Brothers chapter 3: Light.
Chars: Seiran-centric this time.
Warning: A bit angsty maybe (but not much.) It´s Seiran after all.
Summary: Seiran´s thoughts on love.
Disclaimer: Still applies. Even for drabbles.
A/N: Again an idea which popped up in my head. My first, little take on Seiran alone. Cuz character-analyzes in story form is love. Hope I didn´t screw it up, lol.
That night Seiran did not find any sleep. He sat in his bed for endless hours, thinking about the things he said to Shuurei.
"One day, you will fall in love. I´ve known that for a long time now. But if this man going to be your partner. I´d be the much better choice."
He had embraced her then and said that he only wished for her happiness. None of those words to her were a lie. He only wanted to protect her from the bottomless darkness that man would mean to her. He would never allow that Shuurei got deceived by words and dragged into the snake pit Sakujun was. Yet one thought hunted him since then;
Would he be really the better choice?
He as well was filled with endless darkness. At some days the other side of him stirred so loudly within him that he was afraid to get drowned into that darkness. The past of being someone who was not allowed to live, nor to die. Someone in space between - with no place to belong to still haunted him at times. Though, in times when he didn´t know who he was or when the darkness threatened to devour him, there was always that tiny hand and that smile who kept him from falling, struggling. Shuurei was his light in the darkness. Since the day she had reached out her little hand to him on the road in the Sa Province, where they found him . But that was also a side of him, Seiran could never show to his lady. He was too afraid of it, of the consequences when she´d find out the truth. What if she wouldn´t accept him after knowing his past, who he really was? He didn´t want to see the fear in her eyes, fear he had caused in so many pair of eyes before. Alone the thought of seeing the same fear in her eyes hurt him too much. He loved Shuurei and would give his life to protect her. Yet, it wasn´t that kind of love his brother felt for her, there were no romantic feelings involved in his emotions for Shuurei. He just wanted to see her save and happy. Everything she wouldn´t be with Sakujun, that bastard, he thought and gritted his teeth.
But what was then love?
Would he ever be able to really love someone?
These were questions, Seiran had no answer for. Unlike his brother, he wasn´t able to show his affection so open-hearted and never could. He rather buried those feelings deep within him, along with the darkness. Would there ever be a woman who could touch his heart this way? Someone by whom he could let all his guards down and get accepted as a whole by her in return? Was he even capable to love that way? Seiran looked out of the window, up to the dawning sky of morning and sighed. His mood started to become gloomier and gloomier, as he suddenly heard Shuurei´s voice through the door.
"Umm, are you awake? Since we have to get ready early today, I´ve already made breakfast. So please come and eat."
Glad to be put out of those thoughts before they became too heavy, he smiled to himself and gave her a short reply. And once again she was my light, he thought as he stood up to get ready for the day. As for romantic love, he decided to think about those matters when the time for it would come.
If ever.
For now this kind of love he felt for Shuurei and Ryuuki was enough for him. A love which illuminated the darkness within him.