First I want to thank the people who read and/or reviewed my other story "Fate". Thank you so so much!

I wrote this story a while ago. it might be a little bit confusing at first, but I promise the answers will come out soon enough :) It's about Ryan and Marissa and little bit of Taylor (and how she's feeling).

Hope you enjoy!

When Worlds Collide

Summary: Marissa didn't die; she has amnesia. Ryan and Taylor are engaged. Seth and Summer are married. Marissa is back in Newport. Ryan sees her. Memories become clearer. Feelings rush back. A lot has happened in the last 4 years...all of which is about to be undone.

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The Girl with the Killer Smile

Four years.

It has been four years since she had died on the side of the road, in his arms. Today is the third anniversary. Although Ryan Atwood doesn't like the term 'anniversary'. Because to him an 'anniversary' is supposed to signify something happy; a celebration. This is anything but.

This morning, like the last two morning of her 'anniversary', he woke up knowing exactly what day it was. So did Taylor. And like the last two mornings, she gave him his space. No questions asked. No attempts at comforting him. Just solitude.

Shortly after leaving the house, Ryan finds himself staring at the all too familiar tombstone. He doesn't talk, he doesn't move. He just stares. Julie joins him a couple of minutes later. It's a routine; a tradition. Ryan and Julie had never had much in common, aside from the fact that they were both from the same world. The only common ground they share apart from that is their love for Marissa.

They don't say much. They never do on days like today. But it was comfortable.

She leaves after, to be Kaitlin and Summer. They liked comfort in numbers. Ryan doesn't.

He isn't sure how or when he ends up sitting on the ground, threading his fingers through the tiny blades of grass, but he had. He can feel his phone buzzing in his pocked but he ignores it. He just wants to be alone. Him, the tombstone and the smell of gasoline and fire that always seems to get stronger on days like today.

He remembers it like it was yesterday; 'the day'. It was like minutes he was graduating; she was graduating, and the next he was holding her and she was dying. The colder she got, the more scared he got. She started to give up and he panicked. He tried to keep her with him. He yelled at her desperately not to give up. She went still. And he clung to her; desperately. As though if he held on tight enough she'd come back. She doesn't come back.

The next thing he remembers is waking up in a white room with Kirsten, Sandy and Seth asleep around him. And he panicked. After finally calming down, they inform him that she is dead. This he already knew. He wanted to see her, but they wouldn't let him and he freaked out.

Her body was gone. He said it was impossible, that he held her, and that she died with him. In his arms. They said she never got out of the car, that he was delusional-that it was normal. He refused to believe that. He refused to believe that he didn't remember, because how could he not remember? Only when the arrangements for the funeral were confirmed (without her body) did he start to think that maybe they were right. Maybe it was a delusion after all, because there were times when he could see her. She was all over the pool house; inside the main house....she was everywhere.

He refused to go to the funeral. Seth tried to talk him into it, but he threw him out. Sandy tried after and he refused to even say anything at all. Summer tried but he yelled at her. And when Julie tried, he just looked at her and somehow she understood. He couldn't do it. He couldn't say goodbye.

The next day he was gone. He packed his duffle bag, left a note for the Cohen's and he left. He couldn't stay there. She was everywhere. Everything reminded him of her and he couldn't stay. He considered going to Chino, but she was there too and he found himself regretting ever taking her there. Corona. That was the one place he knew she wouldn't be. The one place he knew she wouldn't find him. He found a bar; thought it ironic that he was seeking comfort from the one thing he despised more than anything, the one thing that had ruined her life over and over. Alcohol. The next day he woke up hung over as fuck in the back room. The owner of the bar said he could have it if he became a full time bartender. He took the offer, no questions asked.

He hurt-emotionally, mentally, spiritually. The only hurt missing was physical. But he found it a little over two weeks later; cage fighting. When he first started- the first couple of fights, he didn't even fight back. He let the punches and kicks and head buts go. He thrived off of the pain. He needed it. Being hurt physically was a million times better that hurting emotionally. It was easier. The burning sensation that ripped through his knuckles from the punching bad was nothing compared to this. It felt good.

Only when Julie informed him of the PI looking for Volckok, did he start to fight back. His practice was long overdue. And Ryan was sure that when he came face to face with Volchok; the man who killed the love of his life, the only what the bastard was leaving was in a body bag.

But while punching him, while doing the only thing that made any sense at all, he heard her. And he stopped. Volchok said he wished he could take it back. So did Ryan, but he didn't want to hear about how bad he felt. Volchok also said it was an accident and that he panicked. Ryan didn't understand how he could just leave them there; leave her there. To die. Ryan wanted Volchok to pay for what he did-not with ending his life, but with living with it for the rest of it. Just like Ryan was forced to do. And for the first time since 'that night', Ryan could live with the fact that Volchok was still alive. Living, everyday, with the knowledge that he killed her.

He leans forward on his knees, not caring if the grass stained his jeans or not, and he runs his fingers through her name. 'Marissa Cooper". To this day, she still made sense to him. To this day her name still made his stomach drop and his heart leap.

The words come out of his mouth before he can stop them: "I asked her to marry me." They're quick; short. He takes a deep breath. "It should've been you...but I love her." He refuses to say anymore.

After leaving Volchok to his own devices, Ryan returned to the Cohen's. It was Thanksgiving. Everyone was there, including Taylor Townsend. The only person missing was Julie, he noticed. A couple of minutes later she was there, wanting to talk to him. He took her to the pool house and she pleaded with him to tell her about Marissa. So he did. He told her everything. It had taken hours, but he didn't care. Julie deserved to know about her daughter.

Shortly after that, things with Taylor started to happen. He knew he had to move on, but he had to do it at his own pace. He still loved Marissa. He would always love Marissa, and after reading her letter and coming to terms with the fact that Marissa would always be his...it was easier to be with Taylor.

The rest of the year just sort of happened. Julie promised she'd be a better mother to Kaitlin that she was to Marissa. For the first time for the Cooper family, their family came first. No money; no men. Sandy and Kirsten announced their new baby. Seth and Summer announced their engagement. And Ryan and Taylor decided to go to Berkley.

On the first 'anniversary' of Marissa's death, Julie made sure to be with Kaitlin. Seth promised to be with Summer. And Ryan took off. This was the one thing he couldn't share with Taylor. And as understanding as Taylor was, he knew she was upset. He knew he should comfort her somehow, but he couldn't-not when he could barely keep himself together.

Before he even knew what was happening he had found himself walking down the halls of the Newport County Jail. The guard was leading him to a private room and in his head he was calculating ways that he could kill the bastard without anyone knowing. But they took everything from him at the gate. When he got to the door, he almost ran. But he was here for a reason so he had to stay. And as he walked into the room, staring at the man in front of him, he no longer felt rage, anger, guilt or regret. He felt lost and numb. Only when the door slammed shut did Volchok look up at him. Their eyes connected and he nodded. Ryan nodded back and sat in the chair across from him. Neither of them said anything. They just sat there; silent. Volchok fumbled with the chains linking his wrists o his ankles. Ryan fumbled with the hem of his shirt. After their time was up, Ryan nodded first this time and left, refusing to look back. And it made him sick to his stomach to know that Volchok was grieving the same thing he was; the death of the first girl they had ever really loved.

That was the last time he ever say Kevin Volchok.

He climbs to his feet and stuffs his hands into his pocket. His fingers graze the thin chain sitting in the bottom of his pocket. It was the necklace he never gave her. The necklace he's never had the chance to give her. He's planned on leaving it at her grave, but he couldn't bring himself to take it out of his pocked. Because even though he'd bought it for her, even though it was hers...he couldn't let go of it.

He knows he should go home. He knows that Taylor will call him every hour and wait for him to return home to their shared house. But he can't, not yet. He has other places to be, other people to see. Summer and Kaitlin. But first...

He nods silently at the tombstone before tuning on his heel and heading back to the car. It was a small gesture, so small in fact that anybody watching wouldn't have even noticed. Except maybe Seth, because he noticed everything now-a-days. Sending one last glance back at the grave he knows like the back of his hand, he puts the black SUV in reverse and leaves, knowing that in a couple of months he'd be back for her 22nd birthday.

A couple hours later, after walking on the beach and sitting at the lifeguard station, he finds himself walking along the pier toward the Diner. The people that pass him give him looks. Some were sympathetic, others were confused and others were just unfazed. They'd forgotten. This makes him wonder if he'll forget too-before quickly deciding that it was impossible. She may be dead, but she was still Marissa Cooper.

With his hands stuffed into his pockets he walks slowly, getting closer to the Crabshack. He isn't hungry, or thirsty; it's just one of the places he knew he could find her. He pulls his hands out of his pockets and reaches for the door handle but stops as it opens from the inside. He steps away from the door as a girl with dirty blond hair walks out. She looks familiar.

Confused, Ryan's eyes follow her; travelling over her from her shoulder length hair, to the way her lips sway when she walks, to her long slender legs. His heart skips a beat. He knows that body. He knows every inch, every freckle, and every curve. He shakes his head-it doesn't make sense. The delusion of the Marissa Cooper he knew just sat in their booth and smiled at him. She never did or said anything-much less open the door and walk out. He follows her to the bench near the railing as she talks on her cell phone. This isn't right.

She laughs and he freezes. This is impossible. She was...she was alive.

"She gave me a smile..."

"It was a beautiful smile."

It was killer smile. And he'd know that laugh anywhere....