A Long Way From Here

20

She looked so pitiful. It was the first thing that came to mind. The second was that she must have been completely out of her mind to think that she could just unplug herself and walk out of the hospital. The third was that she obviously had been. And the fourth was how very much he loved her, because the first thing she'd done when she'd found out—and he could only assume somehow she'd learned the truth—was to try to get to him. He'd never loved her more than he did this exact moment.

The way she said his name when she looked at him was painful, and wonderful. Chad paid Lucy no mind as she walked past him and out the door, only closed it without looking, his hand searching for a moment till it found the lock and flipped it over. If anyone bothered them right now he would not be responsible for what he did to them.

It would be exotically painful, perhaps reminiscent of the Spanish Inquisition. Or maybe one of those Chinese torture methods: long and excruciating. And he would probably enjoy it very, very much.

He approached her slowly, knowing full well that she might take it as a bad sign, but half afraid to rush at her and hold her like he wanted to. The look on her face told him that she was taking it exactly that way, but he still held himself back. She was still hurt, and he was—he wasn't sure he could not hurt her anymore if he touched her, because all he wanted to do was kiss her like there would be no tomorrow, like the next moment would never come and he had to give everything that was him to her so that she would know before the world was gone.

The chair scraped as he brought it closer to her bed, disdaining the walk to the other side and the chair that was already there. Then he sat, and watched her, memorizing her face, the glitter of tears in her eyes, the tension around her mouth, the bruising that was barely evident at her hairline alongside the one temple. She was so. Fucking. Beautiful.

She swallowed. "Did they tell you?"

He nodded. "If they hadn't I might have hurt someone." He was proud of himself for keeping his voice so neutral. He thought, he hoped that they could forgive each other. But there was a part of himself that wasn't sure, so much hurt had happened. That part held the rest of him in check. It was so easy to hope, and hope made it too easy to be hurt again. He didn't think he could take that. It wouldn't just break him; it would kill him.

She took a breath in and when it caught in her throat, hitching painfully in his ears, Chad couldn't stop himself from starting to reach a hand out to her. When he paused her face feel. "I'm sorry," she whispered, her voice breaking. "I'm sorry, Chad, I'm so sorry."

He closed his eyes for a moment, all the remembered pain washing over him in that split second. "You didn't trust me," he said softly, opening his eyes. "Why?"

"I… I-I can't…" she stumbled over her words, but Chad waited.

He did actually want to hear what she would say. He had an idea, but he had to hear it from her first. There was a piece of him that needed that, that needed to understand why she would just assume he was the bad guy, untrustworthy, worthless, any one of a hundred derogatory things that he'd accused himself of in the weeks since it had happened.

But he could offer her something to help her say it.

"I don't hate you, Sonny," he murmured softly. "I won't hate you no matter what you say. I promise."

Tears spilled down her cheeks. It took a herculean effort not to reach for her, to brush them away, to kiss her until she forgot how to cry. The words were true enough. Weeks apart had forced him to remember every single thing he'd ever done to her, to her friends, god, to people she didn't even know. His track record spoke for itself. It still hurt viciously that she'd distrusted him so easily, but there was something in him that couldn't blame her, not entirely.

"You say it so easily," she told him softly, turning her face away and raising a hand to wipe at her eyes.

He bit back a pained laugh, settling for a snorting sound that made him feel like he was choking. "If it were just words it wouldn't be so hard," he said.

"You still said them." He shrugged as she turned to face him, not wanting to explain himself. Not now, at least. He needed to hear her first, to know that she would listen when he spoke. Maybe after that they could… Not go back. No, they could never go back. But try again.

"I'm sorry," she finally said, still not looking at him. He wondered what, exactly, she was sorry for – his cynical side popping out screaming for a moment – but ultimately decided to remain silent.

Her fingers started to worry at the edge of her sheet, flicking the fabric back and forth and finding a loose thread of twisting it with her nerves. "I'm not going to ask you to look at it from my point of view," she continued, her voice soft and mostly steady. She'd been thinking about it, Chad realized. About what she would say to him, and how she would say it.

"I should have trusted you more. Or at least listened," came the hesitant afterthought. "I shouldn't have assumed."

"But?" he asked when she fell silent. It was the only invitation he would give her to say it all, to say every damned thing that had driven her. It was the only chance he would have, probably, to see exactly why she had done what she'd done. He actually wanted her to tell him, desperately even.

She turned to him, lip between her teeth as she worried at it. "But nothing. I was wrong. I messed up. I messed us up," she admitted slowly as her eyes lowered again.

Chad wasn't sure what to say to that. On one hand he wanted her to just talk to him, and on the other he wanted her to stop so they could just— Just what? They could move on? What would that be? Separate lives, never seeing each other again, or trying to come back from the mess that they were now?

After a moment Chad shook himself visibly, feeling his face pale a little as he realized what he was doing. He was doing the same thing that Sonny had done; taking everything she said at face value and running with it, basing his reactions on what should be, what needed to be history. Just reacting, instead of thinking, or feeling, or talking to her.

"It was like going back in time to when we were kids, and to the things that happened then," Sonny was continuing on as Chad barely heard her.

"Stop." The word was harsh, cutting across the flow of whatever she had been saying. He didn't know the exact words, but he knew the idea. And he didn't want to hear it, didn't need to.

Her face fell as he looked at her, dark eyes shuttering and her body seeming to crumple inward as she shrank back into the raised bed. That was bad enough, but the resignation and acceptance that Chad had seen as she did so nearly killed him. Five minutes ago, five seconds ago, he might have enjoyed it just a little. Just revenge for the way she had treated and discarded him.

Now it just made him sick.

"Sonny," he said, his eyes finding hers and holding them. "You remember everything I did to you, right? All for vanity," he murmured, leaning forward and rubbing a hand across tired eyes as she nodded. "Because I couldn't stand competition, because I didn't know how to be second best at anything."

"Chad, you—"

"No," he cut her off with a motion. "No, Sonny. Don't say anything. You remember all of the times I ever fucked things up for you and the Randoms. Well, I remember all of the things you never knew about."

Her eyes widened into black pools of surprise as Sonny practically choked on her tongue, trying to come up with a response. Chad smirked a little and shook his head at her. "No, I'm not going to tell you about it. It was years ago and, believe it or not, I've done my best to make up for most of the crap I pulled."

Her brow furrowed as she watched him, obviously unsure of what she wanted to say or do. There wouldn't be an argument, of that Chad was certain. But he was ready to be done with all of it. He understood it, what Sonny had done. He'd nearly fallen prey to it himself. And he was ready to let it go. He sighed and reached a hand out to hers, careful not to touch the IV that was run into the back of it. his fingers twined with hers as he lifted their hands together, his other coming to trace the lines of her slender fingers as he realized how much he liked the sight of their hands, together.

"I want to be done with it, sunshine," he said softly. When he heard the gasp he darted his eyes back up to hers, the urgent denial on his tongue because he knew he hadn't been clear enough. "Not you, Sonny. Never you," he told her hastily. "Just this whole fucked up mess."

He didn't wait for an answer, or for an invitation. Chad leaned forward until he was barely on the chair, bringing his mouth to hers in a greedy kiss. He'd spent weeks missing her kisses, and if she wasn't ready or up for anything else, he would at get at least one really good kiss. Chad didn't realize that some part of him, be it ever so small, had doubted that she would still be his until her mouth softened beneath his and she kissed him in return. It was invitation enough for Chad as he moved from chair to bed without ever breaking the kiss, pulling her closer carefully though he was mindful of her injuries.

It was several long, heady moments before Sonny finally pulled away from him, her eyes still closed and her forehead resting against his.

"We can't pretend it never happened," she whispered.

"No, we can't," he agreed, lips brushing hers again. "But we can put it in the past where it belongs."

"Oh, I'd like that," she whispered. "I'd really like that, Chad."

"Me too, sunshine." He started to lean in to kiss her again when three sharp raps on the door startled them both back as if they were guilty teenagers. Sonny flushed bright red and Chad started chuckling as he felt the heat rising in his own face.

"Chad Cooper, open this door right now before I have someone break it down."

Sonny winced a little but laughed at it. "That's Tawni for you," she said as Chad got up and went to unlock the door.

He pasted a faux apologetic face on as he opened it onto Tawni's glaring face. But the smile playing at her lips made him sure that he wasn't in for an earful from the blond later on. Well, at least about locking everyone while he and Sonny talked. He was pretty sure he was in for a huge talk from all of Sonny's friends.

"Tawni," he greeted her as she breezed past him. He rolled his eyes at Sonny as he followed Tawni back into the room and retook his chair, getting a small laugh from her.

Tawni surveyed the room before eyeballing both of them, then smiled widely. "Well, no broken furniture. Can I assume you two have patched things up?"

Chad had to stop himself from rolling his eyes yet again, this time in irritation that Tawni would just so bluntly say it. Sonny, however, was far less annoyed with Tawni's openness. And while she didn't say as much, she looked so happy that it was hard to just not know that they had fixed things. Or at least, started fixing them, because Chad expected that they had a bit more work before they were completely better.

But for now, Sonny was smiling. "And we have a movie to finish, too."

Now Chad chuckled. That was his Sonny, focused, eye on the ball, ready to… Wait a second, Chad told himself as tension sang through his body. She didn't know that he and Owen had talked, that the budget was too far blown, that the movie was getting scrapped. And now he would have to be the one to tell her. This was going to put a serious damper on their reconciliation.

"Yeah, about that…" Chad started, leaning forward with his elbows resting on his knees. There wasn't really a delicate way to put it, so Chad decided that the band-aid approach was preferable. "The movie is—"

"You absolutely have a movie to finish," Tawni interjected brightly, with a smirk and a wink at Chad. "Especially since I just invested in it."

It was Chad's turn to stare at her, completely wordless. Tawni Hart had just invested in his and Owen's movie. For a split second he couldn't comprehend it, it was so surprising. Then the wheels in his mind turned over once, then twice, and Chad's heart thumped to a stop as a smile so big that it hurt stretched across his face.

"Do you two know what this means?" he demanded, his excitement boiling over as his eyes darted back and forth between the two women, his hands clamped almost painfully around Sonny's.

"No?" Sonny offered while Tawni just shrugged.

"You have a movie still?"

Chad shook his head slowly. "No, it's way better. You have Chad Dylan Cooper with Sonny Monroe, already a huge publicity magnet." He scowled for a moment before pointing at Tawni. "And now Tawni Hart has invested in the movie. This is like… Publicity from God."

For a moment the two women stared at him, and they burst out laughing. As far as Chad was concerned, all was right in his world.

xXx

Sonny twitched her fingers against the length of red satin draped across her knees. She was pressed up against Chad with her head on his shoulder as they read the article in the L.A. Times for the fourth time since Owen had handed it to them that afternoon. The private screening of the movie had gone very, very well according to the article, and Sonny was actually looking forward to the furor of the premiere.

Chad was chuckling next to her. "This is my favorite part," and he pointed at the second paragraph as he read it aloud. "'New old comer Allison 'Sonny' Monroe was magnificent, effortlessly pulling emotions to the front and giving a thrilling performance.'"

Sonny flushed a little with pleasure at it. "I like the part where they say you went from Hollywood heartthrob to bona fide actor," she admitted. "It's going to open so many doors for you."

"I'm pretty sure that every door we could want has been opened by now," Chad admitted as he pressed a kiss to her ear.

Sonny frowned a little. "I hate giving any credit for it to Jennifer," she admitted. Even though everything that had happened was a good eight months in the past, Sonny still found it easier to just try and ignore that it had ever happened.

"Hey," Chad said as he turned to look at her. "You don't have to give her any credit. The reviews had nothing to do with publicity—it's the film."

"But still."

"Publicity is for the masses, and they would have come the second our names were on the marquee."

She snorted and shifted her skirt again, suppressing the urge to adjust the top of the dress. "You say that now."

He pressed a kiss to her lips, and Sonny smiled as she wiped lipstick from his. "I said it then, at least to Owen. I knew, at least a little, how the papers would jump on the two of us working together. When it finally came out," he amended.

She hmm'd. "It just came out a little sooner than planned, then?"

"Something like that."

The limo slowed and Sonny leaned forward, looking past Chad and out the tinted window. There were huge crowds already gathered around the red carpet, and a healthy dose of press as well. She knew that Chad and Owen had pulled strings and made deals to get them the Kodak Theater for the premiere, but it was, as they put it, an investment. The returns on ticket sales were forecast to be more than enough to make up the difference on that, on the film budget, on their investments, on everything. Pre-sales had already made them the anticipated number one of opening weekend.

She still had a hard time thinking that she was about to become a real, proper actress. Not that she wasn't already, as Chad had assured her more than once. He'd brought up the Emmy every time he did. But that was different when faced with maybe being the stars of the summer movie.

It was impossible not to admit that she was scared. And excited.

"Are you ready for this, sunshine?" he asked as he adjusted the flower he'd tucked into her hair before the limo had picked them up. She nodded, trying not to feel pathetically eager. Chad had seen the movie already since he'd been working with Owen finishing it. She hadn't.

She smiled in the face of the tiny apprehension she still had. "Kind of late not to be, don't you think?"

He murmured an agreement. "This is going to change everything, you know."

And she did. But she was ready. When the limo pulled to a stop and the door was opened, Chad slid out and Sonny paused for a moment, taking a deep breath. Then Chad's hand reached in and she took it, letting him help her out, her red dress falling around her in simple lines as they faced the press together. She was ready.

She kind of had to be. The first hue and cry were demands of what designer she was wearing, were they excited about the premiere and the rave reviews they'd already gotten. But the second—Oh, the second. Sonny smiled brightly at everyone, nothing bringing her down, because the second thing everyone noticed was the diamond ring that Chad had given her just that morning.

xXx

Well, we've reached the end. Thank you everyone for putting up with my sporadic updates, Sonny's neurosis, Chad's ….. well, for once he was actually nothing but wonderful. It's been a fun ride in the fandom, hope you enjoyed my offering enough to look at my other works. It will be, sadly, the only fic I write for SWAC unless I do some drabbles.

I'd like to take this opportunity to dedicate this fic to my cousin Sara, who has been its staunchest supporter on and off . Happy 18th, kiddo. I'll work on those promised fics for you soon!