I don't know how or when or why it happened but I recently figured out that I'm in love with Derek Venturi. And it really shouldn't come as a shock, because everyone loves Derek, but unfortunately I'm his step-sister Casey McDonald.

And it makes me want to cry, because its been like this for the past few months. The dreams started coming after the first initial thoughts. And, boy, are they graphic! I've never thought this way about a boy before, but for Derek I want to be wild and inhibition free. But all Derek sees is Sally. On any other occasion, Sally would be a choice candidate for Derek, but now that I figured out that I want him, it only seems like a mistake. I sit in my room sometimes and nit-pick on how she could never challenge him the way I do, or how she could never take care of him the way I want to. But she is, and I'm not. They've been together for a while now, and he's the happiest I've ever seen him.

I wish I could tell someone how I feel, but I don't even feel safe telling Paul about this most recent development. So I'm alone, in a sense, fearing that even writing in my diary would get me into trouble. All I need is a little more time because finals are coming up and then off to Queens. Someplace that has never heard of Derek Venturi; someplace where maybe I can forget about him and meet someone great and interesting.

I"m just going to try to avoid him for the time being. Though I really don't know if you can avoid a tornado. Just kind of sit there and hope it doesn't kill you. Hope it will just blow over. But knowing Derek making my life easy would be a travesty.

I just woke up for school, I'm an early riser but I haven't been sleeping really well so I've taken to setting an alarm clock. I quickly undress, grabbing my towel and toiletries and heading to the bathroom for a much needed shower. Locking the bathroom door, I quickly turn on the shower, hang my towel up, and slip into the hot stream of water. I can feel my neck and back loosening up from the terrible tossing-and-turning of last night's sleep.

I wash my hair, shampooing out what I feel to be dirt and grime. After rinsing out the conditioner, I soap up my loofa trying not to think of the dream from the night before. But if there is a God, he certainly doesn't like me because the dream is rapidly invading my mind again as I wash my body.

Him pushing me against a wall and ravishing my mouth, his hands trying to touch every place available on my body. My mouth would be kissing him like mad, my hands weaved into his wild hair and my legs would be wrapped around his waist trying to pull him closer.

I could feel my nipples hardening under the hot shower, and my deft fingers would quickly flick them before traveling over my stomach, my loofa now forgotten.

He would be pushing his hips closer to mine, crushing our pelvises together. He'd tear open my shirt and lift my bra up. Tug roughly on my nipples, as i keen from the abuse.

"You like that, don't you Casey?" He'd mumble into my neck,"Like when I treat you like this. I always knew you would. So dirty."

My fingers were buried within me, my mind recreating the scene, my body wishing for his touch. I could feel my orgasm burgeoning within me, and I knew soon it would end.

He'd suck at my neck as he quickly unsnapped my pants, his hand diving to find my sweet little nub. I'd cry out and he'd reward me with a few flicks before pushing two fingers into my tight snatch.

"So tight Casey. And all for me. Tell me."

I'd gasp, of course, his words only spurring me to buck my hips into his willing hands.

"Tell me this is only for me. Tell me you're mine," he'd say sweetly in my ear.

"Yours," I'd say,"Only yours."

I cried out, my orgasming hitting me hard and fast. I pumped my fingers a few more times before slumping against the cold tiles of the shower. After regaining a little composure I picked up the loofa washing away the remnants of dream, only to hear a loud banging on the door.