A/N: Not Neville/Hannah, for once. Wow.

I own nothing, nothing, nothing at all.

Run for the Hills

Harry was working in his study, reading over a recent probation interview, when his fourteen-year-old son James slouched in.

"Dad?"

Harry looked up. He felt like he rarely saw his son anymore, and when he did, he was being a surly, sulky teenager. For him to come into Harry's office and initiate a conversation was completely unprecedented.

"Yes?"

"Can I ask you…a girl question?"

Harry nodded. What will it be? he wondered. Ginny kept going on about him and Piper Longbottom ending up together, but what were the chances of that?

"You won't tell Mum?"

"No, of course not." Actually, he probably would, but he would instruct Ginny to never let on that he's told.

"Or Lily? Or Al? Or Fred or Louis or Sebastian or Piper or Hugo or Rose or Teddy or—"

"James, I won't tell anyone."

"Okay." He exhaled. "So there's this girl, Matilda Brash, and she's like, in love with me."

"Uh-huh…is she pretty?"

"Well..." James blushed. "Yeah. But she's the most annoying girl I've ever met."

"Is she really that bad, James? Or are you afraid to ask her out? Your cousins won't make fun of you bad, I promise."

"It's not that. She's...weird, dad."

"Weird like Auntie Luna? Because there is so much more to—"

"No Dad, weirder. She keeps going off about how her mom and you were like, 'destined to be,' or something, and you guys were practically engaged when Mum burst in and wrecked it, and to fix your mistake we need to 'marry and procreate.' Her words, not mine."

Harry blanched. He honestly couldn't blame his son for wanting nothing to do with her. "That's complete bull crap. Who the hell is her mother?"

"Romilda Caine, Payne, something like that?"

"Vane?"

"Yeah, that's it!"

Harry rested an arm on James's shoulder. "Do you really want my advice?"

James fidgeted. "Uhh, yeah."

"Run for the hills."

James shot him a withering look. "I was planning on that," he said. He pulled a small package from his pocket. "Can you tell me how to shake her off? The only good thing about her is she keeps sending me candy. I haven't had any yet." He unwrapped a Chocolate Cauldron and was about to pop it into his mouth when Harry leapt up, snatched the sweet away, and tossed it into the fire.

"What the hell?" James yelled.

Harry sat down. "Trust me, you'll thank me," he said. He grabbed his wand and conjured a seat. "Sit down," he said. "This story's going to take a while…"

The End

In case you were wondering, in my little world, Romilda kept going after the "next best thing" and really wanted wealth and social status over love, which led to a string of divorces. Matilda's father is an old Wizarding rock star whom Romilda dropped when his career went into a slump.

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