"Bobby, why did you leave me?"

-----------------------------

Both of them sat in stunned silence. Alex did not intend to say that.

"Is...is that what you think I did?" He asked astonished. He hadn't had any idea that she saw it that way. To him it was always her that he was worried about leaving him.

Intended or not, since she had said it, Alex decided to go with it. "Didn't you? It sure looked that way to me, and it sure as hell felt that way."

"Honestly Sweet Heart, I didn't realize it came across that way. That was never my intention."

"Then what was?" She asked. Alex was doing everything she could to hold the tears back that kept welling up but Bobby could tell because he could hear it in her voice.

"After Tates, when I was in the hospital, I started having nightmares and was restless at night. Once I got out, it occurred to me that, thanks to the suspension,you had to be to work in the mornings and I didn't. You needed your sleep and my problems would have kept you awake. I made up excuses. Wrongly I know, but I did it anyways. That made me feel all the more guilty so I guess that I started avoiding you so that I wouldn't have to lie to you anymore."

"God your such an idiot do you know that? I wanted to help you, just like you helped me after the kidnapping. So I might have lost a little sleep. So what? Are you saying that I shouldn't have leaned on you and kept you up all those nights that I had nightmares?"

"What? No! Of course not. You have no idea just how much it meant to me that you turned to me for comfort and support."

"You think so? If it meant so much to you than why wouldn't you let me do the same for you. I wanted to so much and it hurt to think that you either didn't need me or want my help."

"Not want you? Or need you? Alex..." He said reaching his hand out to cup her face and stroked her cheek with his thumb. "Alex, I need you every minute of every day and I want you twice as much."

"You have a funny way of showing it. For five months you didn't call and when I tracked you down at the diner, you blew me off."
"By that point, I was already involved in the undercover job. It took every ounce of will power to turn and walk away, leaving you standing there."

Alex got up and started pacing. "I never completely read your follow-up report. Why did you have a gun pointed at that young mans head?"

"Testarossa figured the kid had talked while in police custody, and then Stoat found the wire in the lighter that I accidentally on purpose missed. I was supposed to kill him to prove myself by killing the kid."

"What would you have done if we hadn't raided the place right then?" She asked, standing in front of him with her hands on her hips.

Bobby turned on the couch and leaned his arms on his knees. "I don't know." He said simply. "Stall for time? The odds favored that a surveillance team was near by since the kid was wired. Worse case scenario? I might have shoved him to the floor and tried to arrest Testarossa and Stoat myself."

Alex let out a reigned sigh and simply nodded her head. That's what she had been afraid of. By her figuring of the odds, if he had tried the last option there was a high probability that he would have ended up dead. "Do you have any idea what was going through my mind during the bust? When we were gun to gun so to speak?"

"No I don't, but I know what was going through mine."

"What?"

"Shit, I'm in deep trouble now. I thought that you just might shoot me and get it over with."

"No, actually that thought didn't occur to me until later when I found out you were undercover. What went through my mind then was how did it come to this? Why hadn't I tried harder? That just maybe Tates had affected you more that anyone thought and Damn-it Bobby I almost shot you out of pure instinct and training!"

Bobby stood up then and closed the gap between them. He placed his hands on her shoulders and then lightly ran them down her arm the grasp her hands. He then brought them up to his lips and kissed them. "I know. I'm so sorry that you were put in that position. It all happened so fast, and then you were so mad."

Alex gave a small half laugh. "Mad? You always did have a mastery of understatement."

"The point I am trying to make is..." He said letting go of one of her hands so he could cup her cheek. "I screwed up. I didn't want to burden you with my problems to start with and then I tried to protect you by keeping you in the dark about my undercover assignment." He leaned down and tenderly kissed her. "If I could go back and change it I would but I can't and I can't promise I won't screw up again. I will really try though, to not make the same mistake again."

"I'll say one thing. Life with you is never boring."

"I'll take that as a good thing. So are things fixed now."

"I'll let you know. Just so you know, I still love you. That never changed."

"I am so glad because I will always love you Alex."

Alex stepped back but kept a hold of Bobby's hand . "It's getting late and we do have to drive back to Atlantic City tomorrow morning."

"So I should probably go then so you can get some sleep."

"Bobby" She said a little more harshly than she intended.

"Alright but don't blame me if my nightmares and restlessness keeps you awake."

Alex turned and headed to the bedroom, still holding his hand. "So we'll leave the lights on out here so you can see when you get up but, I can think of better ways to work off some of that restlessness." She said cheekily

End