AN: This is it. The end. This story has been so much more than I expected. I loved it from the beginning, but I've grown more attached to it as it progressed. I am so happy with how it's finishing. I think everyone should applaud Kelly who did such an amazing job and was never afraid to tell me I was insane. Between You & Me is almost completely written and I will begin posting the updates in the next couple of weeks, along with some for From Blood & Ashes. You've been fabulous. ~Van

Disclaimer: I do not own HSM.

~*~

Lay Him Down To Sleep

PART TEN

"Sunny days seem to hurt the most."

-Who You'd Be Today, Kenny Chesney

June- Six Years Later

Gabriella had missed the weather in Albuquerque. Back in New York, the air was just getting warm enough to leave jackets and sweaters at home, so she let the heat of New Mexico soak into her skin as it beat upon her face and bare arms. Overhead, the branches of the solitary tree rustled and shimmered with the rays of sun that hit the glossy side of its leaves. Sitting cross-legged on the grass, her back leaning against the solid stone of Troy's marker, Gabriella's eyes remained closed as she breathed in the sweet smell of freshly mowed grass and blooming flowers. Her fingers played absently with the silky strands of grass that tickled the palm that rested upon it; a strip of grass running uninterrupted between her hand and Andy's as he sat beside her.

With his legs stretched out and his face tilted upwards towards the sun, Gabriella could have used the glare of the sun as an excuse to confuse him with his dead brother, but time had ingrained the impossibility of that fact into her brain. No longer could she trick herself into thinking it had all been a nightmare. Gabriella licked her bottom lip, exerting pressure for a moment on her tongue as she caught it with her front teeth, before opening her eyes to slide her gaze to the right and take in the neatly trimmed hair that was so different from the shag he had sported during their first year at Stanford. The lines around his eyes had taken his boyish looks and replaced him with an air of adulthood. Even though she saw Andy at least once or twice a year, sitting in the cemetery brought his pain to a harsh frontier that hurt her to witness. Gabriella hastily looked away before he caught her, dropping her eyes to their hands in the grass. It never used to be odd for her to think of placing her hand over his, to merge their thoughts and feelings, but that had been a long time ago and within the representative presence of Troy it seemed traitorous for both of them. Instead, Gabriella brought her hands up to gently finger the petals of the cut bouquet in her lap.

She had brought Troy white roses. They were the same flower she brought every year during the same month. The day didn't matter to her— the days that had followed his death had seemed like a whirlwind of moments that blended together until she wandered into her mother's kitchen one morning to see that the calendar had been flipped to July—but the month did. June had become part of her routine. Every January she would flip through and make note of the weekends that could be worked into her schedule. Every May she would call the Bolton's and let them know when she was flying in and which hotel she would be staying at. Each June she would take a car from the airport directly to the cemetery and leave white roses on Troy's grave before doing anything else, and at the end of her visit, she would leave another bouquet of the same flower in the same place before heading back to the airport. Nothing ever changed for her in this regard. It didn't matter what was going on in her life, June was for Troy.

From his spot beside her, Andy looked over to watch the flawless movement of her hands as she contemplated the roses. The years and distance had taken its toll on their relationship since the day Gabriella had left Albuquerque for Seattle shortly after Troy's death, having been reduced to phonecalls every few months and Christmas cards addressed to his parents. Emails flew back and forth on birthdays and to mention special events. Jack and Lucille's thirtieth wedding anniversary invitation and subsequent pictures when Gabriella didn't attend. Thank you notes for graduation gifts and flower baskets at New Years' when Andy knew she would be at her worst. They talked but it was superficial. It hurt to contemplate the other's life as they progressed forward.

Andy, after returning to school, had dated and married a girl he met through his roommate. The wedding had been the summer before and Gabriella had not attended. Mutual friends told her the girl, Brianna, was lovely and Gabriella had sent her congratulations with love. She was happy for Andy, but she didn't belong at his wedding. She wondered if he would be at hers and it made her stomach clench with what it would mean. Sighing, Gabriella's mind tumbled over how things had changed so much between the two of them. He had been her rock for the days after losing Troy, but distance and pain had forced her to find the strength in herself to follow through on her promises to Troy.

Andy had driven her to airport that day. He had unloaded her suitcases from the bed of the truck that Troy had left him (along with detailed instructions on how to fix just about anything and who could be trusted to perform maintenance that was considered beyond his expertise), and set them on the sidewalk before the doors to the departure gate, and hugged her twice, pressing one last kiss to her forehead before driving away. She had boarded the plane and flown to her mother's house in Seattle where she spent the summer months enjoying the rain because it didn't remind her of Albuquerque. The first few weeks had been torture. She'd clutch her phone to her chest and sob until her pillow was soggy, wishing that she could call the only person who could help her through the pain but know it was impossible for him to answer. When she finally snapped out of it long enough to find a way to move and eat and go outside, Gabriella had found an odd comfort in standing in the pouring rain. The first time Lucille called to see how she was doing, Gabriella's voice had been raspy from catching a cold after standing outside for five hours until her mother dragged her inside.

"Are you cold?" Andy asked when he saw the unconscious shiver race down her spine, yanking Gabriella from her thoughts long enough to shake her head at him. "Oh, okay."

Her return to Stanford in the fall of that year had been a difficult adjustment. The pressure was on her to keep her marks exceptional or risk her already rocky scholarship. Andy had opted to transfer his credits to the University of Albuquerque where he could be closer to his parents who were still reeling from the loss of their eldest child. Alone, devastated and uninterested, Gabriella had arrived on campus and pushed herself to get through the fall semester. Her friends coaxed her into going with them to the quiet coffee shop every Friday just to get her out of her dorm room, which she agreed to just to keep them from calling her mother or Andy. She went to class, studied and when that didn't take up enough of her time, she got a bartending job on campus where she could be guaranteed long hours that ended with a dreamless sleep. When she survived that semester, she forced herself to complete the next one. Looking back, Gabriella could barely recall anything from her sophomore year at college. It was all a blur of just trying to live until the next day; to go a whole day without crying and then a whole week. She laughed and joked and smiled, but nothing seemed to get rid of the hole in her chest. Nothing ever seemed to matter because Troy wasn't there to share it with her.

She opted to stay in Stanford for the summer leading to her junior year, driving down to New Mexico after exams to visit Troy. Andy had found her curled around Troy's headstone, surprised to even see her in the city, and dragged her home for the next four days before letting her drive back to California. He and his parents had lectured her on needing to heal and move on and letting Troy go. They hadn't understood that she was trying. She had tried so hard. Each day, the pain was a little less, but then it would hit her like a ton of bricks. As a junior, she worked diligently through her studies, writing papers and completing labs with precision and accuracy, but no passion or energy. On New Year's Eve, home alone while her mother was away on business, Gabriella promised herself that the new year would be better. She'd take a risk. She'd live her life. She'd honour her promise to Troy.

Her first date was a disaster. She met him at the library and he'd flirted and with a hesitant moment of impulse, Gabriella gave him her number. They met for coffee and after twenty minutes, Gabriella was back in her dorm room, sobbing to her roommate. He had been from Denver and his favourite thing to do was snowboard. Her roommate set her up the second time. He had blue eyes and Gabriella managed six sentences and ten minutes before leaving. As consolation, her friends promised her a girls night with no pressure. They dragged her to the school's non-conference basketball tournament with the promise of ice cream after. Her third date, Gabriella swore, was arranged by Troy.

"Mom says you're marrying him." The quiet had stretched along since Andy's last comment. The sun had shifted so the light traced a path in the grass as the tree cast shadows around them. Gabriella spun the delicate silver band on her finger, the tiny diamond sparkling in the sun. On her wrist, a similar diamond caught her eye and she quickly looked away.

"I am," she replied softly, throwing him a calm look before returning her attention to the engagement ring. "In the fall; maybe here at his parents' house. We haven't decided yet."

A basketball game in March was the turning point in Gabriella's life because fifteen minutes after finding the seats her friends had purchased, the announcer called UCLA and the University of Albuquerque to center court. An invisible fist squeezed Gabriella's heart as she ignored the point guard position that had been filled by a stranger, and in doing so, her eyes fell on a familiar head of curly hair that was dribbling a ball down court. At the end of the game, Chad Danforth found her waiting nervously in the parking lot beside the bus from U of A, soaked from the pouring rain. They had coffee in town that night, tucked away in a private corner where they caught up on small talk. The next night, they went to dinner at the pub where Gabriella worked. When he left at the end of the week, he promised to keep in touch.

"So, you love him and all of that?" Andy asked, curiosity in his voice rather than the betrayal that she had expected. Her feelings about Chad had been conflicted in the months that followed the tournament. Although they had never kept it a secret from anyone, it had taken awhile for them to tell their friends and families. For Gabriella, her mother was thrilled and her friends thought Chad was a gift from the heavens, but then they hadn't met Troy or seen what they had had. For Chad, he felt like he was breaking all sorts of rules. It had taken time for both of them to even come to conclusions about their relationship. To accept it for what it was.

"Of course I love him," Gabriella insisted, but she saw the flash of doubt on Andy's face. It was the same that appeared on Chad's sometimes when they fought or she was having a bad day. "He lets me leave room for Troy."

Chad had called the next weekend and they had chatted until Gabriella had to leave for a shift at work. Things were quiet for a couple of weeks until she saw online that he had been awarded MVP for the Redhawks team and she fired off a quick email followed by a voicemail offering her congratulations. Two weeks later, he called to let her know he'd be at Berkeley the next month and he hoped it would be okay to drive up to see her again. That's how it worked for awhile. They kept in touch, saw each other every few months, had coffee and called when they were having one of those days where everything seemed so overwhelming that nothing could make it seem like it would ever be okay again. In Chad, Gabriella found someone who didn't need an explanation to understand where she was coming from. He didn't mind leaving their relationship undefined while the two of them sorted out their feelings. Chad let her rebuild herself and in the process, the two of them found happiness.

It was Chad who learned first that Gabriella was abandoning medical school to pursue graduate work in psychology with an aim to work with hospital programs for patients and their families. It was Chad who told her Andy was getting married and who understood why she didn't want to attend the wedding. When Chad moved to New York in the fall of Gabriella's final year at Stanford, it was the final push Gabriella needed to accept NYU's offer to attend their PhD program the following year after graduation. That December 31, Gabriella spent New Year's Eve with Chad, watching the ball drop in Times Square while eating Chinese food. He didn't seem to mind that she spent most of it curled into his side, completely silent and unmoving. It was the little things that he understood that made it easier to move on.

"He didn't come with you?" Andy asked, bending his knees to shift position as his hands dangled between his legs to pluck a strand of grass from the ground. He twirled it between his fingers, mangling it.

"No," Gabriella answered quietly. "Time off is really tight at the precinct right now; he's working a couple of doubles for another officer."

After Troy's death, Chad spent the more difficult days at East High's gym during basketball practice. After the first few times, Jack Bolton had put him to helping with the drills and conditioning exercises; the same things he used when Andy appeared or he himself felt the heavy loss of his son. Soon, Chad had graduated to unofficial assistant coach. When he expressed interest in doing more than basketball, Jack found him a job working with an afterschool program at the community center than identified kids at risk for dropping out of school. After finishing his degree at U of A in Kinesiology, Chad had turned down playing basketball at a minor level and applied to the Police Academy. He took the spot offered in New York City and moved north, far from the childhood memories of his best friend. Gabriella had followed him the year after his training, and gradually, the two began to build a routine around each other.

He had proposed to Gabriella one evening in late March. They had gone to dinner with Chad's new partner and his wife, followed by a walk that led them to the quiet outdoor ice rink by the park. Chad and Gabriella had watched the lone couple skating on the ice, before Chad had dug a ring out of his pocket and held it out to Gabriella. He didn't get down on one knee like a knight in shining armour, because as he explained to her, they had saved each other. He simply asked if there was room for him in her heart; that he was willing to be whatever she needed him to be. To Chad, Gabriella was beautiful the way she was, and that included the fractures caused by Troy. Gabriella knew she'd never find anyone else willing to share her with someone they couldn't compete with, and the fact that Chad didn't see it as a competition, made her say yes.

"Will you stay in New York?" Andy asked. Gabriella's back ached from staying in the same position, the corner of the headstone's base digging into her spine. "Or will you move home to be closer to his parents?"

"We'll stay in New York, most likely," Gabriella told him. "We like the winters and the snow. I like the hospital there."

Unspoken understanding passed between them. Gabriella could never work in the hospital that symbolised her separation from Troy. She would never be comfortable being in the city that belonged to him and Troy; Chad could never hope to have her in the city that held the broken pieces of her heart. In New York, they could be alone. Gabriella jerked in surprise when Andy ran a finger along her bracelet with its silver links.

"You still wear it," he noted, like he did every time he saw her. "Why don't you add more charms to it?"

"There's no reason to," she replied quietly, as he looked at each one. There was the heart, the birthday cake and the Stanford crest from Andy during their handful of months. Then there was the Christmas tree. The skis. The rose. Troy's forever. The only charm not purchased by the brothers was the one Gabriella bought while in Seattle. TB and the year that matched his headstone. She wore it on the same hand as her engagement ring. "Chad is my second chance. My ending."

"It seems bittersweet to me," Andy told her bluntly and Gabriella frowned. He shrugged, not seeing. "Maybe I'm wrong."

"Love has different faces," Gabriella reminded him. "It doesn't have to be black and white."

"How do you reconcile everything like that?" Andy asked, curious. "Make it so simple? Keep all your promises without breaking any?"

"I've broken promises before," Gabriella mentioned. "I try not to make ones I can't keep."

"Troy promised you forever." His love for his brother and his decisions were surfacing in Andy and Gabriella felt guilty for the answers she knew she would give him. "I thought you promised him the same thing."

"I did." Gabriella gave him a hard look.

"So what about Chad? Where's his forever?" Maybe it wasn't about Troy, Gabriella thought, maybe it was about figuring her out.

"He won't ask for one," Gabriella said softly, her heart aching for the pain she knew she sometimes caused him. People would ask how she could be a policeman's girlfriend or wife, and what would she do if he was hurt on the job; Gabriella always felt unsure how to answer because no one wanted to hear that it wouldn't be as difficult as the first time. "He knows I can't give him that."

"What will you give him?"

"Right now," Gabriella answered. "He gets right now. He gets 'til death do us part. He gets the rest of this life, and then when one of us goes, he'll let me go."

"It's a lot to give up," Andy murmured thoughtfully, weighing Gabriella's words.

"You did it once."

They were quiet for the remainder of the afternoon, each one lost in their own thoughts. When it was time to go, as the sun slipped behind the horizon and Gabriella's phone vibrated to remind her that she had a plane to catch, they stood and laid the roses on the base of the headstone. Gabriella allowed herself one graceful touch over the surface of Troy's name before she followed Andy towards her rental car and the white truck. Waiting until Andy had driven away, Gabriella turned away from her car and looked up the hill to where the sun dimly struck the spot beneath the tree. Raising her fingers to her lips, Gabriella blew Troy a kiss before sliding behind the wheel of her car.

On the road to the airport, she called Chad to double check he would be at the airport when her flight landed.