into the mind of the readers, but I hoped to improve my skills in hopes that perhaps one day, my efforts would come into fruition, enough perhaps for publication.

After months of fluctuating between joy and enthusiasm, to dejection and disappointment, I continued on, despite my mood, hoping that in the long run, if I committed to finish, then I would reap the benefits of coming out of all this as a better writer and story teller, regardless how "good" or "bad" the story is believed to be. While in the process, I also wanted to encourage other writers to love and commit to their work, making the community a better inspiration for future writers.

In the grander scheme of things, Snowblind became personal for me as I delved into my own subliminal emotional cataclysm that spanned between joy, desire, eroticism, loneliness, spite, fear, malevolence, hostility, and sorrow. I had to eventually confront some issues that were in need of reevaluation my personal life, because there was little, if any outlet for me to weed out those emotions that would retard me from joy. Being diagnosed with clinical depression, based on changes in my hormonal levels, I had to be consistently aware of my own proximities, in hopes that I could catch myself when I would teeter on the brink of any downslide. Writing has offered me some insight on the deeper inclinations that have long, lingered within my own consciousness, that I may not have understood otherwise.

However, the progress of my Fanfic, I must say, is not without help, or encouragement… therefore, I have developed this page to formally thank those whom have had to put up with me and managed to take the time to leave me some feedback, concerning my work:

To the following…

I would like to fist thank my spouse for putting up with the late nights and allowing me to delve into this thing, since he has been waiting for me to finish this, after nine months of writing and countless hours of editing,

Teradanielle …thanks for giving my work a chance, and taking the time to give me your suggestions.

Scorpling No Okami …for putting up with my ridiculous humor and wit…hopefully you'll find yours, lol.

Ita chan …thanks for the updates.

Evil Fluffy Bunny …I'm glad you enjoyed it…hopefully you'll continue to update your own, soon.

Envious Lacerations …hopefully you got enough of Baird and Cole to last until the next game…whenever that day will come.

Dawning Wisdom …thanks for your suggestions…

Sea Prince …I hope you got some more laughs.

Pisces - I hope the ending was to your liking…

Cheeky Monkeyz …I hope you enjoyed it to the end.

Jord …thanks for your input, and I'm glad you enjoyed it…hopefully you'll update yours soon.

CalTech09 …thanks for your reviews…I hope you enjoy it to the end.

Wolf Comet …thanks for reading.

Kade Riggs …thanks for your advice and intel…hopefully you'll continue yours until the end.

Bahamut9999 …thanks for the feedback…hopefully you got the answer you were looking for.

KeepingMeAwake …glad you stumbled upon my Fanfic, lol…I appreciate the feedback.

ChrisX …thanks for getting the ball rolling…I know, somebody had to do it, lol…but if anything, I hope you enjoyed it.

Marc4s …thanks for taking the time to read.

Smurf Plastic …holy cow, where did you go? …but thanks for reading and pointing out the needed corrections…

The Real Big Boss …thanks for taking the time to read and leave some specified feedback and pointing out errors…it has been productive…hopefully you'll get to the end eventually, lol. Nah, I'm kiddin, take your time.

WaldoRtk7 …I hope to hear your final verdict.

Cano Gears …thanks for the heads up…take your time.

Sea Gear …thanks for taking the time to read this thing, lol.

Jay the Arbiter …take your time…(twiddles thumbs) nah, I'm kiddin…thanks for taking the time to read it…I know, it's long.

Mortablunt …thanks for the feedback and suggestions…

SKORGE …thanks for the support and your input, it's been a pleasure (not that kind)…and more Stranded goodness along the way…oh, wait…

Razor605 …thanks for the support and the time into reading this thing…one day I may get to y'alls stuff on the CZ…sigh.

Ireclaim …thanks for reading my hideously long FF…I hope it was a pleasure.

Nemheal …thanks for the encouragement…I'm glad you enjoyed it.

Nox …I'm sorry that you came in late in the story, but I'm glad you enjoyed reading it, and thanks for the feedback.

Naoya socol …thank you for your encouragement and your feedback…I hope you enjoyed it.

Libbybaloo …lol, thanks for taking the time to read all of that…I enjoyed your feedback.

And last, but ot least, thank you to the administrators who keep these websites open and convenient for the writers to post their work...without them, we would not have the means, or place, to where we can commune , read, and exchange ideas.

If there is anyone that I may have missed, please accept my sincerest apologies (email me a scathing letter)…otherwise, my most humble of gratitude and appreciation to you all for taking the time to read my Fanfic, giving it the chance that it may never had otherwise.

~Jonesybites~