When we last left off, Rahna had just joined the crew of the Normandy as the lead scientist investigating Sovereign's wreck. She and the commander had been assigned to a mission to speak with Miranda Lawson and exchange information regarding the Reapers. (Been so long, I thought you guys might need a little update!)

"What was the point of that?" Rahna asked, exasperated, once the squad had assembled in the comm room to discuss the latest 'mission.'

"There was no point, clearly," Shepard answered icily, angry and frustrated at this new road block. Naturally, Cerberus hadn't been honest with them and while the commander had suspected the enigmatic corporation would try to deceive them, their 'terms' had been, as far as the commander was concerned, absolutely ridiculous and unacceptable. She stood up and leaned against the railing running across the back of the room, flipping through her options silently. If Cerberus wasn't going to cooperate, maybe there was some way the Alliance could—

"With all due respect, Commander..." Rahna began, interrupting her thoughts, "why didn't you agree to join them like they requested?"

There was a brief moment of silence as most people's faces filled with shock and disgust. Liara was the first to recover and before anyone else could dig into Rahna, the asari politely explained, "Miss Pamuk, in our travels, we have come across Cerberus a few times. There is nothing about them that can be trusted, nor relied upon. It is very possible they do not have any real information at all and just want to capture the commander."

"There could be any number of realities," Kaidan pitched in grimly. "But the important thing is that we can't lose Shepard." There was a small hint of strain in Kaidan's voice; briefly, Shepard wondered if anyone else had noticed, before her thoughts moved on.

She thought back to the assassination of Udina on the Citadel, only a few short days ago, and of Anderson's worry that she was the next target. Somehow, she had already accepted the idea that Udina just pissed off the wrong person. Wasn't that hard to imagine, really – she'd come close a few times herself with the arrogant man. Yet, now that she thought about it, no person who can afford an assassin would hire one just because they are angry. Obviously, there had to be some other reason, but she just had a gut feeling that his assassination had nothing to do with her. She didn't want to know what that man might have been up to, in any case.

"They wouldn't have come to the Alliance with nothing; no business functions that unwisely," Rahna pointed out, disbelieving. "We needed that information." She sighed, practically pouting, as if she were a little girl who had been promised and then denied candy.

"I'm aware of that, thank you," Shepard said coolly, folding her arms across her chest and staring at the floor. When it became obvious no one had anything more to say, she said, while still looking at the floor, "Dismissed."

"Commander," came Joker's voice over the comm, "Anderson wants to talk to you."

"All right," Shepard said, trying to shake off her animosity. "Patch him through."

Seconds later, Shepard was looking at a holo of Anderson with his hands folded behind his back. "Sir," she said, saluting him out of habit.

"I read the report, Shepard." Anderson's deep voice was grim. "They really gave you nothing?"

"Not a word," Shepard told him. She sighed and frowned. "Miranda wasn't an informant, although I'm not sure how Cerberus managed to convince the Alliance that she ever was... She seemed high up in whatever kind of ranks they have. She just told me that they wanted me in exchange for information."

"Tricky bunch," Anderson mused, although he didn't appear the least bit surprised. "What did you tell them?"

"'Over my dead body,'" the commander quoted herself.

Anderson chuckled darkly. "Hopefully it won't come to that." He sighed. "Did they say why they were interested in you?"

"It's Cerberus, sir," Shepard said with a shrug, feeling that was answer enough. "They gave me the terms and that was that. No explanation, nothing. I just hope they don't want to capture me and run some kind of experiment."

"Or worse," Anderson offered.

"Thanks, sir," Shepard said dryly, quirking a half-smile at him.

"I'm serious, Shepard," the new councilor said. "Watch your back. Who knows what they're up to."

"What should I do in the meantime, sir?" Shepard asked, eager for something to do to take her mind off her possible pending assassination.

"Civilian ships have been reporting geth in the area," Anderson said so swiftly that Shepard knew this had to have been the real point of the call.

"Lucky they lived to tell the tale," Shepard commented lightly.

"Indeed," the man replied. "The Council believes the best course of action right now is, well... to take action. Target the geth for a while until we have some better information to offer the public."

"That might be a long while," Shepard said, placing her hands on the railing and leaning against it. "I might have trouble keeping the crew motivated when we all know what the real threat is."

"You'll just have to do your best, Shepard," Anderson told her with a shrug. "Not much else we can do at the moment. Can't take the war to the Reapers when we know so little about them. How many are out there? And how many Reapers does it take to wipe out an entire Alliance fleet?"

Shepard understood his questions were moot and said nothing.

The former captain sighed again. "Anyway, Joker has the coordinates to take you to the geth site. Good luck, Shepard, though I doubt you'll need it." He nodded solemnly, then ordered, "Send in Lieutenant Alenko; I need to have a word with him."

"Yes, sir," Shepard immediately responded, saluting a final time. She wondered... did Anderson know? If he had, surely he would have said something to her first, as she was the superior officer and therefore at fault. Still, she couldn't stop the thought from nagging at her.

Exiting the comm room, she saw Kaidan conversing with Navigator Pressly. "Lieutenant," Shepard called. "Anderson wants a word." In the few seconds they made eye contact, they had had a silent conversation:

Is it about us—?

Don't know.

If it is...

We'll take things as they come.

Kaidan nodded, but Shepard didn't feel as assured as the look she had given Kaidan might have indicated.

Distracted now, the commander found herself wandering down to the mess and taking a seat there. Lost in thought about Cerberus' scam and wondering about what Anderson was saying to her lieutenant, Shepard hadn't noticed that someone had seated themselves across from her. She was jolted back to reality when Rahna's voice broke through her contemplation. She looked at Rahna and realized she must have missed something she said. "What?"

"May I speak with you?" the scientist repeated.

"Oh. Sure, Rahna," Shepard said, slightly wary. "Something on your mind?"

"I wanted to apologize," Rahna said.

"For what?"

"For saying you should have turned yourself over to Cerberus," the woman explained, shifting awkwardly in her seat. "I know what you mean to... or for... humanity. I just got a little frustrated... I was hoping to learn something to... help with my research, or some sort of breakthrough, or..." she sighed, looking as through she was about to pull out her hair. "Anything, really. We aren't getting a lot of information from the wreck. Most of it's been looted, or was just lost in space, and we really don't have much to go on." She smiled in a hopeless sort of way at Shepard. "I love my work. I hate when I can't do it."

Half-smiling, Shepard nodded. "Yeah, I hear you." All too well. Geth? Really?

"This project is so huge... not just the scope of the work, but the general sense of what Reapers are, and what they mean for organics. I find my scientific curiosity getting the better of me. So if I seemed rash... well, like I said, I'm sorry."

"I get it," Shepard said. It was true. She could understand Rahna's passion for her job; after all, she was Commander Shepard: she was the job. "Don't worry about it."

"It must be annoying to work with me," Rahna mused after a time.

More than she knew. Shepard raised an eyebrow quizzically at the woman.

"I just mean, well, you can't really order civilians around," Rahna clarified with a wry smile.

Shepard snorted lightly in amusement.

"And I can be quite stubborn," she persisted, a hint of humour in her voice.

"You? Never," Shepard replied sarcastically.

Rahna laughed and then went quiet for a moment. "Commander, I... overheard that your next mission involves a geth encampment."

"Yes," Shepard responded, fixing Rahna with a sharp, suspicious look.

"May I join you?" she asked, and then continued at a rush before Shepard cold say no, "It's just that maybe we can learn something from the geth since they seem to have evolved... hoppers and the like, plus you did mention in one of your reports they seemed to have some kind of shrine set up; where was it?" She paused only for a moment, perhaps realizing the commander had been about to cut it, "No matter. Anyway, it all shows something remarkable about the geth and while I can't place what that 'something' is, I would like to learn more about it. The best way would be to watch them operate in the field before we take them back to examine them, behavioral patterns, studying their bodies, or maybe we could find another shrine..." she trailed off, seeming to speak more to herself.

"'Operate in the field?'" Shepard repeated hollowly, stunned. "Rahna, geth don't mine ore or build hovercars. They kill people. Taking you to the site would be an incredible risk... one I can't let you take. Not to mention you'd be endangering my entire squad just as much as yourself. Bring a civilian to a battleground? No."

"Please, Commander, you have to let me go," Rahna insisted. "I'll stay out of the way, I swear."

"You can't stay out of the way, Rahna," Shepard said firmly. "They will find you, and then they will kill you. You don't even know how to fire a gun—"

"But I have biotics," Rahna told her, clearly determined. "I can protect myself."

Trying very hard not to roll her eyes, Shepard asked, "You 'have biotics?' Wouldn't most biotics say they are a biotic?" The commander let her words sink in and watched the scientist's expression slowly morph into that of a child whose hand had been caught in the cookie jar. "When was the last time you used them?"

Rahna didn't meet Shepard's gaze as she responded shiftily, "Well, I can't – to pinpoint exactly... not that long ago..."

Shepard folded her arms across her chest as she said, "That's what I thought. I can't let you come with us."

"Please, Commander," Rahna said again, her eyes pleading at Shepard. "I need something to go on. You of all people have to understand..."

Shepard sighed and closed her eyes briefly. She paused for a long moment, deep in thought. She wanted the research to be a success as much as anyone else; more, in fact. But this idea seemed incredibly unwise. Having her out there posed a danger to her crew, because they would not only be having to watch themselves, but another person – a defenseless one – entirely. In comparison to Rahna, everyone else was expendable. They could not let a civilian die, much less the lead of the most important scientific discovery team in history. Yet... there was something about Rahna's determined look... Finally, she nodded. "Fine. You keep a barrier up at all times, and stay out of sight. We have a spare hardsuit you can borrow."

"Thank you, Commander," Rahna said, closing her eyes and breathing out a lungful of air in relief, then smiling wide. "Thank you for giving me this chance." She stood to leave, looking ready to skip off in delight.

"And Rahna," Shepard said warningly, "when you are on the battlefield, you are in my command and you will listen to whatever I say."

"I can't believe you agreed to this, Shepard," Kaidan was saying rather loudly in the commander's office. "What the hell were you thinking? Are you trying to get her killed?"

Shepard stared at her lieutenant for a moment in utter disbelief before she spat sarcastically, "Yes. Yes, Kaidan, that's exactly my goal here. I want to get Rahna killed; nothing would make me happier than to see another person die on this mission."

Kaidan stared at Shepard hard, his mouth a thin line, his hands grasping the back of a chair so tightly his knuckles were white. They stared each other down angrily for a long moment or two, until finally, Kaidan's shoulders slumped a little and he broke his gaze, looking down at the seat of the chair and shaking his head.

"I know you aren't trying to get her killed," Kaidan sighed. "But, Shepard... letting a civilian come with us into known geth territory? You have a responsibility—"

"You think I don't know that?" Shepard interrupted, still fuming. She paced the length of the room, trying to calm herself down. "I tried to tell her no, Kaidan. I really did."

Kaidan rubbed the back of his neck and sighed again. "Of course you did," he said dully. "I know that. I'm sorry, Shepard. I guess I'm just... a little on edge."

She could empathize. They were both under a lot of pressure now. She found herself wondering about what Anderson had wanted to say to Kaidan, but didn't feel it was appropriate to ask. If he could tell her, he would, and if it was classified, she had to no right to put him in that sort of position – tell his lover and disobey their superior, or obey their superior and feel like he was keeping secrets from his lover. So instead, she commented offhand, as the tension in the air slowly dissipated, "She's tough to say no to, that one. Like a kid. She gets so excited and wide-eyed..."

Kaidan let out a soft, quick, humourless laugh. "If you'd had most of your childhood stolen from you, wouldn't you try to hang on to whatever was left of it?"

The lieutenant didn't want to be Rahna's protector on the battlefield. He felt drained; there was something different about covering a civilian than your squadmates. Earlier, she had shown him how she could still muster a biotic barrier, but the effort drained her visibly and the effect didn't last long. "Don't tell Shepard," she had said with an impish grin.

He felt like his senses were being pulled in too many directions. Watch the geth, duck down, then back up, fire on the geth, watch Shepard, cover Tali, check to make sure Rahna was alive.

"Please don't worry about me, Kaidan," she had said. "I'll be fine."

"Yeah, I just don't get how you expect to stay out of view and watch them at the same time," Kaidan had replied.

He glanced over at her now, and she was intensely focused on her omni-tool, entering commands, watching readings. Occasionally she did have to stick her head out, but she was careful; her barrier was weak, but she kept it up as long as she could, and when she ducked back down into cover, it was only when she could no longer handle the strain of keeping the barrier up. She seemed to be doing all right, following orders. Still, he worried, even though this geth encampment seemed... hopeless? Something felt different about fighting the geth now. They weren't as scary now with their big leader of doom reduced to scrap metal.

"Can't be many left," came Tali's voice in Kaidan's ear as she spoke to the group through their comms. "Almost feels like..."

"They're wasting our time?" came Wrex's voice, seemingly irritated by the lack of foes, or possibly the mission itself. Kaidan watched him stand up and blast his shotgun into a twitching geth. Just to make sure.

"No geth prime... not even a destroyer," Tali noted, her fingers a blur over her omni-tool as she tried to find readings of more geth, not ready to give the all-clear.

Most of them mimicked Tali and fiddled with their omni-tools, as if suspicious that the geth were trying to trick them somehow. Kaidan heard Shepard sigh in disappointment or frustration; he couldn't quite tell. He looked over at his commander, and just for a split second, maybe longer, his thoughts wandered as he watched her work away at her omni-tool. The way the studious expression on Shepard's face always made him smile inwardly; the mission Anderson had given him; how he could have possibly gotten himself into a stickier situation... He saw Shepard frown and glance up sharply; Kaidan's stomach dropped out as he followed her gaze, saw the red line jet across the distance, aimed right for—

"Rahna!" the lieutenant shouted, diving for her. A hundred thoughts filled his mind as he dove through the air; what he was trying to do, he didn't know, but he hadn't been watching her as she got out of cover – she must have thought she was safe, she should have waited, he should have watched her. Shots were fired, he was too slow, too far away – Rahna flared with blue light, then collapsed. Something tore inside Kaidan; he rolled off of her the instant he fell on top of her limp body. If she was dead, he was to blame.

"Sniper down." Wrex's voice was almost nonchalant.

"Lieutenant, report." Shepard, at least, had the courtesy to sound aggrieved.

He pulled himself up enough to crawl over to Rahna. As he looked at her limp form, he found he didn't really know what to do. Memories and familiar images flashed before him as he watched her lie there, blood trickling out of her nose and ear. He could see her, a teenager, reaching for her glass of water – a simple act, really; she was thirsty. She was so tired of her nose always bleeding – she just couldn't get the hang of it.

"Lieutenant Alenko. Report," Shepard demanded; her voice was loud and firm, but he could barely hear it.

"God dammit," he mumbled. He should have been watching her – Rahna, not Shepard. What a fine soldier he was. Vyrnnus came to the forefront of his mind, his turian brow raised cockily, mandibles flaring, coming at Kaidan with murder in his beady eyes. The talon. He felt his nerve endings prickle as he readied himself—

"Better watch it, Alenko," came Wrex's voice, low and rumbling in warning. "You could hurt somebody."

"Alenko," Shepard said. After a moment's pause with no response from him, she tried again. "Alenko." Once more, a pause and then her voice, gentler this time: "Kaidan. You need to get a hold of yourself. What's Rahna's status?"

The lieutenant was glowing a very vibrant, and very threatening blue. In that instant, the glow died and he swallowed, closing his eyes. A moment. Two. He opened them and really looked at Rahna this time. No holes, just a nosebleed.

"She's fine, ma'am," he said, a little stiffly. Of course, they all knew that. They just wanted him to see that. Shepard was already barking orders through her comm to Joker. Civilian down, unconscious but unharmed, prep med bay. Rahna was already stirring.

"Dammit, Shepard!" Kaidan spat suddenly as a knot that had formed in his stomach unwound rather violently. He wheeled on her, needing to yell.

"We've already had this discussion, Lieutenant," his commander said evenly, just a hint of a threat in her voice.

"She could have died!" he continued angrily, pointing out the obvious.

"It was her choice to come on the mission," Shepard reminded him; he already knew. "She didn't wait for the all-clear."

"Why didn't you stop her then?" he asked forcefully, eyes narrowed. He already knew this, as well.

"Because you should have," the commander retorted with just as much force, eyes flashing. "And you know that as well as I do. You told me you had your baggage together, Alenko; were you lying to me?" She didn't wait for answer. "Get it together... or I won't hesitate to send you packing."

A retort was on the tip of his tongue, his index finger hovering in accusation, but the commander had a point. He dropped his hand and his jaw fell open a little. Having Rahna around was bringing back memories he'd thought he'd put a tight lid on years ago. It was disconcerting – almost eerie. Something else that didn't sit well with him was the verbal lashing he'd just given – or tried to give – his commanding officer. His thoughts were interrupted by a small voice.

"Kaidan." Rahna's voice was barely a whisper. "Always fighting for me. Stop it." He turned to look at Rahna, still lying in a heap on the ground, managing a very faint half-smile. Or quarter-smile. Or possibly a wince.

"I told you to follow my orders," Shepard lectured, although her tone was gentle, as she moved to Rahna's side to help her sit up. "For a very smart person, that was really stupid."

Rahna chuckled softly, which turned to coughing. "Yes," she agreed in amusement after the coughing passed. "I didn't..." she trailed off and then corrected herself: "Couldn't wait." She closed her eyes, inhaling. "Scientific curiousity."

"Well it nearly got you killed," Kaidan said softly as he knelt down on the other side of Rahna.

"First time I've... ever been grateful," Rahna mumbled. "My biotics," she clarified, then coughed again. Her nose was still bleeding, although not as heavily. "Uch," she moaned thickly through the blood. "Still hate them."

"Maybe they hate you too," Kaidan murmured, a joke he'd once told her long ago.

She looked at him and smiled weakly.

Shepard shot him a fleeting look before saying, "Let's get you back to the ship." Together, she and Kaidan stood, supporting Rahna on both sides as they did so.

A/N: At long last! Hopefully it was worth the wait. The timing of the fic was bad, written when BioWare kept churning out new information every week. While I knew this would be AU, I didn't want to go too overboard, so I had to rewrite a lot of what I'd had planned. For example, I'd had a long scene with Miranda, then I kept having to change it and trim it until finally it was nearly pointless to include it, so I removed it altogether. :\ Sorry to anyone who felt she was missing. It should all work out for the best, though. As always, thanks Vshard for giving this a once over 'cause it probably would have been too slow and long if she hadn't. Thanks for all your guys' patience. Input welcome.