Lake Trip

Author's Note: I wasn't going to do a disclaimer, but this car full of lawyers parked on my lawn and won't leave until I do, so here goes: I don't own Naruto.

Chapter One: Mandatory Vacation

"But I don't want to!" Hidan was pitching a very loud, very obnoxious fit. "Why should I have to go to some fucking lame-ass lake?"

"Because," Pein pontificated. "No one in this organization has taken a vacation since the disastrous Hoshigaki family reunion four years ago." Konan nodded in agreement.

"We need to go on a trip," she said. "Staying in the same place all of the time is bad for the health. None of us have gone on any missions in months. No one has done anything other than watch television or do paperwork in weeks! This will be a good chance for everyone to relax and rejuvenate."

"You sound like a commercial for that new day spa that opened in town," Hidan groused. Konan rolled her eyes.

"Pein? Back me up on this?"

"Enough of your insubordination!" Pein yelled. "You're going to Big Moose Lake with the rest of us or your pay is getting docked! And you can say goodbye to having any paid leave for your religious holidays, too!"

Nearly two weeks ago, Deidara had gone off on an explosive rant. And I do mean explosive- he was so upset about being cooped up in the lair doing paperwork all day that he blew the roof off. Needless to say, no one was too pleased with the resident pyromaniac, especially since it rained that night.

But they did have to concede that Deidara had a point. The past eight months had been incredibly boring. No one had gone on any missions, due to a lack of things that actually required missions to obtain. What there was a lot of, on the other hand, was paperwork. Every day seemed to bring more and more forms to fill out. And when they weren't doing paperwork? Everyone did one of two things: sleep or watch Antiques Roadshow on the television.

It took Deidara blowing the roof to kingdom come before Pein realized that he couldn't keep doing this. He couldn't expect his organization to be of any use if they were bored out of their minds. So he started looking around for interesting things to do.

"How would you all like to go skiing?" he asked one day.

"Are you insane?" Zetsu's dark side had spat. "Are you trying to kill me? I'm a damn plant! I can't go where there's goddamned snow!"

"Who wants to go to the hot springs in Iwagakure?" was Pein's next attempt at getting interest in a vacation stirred up.

"I don't know if you forgot," Deidara replied, "but that used to be my village. They'll kill me on site-un."

"Can't you just blow them up?" Pein had asked. Deidara snorted.

"I could, but then I'd have to go visit my cousin. If I went back to Iwa and didn't stop by to see her, she'd chase me all across the world, even if I blew up the rest of the village!" So at Deidara's insistence, the hot springs were out.

"What about Sunflower Town?" was the next suggestion. Sunflower Town was a very popular amusement park, and for a time, it seemed as though it would be a viable option. But then, two things came to light.

"We can't afford it!" Kakuzu howled. "Even if we got just one hotel room and did Dine-N-Ditch for all our meals, we still can't do it! We are not paying to go to some damn amusement park in the middle of nowhere!"

"I get motion sickness on amusement rides," Tobi added apologetically. So Sunflower Town was out.

For a time, it seemed as though the organization was doomed to an endless monotony of paperwork and television. But then, Pein had one final idea.

When he was a child, he had gone to a beautiful, remote lake far from any interference and stayed in a rustic resort. Big Moose Lake was a lovely option! It would be inexpensive, and had something for everyone. Kakuzu crunched the numbers, and even he was pleasantly surprised at the cost. Four bedrooms in a spacious lake house for a week would cost a day's salary, and Pein agreed to pay it from his pocket.

Most of the organization was thrilled. Itachi ran out and bought six pairs of swim trunks as soon as heard the news. Deidara procured a seemingly endless supply of floaty toys, and surprisingly, a motor boat. He refused to tell anyone where the boat was from, but everyone had their suspicions- a day after Deidara showed up with his new boat in tow, a story broke that a boat dealership had been rocked by several small explosions, resulting in the loss of nearly a million dollars-worth of merchandise. Zetsu made some phone calls and secured three jet-skis for use from his sister. Kisame was so thrilled to be going on vacation that he gave everyone scuba masks. No one asked where said scuba masks came from. Tobi decided that they would need more stylish transportation while they were on vacation, and secured two expensive rental cars for free.

But not everyone was excited about mandatory vacation. Hidan's biggest complaint was that it would interfere with his worship schedule. Supposedly, their little trip was falling on an important Jashinist holiday, but Pein was skeptical. Snack-And-Sacrifice Day sounded kind of made up to him...

Sasori wasn't too thrilled about traveling. Either. He protested that water and sun would warp his body.

"Get a power-sander, you big baby!" was Pein's not-so-sympathetic reply. Sasori glowered, but nothing was going to change the fact that if he wanted to keep his job, he was going on vacation. They all were.

As Hidan would say, "Jashin help us all."

To Be Continued

Author's Comments-

It's been a while since I wrote an Akatsuki crack multichapter... ahh, it's nice to get back to lighter stories, especially since the past few months really haven't been the greatest.

I want to go on a lake trip...

-Kaboom