Chao- A story of a conversation between an insane man and an innocent child.

Disclaimer: DarkChao1663 does not own Phineas and Ferb, Johnny the Homicidal Maniac, or other notable Jhonen Vasquez's ideas.

Warnings: Dark humor, minor swearing

Parings: None

The Pessimist Man and the Optimistic Child

"I may do crazy things, but I'm not crazy." -Edgar Allen Poe

A very tall and skinny man wearing a black trench coat and combat boots while holding a very badly shaved hair sat on the creaky swings at a city park at night. He parked his beat up vehicle not too far from where he was. His feet had become tired, his body aching, and he desired to take some time off from his long journey.

Johnny's P.O.V.

"I want to rest but I never can," I mumbled to myself.

I continue walking the Earth with one idea on my mind: The fact that I have no mind.

I sit here waiting for someone who will never arrive.

I look at my phone for a text I'll never receive.

I desire contact from someone who doesn't exist.

I look up at the sky for the moon I'll never see.

The stars no longer shine on my face.

I ask for help, I seek answers, but I end up finding more questions.

Am I asleep?

No, I never sleep.

Am I dead?

No, I've return from both worlds I'm not even sure existed.

I've met a blob claiming to be God, and I met a man with horns alleged to be Satan (or Senior Diablo, as he likes to be called). I long to be pure but I can't; I've destroyed myself too much already.

Can I regain something that I lost?

I continue to look up. I knew I had to keep going. I had to find my answers I was seeking so desperately. I also had to battle any urges to obliterate assholes. So far I only killed a squirrel, a man dressed as a taco, and a comic book creator.

I was proud of myself for not having gone on a massacre spree but still disappointed of the fact I did. What could I do? Those people had it coming, especially the comic book guy. Who would want to read a comic about a crazed, homicidal maniac? I turned my attention towards the sound of children playing in the park.

"They are the best and worst," I mumbled to myself again. "They are pure, yet annoying."

Groups of children had fun taking part in the sandbox, on the slides, on the playground, and on the grassy hills. One thing I had noticed was that children differ from town to town. There was one particular group of kids I kept my focus on. They were all around the same age but different ethnic races. I was also drawn to them because there was a mammal with a duck bill and a beaver tail with them.

"I wonder if that platypus has ever met the Easter Platypus?" I asked myself.

Soon the children all waved goodbye and departed. The boy with green hair pointed to himself then to the restroom. The other boy with red hair nodded his head. He and his pet (?) platypus came towards the swings. After taking a seat, he applied his legs to give himself motion. The mammal just sat down and gave some sort of chatter. I couldn't help but stare at the creature, who stared back at me blankly.

"I think he likes you," the young boy with a very large nose remarked with a smile.

After a moment of silence, I asked the child, "Does he have a name?"

"Yes, he's Perry. My name is Phineas."

"Does he do anything?"

"No, he's a platypus; they don't do much. What's your name?"

"I'm Johnny C., but everyone calls me Nny."

"Like knee cap?"

"No, but it's pronounce the same."

I couldn't help but think back to a time when I had captured a man, whom I couldn't recall what he did to me. I just remember refusing to let him go, but he had no fear. I pulled the switch anyways and lost someone who could have understood me.

"What are you doing here at the park?" the young boy, Phineas, asked.

"I'm just taking a break from my long journey." I answered truthfully.

"Is that how you plan to spend your summer vacation?" he continued to ask while still swinging.

"To be honest I'm not sure." I answered.

Summer vacation? It's been awhile since I've heard that. I do remember days when Squee wouldn't be in school, but I couldn't tell if it was a day off, or if the school was overtaken by squirrels again.

"How do you spend yours?" I asked out of politeness.

"My stepbrother and I build amazing rides and machines with some of our friends." Phineas answered with pure joy.

He has a stepbrother? How sad. But he looked like he was having a great time with the other boys. I looked at Phineas, and he seems very happy; happy with himself for having a brother. What a wonderful feeling that must be. To be happy with someone you care about. To enjoy such wonderful memories with one another. These boys can look back and have a true smile on their face. The last time I ever felt such a wonderful feeling was with her.

"Do you have any other siblings?" I asked Phineas out of curiosity.

"Yes, I have a sister, Candace."

"Is she your stepsister?"

"No, she and I have the same Mom."

"Does she help you with building you machines?"

"No, she actually doesn't enjoy it when my stepbrother and I make our inventions."

The young boy stopped swinging for a moment. He looked at his feet that didn't reach the ground. "I'm not sure why, but she runs off screaming for Mom. But by the time they both come back, our stuff disappears for no apparent reason."

"You know," I offered candidly, "she can be 'taken care of' if you want."

I found myself feeling strange. Why am I offering this little boy my services? I barely know him, and yet I can't help but see something else in this boy. Something special.

"That's ok," he replied, not quite understanding the gesture. "I love my sister!"

He continued to swing without a care in the world.

He loves his sister? Even though she sounds jealous of him? Of his talent? I found myself feeling jealous of him. It must be nice to use such a wonderful word, "love". It's really hard to employ such a powerful word, especially in modern times. Some people just assume the only love that exists is just a lustful, romantic feeling. It seems as though people have to use the "care" for "love".

He appeared cheered up for admitting his feelings for his sister. How good it must feel to care about his sister. My thoughts were interrupted once more when Phineas asked, "Do you have any brothers or sisters?"

"No," I answered. "I did have parents."

There was no way I could tear his innocence with telling him the murder of my parents. Now that I think about it, I barely remember them. It's such a shame everything in my life is a blur.

Is everyone doomed to such a fate, or is it just me?

How long will it be before this child realizes that he's doomed?

Everyone is doomed.

There is no escape.

I couldn't help but sigh in defeat. Will I ever get my answer? What type of response would I get if I told someone one? Other than her of course. Last time I did, I got a face full of mirror. Then again, she was an adult. Someone whom I cared deeply for. But what about a child's point of view?

I heard many times children are so pure and innocent they give a straight answer. I could ask Squee, but he would just ask that filthy teddy bear for an answer. I should just give that toy to a homeless man. He would probably just say it's an alien and run away from the government man.

"Do you believe in aliens?" I asked Phineas suddenly.

The boy stopped swinging for a moment.

"I do," he answered proudly. "And I've met several of them when my brother and I went into outer space."

"You have?" I questioned with interest.

"Yeah," the boy replied happily. "One of them was a poacher, and not a zoo keeper. The other was Meap. He protects the galaxy and busts people who do things they're not supposed to do."

I sighed again with vexation. How is it that aliens protect other creatures and not the human race? Not that the human race needs someone to save them; we're doomed anyways. An advance alien race should just take over the planet.

I observed it was getting late, and the young boy was feeling sleepy.

Where are this child's parents?

Did they try and sell him off?

Abandon him in the park?

I know I must keep going. I must keep searching for answers. But I can't leave this kid alone. What if someone tried to do this kid harm, like that pedophile attempted with Squee? I doubt this platypus could do anything to help his owner. So, I'll stay with him.

"What is it that you like about life?" I asked him suddenly.

I must have surprised him with such a complicated question, for he stopped swinging and looked at the semi-aquatic mammal. Well of course it's going to take him a few moments to think of an answer! Everyone has different opinions about life. Maybe I should simplify the question. "What is it that makes you want to move forward every day?"

"I like to try new things!" Phineas replied gleefully. "I like to move on and take every day with a new adventure. That's what my brother and I do. We like to build different inventions. Every day is new and should be treated as such. If everything were the same, then life would be boring. And boredom is something I will not deal with!"

I couldn't help but laugh at the child's last sentence. The beginning was good, but that last statement sounded so childish. But, then again, that's what he is. And yet he's different.

"What about the people you don't get along with so well?" I asked curiously, feeling the answer did sound a little selfish.

"Well, one friend of mine is our friend, but he's also a bully."

"Then why are you friends with him?"

"He can actually be a good person when he wants to be," he explained. "Not too long ago, my friends and I helped him get his pet goldfish back from a squid."

Phineas grabbed his pet and placed him on top of his lap. He began to stroke the mammal.

He seems so carefree. Why is it that everyone else I met is either an emo or an asshole? How hard is it to be polite to someone? I hate getting stared at by complete strangers. What right do they have to judge me? They should take good long look at themselves! I'm surprised Phineas has yet to say anything about my outfit.

"Do you view life as just fun and games for yourself? Do you make other people enjoy the day?" I asked with a little hope for a non-selfish answer. Phineas turned his attention back to me.

"Yes," he stated with a smile. "Most of my adventures involve my friends. One good friend of mine, Isabella, told me today that she really enjoys spending time with me."

"So he is unselfish," I mumbled to myself.

Phineas continued freely, "Both me and my brother had built things for our sister as well. She did enjoy it, and it makes me happy when she's happy. I'd do anything for my sister!"

I was taken aback by that powerful answer. Everyone I have seen at parks earlier only argue with their siblings. Sometimes, they hate each other so much they no longer speak to each other. I wonder how many siblings I've taken away. I didn't think about that at the time of killing spree. I just knew I needed fresh blood for that monster behind the wall. I wonder what ever happen to it. I couldn't help but laugh again.

"What's so funny?" Phineas asked with innocent curiosity.

I answered him truthfully, "We barely met and already we have struck up an interesting conversation. You and I do have some things in common. Like Edgar Allen Poe had stated, 'I may do crazy things, but I'm not crazy.' Doesn't that sound like the both of us?"

Phineas was about to answer when suddenly we both heard the young boy's name being called, "Phineas! Where are you!"

The young boy jumped off the swing and said to me with a smile, "My sister is calling me!"

"Phineas! Get over here now!" a teen with red hair had called out. Behind her was a boy with green hair. Green hair? The only time I saw that was when I was in California near some type of convention. That place had a lot of sweaty, smelly people.

"Well, Mr. Nny, it was nice talking with you." Phineas said with a charming smile. "I hope you find your answers soon."

I waved goodbye as the young boy walked towards his blended family. Out in the distance I could hear his sister scold, "Phineas, what have Mom and Dad told you about talking with strangers?"

"He's not a stranger," he replied firmly as he walked off with his mix family. He turned around, waved goodbye, and added, "He's just a person who needed to talk to someone."

I waved back once more, and then got off of the swing and walked towards my car. I was happy for the young child; his family didn't abandon him. I might have slapped his parents with a bag of Ramen Noodles if they had.

I quickened my paced towards my car. I had to write all these feelings down in my Die-ary before they disappear again for another eternity.

I may do crazy things, but I'm not crazy.

I looked towards the sky and saw the moon for once to what had felt like ages. I took a deep breath of the crisp night air and said to myself, "Maybe the world isn't full of so many assholes after all."

I got into my car and drove off to continue my quest.

End Johnny's POV

The End

Chao- So, how do you plan to look at life now? Incredibly pessimistic like Nny? Overly optimistic like Phineas? Either way, they're both crazy.