Disclaimer: This was written purely for my own sick amusement, and in no way whatsoever am I making any money off of it. Joker is the rightful property of Bob Kane and Bill Finger, as Harley Quinn is to Paul Dini and Bruce Timm; DC Comics and Warner Bro's have some sort of claim on their heads as well, I believe. No copyright infringement was intended. ..Please don't sue me.

((hysteria: craze; state of violent mental agitation))

She was the ideal prize; not just for him, but for many. Various men and women of every shape and size would find themselves entranced with her traditional beauty of golden locks, baby blue orbs, and ever so classic charm. Even the clown prince of crime had to admit that the new doctor was a rather pretty thing, though he was far too complex a man to be attracted to such typical genetics as that. What caught the clown prince of crime's attention was a far more subtle trait; her hysteria. He could see it waving at him from behind her eyes as they darted around in anxious paranoia. He heard it calling his name as she rapped her carefully trimmed and painted fingernails against the surface of her desk, agitated by the mundane, repetitive lifestyle that she had been so cruelly sentenced to live out. Most of all, Joker could see, hear, and feel it in her smile; her laughter... It was then and there that the jester began to yearn for his very own harlequin.

It wasn't long before he had carefully woven his pale, spidery fingers into her hair as she cried out in a bitter sweet mix of ecstasy and pain. It wasn't long before he had carefully entwined himself into her thoughts, life, and perhaps the core of her very being. He tore apart what was left of her sanity, freeing her ever so beautiful hysteria. Harley Quinn was now his; only his, and oh- How she knew it. He had made her little more then a woman with an obsession, and that obsession just so happened to be him.

"Um... P-Puddin', you've been gone for a really, really, really long time!!" The harlequin had made this comment in a ridiculous whine that was perhaps better suited for that of a child.

Paying no mind to his love mate's whining, however, the clown carelessly tossed his plum-colored jacket far off into the corner. "Only a week or two, Pooh." He replied with a Chesire Cat grin.

As it just so happened, Joker had not at all been gone for merely a week or two, but for over a month. He had simply vanished in that peculiar way that only wanted criminals seem to be capable of pulling off. He had disappeared in a blurry, drunken state; gone to who-knows-where just for the Hell of it. Perhaps his mind had taken him for a sort of vacation. Bringing his pretty pet harlequin along for the trip, however, had apparently not been much of a priority.

Harley crossed her arms beneath her well rounded breasts, inadvertently causing the fleshy orbs to bulge upwards in a scandalously tempting manner. She was starved for attention; her whole body was craving it. "Well, it felt like a year." she mumbled, jutting out her crimson bottom lip in an exaggerated pout.

"I'm sorry." cooed the clown prince of crime in a sickeningly sweet, mocking voice. He couldn't help it, really. Harley sitting there, looking so gosh darned furious... There was something suddenly funny about it. Every last bit of their relationship was suddenly just one big marvelously ridiculous joke on love. Joker tittered into the cuff of his fist, trying desperately not to spoil the punchline.

"Mr J, I-" Her crimson bottom lip was sucked deep into her mouth, then chewed viciously like prey. She was going to say something ridiculous, but then thought better of it. Harley was on her feet now, inching carefully towards the love of her life. "I couldn't sleep. I couldn't eat." she whispered raggedly, desperately; her words oozing with fear, and perhaps confusion that had gone sour and curdled long ago. "All I could do was sit here and think about you."

"I know." the clown assured her, and he most certainly did. Joker suddenly understood why he had let his relationship with this woman go on for so very long. He suddenly understood why he had even wanted a harlequin to begin with. It was no surprise to anyone but himself that all the jester had wanted was to control her. Surely there was something more to it than just that..? The biting, carnal thoughts that suddenly bombarded his mind suggested otherwise.

She was the mother who had treated him so badly. No, even worse- She was every girl who had told him that he was too creepy, who didn't understand his jokes, who simply just wanted him to shut up and fuck. Harley Quinn was a thousand times less real then she had ever been in his eyes before. His face split into a grin, far wider than usual. Joker had no desire to play pretend anymore, no need to prove his worth by Harley's regard. The desire to possess the human doll that everyone else around him had wanted so badly was slipping, loosening its grip on his already blackened and strained heart.

"Please, Mr J" she begged, reaching for his hand, urging him to touch her soft flesh once more. Just once more, that's all she needed...

Joker abruptly pulled away. He sprung backwards onto his crooked desk, and far from his harlequin's desperate reach. "Something you want?" He taunted her with a laugh.

Crying out in despair, she reaching for him once more. Harley clambered up onto the desk after him, hand held out and begging desperately to feel his touch. Yellowed papers and crumpled blueprints flew every which way in the couple's wake.

He was too quick, leaping off the desk and dancing out of her grasp. His maniacal cackling echoed throughout the warehouse, ringing mockingly in Harley's ears.

"Well, you can't have what you can't catch!" He goaded her on, cocking his head to one side. Madness made the blood rush through his veins. How dare these women make him feel awkward? How dare she make him measure his words?

Harley snatched wildly for his forearm, but the clown easily pulled it away, spinning madly out of her reach. He laughed at her just before bounding behind piled up crates and out of sight. Harley darted after him, but he had already disappeared; close by, yet nowhere she could find.

"Do you adore me, Pooh?" cooed Joker, somewhere deep within the shadows.

"Yeah!" Harley yelped frantically, racing towards the voice only to find nothing but air shrouded in darkness.

"Are you besotted with me? Would you die to have me?"

"Yeah!!" She cried once more, her eyes dark with both desire and fury.

Joker laughed at her. "Tell me again what you would do to have me."

"Anything." The harlequin said this without hesitation. "Give me a chance, Puddin'. ..Make me do something!"

Joker tittering softly, but the laughter died in his throat as he was suddenly tackled to the cold, hard floor. His head bounced against the cement with a terrible sound, much like the dull thump of flesh and bone colliding with rock and steel. Wasn't that what it was? Before he could even gather up his frantically scattering thoughts, Joker found his arms pinned at the wrists, his legs overpowered by a pair much thinner then his own.

She was little more than muscle built up from years of gymnastics and organic vitamin supplements, the latter having been complimentary from a dear leafy friend. All that time she had spent pushing herself to be better... Better for him. It had left her lithe and feminine body deceptively strong.

He, however, was lithe as well. His body thin and wiry from a blurry childhood that was marred with malnutrition and neglect. There was very little room for muscle. There was very little room for strength.

Joker couldn't move, and an unfamiliar feeling crept its way into his heart- Could it be fear?

He stared up at a face much like his own; wild eyes and a manic smile- Hysteria. He struggled, but to no prevail. Joker was trapped. "Harls'..?"

"It wasn't very nice to tease me like that, Puddin'."

Joker swallowed. He was uncomfortable, and almost by instinct, he was about to utter a joke in order to kill the awful silence that gnawed at his very being. The clown, however, never had the chance, for just as soon as he opened his mouth, a pair of crimson lips smashed against his own. A tongue invaded his revealed orifice, stealing a taste of everything and anything that it could possibly reach.

Finally, the harlequin pulled away. Her wild eyes and manic smile seemed to have frozen in place, but ever so slowly did they melt away, and a look of horror at what she had done suddenly took its place. Joker was released almost instantaneously. Harley clambered off of his midsection, backing away carefully, just as one would from a frantic, wild beast. "P-Puddin', I... I don't know what came over me. I'm- I'm sorry!!"

Joker sat up dully, then shakily climbed to his feet as well. He regarded his horror-stricken doll for a moment with a tilt of his head. Was that horror from what she expected of his retaliation, or was it horror at her very own actions? He strode towards her, and the harlequin backed away until her back made contact with the wall. He had her cornered. The clown prince of crime then grabbed at her wrists, pinning her roughly against the cold, hard steel. Harley flinched away, but there was nowhere for her to go. She wouldn't fight back. She deserved this. With that thought in mind, Harley squeezed her eyes shut tight, and waited for what was to come.

It was a kiss.

Joker had pressed his lips against her's in a gentle, loving touch. The clown prince of crime suddenly understood why he had let his relationship with this woman go on for so very long. He suddenly understood why he had even wanted a harlequin in the first place. It wasn't the control, no; he had plenty of that already. What he had wanted to see, hear, feel, and most importantly taste, was her ever so beautiful hysteria.