Chapter Eleven: Scars

A small trickle of blood ran down my finger and down the rose in my hand where the forgotten culprit resided. It was such a pretty item, a beautiful lie, mocking everyone. It gave the appearance that it was still alive. You could touch the petal and feel its silky smooth texture, and even smell its alluring aroma. But its life line was cut.

The roots that kept it in this world were severed and now it could only feign life. But before long, it would wither and decay. And where are we putting these gorgeous dying roses? I removed my eyes from the sad reminder in my hand and looked towards Axel. He was holding Roxas close to himself, and Roxas was giving him any comfort he could manage. A silent tear fell down the blonde's cheek and Axel gently wiped it away before pulling him closer. They almost looked like one figure with their black coats melting into each other.

Where was my comfort? Where was the person who held me in my time of need? Why am I here, dealing with this tragedy alone? I'll tell you where my someone is. My eyes landed on the coffin ready to be lowered into the ground, just as soon as we covered it in beautiful dead roses. Why give a dead person roses? What can they do with a dead rose? What can a living person do with a dead rose? They should leave a book, and music, and games. Yeah, that's what they should do. Especially books. Zexion loved reading.

Warm tears crumbled down my face. He may have only been a friend, and nothing more, but the pain was still there, almost like losing my other half. My heart had this huge hole in it where Zexion used to live. But now he's going to occupy another hole, a cold dark careless place. The complete opposite of the previous residence he owned in my heart. I couldn't imagine putting anyone through this; making a friend bury me. And yet, that's exactly what I had planned, before Zexion stopped me. He cared enough to stop me, for himself, and for me. Because when Zexion says I love you, he means it.

oOo

I could feel Roxas' hand around my wrist as he dragged e through a maze of hallways and into an elevator. It made me self conscious to have his hand there, despite the fact that a hoodie, a long sleeved shirt, and a bandage covered my wretched arm. I couldn't help it. I felt like he could feel every piece of raised and infected skin, like he could see right through me. There had actually been a time when that was true. I missed that, and at the same time, it was a relief to me.

After being dragged through what felt like the entire school Roxas unlocked a door and shoved me in. Then he pushed me towards one of the beds, which I assumed was his since the other didn't look like it was in use, until I was forced to sit. As he paced back and forth in front of me I watched him with a worried expression. "Roxas?"

"Shh!" He continued his pacing back and forth. "You know I should hate you."

"I know."

"Shh! You made everything so needlessly unbearable for me. I counted the seconds until I could get out of that town, because of you! I thought you of all people would be the one to be there for me, even if you didn't agree with my lifestyle. But you betrayed me; you hurt me, so bad Sora. I cried myself to sleep because of you."

"I kno—"

"Shh! And now you, you show up here, for whatever mom and dad's reason was, and expect me to help you—"

"No I don't—"

"Shh! And me, being the gullible jackass I am, will help you, with anything you need. Because some part of me still hopes that you are that boy that used to stand by me, no matter what the situation."

"I'm sorry Roxas, for everything." I cried. I couldn't stop the warm tears from falling. I just regretted all of my actions so much, and the wetness just kept pouring down my face. But I didn't want him to think I wanted him to feel bad for me. I deserved all of this, and I knew it.

"Sora," Roxas sighed as he sat down next to me and wrapped his arms around me. "Every part of me still loves you. And I believe you Sora. I forgive you. I've missed you so much." His arms closed tighter around me and I cried even harder. I hadn't been there for Roxas when he needed warm loving arms to comfort him, and yet, I show up out of nowhere and he easily forgives me, like I hadn't ruined his life. He forgave me like I had only let his balloon fly away. He even hugged me, like we were back in grade school and I had gotten my first 'C'. I had been devastated, afraid of what my parents would think, but he had been there for me, and held me close. I am the world's worst brother, but he still loves me. I need to take a trip to the bathroom. My wrists are itching.

"I n-need to go to the bathroom."

"You can wait. Tell me why you're here." Roxas demanded, loosening his hug, and pulling away, still holding one of my hands.

When I had arrived here, I planned on telling him everything, but I suddenly had cold feet. "I-I umm…I, mom and dad sent me, th-they thought it was best." I had a feeling he'd want more, but I ended my story there anyway.

"Best for what?" Roxas persisted. When I stayed silent he continued, "I want to know why you were shoved back into my life, no, my second start. You used to tell me everything Sora. You at least owe me an explanation. And, telling me the truth would be a good start to fixing what was broken between us."

"You're right." I couldn't just show up and expect him to take me in. He deserved to know what I had done to ruin his second start. "Y-you're the first person I'm telling. Mom, Dad, and Kairi just found out, but I'm choosing to tell you, because it's all my fault that I was sent here and will inadvertently screw everything up for you." I paused, longer than I meant to, but I needed to pull myself back together.

"I do hope you're elaborating on that." Roxas said lightly. I nodded and decided the best way to tell him was to show him. Using my index finger and thumb, my shaking limbs guided the zipper of my hoodie down until I could pull it off. I then easily discarded it on the floor before turning back to Roxas, who looked entirely confused and could only stare at me. Was I ready for this? I had to be didn't I? He's my brother, why am I so scared? Probably because I'm such a horrible brother, that when he told me his secret I told the entire world. "Sora?" Roxas questioned. So I held an arm out, and rolled my sleeve up, then started unwrapping the bandage, "Sora?" He said with concern, but I ignored him while I continued to unwrap the mummy cloth until my entire battle field was revealed and I heard a sharp intake of breath from Roxas as his fingers gently ran over my arm, before he pulled me back into his arms.

"I tried to kill myself, so they sent me here. Don't tell anyone please."

My heart sank at the next words, spoken near my ear, "You told everyone about me." He's right, if he told everyone, I would deserve it. "I won't tell anyone, I promise. But why Sora, why did you do this to yourself?"

"I deserved it. Each one is a punishment."

"Don't say that!" Roxas grabbed my shoulders and forced me to look at him. "Nothing you've ever done deserves that kind of punishment. Sora, I love you, I don't want to see this on you. It makes me hurt for you. Please stop, don't do it anymore."

"I tried." I let my head fall to his shoulder. "I tried to stop, after you left, but I always came back to it, because of the lie I'm living."

"Lie?"

oOo

The realization hit me fast and hard. Though the look in his eyes said he'd come to terms with and accepted his death. I could not allow this outcome. This fate is one I will not accept, just as he refused to allow me my dream. This was my fault, and it's time I clean up thie mess and help him put me back together. He's the only one that can.

In a matter of milliseconds, my brain shot messages throughout my body. I pushed myself towards the edge of the cliff before reaching out and grabbing the arm Zexion had attempted to save his life with. My other hand planted itself in a groove in the rocks, preparing to hold us up as gravity would more than likely take control. And as predicted, the force of Zexion's body falling, threatened to pull us both to our death, but my hand held on, even though it felt as though both of my arms were about to be ripped out.

As I lay on the frozen stone of the cliff, breathing heavily and clutching Zexion's wrist as tight as possible I became aware that I had no time to stop and think, 'what next". I knew, I could feel him fighting for his life with me, even though I couldn't see him. But I also felt something disturbingly new. The grip I held on his arm seemed to have aggravated something, and now a liquid substance was beginning to spill out of his arm causing him to slip through my fingers. I did not come all this way; I did not have a horrible vision of a horrible future without him, and therefore have an epiphany, to lose him now.

Disregarding the sharp edges of the cliff digging into my skin, the feeling that my arms would come out of their sockets at any moment, and any other matters of impossibility, I tightened my grip on Zexion's slippery arm. Then with everything I had, and with his much needed help, I pulled. My fingers gripped the jagged rock, digging into my delicate skin as my other hand buried its nails into Zexion's skin in an attempt to keep him from slipping while I pulled him to safety. I praised myself for the strength I had gained from working out most of my teenage life. If it weren't for that and the adrenaline coursing through my veins, this would probably be an impossible feat.

Continuing to ignore the rocks tearing at my flesh, I began to reposition my legs and drag myself across the jagged earth while Zexion helped pull himself up, by climbing up the cliff. As soon as I saw his free hand reach the ledge, I decided to take a chance, since I couldn't pull him any further in my current position, and let go of the rock maneuvering into an awkward sitting position. I then grabbed his free hand so both of his arms were in my control, and with all my remaining strength I brought him onto the cliff with me as I fell backwards.

I let out a sharp pained breath when I felt him land on my bruised body, but all the same, I refused to allow him to move. He was here, with ground, or I guess me beneath him, he was safe, breathing and his arm is digging into a rib that may or may not have snapped while being forced against an odd jutting formation in the cliff, but he was alive and no amount of pain would be able to rip my arms from his body.

As we lay there catching our breath after Zexion gave up on rolling off of me, he allowed his head to fall against my rapidly beating heart, and I kept my arm locked around his back, never planning to let go. Then I suddenly remembered the wet substance that had burst from his arm. Without giving him any sort of warning I grabbed his wrists in my hands, flipped him onto his back, ignored the 'what the fuck' with a side of 'holy hell' look on his face, and straddled his waist. Then I pulled one of his arms close to my face, rolled down the sleeve to see what the damage was, and my jaw dropped. What I saw was something I never in my life expected to see. Not even thinking twice about my insecurities, I pulled my shirt off and immediately began wiping blood and what looked like glass out of an arm so tortured it was befitting of Saw. What was more disturbing that the fresh wound, dried up blood, and the glass, was the fact that when I cleaned his entire arm, there were three scars, too geometrically placed to be an accident. Zexion had a secret.

oOo

I couldn't believe it, just as I had accepted my fate and come to the realization that there was nothing for me to grab and hold on to, someone reached out and grabbed me. It was a hand I knew well, one of the only hands I allowed to touch me, and he saw fit to save me.

As I crashed into the side of the cliff I heard a gasp of pain from Demyx, I assumed was from the force of my weight pulling him down and his own resistance to the gravity that wished to claim me. To relieve some of the tension from his arms I forced my feet and free hand to find grips in the cliff, then let out my own gasp of pain when I felt my new wound burst open, and felt the blood gushing down my arm.

There was a time when I craved that, but dangling over a cliff, with the only thing keeping me from a watery grave, being a hand that was gripped around my bleeding arm, was not the time. I crave pain from time to time, but I no longer craved death. It all changed when Demyx walked into my life the day I was going to end it all. And now he was saving me again, only this time he was aware of it. Demyx was fighting for something, and that's just the first step in the right direction.

Fearing he'd lose his grip on me, I felt Demyx dig his nails into my abused wrist as his hand tightened around me and he began to tug me up with the help of my awful climbing abilities. Though it felt like I was hanging there for hours, it only took a few minutes for Demyx to drag me up, little by little.

Finally, with one final desperate tug, and both of his hands around each of my wrists he pulled me up, causing me to land directly on top of his more than likely bruised body, which resulted in a pained sound from his lips. I tried to roll off of him as fast as possible, hating the fact that I was causing the beautiful blond pain, but he just wouldn't let me go, just like I hadn't been able to release him earlier.

Eventually I decided to let Demyx have his way. A little pain wouldn't hurt him… figuratively. He just needed to know I was truly present, that I wasn't at the bottom of this cliff with my lifeless body being thrashed around by the wild waves. So I rested my head against his chest, listening to the rapid beat of his heart, grateful that he had saved me. Yes I had been okay with dying, but this was better, this gave me more time to save Demyx. Then suddenly, said blond, grabbed my wrists, roughly flipped me onto my back, and straddled my waist. If it were anyone else I may have been frightened and I definitely would have had to hurt them. But it was Demyx, so I gave him the benefit of the doubt and allowed him to do what he wanted with me and enter my personal bubble. However, what he did next nearly had me shaking in my boots.

He brought my arm, the one I'd used to break Axel's window, up to his face and pulled the sleeve down. I knew the shock I saw on his face would only get worse the more he examined my arm. It seems whether either of us was ready or not, I was telling him how he saved my life. My face mirrored his when I saw him willingly pull his shirt off, revealing the perfectly formed muscles he perceived as fat, right in front of me. I was more important than his insecurities. But then he began to wipe the blood off my arm, revealing something I'd never let anyone not even my mom see.

I saw the shock grow in his eyes, and fully expected to see disgust. But that never came, only concern and confusion filled those beautiful blue orbs as he stared at my lightly mutilated arm, back to my eyes. Then he cradled my arm to his chest keeping his shirt tightly wrapped around it, and a tear fell from his eyes. Not a tear for his life, but a tear for the pain he assumed I must have suffered for someone as level headed as me to do that to myself. He then bent down, my arm smashed between us, and rested his chin against my shoulder, with his cheek against my cheek, gently nuzzling. "What're you're secrets Zexy? What have you been keeping from us?"

With my one free arm, I wrapped it tightly around him, wanting him as close as possible. "I didn't feel the need to burden anyone with my problems. They were mine and I dealt with them in a way I felt necessary. Though, it wasn't my most intelligent decision."

"Zexion, it's not a burden. We want to know and help. You didn't have to cut yourself." He murmured against my neck, sending shivers through my body.

"At the time, it would have been a burden. My mom had enough to deal with, and I didn't cut myself. This was a test, to see how deep I could go, how far I would go. Demyx…I was going to kill myself. I had a plan, and I was ready to carry it out. My test was successful and my plan was put into motion."

"What happened?" Demyx whispered.

"You walked into my life."

"What?"

"That summer before school started, I had it all planned out. I'd thought up every single circumstance that would threaten to end my plans, and I figured out my way around them. All of them, except you. You were an unexpected surprise and you're the reason I'm still alive today." Demyx had lifted his head and was staring silently into my eyes. "I only wish I could be your reason."

There was a moment of silence before Demyx quietly spoke. "But Zexy, you are my reason."

"Because I drove Axel's car in front of you?"

"No, well, kind of, but before that. The first time, I wanted to, I was going to do it, and I didn't think anything or anyone could stop me. But I started thinking about you, and I couldn't do it anymore. So I went back to school, and you know what happened after that."

I nodded, relieved, and selfishly happy that I was the reason he didn't go through with it. "Well Dems, it seems we're holding each other to this earth."

"If one of us goes, the other one goes with."

"Mmm…so what're you going to do?"

"I'm going to just, lie here, a little longer." Demyx nodded before resting his head against my shoulder again. Part of me wanted to know what he was thinking about, the other part wanted to give him his privacy to work over the events of this day, so I let him be, keeping my free arm wrapped around him, closing my eyes, and basking in the moment. Having him so close to me, yet so far away, was almost a bittersweet pain, one I was very used to. But it felt like, just maybe, he was finally starting to get a little closer. "How did you get Axel to let you borrow his car?"

The question caught me by surprise, I had not been expecting it at all, and I couldn't fight the smile that crept onto my face as I answered him, "You almost died, I almost died, and you're worried about Axel's car, which is now trashed? A car I built with him no less?"

Demyx immediately sat up, placing his hands on my stomach before he leaned down closer to my face, smiling, "You built a car?"

My smile grew, and I had to fight to keep a laugh from leaving my lips as I nodded and pointed to Axel's car with my free hand. "Yeah, that one."

"I didn't know you could do that. Well, you can do everything, but that? Wow, how?"

"It was a combination of taking auto shop with Axel and buying a book about how to build Chevelles."

"I remember that. You finished taking all the mandatory classes and I told you that you should graduate and you said you were going to take more extracurricular classes. So that's why Axel let you borrow the car, because you helped him build it?"

"Not Exactly. But yeah, if I had asked him, that'd be why he'd agreed. But… I didn't ask him. I borrowed it… without asking."

"He keeps it locked."

I lifted my bloody arm and showed him my fist. "You were driving away, and I knew what you were going to do. I didn't have time to go to my car, or to get permission from Axel to use his. So, I punched the window out and hotwired it."

"I can't believe you did that. Axel loves his car. He's you're best friend. It's like you chose me over him."

"The car can be fixed. We built it once we can build it again. If I lose you, I can't fix it. And I will always choose you over Axel. I know you can't comprehend that, but it's true."

"So, it wasn't hard to break your best friend's car for me?"

"Honestly, I wasn't thinking about Axel, I could only think of you. The difficult part really, was figuring out where you went. I needed to get in your head, and figure out how you were doing it, and where you'd do it."

"How did you do that?"

"I know you Demyx. It may surprise you, but I pay attention to everything you do, everything you say, and everything you don't say."

Demyx frowned and nodded slowly as if trying to accept it. "But, I pay attention to you, and I feel like I hardly know you. I mean, I never would have guessed you tried to kill yourself."

"I'm very good at keeping secrets, and you pay much more attention to Axel than you do to me. But Dems, you do know me better than most people, even better than Axel."

Demyx nodded again, before standing up and holding his hand out for me, which I gladly accepted. The touch of his hand wrapped around mine, made me wonder what it would feel like if we walked down a hallway like this, or if I walked up to my mom like this. I just wanted, so much, for this to be real. Once I was standing up, Demyx opened his mouth, without dropping my hand. "Why do you let me hug you?"

"Well…" To say I was shocked was an understatement. Facing my death was easier than answering this question to Demyx. He just couldn't accept the truth, and that made answering this unnecessarily difficult, "Because I like you."

"You like our other friends, you like Axel, but you only let me hug you."

"I-I like you more than them." I finished lamely. But as Demyx looked like he was about to protest I squeezed his cold hand tighter and interrupted him, "When we were younger, actually even today, when I have a bad day, you can usually tell. No one else can see it, but you do, and you hug me. And tough there's no logic in it, it makes me feel better, to have your arms wrapped around me, which is selfish, but don't I deserve comfort too? I spend all this time helping others, and I just want to accept it whenever you comfort me."

"But…Why me?"

"It feels better when it's you." I shrugged, not entirely sure myself why he made me feel so good, ever since the day I met him.

"Why did you kiss me?"

"I've already tried to tell you, but you don't want to hear it Demyx" I reminded him as he handed me the keys to his car.

"What makes you say that?"

"Like I said," I looked him directly in the eyes, "I know you and I've seen you're reaction to it."

oOo

"But I don't know what 'it' is. That's what I'm asking. I understand why you wouldn't tell me something and why you keep secrets from me, I'm not worthy of knowing. And I know, if I hadn't seen the cuts, you wouldn't have told me any of the things you have. I was just hoping I'd earned some trust. Is Axel's car going to work?" I finished and Zexion stared at me with disbelief. Then I remembered something he'd said, or had tried to say when I moved in with him. "You care about me?"

"Of course I do." Zexion sighed and pulled me into a hug. I could feel his bloody arms on my back, and feel his warm breath on my neck. He was doing it again, he was hugging me. "Dems, I've told you that before. You mean a great deal to me, even though you can't believe that, it will always be true."

He was right. I had a hard time believing something I couldn't understand. But with his arms wrapped around me like this, I think he means it like that, and it becomes a little more believable. But that wasn't safe. In the last thirty or so hours I had tried to kill myself twice, all because someone had said he cared when he didn't. How could I really know if Zexion was being truthful? Well maybe there is a way. I pulled away from Zexion to look him in the eyes. His hair was tousled every which way, allowing me to see both beautiful dark blue eyes that shined like the night sky. I wanted him to like me, no I wanted him to love me, even though I don't deserve it, and can't accept it. Some people would have anyone love them, but I only wanted him.

So without further thought, I leaned in and placed a feathery light, almost undetectable kiss on Zexion's soft, slightly chilled lips. Then I placed a hand on each side of his face, and with a greater passion, I kissed him again, close mouthed, and he didn't push me away, like I thought he would. Instead, he followed along, mimicking my actions and he wrapped his arms around me again. I was getting so lost in the moment that I almost forgot why I was doing this in the first place; to find the truth. And I think he meant every word he said. Unfortunately, if it was really true, I still wasn't ready to accept it and hated myself for that. I pulled back, "I can't do this." I walked to my car and climbed into the passenger seat, then waited for the shocked Zexion to get in the front. Once he was in, I carefully watched him adjust the seat and mirrors before starting it. Then he looked at me. There wasn't even an ounce of anger in his voice. It was like he understood I needed time.

"You ready?"

"Zexion, you gave me strength when I thought I had nothing left. And I wish I could give you what you want, because you deserve it, but I can't. Axel…he hurt me. My heart's been torn apart and he still has most of me. Eventually, I might be able to try to love again, but that's all. I can't make promises, I don't' even know if I'll be here tomorrow. And, and what if you're just confused with your feelings towards me?" I explained my fears as Zexion patiently listened to every word I confessed.

"I was confused when my mother told me my father was dead. I'm not confused about this. I've never been confused about my feelings towards you." Zexion declared, looking directly in my eyes. Then he leaned across me, bringing himself closer and closer. His hand gently cupped the side of my face, just before he touched his lips to mine. The way he moved so sensually against me, made me feel as if he were putting care into every tiny movement, all while paying attention to my reaction. Though he had initiated it, he wasn't forcing me to play along. And his goal was accomplished. I now know for sure, without a doubt, that I was right in thinking he really meant it when he said he cared, and that he may even love me. But I don't know if I can truly love him back. The thought brought tears to my eyes and as Zexion kissed me, I felt them falling down my cheeks. But I didn't want him to stop; I wanted it to last forever.

oOo

It felt…good, to be able to kiss him. It's something I had always wanted to do, and today we've kissed several times. It was everything I hoped it would be, well almost. My hand was on his face, my arm wrapped around his neck, his eyes were closed, savoring the moment, and he wanted it just as much as me, but there was something conflicting him. There was something telling him, no matter how right it felt, what we were doing is wrong, and the result was warm tears cascading down those beautiful freckled cheeks. Not wanting to cause him more pain and having accomplished my goal, I pulled away and rested my forehead against his. "And I've never asked you to love me back. I've never expected that of you Dems. I don't mean to make you feel like that's all I want from you. In truth, I'm ecstatic to have you as a friend. And you will be here tomorrow; I'll make sure of it."

"But you deserve so much better than me." Demyx murmured quietly.

"You save me every day, what more could I ask for?" I said before pulling away and putting the car into drive.

This has been written for several months, I just took forever to type it, and I'm sorry. I hope you enjoyed. I promise I'm still writing this, I'm just being a bad updater. I'm still writing all my other stories as well.

Thanks for all reviews, favs, and alerts.

Also, thank you for your patience.