This was updated so quickly because I learned that I still unconsciously think of ideas for this which drive me mad screaming WRITE WRITE WRITE!(cough and my little brother pestered me into doing it his name is Danny cough), and so I shall continue writing this, even though I probably will not continue reading the warriors series.

And I tried to make this chapter somewhat longer and better. Did I fail? Longer…yes….Better….That would be up to your readers.

Remember, since I stopped reading, I don't know anything that happens past The Fourth Apprentice. So a few events might be unincluded in here.

Disclaimer: I do not own Warriors. I make no money off it. If I did…

I still wouldn't be rich.

Why?

Because, this isn't that good anyway.

You purchased the TIGERHEART unit? Congratulations! Well, not really. In fact, a more appropriate term would be, "How unfortunate." Anyway, it shall arrive within a period of…ten years. When it does arrived, it shall be in a crate made of bubble wrap.
Wait…Are you laughing at me? Oh, I know what you think! Look at the manual/catalogue! Look at it! The author of it doesn't know that a crate made of bubble wrap is just an item wrapped in the stuff! She's so dumb! Nyehehe! Well I know it really isn't a crate! Curse you…
For getting me all riled up, I won't tell you anything else about the TIGERHEART unit! Humph…

-A few moments later-

Hello, the old author of this had to…erm…."take a break". So now I shall be writing the catalogue until she isn't so riled up anymore. Really, what did you guys do to get her so angry..?

So, the TIGERHEART unit will arrive…eventually. What will it be in…?
I dunno. It changes every time. Once we had a shark crate, once one made of peanut butter, I can recall one made of poppies and rose thorns…
They all leak acid. So I wouldn't touch them if I were you.
If you manage to figure out a way to open the crate without having your hands melted off…
I really don't have anything witty to say to that. Meh, maybe I'm just tired…
So if you survived that, now you have a unit. Yippee…

This unit comes in many modes. Not all of them are very nice. But I suppose, if you have bought so many units already, you should know this by now.

KIT: In this mode, your TIGERHEART unit will be very small, and call himself Tigerkit. If he gets glares from everyone except the TAWNYPELT unit, do not be alarmed. It's his name.

APPRENTICE: In this mode, your TIGERHEART unit will call himself Tigerpaw. He will run away from the ShadowClan box set with the DAWNPAW, TAWNYPELT, and FLAMEPAW units.

WARRIOR: In this mode, your TIGERHEART unit will call himself….Actually, I am not going to comment on that. It should be obvious by now.
He goes on a journey to find water. They come back, victorious. Standard quest procedure, I suppose.

OOC: In this mode, your TIGERHEART unit will be extremely out of character. He will run up walls, do super flips, and eat all your food. He will also act somewhat anthromorphic, even though he should be a full cat and be unable to pick up stuff. Hide your refrigerator.

TELEPHONE: There go our lazy workers. I wonder why no one reports them…
Anyway, when they were supposed to be programming the unit for a very special, secret mode. They instead were playing telephone, and the TIGERHEART unit, in OOC mode, decided to join in. They played for ten weeks straight, and it became ingrained as a new mode in the unit. In this mode, your unit will repeat whatever you say to it, only much more garbled and somewhat incomprehensible.

BLANK: Why does no one fire our workers? And why hasn't someone fixed this mode? In this mode, your unit does nothing, save for contemplating the universe and offering advice that, once you get to its core, really doesn't mean anything. This occurred due to our workers, instead of programming in a new mode, decided to hold a yoga session instead. The unit could not join in, though, but soaked up all the information.

RANDOM: We inserted this mode because we were bored. Whenever you switch to this mode, the TIGERHEART unit will take any one of the units programmed into it, and act on that mode. Not really recommended, but meh.

SHUFFLE: A new feature. In this mode, your TIGERHEART unit will switch modes randomly.

Your TIGERHEART unit comes with many handy functions which you can use around your home.

Yoga: Are you stressed out?
Do you need a break?
Well, the TIGERHEART unit is perfect for you! Though unable to perform any of the poses, he can guide you throw them with his vast knowledge! He will make sure you are feeling great in no time! Warning: May break your limbs

Really useless ideas: Are you the plucky comic relief in a group of sticks in mud? Are you bored out of your mind, but can't think of anything to break the monotony?
Well, then the TIGERHEART unit is perfect for you!
It can think up lots of useless yet hilarious plans for your group to follow through, only to fail due to a critical lack of thought and common sense! And if your teammates run after you, say it was the TIGERHEART unit's idea! (They'll probably still maul you, but meh)

Shameless Flirting: Are you a flirt?
Can't think of any good pick up lines? (Or even bad ones just to mess with the poor girl's head?)
Well, the TIGERHEART unit is the answer to your prayers!
Equipped with shameless flirting and pick up lines that don't correspond with the situation in any way, the TIGERHEART unit will be sure to send the girl running! (Or hitting you repeatedly with a pipe, but meh. Results may vary. The pipe may turn out to be a stick instead, or a chair...)

The TIGERHEART unit comes with many questions which we are not willing to answer, so please go to the FAQ, because we refuse to give you our email to send us your questions.
We still refuse to send it you, even if the question isn't covered in the reviews.
Why?
Because we like making your life that much harder.

Q-My TIGERHEART unit is missing! I was just sitting there…..and he was gone!
A-….He could be anywhere, you know. You might have just lost it…buy another one now or else….I'll send them after you…

Q-Well….um…..It was in WARRIOR mode, and m DOVEPAW, SEDGEWHISKER, WHITETAIL, and LIONBLAZE units are missing too…
A-He went to save the water, duh. Did you even read the books? If not, why did you order these? Either way…Buy more. Now.

Q-My TIGERHEART is missing again!
A-Read you're the first question.

Q-My JAYPAW, LIONPAW, HOLLYPAW, DAWNPAW, and FLAMEPAW units are missing, too.
A-Those are not the units' names. Those are the names of the units in APPRENTICE mode.
Anyway, they went out to pull pranks on Blackstar.

Q-My TIGERHEART unit is not responding to my orders, and just yowling gibberish that sounds eerily similar to my orders!
A-You have him in TELEPHONE mode.

Q-So…what do I do…?
A-Change his mode, obviously!

Q-My TIGERHEART unit is suddenly extremely small and mewling for my TAWNYPELT unit! Which hasn't been released yet….So what do I do?
A-You have him in KIT mode. Buy a TAWNYPELT unit when we make it.
That, or just change his mode.

Q-My TIGERHEART unit is randomly switching modes!"
A-You have him in SHUFFLE mode. Switch his mode, obviously.

Q-My TIGERHEART unit is eating all my food!
A-He's in OOC. But if he's gradually eating and not downing the refrigerator in one go, then this could be in any mode, really. No cure, except for you to buy more food. But don't forget to buy more units. Buy them now….

Q-My TIGERHEART unit is staring at his belly button in deep concentration. What's happening?
A-He is in BLANK mode. He is currently contemplating the universe and everything within it.

Q-I tried to switch my TIGERHEART unit to BLANK mode, but I ended up with it in APPRENTICE mode instead!
A-…Did you try to get him into BLANK mode using RANDOM mode?

Q-Yes….
A-Why? You should have just done it in the conventional, actually-working way.

Q-My TIGEREHEART unit is giving me advice which sounds right, but doesn't actually mean anything!
A-He is in BLANK mode. Seriously, if you guys just READ this manual, then you wouldn't have to ask questions!

Q-My TIGERHEART unit is missing!
A-This has already been answered, twice. Do not repeat questions. Ever.

Q-My TIGERHEART unit is acting weird!
A-My my my….Why is it always 'my' with you guys? Huh? You never begin your questions with anything else!

Q-….Please answer the question.
A-I dunno

Q-Aren't you supposed to know these things?
A-You're kind of vague with the acting weird thing, you know

Q-You could've mentioned that…
A-On with the question!

Q-No seriously….you just could've mentioned that I was being too vague...
A-I said, answer the question. Now

Q-He's too small and sugary sweet!
A-….All that trouble….for that? He's just in KIT mode.

We are not responsible for the following symptoms of using the TIGERHEART unit

-Blood loss

-Fatigue

-Laziness

-A sudden adoration for cups that are made to look like mini castles

-Sight loss

-Madness

-A sudden fascination with Sealand

-An urge to run around screaming all your secrets so the world may hear

-And other conditions which currently lack names.

These are a few reviews satisfied customers gave us:

She_of_the_dark_eyes: Ammmmmaaaaaazzzziiiinnnnggg…..

Mishy-Mashy-I ha-We are sorry. This review has been removed for slandering our wonderful product.

Ahsenta: Ha! I hacked your systems! Now I can slander your product all I wa-Our filter system had been momentarily hacked into, but all is fine now. Carry on, there is nothing to see here.

Order the TIGERHEART unit now! Now! At the low price of heart, how can you go wrong? Shipping is free to everywhere but where you live! Other than that, shipping is the low cost of your liver! Which has 500 hundred functions!(Good luck surviving without that.) Order now at 1-800-BUY-NOOW! Order today, while supplies last!

But wait! There's more!

If you order within the next nanosecond-Sorry.

You waited too long.

….Nyehehe.

I hope this chapter can make up for the last one being so short. Five pages! Woot! And 1,758 words!

You get a cookie if you have any idea what Sealand is.